Trapping a Mouse

I love you, I do…but…

A/N: I have absolutely no idea why I continued this (even when most of the people who review my works hated this) but I did. Don't judge me. Please. Would love to hear your insights over this.

Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters are the property of Masashi Kishimoto.

"I love you, I do. But…"

I've never considered myself a particularly good person, that is to say I've never been a considerate or a just guy. Honestly, if I was to describe myself in a word I'd choose selfish. And no, it's not because I'm fond of putting myself down or anything. It's just the way I am. But then again, who isn't selfish? Since childhood, I've always done what I wanted. Being a single child leaves little room for selflessness.

Honestly, right now what I really want to do is just stop being friends and just let go of all the feelings I hide inside. I am tired of playing friends. I thought that if it was him and I started with the best bud act, even if the road was longer, we would get there. Hell I was so certain about it that I even abandoned my other friends to get close to him. Ever since he stepped into the company, he was all I could think of. From the tips of his hair, down to the tip of his toes, he was the epitome of my ideals. To add to that, he was friendly, nice and a lot of fun.

Being with him brings me peace. It makes me happy. No matter what we do, it is always memorable. But ever since that new guy came into the scene my friendship with him is seeing troubled waters. Sasuke seemed like a nice person. He's intelligent, smart, sharp, undeniably handsome and also Naruto's ex-boyfriend (something I learnt as of late). The anger upon learning this just made me want to hurl myself at Naruto and tell him what I feel over and over till it rung in his head like a chant and he couldn't break away. I even opened up my mouth to say it but the words just froze in my throat when I saw how confused and sad he looked.

It wasn't like I wasn't aware of what was on Sasuke's mind. Even though he carries a stoic expression on his face, his eyes are not that hard to read. As a matter of fact, they are so expressive, his eyes, that if one tried; they could read him like a book. Pity Naruto never pays attention to the way they trace him, the way they follow him, the way they yearn for him.

The first day when Naruto was making mundane conversation with that dark-haired newbie as if they were long-lost friends, there was this indefinable tightness in my chest that I had no choice but to give into the voice in my head and interrupt what appeared to be their happy time together. I certainly had not missed the irritated look those dark eyes of the newbie shot me when I sat down beside Naruto to eat lunch. I think it was that coiling in my chest alone which had forced me to crack a joke in which I had purposefully mentioned the way Naruto liked his sex. The immense satisfaction I felt when those dark eyes flashed at me had been worth it.

Even though I hadn't known about their past together, I had assumed Sasuke had feelings for Naruto. It wasn't very hard to see with the way he reacted towards Naruto. So I built a pattern around them. Touching Naruto now and then in Sasuke's presence and pretending to be this oblivious friend, I made sure to bring it to the man's kind notice that it was me Naruto belongs to and not him. He took it quietly, never uttering a word but the flash of those dark eyes, hell I could get off on that! And no, this has nothing to do with any form of attraction I could possibly harbor towards Uchiha Sasuke. If anything Uchiha Sasuke is the person I hate the most in the world.

And as far as Naruto is concerned, does he think I do not see at all? Does he think I do not notice the way his back tenses every time Uchiha passes him? Does he think I fail to see the ways in which Sasuke affects him? It hurts. It hurts so bad that there are times when I wish I could just erase the existence of one Uchiha Sasuke from Naruto's life. I want my relationship with Naruto to go back to the way it was. Each lunch time while I'm seated beside the duo and watch them interact hurts like a dagger to the heart. I hate Sasuke. I hate him so much that I wouldn't blink twice if I were given a chance to kidnap him and throw him in some dank dark cellar for the rest of his sorry life. In fact, the only reason I'm holding myself back is because this would hurt Naruto.

The reason why I went to his house that Sunday was not only because of our weekend custom of hanging out and playing stupid video games. Hell I don't even like video games much. It's just the added bonus of being with Naruto that I take the pains of beat out the buttons on a gaming console and watch some character get beat up.

Anyway, I called Sasuke in the afternoon to find out what his plan for the weekend was only because I wanted to know if there was something he had planned with Naruto. I didn't ask Naruto directly for a reason and that was solely because Naruto wouldn't say it out clearly. That's the way he is, always hesitating, never saying no and trying to appease everyone. When Sasuke said he was meeting up with Naruto in the evening my insides turned. The knife embedded in my chest twisted a little and I grit my teeth all the while laughing and teasing the fucking bastard about being lucky to bag a date with Naruto. He asked me if I am interested in dating Naruto and as much as I wanted to say yes and tell him to fuck off I laughed it off and not-too-subtly changed the topic.

