Disclaimer: No rights belong to me ... you know the rest.

This goes with my Story Building a new Life so it is mentioned later. Claire is my own though.

No beta on this one. So give me a short hint if you find something out of place.

Tag to Outcast

"Good grief," David muttered shaking his head when he heard a car come up the lane. Why couldn't people give him a break? Claire and the kids were gone for the weekend, getting the kids to get away from the whole grandpa is dead business. Dave had wanted to stay home to sort out some things of his own.

He had just been thinking about John and their confrontation. Why was it that when it came to his little brother things never went smooth?

Dave groaned when he finally heard the knock on the door. He slowly moved to the door and was surprised to find John outside. He couldn't help snort and look critically at his brother. After a moment he started to smile and allowed him to enter. He watched his little brother walking hesitantly into the hall and then standing lost in the middle.

John didn't feel welcome or at home Dave realized. His thought came back to the wake and John's disappearing act. He had been honest when he had told John that their father had felt sorry for what had happened. He started to feel guilty that he had accuse John for just being back to challenge the will. The same moment he started to feel angry. John always misbehaved so the attention shifted to him. It had been their fathers wake for god's sake, but in the end most people had been talking about John's return, at least the people who knew him. He didn't like to feel this conflicted and he did the only thing he could think off.

He brushed past John into the den. John followed at a slow pace and again stood in the middle of the room seemingly lost.

"What do you want?" Dave watched John flinch at the icy tone of his voice. It made him feel better for about 10 seconds.

Dave regretted what he had done, but it wasn't in Sheppard men to apologize. He and his father were similar in that way. In business you couldn't afford to show weakness and even if you knew you were wrong you still had to stand your ground.

Dave started to take in his brother and for the first looked closely at John. His brother held himself somewhat stiff and his right arm clutched at his side. John took a deep breath and Dave saw that it seemed to hurt him to do so, which immediately alarmed him. John would have to be injured and in a lot of pain to let it show like that. Dave's thought were interrupted by John next words though.

"I'm sorry," John said surprising Dave. Sheppard men never apologized! Period!

"I wish things could have been different," he added and Dave could see the pain in his eyes.

"You could have stayed," Dave said sharper that he had intended. He just couldn't help it. John flinched again shaking his head slowly.

"I wished I could have, but I couldn't. I know you don't understand and I'm sorry. I can't explain," John admitted, "I chose this life and I know Dad was not happy. I'm sorry I could never make him understand."

Dave knew his brother was making amends and deep down he knew he needed to reach out. John had taken the first step.

"You chose to take the easy way out," Dave said out of habit.

He saw anger flash in John's eyes.

"If that is what you think," John said, straightened his back.

"What do you want me to think?"

"Nothing," John said sagging into himself again. "I think I should go."

"The reading of dad's will is on Tuesday." Dave said hurriedly hoping to stop John. It worked to a certain extent.

"I meant what I said. I don't want anything. If you need a written statement or anything contact Peterson they know how to reach me."

"You are not coming?" Dave asked panicky. He couldn't lose John, not like his father had.

"It's not like you need or want me to be there," John pointed out a pained smirk rolling over his face, "listen I have to be back on base in a few hours. I came here to tell you that I'm sorry." John's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I can't chance the past and I won't. What I do matters."

"Why didn't you come back?" Dave finally asked.

"I assumed that's what dad wanted," John said copying his words from the wake. John shook his head again. Dave would never understand. "This was a bad idea," he mumbled and took a deep breath resulting in a wave of pain hitting him.

Dave watched John's hand travel to his ribcage and his eyes close in pain. Obviously something more was going on here. Dave tried to stifle his anger, if he wasn't careful John would never come back again and Claire would have his hide.

"I'm glad you came back this time," Dave said softly, seeing that if he didn't take a step in John's direction this time, the next time he would hear from him was on his little brother's funeral. "Sit down John, please."

John looked unsure for a moment than he sighed and gave a court nod. Dave saw him favoring his left side when he sat down and he couldn't quite hide the pain showing on his face. Dave swallowed the accusing question on his lips. John had come.

John took another painful breath.

"Are you okay?" Dave asked suddenly worried.

"Yeah," John said and Dave didn't ask further.

