The sun set in a beautiful hue of purple that night when Chaehyun overheard her parents in the kitchen. Her siblings had left long ago to visit their friends, a visit their mother and father were very adamant to express. Jae went to Woosung's to review homework; Sungjin was at the park with his girlfriend, Younghyun ended up with Amber at a café, and Wonpil and Dowoon were with their friend Bernard at the local animal shelter. In addition, Chaehyun was alone, waiting for Yerim to pick her up from volleyball practice.
Yerim never came that night.
Chaehyun had settled on the windowsill of her bedroom window. In the room she shared with Younghyun, there was a bay window in the middle of the room. Chaehyun and Younghyun had fought for that window for years until their mother made them agree to share it. On one side of the window, some of Younghyun's posters were taped to the wall, On Chaehyun's side, plushies and dreamcatchers were evident. To this day, Chaehyun refuses to remove the childhood decorations from her side. Now, as a preteen, Chaehyun stares at the driveway, looking for the familiar black car that meant Yerim had arrived. She watched the streets fill with cars as her schoolmates arrived back home from the school football game, and soon, the streets were barren.
Chaehyun soon grew bored of watching and waiting, and left the room. She wandered down the hall, letting herself enter the two other rooms she never got to enter whenever she wanted. The first room was Jae and Sungjin's, a room so mixed together she forgot two people shared that room. Jae's side made his personality very clear; dark, neutral colours mixed together with vibrant colours of guitars. On his walls, skateboards hung, and posters were messily pinned to the walls. In addition, on Sungjin's side, the messily pinned posters and vibrant guitars remained the same. The only thing different about the two sides were the bands on the posters and the lack of skateboards on Sungjin's side. Chaehyun took the scenery in, hoping that it will change one day, even though the two are well in to their teenage years. She closed the door, and walked down the hallway.
Chaehyun took a step in to the twin boys' room. One-step in, and she already felt a headache. The two boys were not exactly the cleanest and dirty clothes were starting to flow out of their hampers. Chaehyun pinched her nose as the smell of mold filled the air, ad she found the culprit quickly. Wonpil had left a lemon in a Ziploc bag on his desk, all covered in mold. She gagged in disgust, and ran out of the room.
Chaehyun headed back to her room to watch and wait again. Surely, Yerim would come for her. Yerim said so herself. Why would Yerim, her best friend, lie to her? There was no way.
As Chaehyun sat back down on the windowsill, she heard a faint peep come from the kitchen downstairs. Chaehyun's heart started racing because of it. The walls of their house were mostly soundproof, so to hear the slightest noise, especially from downstairs, frightened her easily. She grabbed a guitar off Younghyun's wall, and crept her way to the stairs. Guitar still in hand, she quickly descended the stairs.
Once at the bottom, Chaehyun's grip on the guitar grew stronger. The peeps she heard in her room were now forming words, and those words were forming sentences she could barely understand. Chaehyun crept her way along the wall until she was right by the kitchen, where she stopped.
"We need to figure out who gets custody of who, Seunghyun!" Hansol, the father, demanded. "This isn't some game of cat-and-mouse, where we wait for the kids to tell us." He added.
"Well, why can't we wait for them to tell us?" Seunghyun replied, her voice soft and gentle. "They're old enough to make their own decisions."
"And risk them being forced to conform to societal biases that they will regret and blame on themselves because they picked the parent they chose to live with?" Hansol yelled. "I think not."
"Hansol." Seunghyun sighed, her motherly instincts started to reflect in her voice. "Jae's sixteen, Dowoon's twelve. They can make their own decisions. There is no, 'societal bias,' because of which parent they chose to live with."
"You're missing the point in all of this." Hansol grumbled. "Society views single parents as loners. Kids of single parents are usually viewed as betas because everyone else has both parents. Single fathers are looked down upon, and single mothers are seen as women who are never around. Do you want that? For the kids to suffer through that?" Hansol asked.
"I would rather see my kids happy with one parent than miserable with both." Seunghyun shrugged her shoulders. "Look around, Hansol. The kids know we are fighting constantly. This is inevitable. We have to part ways, even if everyone looks down upon it. It isn't working out and is only harming ourselves and the kids."
Hansol crossed his arms across his chest and stuck his bottom lip outwards. The pouty face, something Chaehyun could not stand.
"I want Chaehyun." Hansol stated after a long period of silence. "If one of the kids have to have a single father, she can handle it the most."
"Chaehyun can't stand you, though." Seunghyun responded, which caused Chaehyun to loosen her grip on the neck of the guitar. "She's said it so many times. To her, you are an executive who never spends time with her. There is no relationship there to keep building, and it's too late to start one."
"There will always be time to start a relationship with my daughter." Hansol responded. "She's twelve. Her mind is still developing, and I can finally be in the picture."
"She hardly knows you." Seunghyun shot back. "She doesn't open up to people she barely knows now. The relationship you'll build with her will break once she's on her own."
