"I'll see you later, yeah?" Farrah asked. She was my older sister, and my best friend. The day of my choosing ceremony we sat together for the last time under our apple tree. We caught raisins in our mouths while we laughed. Just like we always did.
Nothing seemed weird or out of place even though deep down I knew I wouldn't see her later. I said yes anyway, and placed my head on her shoulder. She fed me pieces of fig and some bits of walnuts. I remember clearly how she smelt of cinnamon and her laugh was loud and ended in a snort. Most would find it funny in a cruel way, but to me it was cute.
As my blood dripped and spread over the hot coal, I felt her smile fade. The feeling of her hand in mine left, and I was alone. The worst part of it was that I told her I would see her later that night and then I counted on Mom to tell her the truth. Farrah and I. I and Farrah. There was nothing else. We had no other friends because we knew all we needed was each other. Family, the most important aspect of life.
Dauntless cheered as I walked over to my new faction. Even though I wanted to I knew it was too late to question my decision. No matter how much I wanted to run back to Mom to see Farrah once more, I couldn't. So instead, I took my place between an Abnegation boy and another Amity. I only remembered her through fragments. She hung around with a few boys that played the banjo. She sang, too.
Still after minutes my throat still had a feeling numbness. It didn't go away until I finally fell asleep later that night in the uncomfortable cot.
Mia, for the first time, paid attention to me. She filled my hand with hers. If I hadn't been so stiff and disgusted, I would have taken it back. The inside of her palm was gross with sweat. I mentally slapped myself for thinking that way, and then, I realized I no longer had to be kind. So I embraced the thought that I hated her concern.
The last person to join us was Sean. He was a tall and beefy Candor with a crooked smile. I wondered how many Candors commented on his yellow teeth and stale breath. He looked more like a messy field worker than a son of lawyers. He took his place next to an Erudite, who seemed too pleased with himself to care.
The ceremony came to a close, and within seconds of hitting the outside we are ambushed. Mia and I exchange looks. Soon after, we ran. Amity are always seen as weak but little do people know that it takes an abundant amount of strength to work long hours in the fields. We came close behind the Erudite boy, and scaled up to the platform.
"Do you suppose we will have to jump on the train?" she asked, and leaned over the tracks. I couldn't answer when the train hustled and smoked closer. I pushed past Mia, but grabbed her arm. Together we threw ourselves in the cart.
She landed feet away from me. Safe. When I looked up from a pair of shiny, leather shoes, the Erudite boy looked down at me. He tucked his glasses into his blue coat. That moment was the first side grin he ever gave me. I struggled to get up, and when I did, my head planted into his chest. I was surprised when he didn't seem bothered until I noticed how his side grin turned arrogant. Mia was at my side and she held my arm.
"We're jumping again?" Sean asked. Blue boy scoffed with an eye roll. He slid by me, and was the first to sling shoot himself onto a gravel landing.
When I landed, the Abnegation boy helped me up, but soon backed off. A small dot of blood showed where I had landed. It hurt. No one would deny landing on gravel hurt. But it wasn't worse than the time I broke my arm climbing the apple tree with Farrah. Mia became distant as the stupid Erudite became closer.
"Nice landing," he commented in my ear. My landing wasn't anything different than most. I jumped and then I fell. Perhaps he felt entitled to say something because his parents were doctors. "Maybe you should go back to Mama. You know? Get a kiss for that boo boo."
I stayed silent.
"Maybe she'll put a kitty band aid on it," he continued.
"Is that all you got?" I replied. On the outside I contained my cool, but on the inside I felt a burn in my stomach. Before he replied, I raced up to the front to find myself voluntarily seeking Mia. She smiled at me as our instructor begun talking.
He stepped up on a ledge and I sunk in my own skin. There was nothing up there for us than a ledge. It only meant one thing. To jump. I had to climb up on the ledge and jump to God only knows where. My chest grew heavy.
"Welcome to Dauntless!" he shouted. He repeated chopped up phrases of the dauntless motto before jumping off the ledge and moving aside. My ears went deaf while he gave us permission to jump off. This was our first true test of bravery.
A tall, dark Dauntless boy with a wide and flirty smile offered to go first. He raised his arms and performed a stupid dance. I felt nauseous as he climbed the ledge. He was about to give a stupid speech when he lost his footing fell. I can remember his screens fading as he went closer to the pit.
We all lined up, and I was next to last with the stiff. His look of fear pinned in my brain when I looked back at him. I forced a smile of comfort but both of us knew that we'd shit ourselves in some way. The line grew smaller until I was left with him. The instructor grinned at both of us.
"A stiff? And a pussy?" he snorted, and a few of the Dauntless members chimed in. As he said, "whose next?" I inhaled a deep breath and stepped up to the ledge. My overskirt was stripped off and I was left with a short, white under skirt and my red tunic.
The ledge wasn't as sturdy as I pictured. It was clear why the boy lost his footing as I almost did as well. I braced myself, and squeezed my eyes shut. Just like a normal step, I moved forward. The feeling of the air trapped in my lungs and how my insides felt like they were clenched stayed with me. It wasn't a pleasant feeling until I hit the net.
"That was fun," Mia said, and I wanted to punch her.
"Fun," I gasped for a steady breath. "I think we need to revisit the meaning of fun!" She responded with a snort.
"I don't remember your name," she said with a squint in her eyes.
"Lyra." Her face had dropped into a frown, but she was interrupted by a grunt. We looked over the net and saw our instructor flop out of the net.
He introduced himself to us as Amar. While he tried to put off a superior complex he lacked arrogance. We followed him through a maze of 'hallways' until we got to a small room. I looked over the Erudite's shoulder to see another room with a chair.
"This is the fear landscape room," he introduced, and moved aside. "This is where you'll go through another simulation. Similar to the one from your test. It'll pull you through your worst fears-"
"How is that possible?" the Erudite boy smirked and ended with, "you don't know our worst fears?"
"You're right, I don't." Amar holds up a long syringe. "But the serum I will inject you with will simulate the part of your brain that processes fear. How about you go first? Eric, right?" He looked around and hesitated to move forward.
Twelve. I counted twelve. He twitched and jerked, but overall he stayed calm. It was almost frightening how cool he stayed until he was released back. Amar let him out. I planned to wait until everyone went first, but the Candor boy, Sean, pushed me forward. I glared back, but when I looked forward, Amar motioned for me to move forward.
I couldn't move and I felt him get annoyed. I was scared and I knew what was coming. Warm liquid dripped down my leg. It was a bodily response I've had since a child. Plus, I had to pee for hours. No one noticed as I quickly rubbed my legs together before it went anymore. Then I moved into the room. He closed the door behind me, and smiled. That time, it was softer.
"Your neck," he ordered. There were so many questions I had but my voice was stuck in my throat. Then there was a quick pinch. "Close your eyes, then open." I did so. The room started to go blurry and my surroundings changed.