No Sadness of Farewell, a stargate: universe fanfic

Disclaimer: I have a cat and a room full of books. Almost everything else belongs to someone else. Recognisable characters, TV shows, movies, etc belong to their creators (in some cases otherwise known as god), producers, directors, etc.

Where Were You When the World Was Ending?

Three.

Ada Grant.

No Sadness of Farewell.

"You still wear your glasses?"

"Oh…" The woman in front of the Kino raised a hand halfway to her face. An absentminded gesture.

Her long hair is neither blonde nor brunette, her eyes are more brown than green and like everyone on Destiny, she's thin and pale.

"Habit, I guess. My morning ritual," She's smiling now, "Eye's open, feet on the floor, glasses on." She shrugged, "I don't think there's anyone else with the same prescription. Maybe one of the scientists could find a use for them?"

(AG-70)

The image flickers, rewinding, shifting to another recording.

It's the same woman. She's not so thin or as pale, but her smile's more guarded and she's looking straight at the Kino.

"What do you want me to say?"

"The usual sort of stuff." Eli shrugged, "Name, age, why you're here. How bad your coffee withdrawal is going to be."

"Um, ok…" She shrugged herself, "I'm Ada Phanessa Grant. I'm 2-"

"Vanessa?"

"PH-anessa. It means butterfly. I think I got it from my grandmother's great aunt."

"Sorry. Uh… go on."

"I'm 28 and I'm here because I'm selectively deaf."

"Selectively deaf?"

"Yeah." Ada smiled, "If other people actually listen when Dr Rush questions their intelligence, that's their problem."

"You don't? Listen to Rush, I mean?"

"Not when I know I can't win. The only person I know who can have an argument with Rush and win is my mother. I'm just the girl who knows how to make the coffee and when to have it ready."

"Glorified Laboratory Manager?"

"Something like that."

"So how come I didn't see you in the lab on Icarus?"

"I quit."

(AG-01)

"I fell over yesterday," Ada's voice is quiet and she's sitting in profile against a window. Only her left side is seen, "Again. And I was followed around by iridescent blue butterflies all evening." She rubbed at her face. "So TJ, she thinks, supposes, postulates, theorises… um, she said that whatever it is that is in my brain is probably pressing against my optic nerve or the other bits of my brain that controls what I see."

Ada held up her glasses for the Kino to see.

"I'm going to be blind…soon"

She turned her head away from the Kino and let out a breath.

"There's always a chance that we can find Destiny's hospital or whatever it has and figure out how to use all the equipment… It could fix me or I could get a couple more… anything."

Ada turned back to the Kino, flipping her long hair back over her shoulder.

"Um… I haven't told my Dad yet. And someone else, I had someone else tell Mum." She fiddled with an earring, "I miss coffee and real sunlight and going to the shops and tampons.

And I'm waiting… I keep thinking that someone, anyone, is going to realize that with the limited resources, I contribute the least. And that sooner, rather than later, I won't be contributing anything."

Ada slipped her glasses back on; glancing at the Kino, sounding tired.

"I want to go home."

(AG-10)

Half of Ada's hair has been chopped off, her earrings and glasses are gone. The shadows under her eyes look like bruises. And she leans against the wall like it's the only thing holding her up.

"I snapped my glasses in half, they've gone to some part of the ship that I've never seen… will never see.

My earrings, we traded them for some plants. You steep the leaves and it tastes a bit like spearmint flavoured sugarless coffee. But its oxygen/carbon dioxide conversion is apparently better than anything we already had on board."

She ran a hand through her now short hair.

"And we got some kind of legume… things for my hair. And I got to sit in the sun for a while."

"You're getting used to having it short?"

"Sometimes I forget." Her hand fell back into her lap, "Like I sometimes forget to sleep. I just keep my eyes closed so when you send someone to check on me it looks like I'm sleeping."

Ada grinned suddenly.

"I want a Viking funeral."

"Ada!" Eli frowned at her.

"I don't want to become space junk. Or left in a spare room until I mummify or we find a way back to Earth. Find an ocean or something under the stars."

