A/N: I started this story like 2 years ago, and finally decided to just finish it and post it in all of its unedited glory. The writing style varies wildly because this has been written over such a long period of time, and that's also why there are probably continuity errors and stuff.
ALSO the story jumps around the time stream and is not in chronological order, so it might get confusing, but you should be able to figure it out.
The italicized words are not mine, and if they sound strange it's because they were not originally in English, they have been translated.
We'll Meet Among the Stars
I am a planet now, you are a planet too, and now we'll meet in the world of stars.
Yours and my sky has become all smoke, like a dream.
It wasn't fair, how easily things could be snatched away. How a beautiful reality could be turned into a dream and then dispersed in a second.
Silena Beauregard had been sitting in her cabin all day, nervously smoothing the already perfect sheets of her bed, adjusting the carefully placed curtains, polishing the already gleaming furniture, generally bustling around and straightening things that were already as straight as could be.
It was her reaction to stress.
She was readjusting a flower in its vase when she heard that Percy had returned. Immediately, she felt an uncomfortable combination of hope and dread in her stomach. She tried to banish the dread. Charlie would be walking up with Percy, and he would look at her the way he always did, and then after he rested a bit they could go on a nice walk on the beach.
She became aware of her uncombed hair and lack of makeup. Maybe she should just run a brush through or apply a little bit of eyeliner.
But it wasn't like Charlie would mind anyway, she remembered. It was more important to see him as soon as possible, so she left the cabin and followed the campers who were rushing to meet the returning heroes.
She reached to find a large crowd already gathered. She saw Percy standing with Annabeth and Chiron. She couldn't see Charlie. He must have been somewhere to the side, or lost in the crowd.
She pushed through and asked, "Where's Charlie?" still looking around and waiting for him to pop out of the crowd and embrace her. She saw Percy give Chiron a look.
"Silena, my dear," the centaur began hesitantly, "let's talk about this at the Big House-"
Immediately, she realized what had happened. "No," she said quietly, not willing to believe it. Everything around her seemed to slow down. Her thoughts turned to sludge. "No. No." She repeated the word, thinking that maybe if she said it with enough force, things would be fixed.
Everything was spinning in slow motion. Memories flashed through her mind. Laughing, talking, smiling, being happy. Memories of their last walk on the beach. Her failure to make things tears started to spill, and a sob escaped her.
The awareness of the eyes upon her seemed to come from another dimension. There was a deep void between herself and her mind, her thoughts, her feelings. She felt detached from everything. This was a dream. This was a nightmare.
She felt an arm around her, and recognized it as Clarisse's. She tried to say something to her, but Silena couldn't process it. Something about the Big House and chocolate. She allowed herself to be led away.
This was a dream. This was a nightmare.
If only.
Yours and my sky is spread in parts, like breaths.
"I want to stop," Silena said, trying hard to keep her tone even and firm. She tried to instill confidence within herself, but she couldn't.
Luke Castellan glared at her, his expression sinister. The charming smile that Silena had once found endearing was long gone.
"Stop," he repeated. "Stop what?"
"I don't know," Silena said hesitantly, her words sounding vaguely like a drawl. She bit her lip nervously. "This… me helping you. I don't want to be a spy anymore."
"Why not?"
"I… it feels wrong. I don't want to do this anymore. Sneaking around to see you. I don't want to help anymore."
"You wish to quit?" Luke asked, without a questioning tone. His face and voice were always expressionless these days. Not like the Luke that Silena had been infatuated with.
"Yes," Silena said, her voice quivering with the one word.
"Well," Luke said thoughtfully, "you are welcome to stop."
Relief flooded Silena. "Oh, thank you-"
"But," Luke interrupted, raising a hand to stop her, "your little secret will be out."
"What secret?" Silena asked, even though she had an idea.
"This… you helping. Spying." There was malice in his words. Silena felt her relief drain away.
"No," she said. "You can't. They'll hate me."
"It's your choice, at the end of the day," he spread his hands. "Though I would think you would prefer not to be hated."
"But I don't want to do something wrong. I don't want to be the villain. I would rather be hated. I don't want people to die."
"Die?" Luke raised an eyebrow. "Die? Silena, darling, you're saving lives by helping me. With your help, fewer people have to be hurt. Don't you want to help save lives?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"This is about the son of Hephaestus, isn't it?"
"I-"
"Beckendorf, is the name."
