One shot. Alternate outcome of the beginning of Season 2... Hope you enjoy, please review!

"Do you love her?" Mark crossed his legs, beer in hand, looking inquisitively over to his best friend.

Derek kept his gaze out to his vast land, all darkened but the lights from Seattle.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do." There was silence between the two of them.

"Well, how do you know? I mean, not to blunt, but I, your best friend, did sleep with your wife. I mean, that's got to spark up something. You were looking for a distraction, for revenge, to show you could cheat too. Meredith, she's a distraction. A witty, hot distraction-" Derek shot a look at Mark.

"But she's a distraction.. Now, Addison?" He took a long swig of his beer. "She's the real thing."

Derek thought. He thought about the 11 years he had spent with Addison, how she'd been everything, she had been it. But maybe, maybe as crazy as it sounded, he didn't know what he was missing. Addison was always his equal. She fought back. She was as successful, as experienced medically. But she always seemed to seek more out from him then he was willing to give, more than what he could give. It was never about the careers, the cheating. He wondered where he would be if Mark hadn't slept with her, if he would still be in New York. Where Meredith would be.

"She's not a distraction. She's not. She's more. God, she's so much more," he shook his head.

"Derek, you're emotionally damaged. I've damaged you. You are in partial shock that your marriage is failing, scrambling for something to hold onto-"

"No." Derek rose to his feet. He laced on the trailer porch, closer to Mark's folding chair, then back away again.

"You know how I know?" He smiled. He knew finally.

"When I see her, I can't wait to know what she's going to say, to hear what horribly processed product she ate for breakfast. When I see her walking with her friends, I watch to see, to see her reactions to everything. How she laughs. How she mocks."

He sat on the edge of the porch. Mark watched him from a distance as Derek set his beer down.

"And she makes me crazy. God, she's impossible sometimes. And sometimes I think about the whole thing, like what's the point? But then I see Karev or some horny resident or patient flirt with her. And I get sick to my stomach. I see how she deflects them, like she used to do with me. I see them try to get in, to make her look at them. God, it drives me crazy, the thought of anyone else. The thought of any other guy getting to make her laugh, to get to play with her hair. To touch her. To hurt her."

He rose to his feet again, taking his beer up with him.

"And she's been hurt so much before, and that's only the parts I can get her to tell me. She's could make a list of all the people who've hurt her or failed her, it would be forever. It would be so long, so long I don't know how she keeps going." He set his beer back down, hard on the porch.

"To think I've gotten myself permanently placed at the top of the list, I- I can't live with that, I can't."

Mark watched as Derek paced around. He laughed.

"Dude. You're wrecked."

"No, Mark, this is called thinking. Some tend to do it before making a life changing future altering decision. You should try it-"

Mark laughed again.

"No, man. God, who would've ever thought, the great Dr. Shepherd would be on the end of some intern's puppet strings! I never thought I'd live to see that."

Derek turned to face him.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Can you blame me? You're here. In the woods of Seattle. Telling me how much you love a girl, so much you'd kill anyone who looks at her or hurts her. And you're trying to tell me there's still a decision to make? Dude, I'm telling you. You're wrecked."

Derek smiled. He couldn't believe he was this guy. That's she had turned him into this all consumed jealous woods man, who was madly in love with her.

"What do I do?"

"What do you do?" Mark gaped. "You tell her, moron. First you tell Addison you're finished, you sign the papers. And you tell her."

"Okay. I'll tell her. I'll tell her. I will."

Meredith was lonely. Not because Derek had left. That wasn't it. She was empty after, but never lonely. Her friends had made sure of that. But tonight, Izzie and Alex had gone out, George had wanted to learn some obscure trauma procedure in the skills lab, and Cristina was at Burke's. She wished for someone to be there, just to hear someone else walking. The house would even feel just an inch smaller, that would be enough.

There was a knock at the door. She hoped it was George with pizza, or Cristina. But it wasn't. She knew. She knew by the way the shadow from the front door light fell in the bushes. She knew who was waiting, waiting to be let in.

She pulled herself up off the couch. She stood on her side of the door for what felt like forever. She thought about not letting him, of leaving him to wait, like she had wait the whole day, during the train accident. She thought about it. But she couldn't.

"Hey." She opened the door. He was out of breath. He was disheveled. He wasn't wearing his heavy wool coat, nothing but his untucked wrinkled blue work shirt and jeans. In the cold Seattle night.

"What are you doing here?" She crossed her arms. She could hear his car running, why was he in so much of a hurry?

"Meredith, I-"

"Derek. I know."

"You do? Did Mark tell you?"

"I know you're sorry." She came out to stand on the steps across from him, closing the door behind her.

"What about Mark? What-"

"Meredith." He tried to find her eyes. He waited. She finally shifted to look at him.

"I'm here now. I'm here, I'm standing here, and I, I know I'm late. But I need to-"

"Derek, please, just-"

"No." He said gently, and took a step toward her. "This time, you say Derek and I yell, okay?"

"Okay, but-"

"Okay. I know I ruined everything, and I am sorry. And, and it was all complicated, but tonight- it's simple," he laughed, touching his hand to the back of his head.

"Meredith, I love you. I'm in love with you. I love you. And I know you're mad, and I know I screwed up and everything is all broken and messy, and I know you'll never forgive me. But Meredith, I love you."

He smiled. He kept talking, pacing now on her porch instead of his own.

"And I, I can't think straight, I can't watch you walk with anyone else, I can't watch someone else make you laugh, and I can't watch someone else love you. So please, please Meredith. Let me. Let me in, and you can yell, and scream, and use your ineffectual fists to teach me to never not tell you about any spouses ever again. But I'm not going to stop loving you. And I know I don't have a radio to hold over my head, and I don't have cheesecake, and I'm really not willing to pretend I like your music, but I love you. And I'm not going to stop loving you, even if you never say another word to me, ever. Even if you call me Dr. Shepherd forever, even if you give me dirty looks in the galleries. I love you. So please, please, let me. Let me love you, because I'm not sure I can keep doing this without you."

He looked up at her. She looked back at him. Her eyes were brimmed over, almost spilling over as she blinked to try to hide the tears his words had summoned.

"Derek, I-"

"Wait. I can't listen to you say no, or maybe, or later, or go away. So I'm going to listen to what you've been saying, I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave right now, and I'm going you give space and time and all it takes. All the time and space and nicknames and tequila you need to think. Because, Meredith, I've been thinking a lot, and I think you still love me too. So I'm gonna go. And I'll see you tomorrow."

She watched as he stepped off her porch, towards his car. She opened the front door to her house. She heard him open his car door. She heard him laugh, and say, unknowingly audible to her, "I love you!", as if proving his point to the neighborhood, and then laugh again. She smiled. He might be a jackass. But he also might be her everything. He might be her McDreamy, but could he be everything she dreamed of too?