"Or when Destiny next refuels we push you out an airlock." There's a brittle edge to Eli's voice.

Ada turns to look in the direction of Eli, a soft expression on her face. "Like Spock?"

(AG-59)

"I'm dying."

"What?"

The image shakes then settles.

Ada shrugged. "It's not the existentialist 'we're all dying all the time' statement. I visited my Mum and… three weeks before everything happened… I tripped down three steps, knocked my head. And because she's a little paranoid when it comes to people's brains, she made me go to the doctor's. There's a picture of my brain, back on Earth, with a shadowy blur on it.

I'm supposed to be on Earth, with my parents. And a bunch of doctors, all praising Mum and using MRI's and CT's and X-rays to tell me what's wrong and how it's all going to be fine.

It's not like my parents don't have anyone else. I've got two older sisters and a younger half brother. I'm not leaving anyone alone."

Ada nodded to herself.

"I just wish I was home."

"Where's home?"

"Australia."

"Koalas." You can hear the grin in Eli's voice.

"Wrong side of the country." She smiles like it's an old joke, "Think kangaroos and emus."

"Oh."

"There's orange dust and washed out sky and flies, sticky ones. There's so much space, even when you're in the city.

Home's not like anywhere else."

"Could Destiny be Home?"

"Destiny is a place you visit, not a place you stay."

(AG-05)

"Rule four: No pity.

No pity looks, no pity parties, no-

If I get one more offer of pity sex…" She held up a large, intimidating looking knife, "I will not be responsible for my actions."

(AG-41)

"I've got this tune stuck in my head." Eli complained.

"Hum a bit for me." Ada's looking to the left, away from the Kino, in the direction of Eli's voice.

Eli did. It sounded like someone fused techno with Vivaldi's Four Seasons.

"That's Destiny," She smirked, "Near the shower thing by the mess."

"You can tell where you are in the ship by the sounds she makes?"

"It's the FTL engines, the vibrations through the walls and the floors and the air and the spaces between.

The observation deck sounds like Supermassive Black Hole."

(AG-54)

"You can tell people how I am you know." Ada starts twisting her long hair into a plait, "They ask you 'cause I freak them out."

"You don't." Eli's unsure if he's defending Ada or the rest of Destiny's crew.

Ada made a pfft sound. "I make them nervous. In the ass end of the universe, people who are dying are doing so because they've been injured. What's-his-face gets sucked out of an airlock, eaten by sabre toothed purple house cats or crushed by alien trees that look remarkably like the ones back on Earth.

People here understand these things. Slow and lingering isn't what's expected."

(AG-19)

"I had a plan. I was going to get better and there were things I was going to do things."

"Like what?" Eli's voice is coming from below the floor.

"Maybe go back to school. Travel." She passed a piece of equipment down to Eli.

"You're travelling."

"Castles in Wales, the Pyrenees, Hong Kong, apricot blossoms in Japan."

"I thought it was cherry blossoms?"

"Apparently the apricot blossoms are just as spectacular. It would have been nice to find out for myself. I wanted to learn parkour and go to Hawaii and Lake Powell. Go skydiving. See the lions in Africa, the Taj Mahal..."

"It's a tomb."

Ada's at the door; anger visible in the rigid line of her shoulders, before she speaks.

"But it's not one I have to live in!"

(AG-44)

"I told TJ it was a bad idea." Even half in shadows Ada looks exhausted, "Having another doctor borrow someone's body. Or my body... like it's some sort of work experience for oncologists. I don't see the point of it. And I hate the idea of 'bucket lists'.

I don't know how much time I have, but I'm not going to spend it playing invasion of the body swappers."

She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Cause I know you'll look at this later...Eli, these are the 'Rules for the Rest of Ada's Life'.

Rule one: No free passes. If there's a job I can do, I'm gonna do it."

Ada walks half way down a corridor before coming back to the waiting Kino.

"Rule two: For Pete's sake, SMILE.

Rule three: If things get really bad, like if we run out of food and water. Or if you have to leave someone behind to get everyone else home... I am that someone."

(AG-24)

"Greer gave me a cane yesterday," Ada waved it in the air, "Two actually."

