My attempt at being funny and random…of course its easier when Tasha does it
Kingdom Hearts and Legend of Zelda COLLIDE! Director's cut
1. Enter the randomness
WHOOOOOSH
"Whoa what was THAT!" Sora said holding his head.
"Oh I don't know but my head hurts." Kairi said also holding her head as if in pain.
"Yah mine too…Who the hell is Donald and Goofy?" Sora asked just remembering something.
"They're your friends." Kairi said bewildered.
"Huh?" Sora looked at his friend quizzically.
"…..I have no idea where that came from." Kairi said.
"Oooookaaaayy…"
"Hey lets make a raft so we can get off this stupid island and join forces with evi--I mean explore new worlds." Riku said appearing as if out of nowhere.
"Yah!" Sora and Kairi shouted in unison.
If you can't already tell, Sora and company have somehow gone back in time to where their journey began.
"Something doesn't feel right," Sora said three days later after they had finished the raft.
"Well your shirt's in-side-out if that's what you mean," Riku grunted as he hefted the giant raft into the air at Kairi's command.
Sora took off his shirt. "No it's not that, it's just I have a bad feeling-"
THUUUNK
"Whoa what was THAT!" Sora said holding his shirt.
"Oh man de ja vu," said Riku holding his head.
Now if you're remotely smart, you'll realize, that 'twas Kairi who made the noise. That's right, she , being awed by shirtless Sora, fell on the raft drooling.
"Riku, how can you hold that raft up with her on it? Sora said, poking Kairi with a newly found stick, as her drool pooled vehemently over the side of the raft and onto the sand. Sora and Riku watched as, before their eyes a massive ocean of drool appeared across the horizon.
Riku gulped his hand moving towards his throat. "Hm I was wondering how we were gonna use the raft. This works doesn't it?"
Sora fell to the ground, twitching.
"That was so amazing," he choked.
Riku stared at Sora then at Kairi. Then at Sora, then at Kairi. Then did the chicken dance. Sora and Kairi miraculously recovered and joined in, disco lighting appearing out of no where.
In Hyrule somewhere…
Link stood in front of the alter of time, having just placed the three spiritual stones in their respective sconces. Then, in a fluid movement, dramatically opened one of his pouches containing the ocarina of time. Just as slowly, he placed it to his lips and began to sluggishly play the song of time. Navi, who bye now had been watching Link for a two and a half hours as he first placed the stones down then begin to play, had lost all virtue…
"GET ON WITH IT!" And people think I'm annoying, the small fairy thought as Link sped to a normal pace. Then there was a loud grating sound as the doors of time themselves opened before their very eyes.
"Weet woo there's something you don't see everyday," Navi said after attempting to whistle.
"You're not supposed to SAY it," Link said looking at his fairy incredulously.
"Say what?"
Link sighed. "If you can't whistle then don't do anything."
Navi looked a Link. "WHAT are you talking about?"
Link stood fuming, his eye twitching.
"Link, go get the sword," Navi whined.
Link began to walk forward…then tripped over a loose tile.
"You're hopeless…" Navi sighed.
"GOTCHA !"
"Ahh what are you doing?" Navi shouted from Link's hand.
"You'll see," Link said with an evil smirk on his face.
"Ahhh!"
"There," Link said tapping the glass of a bottle, Navi inside screaming. Nothing could be heard though.
"Heh, this reinforced glass really does its job," said Link wonderingly.
"Now," he said putting away the bottle for later destruction, "off to find that sword."
Sora lay in his bed looking out the window at the oncoming storm.
"Hmm," he hummed.
Sora knew something was missing…
Three hours later
"Oh crap! The raft!"
Sora ran after getting off his boat. He spotted Riku.
"Riku! Where's Kairi? I thought she was with you." Sora finished, before…
THUUUUUNK
Sora stared at Riku. And stared. And stared. And stared. And guess what. Being the smart people you are, you can tell that Sora…did the chicken dance!
Riku automatically revived from falling and joined in with the dancing, disco lights again appearing out of nowhere. When they finished, Riku doubled over, holding his head.
"What happened?" Sora asked looking at Riku.
And of course…
"De ja Vu overload," Riku grunted.
"Oh," Sora said softly. He then looked up at the purple swirly vortex, hovering above them.
"Hey! What's that?" Sora said.
"C'mon Sora. Let's go. We may not be able to return, but…I wanna be evil so bad--oh wait…umm….
I wanna see what's out there, ya that," Riku finished hurriedly.
Sora brought his gaze back to Riku. "Ok but what about Kairi--"
"Kairi's coming with us!" Riku shouted.
He stood there as lighting flashed across the sky. Then he smiled holding out his hand.
"Riku…?" Sora said skeptically.
"C'mon, you know you want to," Riku said his smirk slanted.
Sora stared at him.
