Author's note: I started writing this as a TwiFic way back when and recently discovered this first chapter. I'm interested in anyone would want to read an AU (non werewolf) and possibly set somewhere else version of this story. If so please leave a review otherwise I'm probably going to leave this chapter up as a stand-alone reminder of what this story *could* have been.
Chapter One.
Life is cruel. No matter how I try to spin it, life is nothing but cruel. All my life I tried to do the right thing, to be the best person I could be. Honest. Loyal. Trustworthy. I thought I had it all figured out, life that is. I was going to finish High School, go to College down in California and eventually settle down to have a family. I wanted to travel the world and see things I would never see if I didn't, to experience things I would never normally get the chance to. I wanted to live a full and happy life, but I never factored in a pack of old tribal legends.
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"Claire," the familiar voice called out, "Claire honey. Sweetheart?"
"Leave me alone!" I managed to choke out in response. It was the start of August, the summer was well and truly here, and as far as I could tell, it was too early for me to be awake.
"Claire bear, it's time to wake up," the voice persisted. Why did people not understand the annual ritual of sleeping till 12pm for 3 months straight. "Claire," the voice said becoming more agitated.
"Okay, fine, I admit defeat. What do you want?" My words had come out more vicious than I had intended. I felt the pang of guilt hit me immediately.
"Claire sweetheart, today is a big day. I want you to get dressed and meet me downstairs. I'll be waiting for you, okay?"
"Okay Quil, just enough of the honey and sweethearts. Please."
I had gotten dressed as quickly as possible and made my way down the narrow staircase to the hallway and had predictably found Quil in the kitchen. How my mother managed to feed the family and Quil was a miracle, yet how Aunt Emily managed to feed all the gang was incomprehensible.
"Okay so Claire, don't forget to take your phone, and I made a picnic for you and Quil. There should be enough in there to feed two hungry bears, but just in case make sure you take your share of the food first," she winked at me and gave me one of her all-knowing smiles. This could not bode well, those smiles never lead to anything well.
"Well then Claire, are you ready to go?" I nodded in response, I'm sure Quil had sensed my hesitancy, but if he did he never let on, he simply took my hand and led me down to First Beach.
After we had finished eating Quil looked at me, the look in his eyes worried me. I could see that he was about to tell me something so important it would reveal his soul to me, that things would never be the same between us after today and that that thought terrified him more than anything.
"Quil," I began, but was interrupted.
"Claire, I need you to listen. I'm going to say what I have to say and I need you to just listen, to not interrupt and let me say my piece. Once I'm done you can talk, scream, shout, run for the hills if that's what you want, but I need to say this now or I never will. Do you understand?" I simply nodded once and allowed him to continue. "Claire. I have known you since you were two years old. It's been a long 14 years, I've hated to keep this from you, but well, I couldn't actually tell you any of this until you turned 16, and since your birthday I have been waiting for the right time. There never really will be a right time, but now is about as right as it's ever going to feel." He leaned in, brushing the hair off my face and whispered sweetly into my ear, "Claire, I love you. I always have, I always will. There is nothing you can do about it, but I need to tell you my story, my past. I need you to know that I love you, but I also need you to know why." He took my hand in his and pulled me to feet, grabbing the picnic basket with his other hand. We walked silently for a while longer until we found a lone piece of driftwood on the beach. We were all alone now, there was no-one around to hear us, everyone else was much further up the beach. "Claire, I'm a werewolf," he said quietly. My jaw dropped, my hand leaving his to cover my mouth. I gasped and spluttered trying to remember how to breathe. "Claire, are you okay?" I managed to let a nod escape as I composed myself into a much more relaxed position. "Claire, I know this sounds like some urban legend, like something out of a story book, but it's true." I knew just by looking in his eyes that it was true, because Quil could never lie to me. Or at least, I never thought he could until now. "Claire, honey, that isn't even the crux of it. I, I.. uh I," he stuttered, "I don't really know how to explain this so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Claire I love you. With all my heart and soul. There will never be another girl for me, there never can be. Claire, when you were two years old I imprinted on you. That day the earth shifted and you became my sun. I live for you Claire. When you were a child, I loved like a brother and a friend, but Claire, you aren't a child anymore and I can't hide my feelings any longer. I love you Claire. I can't love anyone but you."