"Why two?" Eli's getting used to the strange conversation starters.

"One to use." She swung it through the air, hitting Eli's shins.

"Hey!"

"And one to break into teeny weenie itsy bitsy little pieces."

"Have you done that yet?"

"I'm saving that for when I feel angry."

"How's that that going?"

"I'm still stuck on Anger, Depression and Bargaining. I try not to do them all at the same time though"

Eli glanced at the Kino. "I've never seen you bargain for anything."

"I never bargain in front of a camera, it's not dignified." She looked down her nose in Eli's direction, "If nothing else, I'd like to be remembered, having a little dignity."

"Lost cause."

"No it's not."

"It is." Eli moved the Kino so it was looking at Ada's face, "Tripping over things, laughing at things no one else can see, getting that green and pink stuff stuck between your teeth."

"That could happen to anyone."

"Only to you."

"I bet it happens to everyone else all the time. I just can't see it." Ada pouted at him, "You'd tell me if Col. Young got things caught in his teeth, wouldn't you?"

Eli made sure she could hear him walking toward her and kissed her cheek.

"Upper left canine, every meal."

(AG-61)

This is the first time Eli has been in Ada's quarters.

"Coming to help me move Eli?"

Ada throws another piece of clothing at the bag on the bed.

"You have more... stuff, than I thought you would."

"Hence the need for help." She smiles at him, "Remember I said I quit?"

"Yeah." Eli's mother has instilled a few manners into her son and he starts folding the clothes that have missed the bag.

"I was all packed up, hanging around my room and waiting to go."

"And when we had to evacuate, you just grabbed your bag and ran for the Stargate."

"Clothes, books, tooth paste, hair brush,"

Eli caught said brush and dropped it in the bag.

"I kept a change of clothes, something to wear at night and all my underwear."

"Lucky you." He watched Ada roll her eyes at him and shove a handful of knickers to the bottom of the bag, "Why are you moving?"

"TJ's idea," She shrugged, "She thinks I should move closer to the mess and the shower room thing, so I can learn my way around while I can still see where I need to go."

"You should stay here, it's closer to the observation deck."

We're in FTL, there's nothing to see."

"We do stop sometimes."

"And then there are things that need doing. Rush still needs a keeper."

"When you can find him." Eli flipped through her note book, holding a page up to the Kino, showing Destiny's rooms and corridors expertly drawn on it, "These are good."

Ada snatched the note book from his hands, replacing it with the packed bag.

"One floor up, three corridors over, fifth door on the left."

(AG-16)

Ada snatched the Kino out of the air and hurled it at the wall.

(AG-26)

Ada sucked on a finger.

"I hate sewing." She pushed her glasses further up her nose, "I only know how to do it 'cause I was in Brownies for a couple of years, And-"

Ada held up the shirt she was repairing. The stitches began badly, and then improved higher up the tear.

"I'm doing it better than you."

"You're the only one with a sewing kit." Chloe reminded her.

"And no other skills."

"You have skills."

"I'm crap with computers. Can barely remember any of my high school science. And I once killed a cactus. How do you kill a cactus?"

"Easily." Chloe assured her, "As easily as I can kill Eli if that Kino doesn't move along soon."

(AG-03)

"I wrote out my will today." Ada nodded to herself, "And no matter what we do or see out here… I think that is the strangest thing I will ever do.

I don't have much. A few awful attempts at painting, about ten thousand Australian Dollars, a couple of horribly kitschy souvenirs and almost 600 antique keys.

But… um… the General… O'Neill, he said I was getting compensation, danger, 'we're sorry you're dying on the other side of the universe with no way of getting better' money.

Apparently I don't have to pay tax on that… So when I finally kick the bucket, there'll be enough for Jethro to go to whatever university he wants and to help my Dad with his debts. I checked the weather while I was there… the drought's still bad. And there are still bills to pay…"

Ada swung the cane through the air, managing to tap the end of it against the Kino.

"Basically Dad gets everything I left at his place. Mum gets everything I left at hers."

The cane hit the ground. Tap, tap, tap.

"I always thought I'd have more things to leave to people. Thought I'd have more people to leave things to…

I thought I'd have more time…"

(AG-57)

"We need to find a way to get her home!"

"There isn't one." Rush kept his focus on the information scrolling down the screens.

"She's dying!" TJ hissed, keeping her voice level, "And we have no way of helping her, there's nothing we can do."

"I…" Rush gestured at the screens, "Am trying to find something."

"Do you even care for her at all? Ada puts up with you when everyone else wants to strangle you! She might be the only person you can really trust out-"

"You think I don't know that!" Rush slammed his hands against the console, making TJ jump, "I've known Ada since she was ten years old. I told her mother she'd be safe!"

TJ looked shocked. "Since she was ten…?"

"Aye." Rush turned back to the computers, "She hasn't changed much, just gotten taller."

(AG-09)

"Your family, who are they?"

Ada had an arm draped over her head, shading her eyes.

"Mum, Dad, Stepmother, two older sisters, a younger brother. And the all sorted aunts and uncles and grandparents, nieces, nephews and cousins that get added to the Christmas card list."

"Tell me about them. What are your parent's names? Your brother's name?"

"Stephan and Caitlin Grant and Melinda Essington, formerly Essington, formerly Grant." Ada sighed, "Jethro, I've missed his birthday. He turned fourteen last week.'

"What about your sisters?"

"Penny... is 36; married to George, they have May, Andrew and Oliver.

And Ellen is 33, her son Jacob is the eldest grandchild... he's 16. I missed his birthday too."

"Do you miss them?"

"We didn't really connect. They do practical, pay the bills and 'give the kids a good education' sorts of things. Farming, nursing, teaching. While I fetched an arrogant ass of a genius coffee six days out of seven. I miss the lost birthdays and school holidays and claiming that someone needs to be with my mother during Christmas, so I don't have to try to be happy and cheerful in 45 degree Celsius temperatures, with very little air conditioning.

Honestly Eli? I miss what they represented more."

"What did they represent?"

She moved her feet in a sort of shrugging motion "A family of my own."

"…Oh..."

Ada smirked at Eli's deer in the headlights expression.

"Don't worry about it. All out the window now. Just wouldn't be fair to anyone, leaving them with that kind of responsibility."

She gave him a sad smile.

"Maybe... if I could have guaranteed ten years and a way home. But I can't even take a chance on lasting nine months...

And even if I did, what's left...

Someone else taking responsibility for my actions. A dream I don't get to see come true."

(AG-35)

"It would have been nice to stay in Denial for a bit longer. Given the circumstances, I could have stayed there for a while."

'Why didn't you?"

"Looney Toons," Ada bent over her glasses, tightening the screws, "Mostly. It's hard to pretend something's not happening when you walk around a corner and find Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck having the 'Duck Season/Rabbit Season' argument."

Eli grinned at her. "Who won?"

"Neither." She slipped her glasses back on, "Bugs decided it was 'Rush Season' and asked if they should go hunting with 'pogo sticks or umbrellas'?"

Eli laughed. Ada did not.

"You said 'mostly Looney Toons'?"

Ada shrugged, wearing a small, tight smile.

"Too many horror movies and too much of an imagination when I was younger."

(AG-42)

Ada held out a bottle, waving it slightly in the air, letting the liquid slosh around inside.

"I never used to drink."

The Kino can barely make her out in the dark.

"I think I have a perfectly good reason to now."

The raw alcohol burns on the way down.

"Tastes a bit like some home brew I tried in France once… Mixed with a pair of my former flatmate's dirty socks, after they'd fallen behind the washing machine for a month."

Ada pressed the heel of her free hand to her forehead, hissing as her headache flared back to life.

"Go away Eli."

(AG-37)

"How long has she got?" Young leans against to doorway, watching TJ tidy the area they've designated as the infirmary.

"I don't know." The lack of equipment is almost as frustrating as the lack of medications, "It'll depend on how much she fights it."

Young sighed. "Does Rush know?"

She glanced at him, frowning. "Why would Rush need to know?"

"She was working for him, before he joined the project. Got shipped out to Icarus the week after he did. Ada's probably the only reason I haven't been asked to testify in a justifiable homicide case."