After spending the entire day on pins and needles when I can't take it anymore I make my way to Naruto's apartment grabbing a six-pack of beer bottles along the way. I want to know what happened and now teetering and sitting on the edge of my seat just waiting for Naruto to speak, knowing that all the while Sasuke is trying to make his move is not going to work with me. I need to get my point across to that air headed oblivious idiot before that sharp "friend" of his sweeps him off his feet.

I try to act all light and carefree barging into his apartment with the key he has given me. I walk into his living room to see him sitting there with his head in his hands deeply contemplating something. He looks up when I walk in and there is just something in his eyes which is extremely disturbing. Like he is far away thinking about something and somewhere deep down I know what it is that he's thinking about. My heart skips a beat and I want nothing more than to capture those lips rather than have his sharp teeth gnaw at them.

I bend down to press my lips to his but he moves his head at the last moment and the fear inside me boils to unexplainable proportions. This is like an unspoken rejection and my heart feels like it might break any second. I feign confusion and look into his breathtaking sapphire eyes. "What's wrong," I ask keeping my voice as light as possible, pushing his legs to make room for myself.

He shakes his head and my heart sinks. I hate the fact that he's keeping his relationship with Sasuke under wraps and here I am practically pining to get all information out of him. I shrug, a sign of openness, trying to show I don't care but every second it feels like he's just trying to draw away. It drives me crazy. I want to know more. I need to know more!

I pick up the plastic bag and rummage around the bags of chips I bought only because I need to do something with my hands. I finally pull out a bag of potato chips and rip it open. Then I grab the pack of beer pulling out two and handing one to Naruto.

This is it! I'm at my limit now. "So," I say placing my elbow on his shin and leaning on his legs, "What did Sasuke want to talk to you about?"

Naruto chokes on his beer at that and I don't like it one bit. I roll my eyes when beer dribbles down his chin and into his clothes as he stares wide-eyed at me. I lean forward to grab a couple of tissues from the box at the coffee table and hand them to him. He looks at me gratefully as he dabs frantically at his chin with the tissues. I know I have to explain how I know they met up today.

"I called him today in the afternoon," I look at him and shrug, "you know to hang out – the three of us – and he said he couldn't because he had some work. And then when I asked him what the work was with my awesome interrogatory prowess, he told me he wanted to talk to you."

It's not a complete lie but it's not the whole truth either. True I had called him with every intention of finding out if he was meeting Naruto, so under the pretext of finding out his plan I'd learned he intended to meet Naruto in the evening. I hadn't used any of my awesome "interrogatory skills". I didn't need to. Sasuke was straight as an arrow (and then not) when he had told me he was indeed seeing Naruto in the evening.

He sighs at that and tells me everything I needed to know and more. With every word he speaks, he just confirms my worst fears and I feel like breaking down and crying. He tells me how he was seeing him in the past and how perfect Sasuke is and shit I don't even give two cents about. Particularly how caring and understanding Sasuke is and all that crap.

He then proceeds to what I'm really dying to hear. He tells me about his meeting with Sasuke earlier in the day and everything is just as I feared it would be. Sasuke is still interested in Naruto. My hearts skips a beat when Naruto tells me that Sasuke asked him if Naruto and I are sleeping together and Naruto replied in the affirmative. I love Sasuke's reaction to that. It serves the bastard right for wanting to prod too much into information I'm sure he didn't want to hear.

I listen in perfect silence, keeping my ten thousand opinions and objections at bay. I can't help it! Butting in right now will seem inappropriate and once he is done I sit up straighter and clear my throat. Naruto is as dumb and as oblivious as a man can get and now honestly, I really wish to slug him in the jaw. What really irks me is the way he talks about Sasuke as if the little dipshit was nothing but an epitome of perfection! It drives me crazy to know that the person I am competing against has had such an intense relationship with the man I am interested in.

I take a deep breath as if trying to digest the story but in reality I am just looking for the right words that can convey my feelings without the added disgust that is being coated on them, "That was quite an amazing story of a perfect Sasuke." I mutter at last and hope to hell the asshole dies. But before that, I have this absolutely gorgeous but a complete idiot before me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't this irrevocably in love with him. I fight the frustration that brims below this calm and collected veneer I wear. "You Uzumaki Naruto," I point a finger at him emphasizing the weight of his crime, "you are one of the dumbest fucking idiots I know!'