"For the will, like I told you before I don't want anything. A friend of mine is going to send you official papers."

"I won't accept them," Dave said and John looked up smirking. "Dad really regretted what happened and whatever the will says it will be his apology too, please accept it."

Dave saw that John didn't know if it was the right choice to make, but then he saw hope in John's eyes. The same hope John had had in his eyes when he had done something really good. The hope that their father would be proud of him, this hope never had lasted long.

"I can't stay here till Tuesday," John admitted his voice small. Dave knew John expected to be yelled at.

"That's really bad. Can't you talk to your CO. Tell him that you need to settle a few things?"

John thought for a moment, but then his team, Atlantis and especially Teyla came to his mind. She was in her last trimester and they still hadn't found her people. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her and he felt bad for just leaving her. She relied on him.

Dave could see him make the consideration, but then his face clouded over. "I'm sorry I can't. There are people counting on me and waiting for me to come back home." John cringed over the word home, biting his lip. He hadn't meant to hurt Dave.

"You are at home here too," Dave said his voice leveled as he watched John trying to hide his grimace. He was taking the easy way out again, but at least he had considered it. "I'm sorry you can't stay, but you are welcome. I hope one day you will realize that this is your home too." Dave didn't quite manage to keep his disappointment out of his voice this time.

Dave saw John swallow obviously not sure what to say.

"Please give me a short notice that you got back safely. I will write you about the will."

"I will be back on base next week, so it might take a little before I can reply."

"Just let me know you okay every now and then."

John nodded seemingly relieved at the turn of event. "I will," he said getting up.

Right on cue the doorbell ring announcing the return of John's ride.

"I'm here to pick up Colonel Sheppard," a young man in uniform said. He looked behind Dave and snapped to attention startling Dave.

"Colonel Sheppard, sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I'm out in a moment."

"Yes, sir," the young Lieutenant saluted again before nodding in Dave direction. Dave was astounded at the respect his brother received.

"I'm sorry," John said again.

Dave shook his head still astounded "Just let us hear from you."

"I will."

The two brothers shook hands and Dave watched John climb into the limo and was surprised about the service his bother received. He had to achieve quite a bit, not every Lt. Colonel at the Air Force was treated like that. Dave watched the car leave wondering if he ever would find out what his brother did.

XOXOXOXOXO

"You okay, sir?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," John said closing his eyes. He had managed to hide his discomfort before Dave, mostly at least.

Right now he felt like the world was crushing down on him. He hurt all over. Walking out of the house he had finally realized that now both his parents were gone and he would never be able to prove his dad that he was not a total screw up.

At least his relationship to his brother would be salvageable. The car stopped and John felt his body tingle. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that he was not in the car anymore.

"Colonel, can you open your eyes for me?" he heard Dr Lam's voice asked next to him. John sighed but obliged.

"You are a little pale. Did you take your meds?"

John sighed again.

"He didn't," Ronon supplied.

He felt a prick in his hand and tried to pull away.

"If you don't take your meds, I will give them to you!"

John scolded at Dr. Lam, but at least she didn't hook him up to an IV.

John patiently let her fuss over him. After a while he started to relax as the pain meds started to kick in.

"Alright Colonel, you are good to go. The General said that they just waited for you to dial Midway. I want you to sleep while you wait to go on," she told John looking at Ronon to make sure he understood and made sure the Colonel would comply.

Ronon nodded.

XOXOXOXOXO

Teyla waited anxiously in front of the gate. She had barely been able to sleep the last few nights and had almost asked Colonel Carter if she could follow John to Earth. Teyla wondered if her hormones were responsible for her behavior, but deep down she guessed that her feelings for John had never really ceased to exist. At times she even wished John would have fathered her child which was ridicules, Kanaan was her partner. Suddenly the gate sprang into life. It took a few moments till John and Ronon stepped through.

John smiled slightly when he saw her, but Teyla could see that he was still suffering and not only from his injuries. He moved over to her and bent his head to meet hers at the moment not really caring that everyone in the control room could see.

"Dr. Keller wishes to see both of you." Teyla's hand travelled to the hand shaped bruise visible on John's neck.

"I'm fine," John said capturing her hand in his. He held her for moment before letting go.

