Lost Reality
By Simply Kateh
I keep watching it over and over again, tears spilling out of my eyes right before the end, when he sings that song. It makes me think way back to the beginning when things were happy. No matter how many times I watch, the ending never changes and I begin to wonder whether this—this movie is a product of a writer's runaway imagination or a tale of things to come.
The end finally arrives and I wipe my eyes with some of the emergency store brand tissues I found in the hall closet covered in dust, In case my manliness suddenly failed me. Remote in hand, I press the rewind button, listening to the soft buzz of the VCR rapidly rewinding the tape for the 8th time. I take this time to reflect on the reason why I am watching this movie and it takes me a few minutes before I realize that I am trying to deny myself of the truth.
There is a soft click from across the couch telling me that time has rewound itself once again for my viewing pleasure. I put the volume up a few bars and wait patiently for the first few chords to blare out from the old television. La- La la la la la la.
Somewhere far away I hear my own deep voice sing along to the catchy melody and find myself once again entrapped in the life that will be.
Watching it for the 9th time, I am still able to empathize with the characters, letting their emotions flow though my heart into the veins of my very soul. I must give the director some credit, even after 8 times I can still hear myself laughing at the funny parts in the distance, but the light mood turns dark with the beginning of the second act and I can feel the tears well up in my eyes once more.
"Not again," I hear myself repeat over and over as the jumbled images of one of the saddest montages I have ever witnessed flash brightly on the screen.
Allowing this alternate (so I hope) reality to encompass my mind, I vaguely register a soft feminine tenor voice in the hall, nearing the door. Creak. I have to remember to fix that damn hinge. Slam. Must teach that girl some manners.
"You ok, honey?"
His question startles me to such a degree that I feel myself almost leap off the couch in surprise. I nod to my young lover, trying comfort his concern for me.
"I'm fine, just watching a movie," I say to him and turn towards the television.
Oh God. They're at the church again. I take in a deep breath, attempting to calm myself while snapping my eyes shut to concern not my lover even more with my tears.
I hear those heels cross the room in a very stately manner towards the television. With a quick press of a button, time has stopped.
I feel him sit down next to me on the couch, snuggled up close with his head on my chest and I try to calm my breathing but fail and end up sobbing right then and there in the ear of my one true love.
He begins rubbing circles on my back like a mother comforting a small child and I calm down a little before feeling extremely foolish. It was only a movie after all.
We continue like that for a while, sitting on the couch staring at the paused television. I know I cannot escape it now, and so does he and with this sudden realization I snuggle up against him—her spreading small kisses along her jaw line.
"Oh lover, I'll cover you."