*author's note: thIS FIC IS PURELY CRACK. I KNOW MY GRAMMAR AND SPELLING AND WORD CHOICE IN THIS GODDAMN PIECE OF LITERATURE IS AWFUL OKAY I DID THAT ON PURPOSE AND IF ONE MORE PERSON THINKS IM SERIOUS WHEN I WRITE THIS TYPE OF FIC ILL KILL A MAN I STG ITS IN THE FUCKING HUMOR CATEGORY MAN AND I HAVE A REAL ACTUAL FIC ON HERE TOO AND ITS FUCKING HELLA ELOQUENT AND WELL WRITEN OKAY so without further ado please enjoy whatever the fuck this is thank u*
jim kirk had a problem.
he was a dumbass who had not been potty trained and he kept taking a shit in the middle of leonard's quarters and that wasnt flyin with this cool as fuck CMO.
"sprocket, i need u to do me a favor even tho ur a poopface okay." mccoy said to spock who was taking a vulcan tinkle in the bathroom
"what the fucking fuck man cant u see im tryna take a goddamn piss right now? fuckin humans wow fuck u go away wowo no" spock replied
"fine fuck u hobglobloin meet me in sick bay l8r ok bye" leonard snapped at spock, and then ran away to wash out the mental image of spocko's vulcan dingle dangle.
l8r that day, jim was tinklin in uhura's closet so she killed him but only metaphorically because he was the only one she could talk shit about spock with so yeah she just punched him in the dick really hard
meanwhile, leonard mccool and spock were chattin in sick bay about how to calm the captain the fuck down cause wow just stop peein and poopin everywhere its grOss
"i suggest that we attempt to 'potty train' the captain, using a combination of terran baby and domestic canine techniques, doctor." splock said
"okay, as long as i can hypo jimble in the neck at least once thank" mccoy said, looking for his favorite "im angry at jim" hypo.
they spent 98797 hours trying to make jimbob use the bathroom and by the end of it bones was so irritated that he sewed jim's butt closed and told him to just pee in spocks room the end