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I wasn't quite sure how long I paced for. In fact I had no recollection of ever getting up, but somehow I did. I noticed it was getting late, the sun was lowering in the sky. It had to be mid afternoon at the earliest. I had no words to say to Quil, he just sat there, patiently watching me pace. Backwards and forwards. 6 steps. Turn. 6 steps. Turn. The pacing wasn't really helping, but I knew as soon as I ceased to move, the realisation of what had been said would hit me. Quil loved me, I knew that much already even if I didn't quite understand just how much he loved me, the way he loved me. I loved him too. The moment of clarity had come, and I realised that I loved Quil. I truly did, but I wasn't sure if I loved him the way he loved me. If I ever could love him the way he loved me.
"Quil. How much do you love me?"
"More than anyone else could ever love you."
"Why?"
"Because Claire I do. There is no specific reason, but when I saw you that first day, I knew that I was created to walk this earth for you. I was made for you Claire. Only you. There can never be anyone else. You are my one Claire. My one, my only. The only one I will ever need."
"What about…"
"There will never be anyone else Claire. There can't be. You are it for me. You are the one I love. It's just the way it is. I'm sorry I can't give you more answers but…"
"Quil, what happens if I don't have the same feelings for you?" The look on his face made my heart break, I had never seen such intense sadness in one person before. If my heart was breaking, I very possibly just shattered his into a million pieces.
"Claire, you are my 1 in 6 billion. I can never not love you, it's not in my nature. If you don't love me Claire, then that's it. I won't push you or force you. That won't mean that I'll leave. I can never leave you Claire. I'll just be there, like I have been for the past 14 years. I'll be your best friend."
"Can that ever be enough for you?"
"Having you in my life is enough Claire."
"So if I never can feel the same way about you.."
"I'll still be here. I always will be." I felt my heart tear to pieces. I didn't want to hurt him, but I wanted to free him. I wanted Quil to live his life as he should, to find someone who deserved him. I wanted him to find happiness, and I didn't want it to be forced upon him.
"Quil, I.."
"I'm sorry Claire. This is all too much for you, I know that I just…"
"You're not sorry Quil. I can see it in your eyes. You're relieved, not sorry. I'm sorry Quil, I just, I can't do this…"
"I understand Claire, we can talk about it later."
"No Quil, you don't understand. I don't want to talk about this later. I'm 16 years old Quil. 16. I'm not in love with you Quil. You've been my best friend for a long time, but you'll never be anything more."
"You say that now, but when you're older.."
"No Quil," I needed to make him understand. I willed for him to see in my eyes what was coming, that he wouldn't make me say it. Saying it would kill me just as much as it would kill him. I needed Quil, I really did, but I needed him in a different way. I needed him to accept me as a friend and not as a girlfriend. I needed him to accept that and move on to his own life. I would not allow myself to consciously dominate his life like that anymore. I would not do that to him. I needed to set him free. "Quil, I'm not in love with you. I never will be. I uh, I need to head back now. There's uh, there's a party tonight and I…." I trailed off. My heart was on fire inside my chest, burning, punishing me.
"I don't understand, is….. Is there someone else?" I had never heard his voice so weak, so broken. I had never seen Quil so broken. One more lie would destroy him, would destroy me. With one more lie I had the potential to set him free. Of course it would take him some time to get over it, but eventually, he would be free. One more lie….
"Yes. I'm sorry Quil." I really was, I was never more sorry in my entire life.
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The pain that engulfed me was the worst I had ever experienced. I had thought I would be strong enough to set Quil free, to be able to withstand any pain, but this pain was all consuming. It hurt everywhere, every muscle, every bone, every cell. I opened my eyes, but I was not anywhere I recognised. I was laid in a dark room, bandaged and bruised, stuffed full of wires. Confusion set in, this was not a hospital, yet I did not know where this was, where I was.
"Claire, can you hear me?" a magical voice asked. I blinked, the man was so pale, so beautiful that he light the dark room in his white doctors coat. "I'm Doctor Carlisle. Claire, what's the last thing you remember?"