"I didn't realise, I've only met her a couple of times…"

"…It's going to get bad, isn't it?"

(AG-07)

"Favourite ice cream flavour?" Eli asked.

"Vanilla," Ada shrugged, "With whatever toppings I choose to add."

"Favourite movie as a kid?"

"Princess Bride.

"And as an adult?"

"Gosford Park."

"Movie that always makes you cry?"

"The one about Beatrix Potter."

"Board game, card game and computer game?"

"Monopoly, Canasta and the original Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Astronaut or caveman?"

Ada rolled her eyes. "Caveman."

"Favourite book as a kid? As a teenager?"

"Tenth Hero by Barry Klemm. And either Jessica by Bryce Courtney or Temple by Matthew Reilly."

"Favourite colour? Band? Song not done by the afore mentioned band?"

"Green. Muse. Depends on what mood I'm in. And this isn't going to make you feel better later. Probably you'll just feel worse."

"I don't know what you mean."

Ada shook her head at him. "I… appreciate that you're trying to get to know me better, but you're only going to ask enough to hate that you did."

She's giving him an out.

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like Eli?"

"I don't want you to be forgotten. If we all die and someone finds this, I want them to know-"

"That you cared? Ever heard of 'A day late and a dollar short'?"

"How about 'Better late than never'?" He shot back, "I want to do this, I want you to leave behind something people could connect to… And I think it would be hypocritical for anyone else to do it."

(AG-51)

Eli does not know how to dance.

But it's Ok, neither does Ada.

She's so focused on her feet, that her glasses have slid almost to the end of her nose.

It's about 7.30 on what they think is a Friday evening.

Ada; who'd been first in line with her iPod, after the radios had been recharged, has declared it to be 'The who gives a fuck, we're all not dead yet Happy Hour'.

Complete with wine; a few jars, pilfered from the newly running still.

And music; Ada's iPod, playing the songs in alphabetical order.

A packet of cards has been produced and a group; civilians and military, are trying to remember the rules to their favourite games.

Greer and Riley have marked out a checker board on a scrap of metal and are sorting through spare part to find enough pieces the play chess.

Sitting away from the music, one of the soldiers reads aloud from one of Ada's books. Judging by the number of women listening, it's probably the Jane Austen.

The event isn't how most would choose to spend their evening, but it does take the edge of tension and paranoia.

The music changes and Ada pushes her glasses back into place before settling into Eli's arms for a slow dance.

"Ain't no sunshine when she'd gone…

Only darkness when she's away…

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

And this house just ain't no home every time she goes away…"

Ada sings along, whispering the words close to Eli's ear.

When the song ends, Eli lets Lt. Scott; who can dance, cut in.

He doesn't want Ada to see the tears on his face.

(AG-12)

Ada refolded the paper plane and threw it at Eli.

"What are we on today?" He asked, reaching for the plane.

"Apart from some heavy duty pain killers…" The look on her face says 'which you shouldn't have bothered TJ about', "Acceptance and Depression."

The plane lands in her hair.

"How's that work?"

The plane almost takes out his left eye.

"I have accepted what is going to happen. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to pretend that it's something that is, in any way a happy, comforting thing. But this is where we are, doing amazing things…"

"Universe without shrimp doesn't have anything this cool."

"Which is, again, why I'm here… making better paper planes with the Amazing Math Boy."

"And following Rule five."

"No wallowing."

(AG-30)

"I've heard rumours about Atlantis; you probably don't know her, but she might be slightly, sort of sentient."

Ada holds her cane in one hand and lets the other brush... caress... the wall of the corridor.

"Are you? We must be a bit of a shock then, so familiar, but maybe too many differences.

Are you awake? Do you need or want to wake up?

Can't do it the way they did with Atlantis. I've been told the young girl's a little possessive of what she thinks is hers, wouldn't like the Grande Dame stealing anyone away.

But if you did wake up, would you need a captain? Would you want a captain?

Most would say that you do. A captain's different from crew and passengers.

Might I suggest Chloe?"

Ada turned a corner, carefully picking her way through the debris.

