Dancing among the stars
Pain. It's the only thing I feel as my lungs try to escape from my chest. I was literally drowning, despite the drainage tubes the doctors had stuck in me. I was dying anyways because you see I had cancer, it started out in my thyroid but spread to my lungs. For a long time, a drug called Phalanxifor controlled the growth of the tumors. Now after having experienced the greatest loss I had ever faced (the death of one Augustus Waters.) it quite working and the tumors started growing again, and the amount of fluid in my lungs continued to grow, despite the more often draining appointments I had attended.
Now as I lay in ICU, barely conscious and struggling to breathe, I remember Augustus and the happiness we had found together for the short time I had gotten to know him. I missed him more than I had ever thought I could possibly miss someone. I wonder as I lay there if I would be meeting him soon, I could feel myself growing weaker as time passed and I wondered if I would die by drowning or if the cancer would be what finished me off. Closing my eyes, Augustus' sweet, goofy grin fills my head, making my heart ache with longing. I wasn't sure what came after death but I sure hoped we would reunite again. I didn't want to spend my forever without him.
I miss you Augustus Waters; I miss your goofy smile, the way it lights up your face. The way you know how to make me laugh. I even miss your determination to not be forgotten, I hope you know, that despite my short life I could never have forgotten the things you taught me, or the way you made me feel, in the short amount of time we had. You taught me everything about how love should be, and how to not take life so seriously. I miss being held in your arms. Sometimes I swear I can still hear your laugh and it hurts so much because you're not here anymore so it's really not your laugh I am hearing. I believe that's about to change, I believe I may see you soon, I can only hope that this infinity lasts longer than the last one, because I can't continue without my heart. I love you Augustus Waters and I can' wait to see you again.
I inhale and slowly release it as I open my eyes. I was growing sleepier and I knew my time was approaching quickly. I was afraid; I could care less about what happened after I died if Augustus was there. It was not being reunited with him that scared me. I didn't get forever with him in this life, so it would be unbearable to not get forever with him in the next.
"Hazel, its okay to let go." I hear a whisper from somewhere off to my left. I turn my head and see my parents, their eyes shining with tears. I wonder how much longer I could go on like I was, barely alive but not yet dead. I couldn't stand to see the agony in their eyes knowing it was there because of me. A tear falls down my face, I couldn't imagine what my death would do to them, I couldn't imagine them hurting and grieving but I knew they would. I could only hope that they would depend on each other to get through it. I want to tell them I'm sorry that I never thought this would be the way I went. But I was ready to go, I was finally ready for my battle with cancer and weak lungs to be over.
I smile weakly and close my eyes, my consciousness slowly escaping as I sank into a peaceful darkness. It wasn't long before the darkness slowly gave way to light and peacefulness settled over me as I hear a voice I haven't heard in months.
"Come with me Hazel Grace" Augustus grins and reaches out a hand. My heart fills with joy at the sight of him as I reach out and take his hand. Gus was somehow more gorgeous than he was before, muscular and whole with no sign of the cancer that had taken his life.
"Come on Hazel, it's time to go" he says as I stare into his beautiful blue eyes, before looking back at my parents, who were now sobbing over my body.
"It will take time but they will be fine." Augustus whispers in my ear. I nod but still I remain staring at what's left of me. I knew it was too late to go back and now that I was with Augustus again, I didn't want to go back, but I didn't want my parents hurting like they were.
Turning back to Gus, I smile; I was more than ready for my forever to begin with Gus.
"Let's go dance among the stars, Hazel Grace." Gus grins as he tightens his grip on my hand.
I hope you enjoy, this is my first Fault in the stars fanfiction, so thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz