Author's Note: This is my very first fanfiction. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read through a story that might be a total fluke. Personally, I believe that I did pretty good, however I have a biased decision. So you'll have to see for your self and don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you thought!
Disclaimer: I do not own Portal 2. (Isn't that already understood?)
Cave Johnson had been suffering from the effects of the moon gel he had crafted for a little over a month now, and he was clearly losing strength at an alarmingly fast rate. He was paling and had developed inexplicable sicknesses, none of which could be pinpointed and removed to ease his ever-growing pain. The GLaDOS project he and the Lab Boys had been working on was coming along, however it was not going to be finished in time for Cave to put himself into the supercomputer before he succumbed to his sickness. Due to this, Mr. Johnson was quite fed up with the hand that life had dealt him.
That day Cave had another one of his prerecorded messages to make. However, he was faced with a problem: he had no idea what to say in this message. The Lab Boys and his lawyers had asked him again to give up on the prerecorded messages, like they had pleaded uncountable times before. But, Cave was Cave and he never gave up on anything he put his mind to.
Cave was deep in thought when he heard a knock on his office door.
"Come in," he said absently-mindedly. Then he looked up to see that it was one of his caretakers whom he had asked a moment ago for refreshment. Dr. Lyfe was her name, if he remembered correctly; she was a good scientist and an even better doctor. But then he noticed that on the tray all she had brought in were half-cut lemons, some water, and a tall glass.
"What's this?" Cave asked with a half puzzled, half furious look in his eyes. Was his employee trying to be defiant, to him?
"Well Mr. Johnson," the employee responded, "you asked for a refreshment, so I brought a glass and some lemons. I thought some vitamin C would be good for you. Enjoy!" And with that, Dr. Lyfe left.
Cave couldn't even say anything. The man that LOVED to hear the sound of his own voice was speechless. All he could do was sit there, mouth gaping, staring at the lemons sitting on his desk. Then he knew what he had to do, after he fired that employee of course. Better than that: he would test her until her death; the Lab Boys had just finished developing the new Rocket Turret, and it was ready for testing.
Only minutes later Mr. Johnson was working on another of his prerecorded speeches. He hit the record button and began, "You know I've been thinking… when life gives you lemons DON'T MAKE LEMONADE! Make Life take the lemons BACK! GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS; WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY IT THOUGHT IT COULD GIVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN (WITH THE LEMONS)! I'M GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTABLE LEMON THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"
Cave finished with a wheeze as his favorite secretary, Caroline, entered the room. "Is everything alright, sir?" she asked. "I heard you yelling and came check on you. You shouldn't stress your lungs like that; it isn't healthy for anyone, especially for someone in your condition. So is there anyway I can assist you?"
Cave smiled weakly and said, "As a matter of fact, there is. You see that tray with the lemons on it? Through it in the incinerator and get me a damn coffee."
"Right away, Mr. Johnson."