"That sounded wrong in so many different ways," Sora commented before reaching out to grab his hand, only to find air between his fingers.
"What the?"
'SHHIIIIIIINNNGGGG'
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Link was standing at the doors of time looking for the said Master sword. It took a second…okay more than a second…OKAY it took eight days. There, standing in the mid evening sun, through the topmost and only window in the room--
"How do you know it's the mid evening sun?" asked the ever-questioning Link.
"I'm not "ever-questioning, it's just how do you know it's mid evening sunlight coming through that window? There's light coming through that window day and night," Link doubted the wily narrator--
"You're wily?"
Yes I, the narrator, am wily, and now Link will shut the hole in his face before--
"Oh ya? What are you gonna do?"
STOP INTERUPTING ME!….And then Link held up his hand. Apparently he did his studying in sign language, because right then he is telling…me…that… A-l-l n-a-r-r-a-t-o-r-s a-r-e…
Two minutes later
Link re-entered the Temple of Time's entrance sporting a rather nasty looking black eye. You know, I think you should get that checked out--
"Ya all thanks to you…shutting up now," Link said pulling an apple out of his pouch and stuffing it in his mouth.
Link walked through the door towards the placed Master sword and its pedestal, taking his dear, sweet time as many do inside the temple of TIME.
He approached the sunlight podium in all its magnificence, fingering the hilt of the shining blade, taking a hold of it to free the sword's resting place.
"Do you have to make it so melodramatic?"
……….
"Sorry," he said replacing the apple, silencing his arguments with the nonexistent narrator.
….wait a second I do exist….
'Shing'
"Huh?"
A bright blue light erupted from the platform, illuminating the entire chamber.
"AHHH!"
"Why hello! We don't get many visitors h-- oh you're that boy I brought from the past!" said an excited voice from inside Link's head.
Link groggily opened his eyes and looked around. Before him was an abyss of brilliant blue waterfalls of no real importance. And of course you know he is in the chamber of sages, but Link doesn't so shhhhh…
"Where am I--Holy Hyrule!" Link said finally getting a good look at the person before him.
"Yes quite a surprise to see yourself all grown up now isn't it?" said none other than Rauru…but Link doesn't that either…shhhhhhhhh…
"No it's not that, its…" Link cut short, paused, looked at Rauru again, and shuddered. Then realized what Rauru had just said. "I'm grown up?" Link checked himself over. He was indeed, a grown (and very handsome at that) Hylian.
"Yup," Rauru smiled a wide grin showing a tangle of yellowish green teeth. Link was, though, unperturbed…until he actually looked at the mess. He shuddered for a second time that day--
"How do you know it's day?" Link asked.
Must we go through this again?
"So," Rauru interrupted, thank goodness, "I've brought you here because--"
"You mean I didn't grow through the seven years?"
"Nope. I used my magic to bring you to the present…or future, for you." Rauru smiled again.
Link had the sensibility to look elsewhere this time.
"Cool…but wouldn't that mean that if you sent me 1,000 years into the future, I'd be dead?" asked the ever-questioning Link once more.
"It could happen…" Rauru said incoherently.
"Huh?"
"Never mind…um…oh ya, you were brought here to defeat the evil guy taking over our country and making a fool of me right now," Rauru said smiling.
Link chose a spot near one of the waterfalls to stare at. Then asked, "Hey how do you know he's making fun of you?"
Meanwhile in Gannon's tower
"Oh look I'm Rauru," a voice could be heard throughout the tower followed by a chorus of laughter.
"Oh Gannon stop!" a female voice, obviously a Gerudo's, choked through her fit of mirth on the floor as the full grown MALE Gerudo had a pillow stuffed into his uniform and some Twinkies stuffed in his mouth. The Gerudo continued to laugh which only goaded their master to dance singing "I'm a little tea-pot" very off-key. (Which is an awesome song by the way.)
Back to reali--I mean the Chamber of Sages
"Magic," Rauru shrugged.
Link nodded, ununderstandingly.
"Okay now I'll send you back to Hyrule so you can TAKE REVENGE ON HIS MAKING FUN OF ME--I-I mean save the unholy residents of our land," Ruaru said switching characters like the Happy Mask Salesman…but again neither Link nor Rauru know who that is and if we told them we would have to kill them.
And now Link is rolling his eyes at me.
"Am not!" Link said trying to hide the laughter behind his teeth.
"I am not even close to laughing!"
Yes you are.
"No I'm not!"
Are too.
"Are not!"
Are not
"Are too--WHAT!"
Ha ha!
Link growled.
"Okay no more arguing with the narrator!" said a mysterious voice.