The color drained from Silena's face. She struggled to find words.
"Don't worry. Your friend won't be hurt."
"He won't?" Silena asked, looking up.
"I give you my word. I promise, your friend will not be hurt."
"Alright," Silena said, hating herself for giving in. "I'll stay."
Wherever you go, you'll only find me.
The forge was a familiar place to Silena, and yet she was caught off guard by the loud sounds of hammers and drills. She stood just inside the entrance, waiting for someone to finish what they were doing and notice her. She knew they hated to be interrupted in the middle of work.
She noticed Jake Mason putting down his hammer. He looked at what he had been working on with grudging satisfaction and glanced up at her. A dark look passed over his face as he maneuvered around the table and walked towards her. They stepped out of the forge so they could hear one another.
"Silena," he said, rubbing his hands together nervously, "how are you?"
The question she had been receiving endlessly. The one she didn't have an answer to. She avoided it.
"I want to go down to Charlie's room."
"You… what?"
"Please, I know it's-"
"No, no it's fine," he assured, "I understand. Come on."
They walked through camp towards the Hephaestus cabin. As they waited for the complicated door to spin open, Jake said, "We haven't cleaned it out yet. No one's even been down there. It's exactly how he left it."
They stepped inside and Silena took in her surroundings. She had been there plenty of times. She realized that she had been expecting something to be different, but here it was, exactly the same.
As if everything was normal. As if Charlie was still alive.
"Bunk 1-A," Jake called, and the floor spiraled open to allow Charlie's bed to pop up. He gestured to it, as if Silena might have missed it. "Take your time."
She nodded and climbed gingerly onto the bed as it gently retracted to the private room below.
Nails and screws and scraps of metal were strewn hazardously across the floor, the same as the last time she had been there.
But what caught her attention was the bulletin board on the wall closest to the bed. Pictures of her and Charlie were tacked on with colorful pushpins. There was one with the two of them soaking wet and laughing after falling into the lake while canoeing. One of the two of them sitting on a Pegasus, Charlie tense with wide eyes while Silena held his hand comfortingly. She remembered the day vividly. There was one with just her on a Pegasus, hair blowing everywhere but a wide smile on her face. She had been laughing at something Charlie had said. Another one, where it was just her, grinning with an ice cream cone in her hand. Charlie had taken it, and he had always said it was his favorite picture of her. Another picture featured both of them, bent over a box of chocolates her father had sent. And then there was her favorite. Both of them at the campfire, wrapped in a blanket and leaning on one another, dozing off to the sound of the Apollo cabin singing.
Slowly, she untacked each one, and held them close, as if trying to absorb the happiness in them.
She curled up on his bed, thinking about how she had ruined everything.
At some point she ended up crying herself to sleep.
These shadows of mine are comprised of you.
They were walking on the beach. The sand was soft underfoot. The ocean was calm, small waves gently rolling out and then receding. The sky was bright blue, and the white clouds looked as if they had been painted on.
Her hand was comfortably fitted in his and they strolled in familiar silence once their conversation drew to an end.
All of it was perfect, and Silena wished she could spend her entire life like this, just walking by the water with Charlie by her side.
By now they had told each other almost everything there was to tell. All of their stories and secrets.
Except for one.
Silena felt the urge to tell him. Explain everything, so he would find out from her and there wouldn't be a misunderstanding later. She wondered if he would leave in disgust. She wondered if he would ever forgive her. Would he tell everyone or would he keep her secret.
Maybe he could help her out, find a way for her to stop working with the other side. Even if he couldn't, maybe just the support would be enough to give her strength to stand up for herself, to resist.
At the very least, she could warn him. She had already informed Luke of the plan to attack the Princess Andromeda, before it was confirmed that Beckendorf would be the one carrying out the attack. His life was at risk, and there was a huge chance the mission would fail.
She felt the serenity of their walk fading as she started to panic. She had to warn him.
"Charlie," she said, and the smallness of her voice surprised her.
"Yeah?"
She struggled, trying to figure out how to phrase what she had to say. "I need to-"
"Beckendorf!" a yell came from behind them. They spun around and saw Michael Yew running down the beach. He slowed down as he got closer, locking eyes with Charlie. "It's time," he said breathlessly.
Silena felt as if her heart had stopped. She turned to look at Charlie and saw a grim, determined expression on his face.
"Alright," he said. "I'm coming."