"How did you like Earth?" she asked Ronon giving John time to adjust. Ronon too seemed to sense that it would be best to leave John be for some time.

Teyla left both men at the infirmary. For the rest of the day she only saw John for their meal times. Teyla noticed that his mood didn't improve at all. Even being back among his chosen family, he still was much quieter than usual and when he declined to join them for movie night after dinner she started to worry.

She went to her quarters and changed for the night. She waited a reasonable time to go by before getting up again.

…

John heard a soft knock on the door. For the past god knew how many hours he had been starring holes in his ceiling, his mind and body still trying to cope with the events of the past days.

He slowly got up. He had a fairly good idea who was at his door and he couldn't help smile. He knew he was in dangerous waters whenever it came to Teyla, but he also couldn't help his need to have her close. He knew he could just pretend to not have heard her.

"Hey," he said stepping aside to let her in. She looked like she had just woken and from her face he could tell she hadn't sleep that well lately.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" he asked not waiting for her answer. "Bad dream?"

Teyla just nodded.

"What do you wanna see?" he asked next.

Teyla shrugged getting comfortable on his bed and under his sheets. His bed smelled like him and Teyla had to stifle her urge to inhale deeply.

John brought over his laptop and Teyla shifted making room on his bed for him. She wondered if he really would take the invitation, usually he sat in his chair next to his bed, only on a few occasions he had shared his bed with her.

He eyed his chair and then the free spot next to Teyla. In the end he lay down next to her. Teyla felt bold and shifted again so her head was resting on his shoulder. He tensed and it took quite some time till he finally relaxed. It was shortly before his breath evened out and he finally fell asleep.

Teyla had honestly planned on getting up and going back to her own quarters, but listening to John's rhythmic breathing and heartbeat lulled her in and she too succumbed to sleep.

John woke to the most amazing feeling. He enjoyed the feeling of Teyla laying in his embrace her back against his chest. He buried his nose in her hair and neck, his hand resting on their son.

That random thought brought him up short and he realized that he wasn't dreaming but that Teyla really lay in front of him. He refrained from moving not wanting to wake her. From the light in his room he knew it was still early.

He just lay there revealing in the feel of Teyla pressed up against him. Knowing he shouldn't, but he just wanted to hold her, taking as much comfort form their closeness as she seemed too.

Without realizing it he went back to sleep. He completely missed out on Teyla's content sigh or the smile playing on her lips.

The next time he woke it was almost midday and Teyla lay on her back awake shyly smiling at him. They exchanged another awkward smile and John decided to not address the awkwardness of the moment.

"You wanna go have breakfast?"

"That would be lovely. I just have to get back to my quarters and change." Which would be a problem as people would be outside.

John seemed to see the same problem but suddenly he smiled. "Actually I bought you some clothes on Earth; you might want to try them on."

"You bought me clothes?" Teyla asked surprised.

John shrugged. "With your people gone I thought it would be useful. Actually Dr. Lam bought the clothes for you. They are specially made for pregnant woman. Keller gave us the info on the size needed."

Teyla chuckled. "Thank you."

John rose and walked over to his closet where he had stored the bags with Teyla's new clothes.

"I also got your favorite shower gel, so if you want to have a shower." Teyla nodded, fighting her tears.

John brought her things over as well as some towels. "Here you go. I take a shower first?"

Teyla just nodded not trusting her voice. Without thinking John nodded and then bent down placing a kiss on top of her head. He straightened blinking.

"Uh, I should go." He waved at the bathroom.

Teyla starred after him her face flushed too.

Teyla inspected what John had gotten her. She couldn't believe he had done all that for her.

"Thank you," she said once more when he came back from his shower.

John nodded smiling.

"I'm going to check with the control room. I'll be back in half an hour? That's okay?" He carefully kept his distance.

Teyla nodded happily.

John still looked sad, but at least his mood had improved and he looked well rested. She herself hadn't slept this good in quite some time. She knew he wouldn't address what had occurred between them and neither would she.

She took her things and got ready for the day. Happy to have better fitting clothes, Dr. Lam had even gotten undergarments for her.

Breakfast turned into lunch because of the late hour, but at least John was smiling and laughing again and Teyla knew with time things would get better.

Please let me know what you think. Thank for reading it!