Hey,
Well, to sum this up, it all started with my friend at 3 O'clock in the morning, on too much coffee and no sleep after playing the Lok games with me. Needless to say, it got out of control. Expect great OoCness.
A word of warning: If you don't like crack fictions, turn away!
I do not own Legacy of Kain... But I wish I did. Now, on to the story which starts out Shortly after Raziel is thrown into the abyss.
Raziel: Standing in his new form shaking slightly " ... Jesus fuck..."
Elder God: "Welcome, Raziel. You are worthy."
Raziel: "Worthy of what? What are you? What am I?"
Elder God: "I am the hub of the Wheel Of Fate, of course".
Raziel: "You look more like a squid then a hub..."
Elder God: "... NOT a squid."
Raziel: "Then what?"
Elder God: " I'm a GOD!"
Raziel: " ... Ok... Squid god?"
Elder God: "... Look... Never mind that! You've been brought back from the brink of death in my mercy!"
Raziel: "You call this mercy!?"
Elder God: "Shut-up! Look.. I brought you back so you could run around and collect me souls... I mean! Seek your vengeance on Kain!"
Raziel: Busy moarning the lost of his former self and ignoring Elder God
Elder God: Clears throat loudly
Raziel: "Hmm... What?"
Elder God: "Kain?... Vengeance?... NOW?!?!"
Raziel: "Fine, fine! Geez... Don't give me time to greeve then!"
Elder God: "I'm hungry... I mean! Kain's getting away!"
Raziel: Makes a sceptical face and heads up ramp, finding himself at the edge of a small cliff
Elder God: "See the other side, Raziel?"
Raziel: "... It's hard to miss."
Elder God: "Good! You can reach it by jumping in the air and gliding with your wings."
Raziel: "You mean these flaps of rotting flesh are good for something other then looking like an ugly cape?!?"
Elder God: "... Yes..."
Raziel: "YES!"
Elder God: "Too glide, press the X button once..."
Raziel: "WAIT! What button? What's 'X' ?"
Elder God ":... JUST JUMP!"
Raziel: makes 'OMG' face, jumps and glides, landing on the other side looking very proud "HAHA! And with-out a stupid button!"
Elder God: -Eyerock-
Raziel: Is jumping back and forth between rocks.
Elder God: "RAZIEL! Will you please stop that and just get to killing your brother!"
Raziel: "Wait! I thought I was after Kain!"
Elder God: "Oh for the love of mortals... Have you never played a video game?"
Raziel: "A wha-?"
Elder God: "Look, Kain is like the last boss in a game, there are always other bosses before the last one!"
Raziel: "Oh man! You mean I have to go after my dork-stick brothers first?!!?"
Elder God: "Yes... But you get new things for killing them!"
Raziel: "Count me in!"
Elder God: "Good good. Now, go and find your brother Melchiah so he can be released to the Wheel Of Fate."
Raziel: Runs off to find Melly
-Eyerock- is the same as -headdesk- teehee.
Ok, that was chapter one of a god-only-knows how long story, hope you enjoyed it, please review!
chibijanny