Michael gave Silena a strange look before turning and running back the way he had come.
Charlie turned to her and took her face in his hands. "Don't worry. I'll be right back." He kissed her, and again Silena wished the moment would never end. She could feel the tears sliding down her face as they pulled away, and Charlie gently wiped them away. "No crying, okay?"
She tried to say his name and it came out a whisper. She had to tell him. Now was her only chance. But when she tried to speak the words wouldn't form.
"We'll finish this walk when I get back," Charlie said, stepping back and smiling at her. He squeezed her hand and left.
Silena watched him go. She could have yelled after him, telling him everything, but she didn't. She tried to assure herself that everything would be fine. He was brilliant, and he would be with Percy. They would make it out alive, even with all the odds against them.
But the uneasy feeling lingered, and she knew it wouldn't be gone until he was back on the beach with her.
I am a planet now, you are a planet too, and now we'll meet in the world of stars.
Since I have met you, it is as if some unheard wish is fulfilled.
"Oh my gods, Silena, have you seen Ryan? He's the hottest Apollo boy yet, and he'd totally be into you, and the Apollo cabin's scheduled for riding lessons today, so now's your chance!"
"Ryan's not that hot. I think Ben is way cuter."
"You mean Ares Ben? No way, he doesn't even-"
"Girls," Silena cut in, for once not interested in assessing the new campers. "Focus. We have a lot to do to prepare for the first lessons of the summer. We need to make good impressions so people will be interested in Pegasus riding."
"And so they'll be interested in us," a girl muttered, earning a wave of giggles. Silena rolled her eyes.
"Oh, come on Sil. Just because you're still hung up on that Hermes kid doesn't mean the rest of us can't have our fun," one girl whined.
Silena glanced up from her clipboard, completely caught off guard. "What? Hermes kid? What are you even talking about?"
"Lu-uke," the group chorused.
Silena tried to laugh it off, but it sounded more like a choke. "I am not hung up on Luke," she said, trying to sound convincing. "I mean, obviously he's very attractive and nice, but I don't like him."
"Mhm."
"Whatever," Silena snapped, looking at her clipboard in an attempt to hide the blush that was spreading. "First group of the day will be Hephaestus kids."
As she said it, she noticed the children of Hephaestus making their way to the stable area in a loose huddle. Most of them seemed strong and muscular, probably from working in the forges.
"Which one of you is the new cabin leader?" Silena asked, remembering that the previous leader had left.
A muscular boy stepped forward, hands clenched and expression uncertain. "Uh, that would be me."
He looked familiar, as many faces at camp did, but Silena couldn't recall any previous interactions with him. He was handsome, not the type of person she would easily forget talking to.
She held out a hand. "I'm Silena Beauregard, head of the Aphrodite cabin and your instructor for Pegasus riding." He placed his own hand in hers and shook it. His grip was firm and strong, his hands calloused and warm. When he didn't introduce himself, Silena added, "And your name?"
"Beckendorf," he answered simply. His voice was deep and clear. Silena recognized the name. She had heard it floating around camp quite often, but had never been able to put a face to it.
"That's your last name, isn't it?" she asked. He nodded. She had always wondered why everyone referred to him by his last name. "What's your first name?"
"Charles."
"It's nice to meet you, Charles." He looked as though he were about to say something, but seemed to decide against it. "So, we're ready for the lesson, then?"
His expression softened and he lowered his voice. "Actually, I had to talk to you about that. Children of Hephaestus have a tendency to fear heights, because our father was tossed off Mount Olympus and all. Most of these guys have already done some riding, but the new campers might have some trouble."
Silena nodded her understanding. "We'll keep that in mind. And I'm sure if you talk to them a bit about how you got over your own fear, it would help."
He looked at her sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I, uh… I never actually learned… how to," he faltered and looked down at his shoes.
"But this isn't your first year at camp," Silena said, her tone questioning.
"I always found ways to avoid class," he explained. "No one ever noticed. I was too scared." His look of embarrassment made her heart melt.
"Well now's your time to learn. I'll teach you. I'm a great teacher," she smiled.
He smiled back at her, and it hit her that he was really handsome, and sweet and friendly, and his smile seemed to take her breath away, and she would gladly have stood there forever, just immersing herself in this feeling.
And she realized that this was a little bit like what she felt with Luke, except so much stronger and so much more powerful.
As you left, you took with you every reason for me to live.