He spreads his arms and says, "Now what was my fault in this?"

Honestly, I wish I wasn't so much in love with him. He really makes me want to keep him locked in a bottle or hide him in my pocket. It's crazy how overprotective I can feel towards him. I don't answer. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to tell him how his ex is still pining for him and using every wicked means in the book to try and bag him? Am I supposed to tell him how fucking stupid he is to have even considered the prospect of hanging out with an old flame who takes so much of open interest in his love life?

So I just bow my head and shake it sadly. And then I change the topic. "Dude, shall we now get down to do what I came here for?" I am not talking about the usual gaming pattern and I'm pretty sure he knows it. In fact, the panic stricken look in his eyes speaks just how much the double entendre has affected him. But then I smile and he smiles back in apparent relief as he takes the hand I offer to him.

I start the PlayStation even though my mind is miles away from the games we are playing and I just want to tell him how I feel. The fury and pain that emerges each time I think of the duo together at the bar makes me want to drown in alcohol. I sip my beer, open another bottle when the bottle in my hand finishes and by the time Naruto shuts the game console and tells me to go to bed I am in a pretty bad condition. I lean on him when he pulls me up and the sudden movement causes me to get dizzy.

It's not so bad and I am still capable of rational thoughts save for a little fuzziness around the edges. I feel him patting my mouth and I moan each quick movement doing funny things to my insides and making me nauseous. He gently guides me to what I assume is his bedroom and he lays me on the bed. My brain goes into this spiral frenzy and I adjust myself in a way so that I don't puke my guts out on his bed. Once I'm comfortable and my brain is able to work a little, I tell him I want him to sleep with me.

One of the most infuriating and the most charming traits about Naruto is his obliviousness. I often wonder if he feigns it. But one look at those blue eyes which get clouded over with uncertainty and confusion and you know this guy is just too gullible to fake emotions.

That's why when he says that he would, I am pretty sure it's not what I'm thinking of. Therefore, I crawl closer to him when he lies down on the bed and snuggle against his chest just so that he gets the message. In a sub-conscious trance-like state I close my eyes and work on doing what is it that men like being done to them the most.

I scratch his sides and rub his nipples. "Let me sleep with you," I whisper and this time the way he tenses tells me he's got my meaning alright. I'm pretty sure he's going to reject but then he turns towards me and pulls me closer. He pulls me on top of him and I take a second and a deep breath praying for the nausea to pass. After I'm okay with the position and my head has stopped revolving in a speed quite out of my control, I work my way down his body.

I lick his nipples and my breath ghosts over his rib cage. I feel him holding his breath and his ribs stand out taut. I take the liberty of biting them.

His breath catches in his throat and I don't miss the name that rolls off his tongue.

Instantly anger and regret wash over me and I think about how I want to mangle and murder that bastard for having done this to Naruto before. But then I just ignore it thinking that I do not want to ruin the mood and I just want to prove to him how much I actually like him. I kiss his navel and then bite it rather harshly out of spite. I know it is one of his weak points and I can't help but smile internally at the urgent way he pulls me up and kisses me.

In my befuddled state also I know that he's apologizing for taking another name and I kiss him back to show that I've accepted his apology. "Put it in me," I do not want another mistake like the one he just made and I definitely do not want him to think of anyone else. I bend down and lick the shell of his ear. "Now Naruto," I whisper urgently.

Now before it's too late, now when I can take advantage of the situation, now when I can still make you re-think stuff and most importantly now when I can still tell you how I feel.

He pushes me down and spreads my legs. He opens his bedside drawer to pull out the tube of lubricant and I can't help but be overwhelmed by his care. But tonight I don't need his prepping and his thoughtfulness. Tonight I just want to be selfish and take everything he's giving. Not the fancy end product but the raw core of his vitality.

I wiggle when his lube-covered fingers prod my anus to prepare me. He apparently gets the hint because he removes his fingers and gives me what I really want. He starts slowly but I lift my hips letting the pain and other sensations keep me on edge from losing my mind at the heat that envelopes me. Even though we've just had sex once and this time my brain is too muddled to be able to keep the pieces of memory together I still will my brain to remember this moment.

This perfection of seeing Naruto with his eyes closed in concentration as he rocks slowly but steadily pushing in further with every stroke, entering me deeper but at the same time holding back because I know he doesn't want to hurt me. When I begin rocking my hips telling him I'm ready through my body, he ups the pace his erection gliding into me at that perfect angle that I like. I pull him down when I feel his cock swelling inside me telling me he's close.

