Afraid Of The Dark
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Arrow. It belongs to DC Comics and The CW.
Pairing: Oliver & Felicity (Olicity)
Rating: T
Summary: What if Felicity had told Oliver about the visions that she was seeing in 04x12 A.W.O.L.
Author's Note: Snippets of dialogue taken from the actual episode.
Felicity Smoak was sitting in her wheelchair staring out the window of the loft she shared with Oliver.
The hallucination of her darker self was right.
It was her fault that the mission had gone wrong tonight.
It was her fault that John had been nearly captured.
But when Oliver walked through the door, a tiny bit of the weight that she felt on her shoulders had been lifted.
And she let out a breath that she'd been holding ever since she'd last communicated with him while he was in the field.
"Hey, you okay?" Oliver asked softly, as he stepped inside the apartment.
"That depends," She replied, still staring out the window, "Is John okay?"
"John's fine." Oliver answered, pressing his palms together nervously as he stared at Felicity as she sat with her back to him, "But you seem to think that what happened tonight is your fault."
"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who couldn't stop the security doors from closing," She said, turning her chair around to face him.
"And I'm the one who pushed you to get involved when you were signaling pretty hard that you weren't ready."
"I wasn't signaling…That hard…"
Oliver sat down on the arm of the sofa, with his arms outstretched, and said, "I'm sorry that I pushed…I just thought that if you got behind a keyboard again…That things would just start to feel normal…"
Felicity pushed her chair slowly towards him as he spoke and replied, "I love how playing superhero is what we consider normal."
Oliver chuckled, "Yeah." He said, smiling at her.
"But there is no going back to normal." She said, softly, looking down at the floor.
Oliver felt a pang in his heart as he heard the sadness in her voice and saw the resignation in her eyes.
"You know what I mean…" He began.
"I know what you mean…" She interrupted him raising her voice slightly, "What I mean is that I can no longer be a part of the team."
"Because of your injury?" Oliver asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief, "You can't let that stop you…"
"Except it has." She broke in again, "Look at me, Oliver. I've spent the last week and a half stuck in this loft. I can't…Move…I can't drive…I can't walk down the street and get a cup of coffee." She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and she was powerless to stop the emotion from breaking through as she spoke.
Oliver looked from Felicity to the floor and back again desperate to comfort her. But he knew there was nothing that he could say that would take away her pain.
Felicity took a deep breath and went on, "And if tonight is any indication, I can't do the one thing that I'm supposed to still be able to do."
"You just need to give it time." Oliver said, trying to reassure her, but as he spoke he noticed that she was looking away from him.
Her gaze was focused on something that he couldn't see.
She seemed nervous.
Frightened even.
Oh no. She's back.
Felicity thought as her darker alter ego reappeared and started to pace behind Oliver.
"Hey…Talk to me," Oliver said, trying to get her attention although it was clearly elsewhere.
"Go, ahead, "her darker self encouraged, daring her to tell Oliver the truth about what she was seeing. "Tell him…Tell him you're hallucinating. That should go over like gangbusters."
Suddenly Dark Felicity's voice and Oliver's were both ringing in her ears at the same time.
"I'm not going to pretend that I understand what you're going through…"
"C'mon Felicity…Tell him…"
"But you are the strongest person that I know…"
"Tell him that you're no good for the team anymore. That in addition to having legs that don't work. You also have a case of the crazies…That you're hearing voices and seeing visions…"
"And we have your back the same way that you have our backs. We didn't have a chance to take down those guards last night…"
"Would you just shut up?" Felicity screamed, closing her eyes tightly in hopes that her darker self would go away.
Oliver was silent for a second, his expression instantly apologetic.
"I didn't mean that," Felicity whispered.
What are you doing? She thought to herself. You're always telling him to tell the truth. Now it's your turn.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Oliver said, softly.
She could see the pain in his eyes and she was furious with herself for being the one who put it there.
"No, no, no…It's not you…" She said shaking her head. "It's not you."
"Okay, Oliver said, "If it's not me then what is it?" He asked taking both of her hands in his.
She took a deep shaky breath, "You'll think I'm crazy…"
Oliver placed his hand on her shoulder, shook his head, and whispered, "No. I won't, I promise. Just tell me what's going on."
Felicity nodded once and began again, "Since I was injured I've been seeing things."
It was Oliver's turn to nod. He'd experienced many of his own hallucinations during his time on Luan Yu.
"What kinds of things?" He prompted gently, his hand still on her shoulder.
"Myself mostly. The rebellious brunette hacker version of myself that I was before I met you. She tells me things…"
"What kinds of things?" Oliver repeated his voice still soft and reassuring.
"She tells me that I'm a fraud. And that I was better off before."
"Before what?" Oliver asked, gently rubbing her shoulder.
Before this.
Before you.
Before us.
"Before I met you and joined the team. She tells me that I'm no good to the team anymore. She tells me that I don't belong here.
On the team.
In this life.
With you.
Oliver shook his head, "Felicity, you can't possibly believe that. We need you. The team needs you. I need you."
"I know," Felicity said, nodding. "In my head, I know that. But in my heart, I'm scared."
She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks and blurring her vision, as the salt from her tears stained the lens of her glasses.
"What are you afraid of? He asked, softly, pulling her close, his hand brushing her blonde hair off of her opposite shoulder so he could rub the tension from it as well.
"I'm afraid that she's right." Felicity whispered, her voice was so faint that he had to strain to hear it.
"No. She's wrong." Oliver whispered, the stubble on his upper lip, brushing against the shell of her ear and he said the words that she so desperately needed to hear.
"I love you," She whispered. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
Oliver smiled, and smudged away her tears with one hand, while deftly removing her glasses with the other.
"It's okay. Now, let's go to bed. It's been a long day."
Before Felicity could even nod, Oliver lifted her out of her chair and carried her slowly and carefully up the stairs and laid her gently on the bed.
She thought she'd be afraid to sleep.
She thought that her dark alter ego would haunt her dreams.
But she drifted off into a peaceful sleep with Oliver's arms wrapped around her.
She wasn't afraid of the dark.
Not anymore.
Not ever again.