Note: this work of fanfiction is loosely based on Supernatural season 10, episode 7 titled "Girls, Girls, Girls."
As Hannah opened the door to her motel room, she thought of nothing but the warm bed awaiting her. Being a human was tiring. All of their needs and wants and wishes exhausted her energy, including her angelic powers.
But as the door opened, all of that flew from her mind. There was a man sitting on her bed. A strangely familiar man.
Joe, her vessel's husband.
"Caroline," he said, standing up. His eyes were haggard and glazed over with tears. He hadn't shaved that day, or the day before.
"I traced your credit card. I drove all day."
Hannah took another step forward, then faltered. Human emotion was extremely confounding. She opened her mouth to say something, anything. But she didn't know what to say.
She felt Castiel's presence behind her left shoulder.
"Who is he? Are you-are you together?' asked Joe. Hannah swallowed thickly and turned to Castiel, accidentally caressing his right wrist.
"I… yes," she murmured, staring into his deep blue eyes romantically. Castiel gazed back at her in quiet confusion and depression like a boomerang of tragic love.
"No, I don't believe you!" shouted Joe. "That's not you!"
"It is me," said Hannah with no expression at all. She reached for Castiel's trenchcoat, but then slipped and put her hand in his pocket to find… a condom. A female condom, which surprised her.
Does Castiel have a vagina?
Hannah chose to ignore these startling facts and instead grabbed Castiel's shoulders and pulled him in for an intimate kiss.
On his beautiful, long eyelashes.
"I… see…" murmured Joe, and he quickly and unobtrusively jumped out the window. His parachute then opened.
"Hannah," said Castiel sadly. "I'm so sorry to do this to you, but my heart belongs to someone else."
"Who?!" exclaimed Hannah.
"The man of my dreams… DEAN WINCHESTER!" (dun dun DUN) Castiel screamed as he slapped her in the face.
"You are not needed here!" he continued, waving his magical wand that appeared suddenly in his breast pocket.
Hannah disappeared after a smoke bomb was thrown by the little elf in the corner.
Dean appeared in her place (woosh).
His emerald eyes sparked like the sun emanating over an expanse of highway, like the Impala roaring down the road. His hair was neatly combed but mussy from a recent fist fight with Raul, his strange man stalker. He was wearing a tight black skinsuit with a red tie and a checkered cape. The cape stopped right above his butt so you could see how beautiful it was, round and plump.
The look of it made Castiel blush.
"Dean… my love," he whispered into Dean's ear suddenly. You could see Dean's erection forming, but only because the clothing he was wearing was so tight.
Castiel laid his hands gently on Dean's firm moobs (man boobs).
"Squish, squish," he said, wailing.
"Before we go any further, I have to tell you something," Dean confessed.
"I'm in love with another man."
Castiel screeched like a parrot being squashed by an elephant's foot.
Sam spoke up from the corner.
"It's me," he squealed quietly, hoping no one would hear.
But someone did.