"I think I might be in love with you," I whisper against his ear and my heart thuds like it might explode in my chest. He rolls off me and in the silence I can hear his heart thudding madly.

I tense like a coil in anticipation as he opens his mouth. "Go off to sleep Neji," his voice sounds cold and curt and he turns to his side. I find my eyes welling up with tears I am unwilling to shed. A second later I hear him sigh in frustration and I smile against my tears thinking that my confession may have affected him just a little.

I watch Sasuke walking past Naruto's desk and the way Naruto's back tenses at the motion doesn't really go unnoticed. I curl my hands in anger when Sasuke seems rather amused at the way Naruto gets all troubled when he passes his desk. This one time he intentionally bumps into Naruto's desk and it takes all I've got to not stand up from my seat, walk there and beat the shit out of Sasuke.

I look down and stare blankly at the Excel sheet opened in front of my eyes. My mind goes back to yesterday. No, not to the night I spent with Naruto but to the meeting Sasuke had with Naruto yesterday at the bar. I can recall everything Naruto told me that transpired between them and I don't like it one bit. I know what Sasuke wants from Naruto and now judging from the way Naruto always reacts around him, somewhere I feel he hasn't really abandoned his feelings for Sasuke.

I look up to see a somewhat conversation taking place between the two and I frown when Sasuke just smirks at Naruto as if belittling his importance. And then he's there, right there beside Naruto at his work station keeping his head low and talking with some urgency in his voice.

And then he's gone and this time there is a victorious smirk on his face that irks me to no end. He looks at me and passes me that same superior smirk and I just grit my teeth and bear it refusing to create a scene at work and refusing to let him know just how much his superiority complex affects me.

I take the first chance I get to talk to Naruto. I slip out behind him when he goes out and walk behind him till the kitchenette where the coffee machine is. I tap him on his shoulder and he turns a somewhat corned expression on his face.

"Hey," I say walking past him towards the coffee machine and picking up the coffee cup from the dispenser and handing Naruto his coffee.

"Hi," he says as he pockets one of his hands and sips his coffee.

I take my own cup when it is filled and move a little away from the machine, closer to him. My ass hurts every time I walk and try as I might, I can't really hide the wince. "Didn't go easy on me, did you?" I ask thinking that pretending that I do not remember much of last night is the best way to go. He winces when he remembers last night and his wince makes me wince.

"Sorry," he says looking away. There is a slight frown on his face with addition to that awkward cornered look and I can't help but think that's it not the last night or me he has on his mind anymore. "Listen Neji," he begins but then he bites his lip in consternation.

It's almost like he wants to get away.

Did my confession really ruin things for us?

Does he needs time to sort stuff out? Does he hate me now?

Thoughts one after the other keep clouding my head and I just want to get away till he approaches me of his own will.

Before he can say anything more, I quickly raise my hands. "Oh, before you say something, I promised to have lunch with Shika," I haven't but it's the only thing I can come up with as a means to get away. I don't want to run away. Hell I don't even want to leave his side for even the fraction of a second! But I can understand his inner conflict and I am aware about the pressure Sasuke is putting on him. If anything, my confession from yesterday makes me feel as if I have added my own set of worries on his shoulders.

He looks at me totally confused. "Huh," he says.

I smile at his befuddled expression. "The thing is Shika brought this amazing Nishin Soba in his bento and you know how much I love it, right?" I quickly surmise and try to inject some excitement in my voice.

"Fine," he says and he looks a tad relieved like I just solved a major problem for him or something. I fake laughter to keep my feelings light while my heart thuds heavily in my chest as I make my way to the trash can to dispose off my empty coffee cup. Every motion big or small causes severe pain which makes me scowl at the way Naruto bursts out laughing at my discomfort.

We make our way back and I just stare at him long and hard. I want to know what's on his mind. I need to know how much my confession has affected him. I want to know who it that he's thinking of. I want to bring up my confession. But seeing his eyes makes me feel that there is something that's holding him back. So I stay silent.

"Let's get back to work, shall we?" I finally say turning towards the door and raising an eyebrow at him. When the doors open I look at him again and this time he returns the look.

I love Naruto. So much that I think I could do anything for him.

I just hope my confession works its magic and brings us together.

Throughout lunch all I can think about the way Sasuke practically dragged Naruto with him somewhere and I am nothing but a quivering mess of tension. All I can pray in my head is that nothing should go wrong now. Not after I have confessed to Naruto. I feel so dejected that the Nishin Soba that Shika's mother makes with such expertise tastes like crap in my mouth. My heart cries with an agony past bearing and I just want Naruto to come back soon and put an end to this misery.

