Quiet…
It feels nice, and yet, I cannot help that feeling of being on edge. I guess something in my lost memories is telling me quiet is bad. I should not let my guard down. I wish to recall why, but the memories lay just beyond reach. … Disappointing.
… Not only that, but I sense someone near. Or, rather, I've been sensing him following me. I have not said anything since I know he means no harm, but…
"Bartz…"
My tone may have come across a little sterner than I anticipated. I heard him squeak in surprise from the rocks he hid himself behind. Shyly coming into my view, he looked at me with his head low, eyes high. That look… I feel like I've seen it before. Like… Like a puppy. It was as if, I, as its master, had done something to wrong him in some way.
He twiddled his thumbs and shuffled nervously. "Uh… How long did you know I was there?"
I look away, pretending to find interest in some distant rocks. I cannot stand to look at those eyes. "Since you began following me." I felt him flinch at the confession. "Why were you?" I asked out of curiosity more than anything. I did not expect any of my fellow warriors to care about me. We are simply… soldiers on the field of battle.
… Yes. That word. I know of that word. We have no bonds of friendship. We are simply tools to be used by the one who commands us until we are no longer able to fight. This feeling was familiar. Perhaps that was what I was before I was brought here…
The young man sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The more I look at him, the more I feel as though he… reminds me of someone I know. "I was worried about you. I didn't want you to go off on your own."
Worried about me? Why would he be worried about me? I am strong. He has no reason to worry. Still, that tugging memory. Even when I first saw him, the way he fought, I feel like I have seen that style before. The ability to take in the techniques of others and make them his own. A constant smile on his face even during the heat of battle. Laughter and a jovial attitude…
"Bartz?" I look at him to see he looked at me with a curious look on his face. "What is your dream?"
I felt my eyes widen in surprise at the question I asked, but otherwise I betrayed no hint of emotion. Why did I ask such a question? The look on Bartz's face told me he did not expect such a question either. He tucked his head low, eyes darting back and forth in thought, mayhaps scanning his scattered memories for an answer. The look of surprise soon shifted to concern, for a moment, before returning to his smile once more.
"Dunno!" he finally admitted. "But… I guess if I had one… I'd like to be strong, like you!"
Strong? Such a simple dream. "What would you do with that strength?" The look of concern flashed across his face once more. It didn't seem he knew. Perhaps being strong wasn't even his dream as well. "… Perhaps, you could become a hero with that strength."
… Why did I say that? I don't know, but Bartz… Bartz seemed to like that answer considering the beaming smile returned to his face. "YEAH! I'LL BE A HERO! I'LL SAVE EVERYONE! I'll put an end to this war, just you wait and see!"
I couldn't stifle the slight chuckle that escaped my lips. This Bartz… he really is a lot like you, Z- "Is that a promise?"
"You bet it is!" he answered with a laugh and a pound on his chest.
Just then, the wind picked up, fiercely, blowing my hair and his cape every which way. Suddenly, I notice flying from his possession – "A feather?"
Bartz seemed to notice that if left him before I did as he desperately tried to catch it once more. After a few failed attempts, he had reclaimed it with a quick clap of the hands. "AH-HA! GOT YOU!"
That feather… it wasn't just any feather… It was black… it was-
"… Sephiroth…" he started, a look of regret on his face. Did he know that was one of my feathers? "… I… wanted to thank you, about saving me before. You didn't have to."
"It was nothing," I answered simply. "I was simply eliminating enemies on the field of battle."
"Still…" he countered, eyes darting every which way as he looked for the right words. "… I feel like, whenever I was in danger, looking at this feather… I felt like I had strength… This feather saved me… You saved me."
Did my simple gesture have such an effect on him? I don't understand why. What I've seen of him, he is strong. Maybe… he lacks confidence? "Perhaps… that feather is your good luck charm." I reach out my hand, silently asking to hold it. I'm still not sure what is driving me to aid him, but… I feel as though my memories can come faster if I do.
He nervously places the feather in my leathered hand. I had no intention of doing any harm to it. As I turn the feather, yes, I can tell this was mine. Looking at it, I feel… angry, for some reason, as if I do not want the wing that this feather dropped from. A One-Winged Angel… Am I savior or am I a destroyer? At this point, I do not remember. Reaching into my pouch, I pull out, ah, yes. That will do. A jewel-incrusted clasp… Slipping it onto the quill ever so gingerly, giving it added weight to prevent it from flying away again. Silently, I return it to him.