Silena was curled up on her bed, playing with the edge of her pillow. The sounds of daily camp life drifted into the cabin whenever a camper opened the door to come or go. For the first time ever, she was uncomfortably aware of how thick the scent of perfume was. The different brands and smells mixed together to make the air sickly sweet. Silena wanted to gag.
She heard the sound of approaching footsteps that alerted her that someone was entering the cabin, and quickly ducked under her covers to avoid having to interact. She calmed her breathing to make it seem more believable that she was sleeping, and had just settled down when the noises made it obvious that two people had entered the cabin.
"Is she still sleeping?" one whispered. Silena recognized the voice. It was Taylor, one of the Aphrodite girls.
"Looks like it," the other answered, not bothering to keep her voice low. The voice belonged to Kristi, another of the Aphrodite girls.
"Shhh," Taylor shushed frantically, "You'll wake her up!"
"Oh please, she's been sleeping for hours. If I do manage to wake her up, it'll be a good thing," Kristi said with clear annoyance in her tone.
"Aw, come on, don't be so harsh. Her boyfriend just got blown to bits. The idea of Charlie blowing to bits filled Silena with a new wave of anguish.
"Just? It's been days and all she's been doing is lying on that bed being a-"
"Kristi!" Taylor admonished. "Try to have a heart! Her loved one just died, she must be devastated. She's probably depressed, wondering why she's even alive. I bet she's even having suicidal thoughts. I wouldn't be surprised if we found her dead."
The thought surprised Silena. For some reason, the idea of taking her own life hadn't even crossed her mind. But now, spoken aloud, the thought stirred in the darkest depths of her mind, and she was suddenly scared that one day that little thought would take over.
This was her fault, after all. Didn't she deserve to die?
After a few moments, the girls left and the cabin fell silent.
A moment later, it was filled with the tortured sobs of Silena Beauregard.
Wherever you go, you'll only find me.
As she looked around at her things, Silena realized that everything reminded her of Charlie.
The little box she kept accessories in had been built by him. The clock she kept by her bed had been a gift. Most of the pictures propped up in decorative frames either featured him or were taken by him. Her dark blue liquid eyeliner had been his favorite. He loved it when she wore dark pink lipstick. He liked the waves that formed in her hair after it had been in a braid. He had tried to do her hair once, and ended up breaking her comb. He had made her a new one that was much better.
All of her belongings could somehow be linked back to him, and she couldn't look at anything without feeling the stab of pain and the clench of guilt.
Everything outside reminded her of him too. The sky reminded her that he loved cold, gloomy days, because the warmth of the forge felt even more comforting, and it reminded him of home. The beach reminded her of countless walks, talking and getting to know each other. The strawberry fields reminded her of days spent picking the fruit and eating the ones that looked sweetest, leaving with hands stained red.
The stables reminded her of all the times she would teach him to ride. He was always nervous before lifting off, but after they were in the air he would relax. Those sessions were when she would realize just how great he was and just how hard she had fallen.
When they started dating, they kept having lessons, even though Charlie was a good rider by then. But they were always so fun, and Silena would leave with her sides aching from laughing so much and her heart bursting.
Now camp was starting to feel like a prison. There was nowhere she could go to escape the memories. Nowhere she could go to escape the sadness.
These shadows of mine are comprised of you.
Silena watched Charles from her place at the Aphrodite table, her lunch untouched. He didn't seem to be saying anything, as usual, but he still managed to be the most interesting person in the pavilion. He smiled, probably at something a sibling said, and Silena felt her heart lurch. She loved his smile.
As lunch finished, and everyone began to disperse, she picked up her pace to catch up with him, careful not to be obvious.
She managed to catch up with him, but before she could say anything he took a sharp turn and walked in another direction. Silena slowed down, caught off guard, but kept walking to avoid drawing any attention.
She became aware of someone walking next to her, and turned to see Luke. He smiled at her.
She had nearly forgotten about her crush on him, having been so distracted with Charles. But Charles had just walked away. She knew that he probably hadn't been avoiding her, but she couldn't shake the feeling of slight hurt.
"You okay?" Luke asked kindly.
"Uh, yeah," Silena said, still confused by the events of the last minute. "Why?"
"You seem a little dazed," he pointed out.
"I'm fine." But now she felt old feelings stirring in the back of her mind. Luke had noticed that she had been dazed. Did that mean he had been watching her?
