I, The Hooded Menace, am dabbling in different fandoms. For those waiting for updates on my other stories, I'm working on them. Please, please, PLEASE review!
Disclaimer - I own not the show, only the plot. And evil lemurs.
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: Best Friend Dating
There comes a time in your lives when the inevitable happens: Your best friend goes on a date. There are many ways to handles this, some better than others. This guide helps you through this painful process.
It was another lovely morning at Polk High School. Students chatting, teachers cackling, and the weasel running free. All seemed normal until Moze opened her locker.
"Hey, there's a note," she said, drawing the attention of Ned and Cookie, "It says, 'Please meet me at the bench outside at lunch today, from your secret admirer.' I wonder who wrote it?"
"A secret admirer?" asked Cookie, jaw lowered dramatically in shock, "Who could it possibly be?"
Tip #348B – When someone shows interest in your best friend, don't freak out.
"Don't go Moze! It could be just a clever ruse so that you'll put your defenses down, and BAM! They gotcha," Ned said, waving his arms wildly.
"Um, who is 'they'? And how does that make any sense? Is it so hard to believe that someone might like me?" she demanded, arms crossed.
"That could be true," Ned conceded, "But I'd watch my back if I were you." And with some weird hand motions, he was off to class, and the other two followed. Moze spent the time until lunch wondering who her secret admirer could be, while Cookie and Ned schemed with Gordy to set up an elaborate spying-on-and-saving-Moze plan, if situations called for it.
By lunchtime, the three best friends were all ready for action. Moze headed straight to the bench mentioned in the note, while the guys headed for the convenient shrubbery behind the bench to spy and perhaps rescue her from the mysterious author of the note. After a few tense minutes of waiting, they could see a figure coming towards them. "Hey," whispered Cookie, "Isn't that LOOMER?"
It was indeed Loomer, looking a tad uncomfortable, holding something behind his back.
"Um, hey Jennifer," he mumbled sheepishly, pulling out a rose from behind him.
The three spies looked at each other.
"Jennifer?"
The girl beamed at him.
"That's really sweet of you. You wrote the note?"
Loomer nodded.
"So, why did you want to meet me? Besides to give me this lovely flower, of course."
"I was wondering if maybe youwouldliketogowithmetothemoviesthisafternoon," he replied, his words running together as he rushed to get them out.
Ned nudged Gordy.
"This is the part where she says 'No way' and runs away screaming," he whispered.
Moze shrugged her shoulders.
"Sure, why not? It could be fun."
The sound of three cries of "WHAT?!?" rang out from the shrubbery. Moze looked at the bushes, then at Loomer.
"I'll meet you right after school, okay? Right now I have some –" she cracked her knuckles, "-business to take care of."
Tip #203A – Never get caught spying on your best friend.
"I CANNOT believe that you guys were SPYING on me!" Moze raged, "WHAT were you THINKING?"
"The question is, what were YOU thinking?" challenged Ned, "You said yes to Loomer! You know, the guy who likes to torment people like me for fun?"
"He's gotten better," she retorted, "Anyway, it's just a movie. I'm not going to elope with him!"
Gordy nodded sagely. "That's what he wants you to think, but before you know it, you'll be in a cheap chapel in Vegas. Take my word for it."
"Listen to me. I am going on a date with Loomer and there is nothing that you three can do to stop me. NOTHING."
With that, she stormed off.
Cookie watched her go. "We're still going to try and stop her, aren't we?"
"Yep."
Somehow, Loomer managed to make it through the school day alive and unscathed, though not due to lack trying on Ned, Gordy, and Cookie's parts. He met Moze outside of the school and had her ride on the back of his skateboard to the theater, the terrible three following. The couple made it into the theater and were seated for their movie, Blood 'N' Guts II: Extra Gory Edition.
"We've just GOT to stop that movie!" Ned cried, posing dramatically.
"But HOW?" asked Cookie, in an equally extravagant pose.
Gordy stroked his chin significantly.
"I've got a plan."
A few minutes later, they were in the projector room.
"Now, all we've got to do is steal the film. No film, no movie, no date!" Gordy crowed.
Amazingly enough, taking the film didn't take so long. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long for an angry mob to form and attack those responsible for stopping the movie, as they soon learned.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," mused Ned, hanging upside-down, wrapped in film.
"You're right," declared Cookie, who, along with Ned and Gordy, was hanging upside-down by film, "From now on, let's not interfere in Moze's love life."
Tip #802D – Don't interfere in the love life of your best friend.
Then, Loomer kissed Moze.
"On the other hand," Ned continued, "She needs, nay, WANTS us to rescue her."
"Okay," gasped Gordy, "Just as soon as we get down."
The End