He takes the feather, looking like he had received some sort of special gift. … What is that word? Christmas? Yes, I believe that's it. A time for joy… I can see it plainly on his face as he turned the feather over and around.
"Thanks!" he chirped. He placed it back wherever the wind snatched it from as he sat down next to me. "I guess that makes us partners now!"
"Partners? When did I-" I could only sigh at his antics. I'd might as well keep him around. At least I'll be able to keep a better eye on him. And, besides that, perhaps he could help me, too.
"Partners," I agreed. I do not know why, but that word… it fills me with so many different emotions. Relief… Betrayal… Anger… At this, I'm now worried… What does my memory hold? Perhaps it would be better not knowing.
"S-Sephiroth… Why?"
I'm shocked he could still speak after what I did to him. When I did that before, she was killed instantly. That pathetic look on his face… His attempt to cast Holy… The memories flashed so vividly in my mind, I couldn't stop myself from doing what I did.
I could only pull my sword out of him in regret. My body moved without my consent. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say I was sorry, but the words were caught in my throat. But, before I had the chance to say them, he slumped over, limp.
He was dead.
Even now I refused to accept it. I grabbed his limp body, shaking him furiously in a futile attempt to wake up. Why did I do it? I couldn't find the answer. Why would I kill anyone like that?! I don't want to remember!
What I did next, I still don't understand why I did that either. I took his corpse in my arms… I almost shuddered. I have dealt with thousands of dead bodies, I feel like I have slain many of those… But, why did this one feel so wrong?! He was so innocent… so pure…
I slowly walked over to the nearby beach. I knew not where the waters lead. I walked until the water was half-way up my waste. I feel as though the memories I'm following aren't even my own. Still, this felt right. I gently rest his body in the murky waters and watch as they carry him away, and down - down to the darkest depths where he may sleep in peace. This was no place for him. … And, Cosmos was no place for me.
I cannot return to them. Not after I betrayed them so.
I fled to the lands of Discord. I allowed myself to be taken prisoner. I swore myself to Chaos. The energy he filled me with… Dark… Evil… More of my memories flash before my eyes…
I see it now.
I am no hero.
I AM GOD.
Golbez. What is he doing here? I was certain his rounds were nowhere near here.
As I walk by, I suddenly feel compelled to ask him a question. "Do you miss the light?"
Golbez stops. Was he surprised by my question? I know I was, although I show no hint of emotion on my face to suggest it. He scoffs at the question. "I merely have duties to fulfill," he answers.
I turn away again. So, is that his reasoning? "Too close to the light, and you may get scorched." I do not know why I felt compelled to give him such advice. I do not care about these pathetic soldiers. I am in every way superior to them.
We walk away from each other. I can tell by the clanging of his metal armor against itself. However, when that noise stops, I grow curious. "And, what of you?" he suddenly asks. "Do you miss the light?" I stop as I contemplate his words.
"Foolish," I think as I leave. Why would I miss that? The light holds nothing for me.
"Great, what do they want?"
Both Ultimecia and the Emperor have decided to pay me a visit. I do not need their company. Although, I sense another. Just outside of my field of vision… A warrior of Cosmos, I'm guessing.
"No doubt paradise is within our grasp," he begins to explain with that smug air of his. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "What matters is afterwards. What say you join forces with me, Sephiroth?"
Is that what he wants? He wants me to join him? Foolish. To think I, a god, would reduce myself to his level.
"You, too, must be sickened by the feckless destroyers among us," he reasons, thinking it would help sway me to his side.
Feckless destroyers? Ironic, coming from him. I have seen the raw, savage display of his power. He is no better than the rodents he thinks he rules. "Not interested."
"I don't think you quite understand the position you're in," the witch threatens. As if I'm afraid of someone like her.
"And, if I don't?" I am not afraid to eliminate them both to achieve my own goals. They have yet to prove useful to me.
A shift of a rock. Too obvious. It was apparent that even they heard it.
"It seems we have an infestation." You only just noticed, your highness?
"Hey!" he answer defensively as he steps out of hiding. Looking at him, I suddenly feel all of the urge to fight disappear. Those eyes… They trouble me. I feel like I have seen them before, hidden in memories I have no business remembering. Memories of a time I was… human. No, I was never human. I was always something greater than these people. So, why then… "Who do you think you're callin' a bug?"
I cannot stay. Those eyes… I cannot bear to look at them. I do not know why, but I feel as though I have wronged him in some way. I turn away, not caring what the others do to him. It's not my problem.
Suddenly, I feel as though I do miss the light…