He stopped walking and turned to face her. "If you have anything going on, you can talk to me," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder and flashing her a dazzling smile.
"Thanks," Silena managed, though now her brain was on the brink of total shut down.
He nodded reassuringly before walking away, leaving her to wonder what she was feeling and who exactly she was feeling it for.
I am a planet now, you are a planet too, and now we'll meet in the world of stars.
I am destroyed for you.
The Ares cabin was thick with tension. The children of the war god sat inside idly while a battle raged right outside. The frustration in the air could almost be touched.
Clarisse's armor was too big for Silena, and she felt a little off balance. Stealing it hadn't been difficult, with Clarisse out on patrol. What was to come would be.
"Why are you in your armor, Clarisse?" a rough voice called.
"Yeah, I thought we weren't gonna fight."
The atmosphere changed, suddenly a little hopeful as the campers wondered if they might be joining the battle.
Silena tried to imitate Clarisse's voice. "We are going to fight," she said, as loudly as she could manage. "We're the best warriors, and our camp needs us."
It was hardly a believable performance, but everyone was so desperate to fight that they went along with it, and a loud cheer went up. The cabin erupted in noise as everyone scrambled to put on armor and gather weapons. Within 10 minutes they were boarding chariots and setting off to join the battle.
The entire ride, Silena could sense that something bad was coming. She couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom, but she didn't see a choice. She was the reason her friends were in this position, and now she had a chance to help them out. If she died in the process, it hardly mattered. It was nothing compared to the death she caused.
When she saw the drakon, her feeling of dread intensified. She tried to remind herself that she wasn't Silena Beauregard, the weak traitor. In that moment she was Clarisse La Rue, the strong warrior, and she would do everything in her power to fight that monster.
She struggled to yell out battle cries and commands, copying what she had observed Clarisse doing. The battle passed in a blur. She ended up in front of the drakon's ugly face, trying desperately to stab at whatever was available to her. She watched as her companions fell. She wondered if she had led them into a death trap. Were these lives on her head too?
While distracted, she narrowly avoided a spray of poison. She heard Percy yelling. "You can do it! A child of Ares is destined to kill it!"
But she was not a child of Ares. She could not kill this monster. With this knowledge, her fate was sealed.
She froze, terrified, trying again to channel the courage she admired in Clarisse. But she was not a child of Ares. And she could not kill this monster. And she was not brave. She was scared. She wanted to run away.
She remembered Charlie. He died a hero.
Silena did not want to die a traitor. She did not want to die a coward. If trying to do something heroic, trying to do something right, would cost her life, that was okay.
Charlie's death was her fault. The danger camp faced was her fault. And she was willing to do whatever it would take to fix that.
She shouted, "ARES!"
And charged towards her fate.
I am made by you.
"What do I do with this?" Silena asked enthusiastically, holding up an old tool and waving it so Charlie could see. She was perched on one of the work tables in the forge, trying to learn how to build stuff.
"That's a hammer," Charlie said, smiling at her.
"What do I do with it?"
"Mostly nails, but you can use it for other things when you're a bit more advanced," Charlie answered, rummaging around in a drawer.
Silena blinked. "This is used for nails?"
"Mhmm," he agreed distractedly.
"What do they do to the nails?" she asked, looking at the hammer with uncertainty.
"They fix them."
"Yes, but how?"
"They hold them in place, keep them firm," he said thoughtfully. "Sorry, that didn't make sense… they basically push them in so they stay."
Now Silena was utterly bewildered. "Um… alright… how do I use it?"
"Just tap it on the head of the nails, making sure they're placed where you want them. Not too hard but enough to drive them in. Make sure you don't hit your fingers by accident."
"Uh… Charlie, are you sure… it looks like it will hurt…"
"Not if you keep your fingers clear," Charlie said, pulling out another tool from the drawer.
"That'll be hard," Silena said, scrutinizing the hammer.
"It's not, just keep them far away."
"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked. Charlie straightened and then turned, wearing a puzzled expression.
"What do you-"
When he saw her with the hammer poised above her hand, he began to laugh. Silena stared at him with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment.
"What?" she asked indignantly. "What's so funny?"
"Gods, Sil," he managed through his laughter. Silena glared at him.
"I still don't see what's so hilarious," she said with great annoyance.