By the time lunch time is over, my nervousness has worsened and I feel like I am going to burst into tears any minute. Naruto still hasn't returned and the worry just keeps mounting as the seconds pass by. I want him back from the clutches of that bastard who always shakes him up. I know he does. I have seen it in that satisfied smile that bastard wears and the guilty looks Naruto shoots me all the time like he doesn't want to but he can't help it, like he's trapped in this web of his own feelings. It hurts me so bad that there are times when I just want to kill Sasuke with my bare hands.

Finally, when there's about a minute left and slackers are crowding around the coffee machine to stall going back to work, Naruto walks in with Sasuke in tow. He looks a mess and my heart drops to my stomach and beats a funeral march there. He's ruffling his hair and trying to tame the golden locks in some semblance of order. His necktie is hanging loosely around his neck and his ID card which usually hangs around his neck is nowhere to be seen. I look down and notice that one of his shirt tails is also hanging out of his formal trousers. He brushes the edges of his hair and that's when I notice the huge hickey standing out stark against his dark skin.

An unimaginable anger flairs up in my chest and I grab Sasuke's hand just as he is about to step into the work space.

"A minute," I hiss so as to avoid being heard by Naruto.

He smirks at me, a smile I want to either permanently wipe away from his face or carve into it with a knife. He shrugs still wearing that insufferable expression and loiters behind.

"Just where the hell did you take Naruto?" I ask him keeping my voice low lest someone overhears the conversation.

He raises an eyebrow and his smirk widens. Panic begins to flood my insides and I have this unquenchable urge to punch him in the face regardless of the place or the time. "To my apartment," he replies coolly.

I grab him by the collar too caught up in my anger to think about the time and place anymore. "What the fuck did you just say?" I ask as I jerk his neck to bring it closer to my face.

He just smirks without saying anything and my fist raises when Kakashi walks up to us. "What the hell is going on here?" he demands and his voice brings sanity back with a crash.

I push down my arm and slowly let go of Sasuke's shirt. I can't bring myself up to look at Kakashi. "Nothing," Sasuke speaks up and straightens his shirt.

Kakashi frowns when he looks at me. I stare at some point to his right, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. I know he's expecting an explanation but right now. Finally, he sighs. "Get back to work both of you. I want to talk to you both afterwards," he shoots us a stern look before sauntering off to his work station.

I give Sasuke a dirty look. "We'll talk about this later," I hiss and then I walk away to my work station.

"What happened?" Kiba hisses the moment I wake my PC from its sleep state and type in the password.

One look at him and Kiba is back to staring at his screen. My heart beats slowly, almost sadly unable to accede to what I saw while my mind keeps pulling up the worst case scenarios and plays them over and over till I'm sure I'm going insane.

I want to talk to Naruto but what will I say? How will I explain to him this unjustifiable anger that rises in my chest when he does so much as looks at Sasuke? I want him to stop talking to Sasuke, to stop getting deeper into whatever sick mind games Sasuke intends to play. Heck I don't even want him to look at that bastard but I've played the nice guy all this time, the one who supports and understands. Just because I confessed my feelings last night doesn't mean I can go ahead and just claim my rights on him!

When work gets over I gloomily make my way to Kakashi's desk bracing my inner self to hear him chew me out. I know my behavior was unethical and unforgivable for work standards. From the corner of my eye I see Sasuke's shiny black shoes beside me. Naruto gives us a questioning look but neither of us responds, Sasuke for whatever whim he has and me because I'm too scared about what Kakashi has to say.

"So what was that all about?" Kakashi asks swirling his chair and staring up at us while folding his hands neatly in his lap and crossing his legs.

We both stay quiet, too big to rat out on the other. Besides the issue regarding Naruto is something we anyway cannot discuss with our manager. After a couple of minutes, Kakashi heaves a deep breath. "So none of you are going to tell me?" he asks looking up at us sharply. Sasuke turns to look at me and gives me a very disgusting look as if challenging me to tattle.

I look back defiantly at him and Kakashi sighs. "Fine, but whatever personal vendetta you hold against each other you two better keep it away from your work." He looks at us sharply and for a second I fear he's figured it out. "And do not involve any of my other boys in it. Hear that?" he raises a silver eyebrow and I nod thinking Kakashi really let us off easy.