Chaehyun's grip on the guitar's neck strengthened.
"Why don't we let the kids pick?" Seunghyun asked. "It's our only option." She added.
Silence floated around the two as Chaehyun kept gripping the guitar, not noticing how badly her hands hurt. She held back the adrenaline that ran through her system as she waited for a response from her father.
"Sure." Hansol sighed deeply. "If that's what you want."
As soon as Hansol finished speaking, Chaehyun snuck away from the kitchen. The guitar still in her hands, she leapt up the stairs to the hallway. Her door was open, pleading for her to wander inside and process what had happened. Chaehyun flew down the hallway and quietly closed the door behind her.
The first thing Chaehyun did was set the guitar back on the wall. She paced the room for a minute before she balled her hands in to fists. She diverted her gaze towards a wall, and without thinking, punched it. Her already ghostly-pale knuckles turning whiter as she punched.
Once a shooting pain crawled through her hand, she stopped. She cast her gaze at the wall, seeing a small dent in the drywall as a few flakes started to float down on to the carpet. Her eyes fell to her hand, which was covered in cuts and scrapes, and had started bleeding.
Chaehyun frowned at the damaged hand, not knowing how to explain it to her parents when they would ask. She simply chose to ignore it, and instead checked her phone. She opened a text notification she received ten minutes ago from Yerim.
QUEEN YERIM
Hey, I can't pick you up. Volleyball practice is running late again. Maybe tomorrow? xo
Sure. Tomorrow is fine.
With a small huff, Chaehyun rises from bed, still dressed in her school clothes from yesterday. She mentally scolds herself for not noticing, and heads to the bathroom with a change of clothes.
She stares at the shower, not being mentally prepared to be alone in the shower again. She has hated showers ever since she was little. Not because they required her to stand, but because she had the worst shower thoughts ever. It is present in the notebook she has on the wall, a project started by Dowoon. Each sibling has a waterproof notebook where they write whatever they think of while showering. Most notebooks are filled with funny, stupid thoughts, like, "what if penguins had knees?" However, Chaehyun's has deeper, philosophical thoughts, like, "what is the human's purpose?" Her siblings never make fun of her for it since it strikes up long, deep conversations with the reserved girl.
Chaehyun braces herself, and starts to peel her school uniform off. Once she finishes getting ready, she turns the water up to the hottest setting she can. Once she pulls the faucet, the shower starts to pour water, and she embraces herself. She quickly pushes herself towards the wall, pulling the curtain closed with her. She backs up to the shower, and stares at the wall.
One minute in, and she has a bunch of thoughts needing to be written down. She grabs a pen from one of the soap trays, and starts writing down whatever comes to mind. She stops to wash her hair, body, and face, and continues.
A loud knock interrupts her thought process.
"Chaehyun!" Her mother, Seunghyun, yells. "Yerim's mum called. They'll be over in half an hour." She states.
Chaehyun silently curses herself, stopping the water. She pulls the curtain open, immediately grabbing a towel to wrap around her body. She covers herself with the fluffy purple towel as she steps on to the bath mat beneath her feet. She turns to look at herself in the mirror, but all she sees is steam.
She waddles towards the stack of rags, and dries her face off as she uses another rag to wipe the fog off the mirror. Her ashy brown hair sticks to each other in one huge, dripping-wet clump as her bare face is exposed, and feels fresh. She finishes drying off her body before wrapping the towel around her hair.
Chaehyun starts to pull her body through the clothes she chose for the day. Dark blue jeans, her favourite plum sweater, and her favourite flower clown. Her body tenses up as she checks the time, realising she only has five minutes left. She quickly hand-dries her hair before using a hairdryer set at full blast, brushing it in the process She drops the flower crown on her head before rushing out of the bathroom, ignoring the mess of puddles she left on the floor and the makeup on the counter.
Chaehyun rushes to her room, jumping on her bed filled with fluffy pillows to grab her phone.
QUEEN YERIM
Hey, I'm outside. We're going to watch a movie before watching the animals at the park. Plan?
Plan
Chaehyun grabs her phone charger and bag of snacks before racing downstairs. In her rush, she forgets to notice her mother trying to grab her attention.
"Park Chaehyun." Seunghyun blocks the door from her daughter.
"Yes, Mum?" Chaehyun asks. "Yerim's waiting for me outside."
"When your brothers come back, we're having a family meeting." Seunghyun states. "Remember that."
"I will." Chaehyun states, holding back the urge to roll her eyes. "Can I leave now?"
"Of course." Seunghyun states. "Have fun, Kiddo."
"No promises." Chaehyun mumbles under her breath, speed walking towards Yerim's mum's car.
Chaehyun wanders inside the house through the back door, where she watches as her father massages his forehead in his hands. For a split second, she pities the man in front of her, and ducks her head down as she walks past him. The arch between the kitchen and living room feels as if Chaehyun entered a second dimension.