"Darling, I didn't mean fingernails, I meant nails," he laughed. He grabbed something and held it up. Silena felt blood rushing to her cheeks. Of course she knew what nails were, but for some reason her brain hadn't made the connection. "This is a nail, or at least the kind we use in building. You hit this with the hammer to drive it in, hold it in place. He took the hammer from her hands and placed the tip of the nail on a scrap piece of wood, and then demonstrated how to hit it.
"I know what nails are," Silena said slowly, feeling embarrassed. "My head just wasn't working."
"Oh?"
"Hey, in my defense I only slept for 3 hours last night. And don't you dare try to play the Aphrodite angle on me."
"What angle is that?" Charlie asked with an amused smile.
"The one that suggests that I'm a typical stupid Aphrodite girl who only ever thinks about things like fingernails."
"I know you're not stupid," he assured. "And I mean, hammering fingernails would make perfect sense too…"
"Shut up," Silena snapped. She glanced around the forge, hoping to find something to change the subject. "What were you working on anyway?"
"I'll show you," he said, pulling her over to a work table. There was something covered with a white cloth on it. Charlie bunched the material in his fist and pulled it off.
Silena stared at it in amazement. "Charlie… what is this?"
It looked like a box. It was made out of mostly mirror, each edge reinforced with dark wood. A heart-shaped button was set in one side.
"Push the button," Charlie urged. She did, and the box instantly popped open. Not just the top, but all of the sides opened up until it was completely flat, except for the shiny mirror standing in the middle. The mirror was oval-shaped, and bordered in gold. Carved into the gold were intricate drawings of some of Silena's favorite things. Flowers, strawberries, certain places in camp. At the top, carved in swirly writing, was The Eternal Beauty, Silena Beauregard.
"Oh my gods, Charlie, did you really make this for me?"
"Nah, bought it at the store," he answered.
Silena punched his arm and pulled him into a hug.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Only because of you I believe in myself.
"Um, I'm not so sure about this." It felt like her heart was stuck in her throat as she looked at the intimidating rock wall that towered above her. She had managed to avoid climbing it until now.
"Hey, you helped me get over my fear of heights, and so now I am going to help you climb this wall," Charlie said unwaveringly.
"I can't."
"Why?"
"It looks dangerous."
"So?"
"So it probably is dangerous."
"And?"
"And I have no interest in doing dangerous things."
"It's not that dangerous, plenty of the other campers have done it and survived."
"Yes, but that's different."
"How?"
"They had the capability to do it."
A heartbeat after the words had left her mouth, she felt hands on her shoulders spinning her around, and suddenly she was looking into Charlie's warm eyes.
"Are you suggesting that you don't have the capability?" he asked, his gaze intense.
"Well… yeah," Silena said slowly.
"Don't you dare."
"What?"
"Don't you dare think you aren't capable."
"Charlie, you-"
"No, Silena, listen to me, okay?" his voice was so insistent that she nodded immediately. "You are one of the most capable people I have ever met. You are absolutely amazing, and you can never think that you aren't, because you are."
"Cha-"
"You have changed my life for the better," he continued, ignoring her. "You don't know, but I went through this really bad phase, when I just couldn't build anything. I didn't have any ideas, and when I did, they sucked. You were the one who inspired me again. Now I have more ideas than I can build. So don't even think you aren't capable, just because your strength is helping people instead of fighting them."
His eyes seemed to search hers for a response, and she realized that he was done. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to say, how to respond. No one had ever put this much belief in her. No one expected anything of her.
And of all the people to have faith in her, it was Charlie. He didn't say such things to anyone just to make them feel better. He meant every word he said, and Silena knew that.
She looked back up at the climbing wall, as it spewed a wave of red hot lava, then turned back to Charlie.
"Okay," she said. "Thank you."
Without you, it's not right.
The cold air stung her face as she waited for Luke – Kronos – to arrive where she had been called to meet him. Sneaking out of camp hadn't been hard. She had been shut in her cabin since the news of Charlie, no one had any reason to think she was anywhere other than under a mountain of blankets.
The silver scythe charm felt cold against her hand. She glanced up as Kronos stepped out of the shadows.
"You have information?" he asked, tone uninterested.
When this had started, Luke had constantly been working to charm her. Lacing his sentences with compliments and sweet words, looking her over in a way that made her feel like maybe her little crush could become something more.
But he had long ago abandoned this approach. He had no longer needed to charm her, his blackmail was more than enough.