"I know she's young, but she'd grow into the position. And Eli and Matt would back her up, not let her worry too much or make too many mistakes. And they'd take responsibility for the ones that were their fault.

Don't let Rush woo you. He's temperamental and selfish and you'll feel ashamed of yourself in the morning."

(AG-66)

"I don't know what's worse, what you might have threatened to do, or that almost everyone wants to make you the new expedition leader."

Ada lifted the edge of the blanket away from her face.

"Go away Eli." She sounded tense.

"Young's trying not to be impressed with you, Chloe's still blushing and Greer wants

Me to tell him how to stay away from your bad side."

"You can both go fuck yourselves."

Eli frowned, fuck wasn't a word Ada normally used. "Headache?"

"Migraine." She whispered.

Eli quietly stepped in to the room, recovering her face.

"I'll see if TJ has anything you can take"

That Ada didn't try to stop him said how much pain she was in.

"By the way… Did you really tell Cpl. Tait to do something anatomically impossible with his mother and a wookie?"

(AG-28)

Eli has manages to get his hands on Ada's note book. He holds it so that each page can be recorded by the Kino. He trusts the Kino to last longer than the paper and ink.

Ada has drawn everything, even taken rubbings of the walls, floors and in some cases, the glass in Destiny's windows.

The faces of all who have been on board; some of them long since dead, smile up at him.

The drawings at the start of the book are sharp and clear and as accurate as Ada's ability allows.

Further in, around the middle of the book, the drawings become smudged studies of light and shadow. Evidence of how her vision was being affected.

The last half a dozen pages are blank.

Except…

Eli has to turn the book upside down to see the drawing clearly.

A woman Eli doesn't recognise, standing in one of Destiny's corridors.

The woman's name, written in Ada's messy scrawl, has almost been erased and he has to bring to page close to his face and squint to make it out.

Gloria Rush, 2010.

(AG-71)

Eli stood, nose to nose with the men from the Lucien Alliance.

"Don't even think about her, don't look at her, or even speak to her." He warned, "Not unless you absolutely have to. And then you treat her like your little sister, your wife, your mother and every other woman in your family is right next to you, watching how you treat a lady."

The man glanced at Ada; she rolled her eyes, squeezing her hands into fists. As if she could make the slight shake of her hand disappear.

He had several cousins who looked just like her.

"I'll let everyone know sir."

(AG-49)

"Poetry would be nice."

Eli had thought that Ada was asleep, so her words startle him.

"Poetry?"

They're in her quarters. Ada, propped up on the bed, Eli on the floor, the bits and pieces of whatever he's repairing surrounding him.

"For my eulogy. We don't have enough range of music for there to be a song that won't get played again and make every one remember."

Eli gave up telling Ada that she has plenty of time left weeks ago.

Instead, he asks. "What kind of poetry?"

They both know she doesn't have much time left.

"Epic poetry. Not Poe, he's a bit morbid. We've got enough of that going around. But Tennyson's good for a bit of rousing prose. So's Wordsworth, Burns or "

"I'll find out what people remember, you might just have to put up with some dirty limericks." He has to put what he's working on down, his hands are shaking too much, "What about the wake?"

It's the first time either of them has mentioned it.

"Get Col. Young to loosen the rations a bit…" Ada has to take an extra breath every couple of words, "Put away a few bottles from the still… Tell funny stories."

"You haven't done enough funny things yet." Eli's tone is strangely emotionless. If it weren't, he'd be crying.

And Ada laughs.

For the first time since he's met her.

And then she smiled, exactly as she'd laughed.

Brightly and happily.

"Whoever said the funny stories had to be about me?"

(AG-80)

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.

Crossing the Bar.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

Finis...

AN: If you managed to get this far, Thank You.

This fic is the reult of my muse originalyly telling me to write a horribley blatent mary sue 11thdoctor/SGU fic involving my version of Donna's youngest daughter and wondering if any fics of this sort had already been written. It took almost 4 weeks to write (most of that was actually the typing up phase), and has been read by 2 other people, so if you find any mistakes, feel free to let me know so I can blame them or my computer.