In the kitchen, it felt like a barren wasteland where the air was foggy, tar strewn across the roads in large puddles, and trees were charred. There were soldiers wandering up and down the streets, watching the citizens walk along the small gravel path as they walked towards their inevitable doom. The cries of young children piercing the air when their tired mother slipped on a pebble and almost stumbled over. The older kids pasting a straight smile over their faces, hoping to reach the happiness they were told about at the end of the road.
In the living room, it felt so much nicer. The air was clean and smelt of lemons as colour flew across the space. The people who had wandered in from the forest were jumping around; glad they finally escaped from the hellhole they left. The trees were full of auburn leaves as the fall sky started setting. Children surrounded small bonfires as they roasted marshmallows and told ghost stories.
Chaehyun guesses that the presence of her mother always makes a room brighter.
Chaehyun wanders her way towards the white couch her twin was sitting on. With a pat, Chaehyun had plopped right next to Younghyun, a straight line present on her face as she stared at her mother, whose face looked tired as she smiled. It hurt Chaehyun to see her mother, who is normally vibrant and full of energy, to be as sullen and drained as she is now.
"Kids, I have something to tell you." Seunghyun starts, her gaze falling down towards the legs of the couch. "It isn't good, so please be ready to comfort each other."
Jae leans back on the sofa, causing Sungjin to hit his arm for shifting the weight.
"Your father and I are getting a divorce." Seunghyun states.
Chaehyun turns to look at her younger brothers, only to regret making such a decision. Dowoon's eyes had widened as he leaned back, while Wonpil had immediately started crying. As she looked towards her older brothers, all she saw was dead eyes and straight faces.
"Wonpil, it's okay." Seunghyun crouches down to comfort him. "It's not all bad."
"But..." Wonpil's voice trailed off.
"Don't worry; you'll still be able to see him." Seunghyun reminds.
Seunghyun stands back up, taking a few steps back to face her army of kids. She takes a deep breath.
"There's something I need you guys to do." Seunghyun states. "Your father and I need to know which parent you want to live with. Now-"
"I choose Mum." Jae states, cutting his mother off. "I'm sorry I interrupted, but I made my choice before you even asked us to pick."
"Okay then." Seunghyun awkwardly laughs. "As I was saying, your father and I will not treat you differently because of who you picked."
The group stays quiet, thinking amongst themselves as they tried to choose who they wanted to live with. Chaehyun, however, started freaking internally. She overheard her parents when her father stated she wanted her to live with him, but she wanted to live with her mother badly. She did not want to be in the forest forever, where dark purple fogged her vision forever, but she did not want to leave her father all alone in a big house.
"I choose Mum." Sungjin, Younghyun, Wonpil, and Dowoon stated at once.
The four boys share a look of amusement as they start to imitate laughs. Chaehyun smiles somberly as she casts her gaze towards the carpet beneath her feet.
"I want to live with Dad." She whispers, standing up.
Chaehyun bolts up the stairs, avoiding the surprised eyes of her brothers and mother. She rushes inside the room she shares with her twin brother, slamming the door shut behind her. She jumps on the windowsill, staring at the sun that is setting.
A soft knock erupts from the door, but Chaehyun ignores it. She cuddles a stuffed bear closer to her chest as the door opens.
"Sis." Younghyun mumbles. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He asks.
"Leave me alone, Hyun." Chaehyun spits. "I don't want to talk to anyone."
"Chae..." Younghyun sighs, closing the door behind him. "I know you don't like Dad, and we all know that. We are all confused. Please, tell me at least." He pleads.
"I heard Mum and Dad arguing yesterday." Chaehyun states. "I had one of your guitars with me because I was scared someone had broken in. When I heard them arguing, I kept gripping your guitar until my knuckles were white. Dad stated that he wants me to live with him. And since you all want to live with Mum, I'm staying here so he isn't alone."
Younghyun nods his head, leaving the room so his wailing sister can have her own space.
For the first as her twin, he never felt so separated from her.
Younghyun takes the last box out of the room her once shared with hi twin sister. He stares at the empty half of the room, wondering what Chaehyun would do to fill it up. His smile falls as he stares at the huge bay window right in the middle of the room.
The window the two fought over for years. The window where the two used to cuddle up under blankets with hot cocoa watching the snowfall. Where the two would talk for hours about their day while the rain hit the glass. The various times when Chaehyun would stare across the street at Mark Tuan, hoping he would notice her. The window Chaehyun almost broke with a baseball and a surge of anger. The window where he would always meet his other half on a bad day with a juice box and a bag of Goldfish crackers.
Now he has to leave the window where he had so many childhood memories. The window that kept him and Chaehyun together as the two twins grew apart.
Younghyun wipes a tear from his cheek as she leaves the room behind.
Saying goodbye was always the hardest part of his life.