So I'm back with another one shot. I have written like half of my multi-chapter, overly done Fiyeraba arranged marriaged fanfic. There was something wrong with our internet connection and college entrance test reviews kept me from writing seriously. So naturally, I came up with this. Just a very short one about Glinda and her emotions blah blah. The first time I wrote in first person in a long time! As usual, there might be some errors especially now since I used my iPad to write this. So just enjoy...
Disclaimer: There is really an automatic disclaimer in all fanfictions but since this is my favorite part well...I do not own WICKED...it is owned by wonderful people who take care of it, water it and watch it fluorish into a big, green musical tree. I am known to kill every plant I own. Be glad it's not mine.
I knew deep down my aching heart that he would never forgive me.
Every time I close my eyes I see her, in her place in the moonlit night. Her terrified, yet strong face. Her glory and how powerful she can be. I see her, my best friend...Elphie.
Every time I close my eyes I see him as well, remembering how he looked at her so differently. How his eyes went from looking into a clear, blue sky to a distant cloud, threatening to pour rain when I told him about her and what has happened. Maybe I should have gone with her?
Nothing changed between us.
We were stuck in a bush of thorny roses.
Nothing changed.
Everything was just suddenly different.
No one understood how hard it was for me. Seeing him,devoted but not to me. Watching him, achievement after achievement, knowing that I wasn't his muse. I was never his inspiration. I was never his to begin with. Just her, always have been her.
I wanted to hate her. I can't forgive her for what she did to him.
He was dismal.
Hurting...
No one could console him.
I wanted to hate her but I can't summon or force dislike or anything akin to it toward her. Oz, it only made me hate myself.
I loved him and he loved her.
Fiyero loved Elphaba, though he wouldn't admit it.
But he chose me! He chose me before everything! Before he knew other girls at school. Before he got to know her...but still he chose me!
Come to think of it, I never gave him much of a choice. I had never let him go...He knew me, at least I think he did, but he didn't know her and how truly magnificent she was. That is until a few short weeks after their initial meeting and mere days after I myself actually got to know the girl beneath the green.
It took time but I picked up. Elphaba liked or might as well loved him too. I knew there was something.
I just wish there wasn't...
I wish she had never met him, had never made him fall for her, had never fallen for him, had never left...
Honestly I envy her. She was able to escape from this. On the other hand, I can't. How could I leave him like that? He needed me, the other person besides himself that knows about her. He needed me to keep him sane, grounded to reality.
But he yearned for her...needed her, wanted her.
Not me.
He never holds me. He murmers her name in his sleep.
I was never what she was and I never will be.
Pain is constant. No one is ever without pain.
I can't forgive her, even so I can't hate her. He will never forgive me for letting her go. He didn't hate me or most likely he was too tired to hate me.
Pain grows so abysmally...
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