And now, he wasn't even Luke anymore. Luke was gone. This was Kronos, and he certainly had no interest in the frivolities of flattery.
"Yes," Silena answered. "The Ares cabin will not be participating in the war."
This information caught his attention. He looked up, his oddly colored eyes contemplating. "You are sure of this?"
"Based on the latest news, yes."
He looked at her menacingly. "Is that all? You could easily have shared this through the scythe charm, there was no need to meet in person."
"Charles is dead," Silena said, as evenly as she could when the words stung her tongue.
"Ah, yes, your boyfriend. So?" The indifference in his tone was cruel.
"I was told he would be safe," she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.
"And he would have been, had he not gone on that mission. You should have kept him from going. That one's on you, darling." When Silena didn't respond, he continued, "And if that's all, I'll be leaving. Keep me informed."
Silena watched him leave. The scythe charm was digging into her palm, and she realized it was because her hand was tightly clenched.
A cold, heavy feeling was seeping into her chest. Why had she given him information again? Her work as a spy had cost Charlie his life, and yet she had still reported to Kronos. It didn't make any sense, though nothing seemed to make sense anymore.
So what if he told everyone her secret? The person she had been most desperate to keep it from was already dead. At least she could do something right, to honor his memory.
Her head ached as she trudged back to Camp Half-Blood. Back to the people she continued to betray.
If I am here, you're somewhere here.
She didn't tell anyone when she started seeing him. She knew it was in her head. She knew it was just the guilt, the pain, the shock messing with her.
But still, her heart stopped every time, and her stupid brain fell for it, and she believed for just a moment that maybe he was really there. Maybe he had survived.
And then it would pass, and she would stand there, feeling crushed. Every time it felt like he had died again. Every time she was forced to remember that death was permanent, and Charlie was dead.
Dead because of her.
Now, as she rounded a corner on her way back from the stables, she froze. There he was, standing in front of her, smirking the way he did when he was happy and had a surprise for her.
Then the feeling of relief passed and she realized that it was happening again. She realized that she was slowly losing a grasp on reality. She stood, feeling as if her insides had frozen over, staring straight ahead at Charlie who was there but wasn't.
That's how Clarisse found her. Staring off into nothingness, with an expression that was impossible to discern.
Wherever you go, you'll only find me.
The flames of the bonfire danced, reaching for the sky, radiating what was supposed to feel like warmth and comfort.
Silena felt suffocated, as if she was burning away. Memories whirled around in her head, of her and Charlie, sitting together, laughing, sharing s'mores, singing along in broken voices.
Almost always they would end up the subject of numerous jokes, and they usually caught sight of coins exchanging hands as people placed bets on their relationship. The Aphrodite cabin would sit huddled together, analyzing their every move and arguing. Sometimes the Apollo kids would jokingly dedicate a song to them, and they would blush, holding hands, slightly uncomfortable but also savoring the attention, enjoying each other's company.
Now, as she sat in front of the fire, her siblings who had dragged her away from the cabin sat pressed around her, unusually quiet. The singing was subdued, and Silena could feel the pitiful gaze of the other campers.
The entire camp felt shrouded in gloom, with an imminent war casting a shadow over everything.
She noticed the Stoll brothers looking around at the campers suspiciously. Trying to find the spy that had ruined everything.
The fire did not feel comforting today. It felt like a warning of impending doom. Of the world up in flames. And it seemed to know that she was part of it all.
These shadows of mine are comprised of you.
As she faded out of consciousness, she wondered what would become of her.
Would her betrayal condemn her to eternal punishment? Would her sacrifice earn her a spot in Elysium? Would the two cancel each other, sentencing her to the Fields of Asphodel?
Charlie would be in Elysium. Would she get to see him? Or was separation their only destiny, even after death?
Everything hurt. She could feel her connection to the living world fraying.
How would the living remember her? A traitor, of course. She had ruined her cabin's reputation, lost their love and respect. She would be that stupid Aphrodite girl who betrayed everyone over a crush.
It was better, then, wasn't it? That she would be dead, freed from the burden of everyone's disgust and contempt. Spared the torture of living in a world where those she cared about hated her.
The sounds of battle raged on, a thousand galaxies away.
The connection broke.
And her spirit left, to see the unknown.
And maybe to see Charlie.
I am a planet now, you are a planet too, and now we'll meet in the world of stars.