Title: The bare necessities
Author: Ceindreadh
Characters/Pairing: Team, Ianto/Jack
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: T
Genre: Funfic
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Torchwood characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
-----------------------------
Gwen glanced at her watch and cursed under her breath as she hurried into the Tourist Office. "Oh Ianto, was anybody looking for me? I overslept and then the traffic and..." Gwen's voice trailed off as she looked at Ianto.
"Is there something the matter, Gwen?" asked Ianto, a composed smile on his face.
"I...yes...no..." Gwen stammered as she tried to collect her thoughts. The reason for her distraction was Ianto himself. As usual he was standing behind the counter. As usual he was wearing a suit and a smart tie and holding a mug of coffee. What was not usual was that he seemed to have forgotten to put his shirt on that morning, and Gwen couldn't help but stare at his bare chest. Her eyes widened as she took in the clean line of his muscles, the faint dusting of chest hair, the clear smooth skin that was just begging to be touched and caressed and licked and kissed and...
"Gwen?" Ianto's voice cut through her descent into impure thoughts.
With an effort Gwen pulled her gaze away and managed to make eye contact with Ianto. "Um, yes Ianto?"
"You looked as if you wanted to say something." Ianto's voice was crisp and even and not the voice of somebody who was standing there with his abs and pectoral muscles on view for the entire world to see.
A part of Gwen was wondering if maybe she was seeing things. This was Torchwood after all, hallucinations inspired by Aliens and/or their technology happened so often they even had a special form to report them on. For all Gwen knew, maybe Ianto was standing there with a freshly laundered shirt on, and if she said different then she'd be put in quarantine until Owen figured out what was affecting her.
But of all the things that Gwen had seen or heard about since she'd joined Torchwood, she'd never heard of anything that would make somebody see other people as half naked. Then again, it was just the sort of thing that Owen was likely to keep to himself if he thought he could have some fun with it.
"Um, er...nice tie, Ianto," said Gwen finally. "It um...brings out your nip...eyes," she added lamely as he pushed the button to let her continue on down to the Hub.
------------------------
Gwen was still feeling a little hot and bothered as she walked into the Hub. She was also determined to have it out with Owen as she had convinced herself that he was responsible. But - not entirely to her surprise - Owen was even tardier than she had been, which meant that if her shirtless Ianto hallucination - and she had managed to convince herself that it was just an hallucination - had been caused by something in the Hub, then Owen was not to blame...this time.
Which of course left only one other person who was likely to want to see a half naked Ianto during working hours. Gwen gave a perfunctory tap on the door to Jack's office before going in. She'd learned the hard way about barging unannounced into Jack's office. And while Jack had been quite amused and not at all disconcerted to be interrupted mid coitus, Ianto had been a different matter. Gwen had been served instant coffee for a week after that embarrassing encounter and now made sure that the occupants of Jack's office had time to compose themselves before she walked in. But since Ianto was up in the Tourist Office, it was a fair assumption that it was safe to enter Jack's domain. Well, relatively safe, as whatever he was doing, he was going to be doing it single handedly...so to speak.
To Gwen's relief, the only think Jack was doing was paperwork. Or to be more accurate he was avoiding doing paperwork, seeming to think it was more important that he improve his skills at firing paper projectiles with an elastic band. One thudded into the doorframe only inches away from Gwen's face. Normally this would have been cause for a lecture to Jack about setting a good example and keeping on top of paperwork, but Gwen had other concerns, wanting first of all to check whether she had been hallucinating, and if not, then to find out what the hell was going on with Ianto.
"Jack," Gwen hesitated, unsure as to how best to word her question. Finally she decided to just blurt it out. "Jack, why isn't Ianto wearing a shirt?"
It was, she decided later, one of the few times she'd seen Jack with a look of embarrassment on his face.
"Ah," said Jack. "There's a reason behind that...sort of..."
Gwen just looked at him in puzzlement.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jack dragged Ianto into his bedroom, his hands pulling at Ianto's jacket, even as he showered him with kisses.
"Jack," gasped Ianto in between kisses. "My...shirt...be careful!" He gasped as his jacket fell away and he was pressed back against the wall, the cold of the stone leeching quickly through his shirt.
Jack groaned, "Why do you have to wear so many clothes!" Impatient as usual for the sight of Ianto, he fumbled awkwardly at the shirt buttons with one hand, while the other groped at Ianto's crotch.
Two sets of clothing ended up scattered on the floor as Jack and Ianto finally made it to the bed.
It wasn't until morning that Ianto realized just how careful Jack hadn't been with his shirt.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"We ah, well I mean I got a little over enthusiastic last night, and I ripped off his shirt."
"Oh," said Gwen, "But surely he has a spare in his locker?"
"That was the spare one," said Jack. "Apparently it's the fourth time this month that I've managed to destroy one of his shirts...and he, well let's just say he wasn't too happy. This is his way of punishing me." He turned his computer monitor around so Gwen could see it. "He's set the security camera upstairs to feed directly to my machine, and I can't switch it off! Tosh won't help me out because she says I deserve it."
"Well he can't go round without a shirt," said Gwen, "He'll catch cold, not to mention what'll happen if we actually get a tourist up there. You'll have to go and apologize to him. Buy him some new shirts, yeah?"
"You're right," said Jack firmly. "I'll get right on it." He left his office, determination etched on his face.
Gwen smiled and set about her work.
It was about an hour later when Owen showed up, an extremely puzzled expression on his face. "Why the fuck is Ianto in the Tourist Office without any trousers?"
Gwen sighed, "So much for Jack's apology!"
------------------------
The end
Ceindreadh