"Alright right everyone, team up into pairs!" Black Canary ordered, clapping her hands to make sure she got the team's attention and swift cooperation.
Wally immediately sped into Robin's personal space, claiming him as his teammate. Kaldur chose Connor, which left Artemis and M'gann with each other.
Canary started pacing in from of them. "Today we'll be learning one of the most important skills in battle, a skill that you will most likely use in every combat situation, so do not underestimate it's importance; First Aid. This is an extensive skill, and will require more than one session of course. Naturally, some here know much more about administering - as well as receiving, first aid, but that does not make them exempt from the lesson. Everyone will participate, and those with the most experience might also be able to help me demonstrate," she explained.
"Okay, each teammate is going to take turns being test subject and learner, so;" pointing every team to their own station in the med-bay, Canary had Kaldur, Artemis, and Robin lay down on gurneys while she lectured the Learners about pulses and breathing. When they started practicing on the test subjects, Robin immediately complained about Wally's hands being cold.
Canary pointed ignored his comment, and the whispered bickering between the two. Silence befell the group as everyone was counting heartbeats, but after 40 seconds or so Wally complained in a tattletale voice, "Robin's holding his breath!"
"Don't make me separate you two," Canary threatened.
"Fine," Robin breathed out in a great exhale. It was peaceful for a few minutes while they finished the exercise, until the the teams swapped places on the gurneys. As it was Robin's turn to take Wally's pulse, the speedster went, "Your hands are cold!" in a high pitched, mocking voice. Robin shoved his friend in the shoulder, but Canary loudly cleared her throat, a warning to be taken seriously. They both shut up.
As they finished this round, the teams swapped places on the gurneys again, making Kaldur, Artemis, and Robin once again the test subjects. As Black Canary passed around stethoscopes, Wally was entertaining Robin and making him laugh with a Mad Doctor/Scientist voice, which was Russian accented.
"Some people would find that offensive you know," Artemis pointed out from her gurney.
"Zis is not of concern at ze moment, I demand rezpect, archer!" Wally replied, his accent completely over exaggerated but hilarious.
"Why are we using stethoscopes?" Artemis asked.
"Blood pressure cuffs too in a little while," Canary said, "But why? Because after the immediate injury and treatment, the injured is transferred to a med-bay where these instruments are used. Best to learn them now."
Robin quickly whispered something to Wally, who gave an amused snort and replied, "In that case I wish they wouldn't have been invented."
"Mind out of the gutter, Wally." Robin admonished.
"You brought it up," the redhead retorted, putting the earpieces of the stethoscope in.
"Hey, it was just a historical fact!" Robin exclaimed in his defense.
"What was?" M'gann asked.
"Just something about the invention of stethoscopes," Robin smoothly told her.
A moment later Wally was shouting "Mother of Zeus!" while scrambling to get the stethoscope out of his ears; Robin had beatboxed into the end of it, effectively blowing out Wally's ears and making his head hurt. Having fallen off the gurney from laughter, Robin was on the floor while Wally shouted down at him, "Do you have any idea how LOUD that is?!"
Observing Wally's forceful glare, Robin laughed nervously from his position on the ground and said, "Hey, uh, BC - can we make sure Wally doesn't get anywhere near the scalpels?"
After successfully completing the stethoscope exercise, they moved on to blood pressure cuffs. "I don't like the look in Wally's eyes," Robin warily voiced to the room at large.
'Oh, are they black because he's possessed?" Artemis flippantly asked, then muttered, "I knew it."
This round's learners were instructed on the steps of taking blood pressure, but once left to their own devices, it was the perfect opportunity for Wally to enact revenge on Robin. He positioned the blood pressure cuff correctly, but then pumped the friggin thing up to it's maximum capacity, going full-out python on Robin's arm. It was obviously making his arm numb, and when released there'd be a serious case of pins and needles, but Robin's face remained stoic and reaction-less the entire time.
"Helluva poker face, boy wonder." Wally muttered. In response, Robin gave an exaggerated yawn.
Afterwards were Ace Bandage Wraps -
"Canary, they took ALL the wraps!" Artemis shouted.
"Hey, Artemis, -" Robin started, but was cut off and the archer whipped around, her hair smacking him in the face as she threatened, "If there's even ONE more bad mummy joke or pun I'll castrate BOTH of you,"
The Recovery Position -
"He…he fell asleep. He literally fell asleep."
"Get a marker."
Suffocation -
"This woman is suffocating, what do you do?" Canary asked.
"Cut off her corset," Robin simply stated. Other than Wally's amused snort, the room was silent. Everyone gave him a weird or exasperated look.
"Clearly you've never been to Singapore."
Fireman carry -
"This mannequin is weighted down with the average weight of a 35 year old woman - position her in the correct fireman's carry." Canary ordered.
"Question," Wally interjected, "What if the mannequin's pregnant?"
This earned him a kick behind the knee from a certain someone.
Canary smirked. "Ask Robin."
Labor and Delivery -
"Where'd Robin go?"
"Don't worry about it, it was a joke anyway."
CPR -
"We're using dummies for this, right?" Robin asked, "Cause Wally uses Carmex, and his last 'kiss of life' caused me to taste it for like a week."
"Pfft, I saved your life dude, you should be kissing my ass."
Needle Injections -
"Okay, WHO thought it was a good idea to give those two needles?!" Artemis yelled as she dodged out of the way of Wally, who was being chased by Robin, who was shooting water at him from a syringe.
And Tending to Wounds -
"You have gauze, medical tape, 'disinfectant alcohol' that is really just water (cause its practice), but stitches will wait till next time. There's a red sharpie for each of you to draw your 'wound', so get going, Picasso," Canary told them.
Both Wally and Robin wanted to draw with the sharpie first, but rock paper scissors delegated that the youngest of the two went first.
"Stop drinking the disinfectant alcohol," Robin reprimanded Wally.
"It's water, and I'm thirsty, so shut up," Wally retorted, and a moment later upon observing Robin's drawn 'wound', he said, "Dude, you did not just draw The Mark of Cain on your arm."
I'm sick, and this fic seemed appropriate, ha.
SHoutout to 4thwallvigilante! Hope this update lived up to your expectations :)
I'm sure there are errors, but I'll have to fix them a bit later since have a fever now,
the reason for the invention of the stethoscope is funny, by the way
Happy Easter :)