"The Queen Bridesmaid"
A story by: Villainous Vander Ark88 (a.k.a. The Girl With Many Screen Names)
*This is a spoof of the 1987 movie "The Princess Bride". If you haven't seen it, you probably won't get this story*
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One day, there was a magical girl named Reeses. She lived on a very large farm in the country of Ceiling. She loved to ride her cow and taunt the farm boy who worked there. His name was Eastley, but she never called him that. Isn't that the worst beginning to a story that you have ever heard of?
The name of Reeses's horse was Cow. Reeses was a very strange child...
When Reeses was born, her parents died of fright because she was so incredibly ugly. So, she was adopted into the Retard family. The family now consisted of Reeses, a woman who had no name that looked like the Yeti, a man who ate nothing but dairy products and mold that grew in the fridge, and, of course, there was the farm boy Eastley. Reeses was very hideous, so she fit right into the family. Reeses was the least attractive person in existence, but she liked it that way.
Then, one mysterious day when Reeses was 17 years old, all her warts and pimples fell off, she took a shower for the very first time in her life (she wanted to know what it was like, this "bathing" idea), her ears shrunk to normal size, and her nose no longer had its own zip code. Reeses was now the most beautiful person in the world, except, of course, for Eastley, who was very attractive.
Reeses went insane and she statred to fawn over the farm boy. They were to get married, and even though the farm boy had a lot of money (he worked on a very large farm, you know), he and Reeses did not see it fitting to be married right away. I don't know why, they just didn't. Then one day, Eastley went on a cruise and his ship was attacked by the dread Telephone Salesman Bobberts, who never left customers alive. Reeses cried when she heard the news, but only for about a half hour, then she went to go do more interesting things.
But then, Reeses found out that Eastley had not really been killed, he had just switched his long-distance telephone service and it had not been hooked up yet, so he couldn't call Reeses. When the farm boy returned home, he and Reeses were married (they finally decided to just go ahead with it). Even thought they had 17 children, all of the children were named Bob (Reeses and Eastley were never very creative). Two of the children were blind because their parents were so incredibly attractive.
Years later, Eastley cheated on Reeses and they got divorced. Reeses sued the farm boy for everything he owned and she lived happily ever after, while Eastley was killed by Lizzie In A Fast-Moving Mode of Transportation a week after he had been sued.
The End.
A story by: Villainous Vander Ark88 (a.k.a. The Girl With Many Screen Names)
*This is a spoof of the 1987 movie "The Princess Bride". If you haven't seen it, you probably won't get this story*
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One day, there was a magical girl named Reeses. She lived on a very large farm in the country of Ceiling. She loved to ride her cow and taunt the farm boy who worked there. His name was Eastley, but she never called him that. Isn't that the worst beginning to a story that you have ever heard of?
The name of Reeses's horse was Cow. Reeses was a very strange child...
When Reeses was born, her parents died of fright because she was so incredibly ugly. So, she was adopted into the Retard family. The family now consisted of Reeses, a woman who had no name that looked like the Yeti, a man who ate nothing but dairy products and mold that grew in the fridge, and, of course, there was the farm boy Eastley. Reeses was very hideous, so she fit right into the family. Reeses was the least attractive person in existence, but she liked it that way.
Then, one mysterious day when Reeses was 17 years old, all her warts and pimples fell off, she took a shower for the very first time in her life (she wanted to know what it was like, this "bathing" idea), her ears shrunk to normal size, and her nose no longer had its own zip code. Reeses was now the most beautiful person in the world, except, of course, for Eastley, who was very attractive.
Reeses went insane and she statred to fawn over the farm boy. They were to get married, and even though the farm boy had a lot of money (he worked on a very large farm, you know), he and Reeses did not see it fitting to be married right away. I don't know why, they just didn't. Then one day, Eastley went on a cruise and his ship was attacked by the dread Telephone Salesman Bobberts, who never left customers alive. Reeses cried when she heard the news, but only for about a half hour, then she went to go do more interesting things.
But then, Reeses found out that Eastley had not really been killed, he had just switched his long-distance telephone service and it had not been hooked up yet, so he couldn't call Reeses. When the farm boy returned home, he and Reeses were married (they finally decided to just go ahead with it). Even thought they had 17 children, all of the children were named Bob (Reeses and Eastley were never very creative). Two of the children were blind because their parents were so incredibly attractive.
Years later, Eastley cheated on Reeses and they got divorced. Reeses sued the farm boy for everything he owned and she lived happily ever after, while Eastley was killed by Lizzie In A Fast-Moving Mode of Transportation a week after he had been sued.
The End.