"Okay…um, who are you?" said the dense long-eared one who is making faces at me.
complete silence
a cricket chirped
okay maybe not so complete
the narrator sighed
Link…um picked his nose
Link quickly removed his fingers from his nose
what he's still only a kid at heart
the narrator wondered how much longer it would take for the author to get bored of doing star-quotes and let the narrator narrate again
the author wondered how long it would take everyone to go insane from reading star-quotes
Link wondered about life
so did Rauru
yes Rauru was still there
the narrator sighed once more
the author marveled that nobody had cracked yet, they must all be sober
Rauru then burst out laughing falling on the floor and went into the fetal position
the author was satisfied
Link wondered if Rauru was enough for the author
the author needed to see drool
all of a sudden, there was a loud 'thunk' and Link began to drool for no reason
the author wasn't satisfied because apparently she wasn't the reason for Link's behavior
she realized that it was because of Rauru
there was another 'thunk' as the author fell from nothingness onto nothingness as she began to drool as well
the author came back to life and decided to let the narrator have the floor…
the narrator took a bow--
after the author had just a little more fun boggling Link's mind
the narrator fell anime-style
Link came back to life
the author told Link not to go into the light
Link (having never seen poltergeist) had no idea what that meant as there was no light in the chamber
Link was confuzzeld to the point of high bogglement in the head that he too fell anime-style
the author giggled
the narrator decided to steel the floor with checkered tiles
the author's mind boggled at how the narrator stole the tiled-floor
the narrator smiled
the author ACTUALLY let the narrator have the floor
the narrator then realized that there was no point in stealing the floor in the first place
the narrator gave the floor back
the author giggled evilly
the narrator smacked the narrator's head at realization as to what the narrator had just done
Link made everybody continue with the story
everyone went on with the story without star-quotes…
"Okay so Link I'll send you back to Hyrule…nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…NOW!"
"Huh?"
''SHHIIIIIIINNNGGGG'
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Sora sat in an empty alleyway, barely conscious.
All he could hear was the heavy panting of a dog, somewhere nearby.
Actually it was sitting in his lap.
Sora groggily opened his eyes, blearily looking around.
"What a dream…" he said then went back to sleep.
three days later
"What a NAP!" Sora said jumping up and stretching.
Then he saw the dog (yes the dog was still there!) sitting at his feet wagging his tail.
"Hey there wittle doggy," Sora said while rubbing the dog's furry face. Yes he said "wittle".
Sora., after thirty minutes of playing rollover, remembered what had occurred three days ago.
"Oh ya! Now I remember…Hey where'd Riku go,"
And thus, he finally left the alley way.
"Hey this is isn't my island," Sora bluntly said looking over in my direction, giving me quite a face.
"What are you talking about, I'm sneering at you!" Sora said attempting to "sneer" at me again.
"Why you--"
"HEY!"
The narrator and Sora looked up to see none other than the author standing over them.
"She won't stop making fun of me!" Sora whined, acting worse than Link.
The author looked at the narrator, noticing nothing, who seemed to be fuming.
"You really need to stop arguing with the characters." says the author.
Hey I just tell it like it is.
"Okay then, Sora stop fooling around," the author turned to Sora who was laughing.
"Why are you laughing ," the author said slowly and yet dangerously.
"Because she's," he pointed at the narrator, "mad at me for calling her a girl!"
The author stared.
The narrator left.
"Oh crap now I don't have a narrator you baka!"
Sora continues laughing, the author having to resort to star quotes in the stead of the absent narrator
"Oi these characters are giving me a headache."
the author went to go find the narrator
Sora tried to continue the story without the author or the narrator
Sora failed
Soar waited patiently for his cohorts
then laughed at the calling of them cohorts without getting yelled at
Sora waited
Sora patiently went insane
10 minutes later
"So you won't argue with the characters anymore?" asked the author of the narrator who were walking back to where Sora was.
Yes I'll do my job.
"Good! Now back to the….." the author trailed off as she looked down at Sora.
It's kind of hard to explain, but Sora was on the ground, imitating a dog and a cat at the same time while standing on his head. Hmm, must've gone insane when I left.
"OOkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy….so uh how do we snap him out of it?" the author querried.
I suggest….
"You're wrong! Here's how you snap him out of it," said none other then Riku appearing out of the shadows as he readied himself for something.
Then guess what….
No really guess.
You got it he did the--
"Chicken dance!" Riku shouted as he began to do the chicken dance, while everyone present joined in, yes including me, and disco lights appeared out of no where and everywhere at the same time.
"Ookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Now on with the story. C'mon go, go," the author said with finality.
"Alright well now you know what to do if he goes insane again, so I'm off to join the dark side….because they have candy," Riku said then disappeared into the shadows.
Alright I'll do my job.
…………..
"Sora?"
"Huh? Oh yah time to get on with the story."
Everyone present sighed.
So uh…
"Yah…"
"Okieday."
"………………….."
That was most unnecessary.
(A/N) So what do you think?