Then he dismisses us with a wave of his hand. I bow in apology before leaving while my arch-nemesis merely stuffs his hands in his trouser pockets and walks away. Honestly I wish I could shove his arrogance up his ass.

I make my way to my car and am surprised to see Naruto leaning against the hood and waiting for me. He smiles when he sees me and runs a hand through his hair. "Hi," he says and the heavy feeling looming in my chest eases itself a bit.

"Hi." I say waving at him and feeling slightly silly for the elated feeling in my chest. "Sorry to have kept you waiting."

He shrugs it off with a wave of his hand and waits for me to unlock the car which I do and we both slide in. Once we get on the road, Naruto leans his seat back and closes his eyes. I think he's going to take a nap and that unnatural display of fatigue just brings to mind all the questions that have been plaguing my mind since I saw him and Sasuke walk in together after lunch just make their way to the surface of my mind again making me want to know. Yet a part of me wants to hold back because it's him and I know that if anything, Naruto can be very honest. So honest that it can hurt the tiny shred of hope I am holding on to as hard as I can.

"Why did Kakashi call you and Sasuke?" Naruto's slow sleepy voice breaks my reverie and now my heart begins pounding with a sense of dread. I hate the way I can get all angry and irrational when it comes to the blond man seated next to me.

"Just some error in some file that I forget to cross check," I say when inspiration hits me last second. Naruto chuckles and turns on the radio and sets it to the pop station where I can hear some lame ass band playing. Naruto clicks his tongue to the music dancing along to whatever pop song dance steps he knows. He looks so cute that I have a half-mind to just hit the brakes and stare at him. But there is a lot playing on my mind today and regardless of how cute Naruto looks, my mind just keeps going back to what I witnessed in the afternoon.

"What's going on between you and Sasuke?" the words that were playing in my mind are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I turn to look at him, to see the shock register in those blue eyes only to be replaced by guilt. "I saw the two of you leave together during lunch break."

Naruto looks away and I find my heart clenching sadly. His eyes have spoken enough. But a part of me wants this in word, in his voice even though my heart is drowning in slow resignation. Naruto turns away from me to stare ahead at the road. He fidgets with the end of his necktie turning it over and rolling it around his fingers and then he says, "He…umm…treated me to lunch," he nods as if his explanation can define everything and continues fidgeting with his necktie.

I sigh. Now that I've brought it out, it's time I say everything out loud. "I meant what I said in bed last night Naruto," I start breathing deeply and cutting the engine. I don't really think I am going to be able to drive under the chaos that is playing in my head.

He turns to me sharply and frowns. "You were drunk," he counters. I stifle a sarcastic laugh. Like that's even a reason!

"But my feelings are still my own," I say with more force than intended. If he thinks he can get by with playing the oblivious card this time, I am not going to let that happen. "Regardless of the state I'm in, I do love you Naruto. Hell I've loved you for a long while now. Just what part of it is so difficult to grasp?" I ask exasperatedly.

"Is Sasuke the reason you're so hostile? Neji are you confused about your feelings?" Naruto looks at me confusion clouding his eyes and for the first time since I've come to know him I want to hit him. Like physically hurt him.

"Confused?" Bewilderment and irritation crawl up my spine like gutless insects and I find myself raising my voice against my better judgment. "I've loved you ever since I've known you. Don't you throw my feelings around labeling them as confusion and shit that is associated with Sasuke! The reason why I've been all nice and quiet so far content on just being friends or friends with benefits is only because I've been waiting for you realize your feelings and come to me as a lover. I know this could be considered a cheap trick but I love you Naruto. I've loved you for so long that I don't think I have any patience left in me to sit around and be friends while Sasuke comes back and tries to scoop you from right under my nose. Your petty shit about lunches and drinks with him and you coming back with flaming hickeys all over your neck are stuff I can't take anymore." By the time I finish, I'm completely out of breath and to my utter horror I realize that there is wetness on my cheeks.

I turn to look at him and his eyes are as wide as ever, the blue showing shock and disbelief. "What is it with you two" he asks his voice hoarse. "Sasuke says he has always loved me and then he stalks me like a slimy motherfucker and tells me that I need to give you up because he thinks he can control me and you say you tell me you've loved me from the start and you play this slick game of being friends and then you tell me that I need to stop seeing Sasuke. Has either of you bothered to ask me what I feel? Does no one see that maybe just maybe all I wanted was friendship?

He licks his lips and stares ahead for a couple of seconds while I sit there and stare at him too flabbergasted to even consider all that the guy is saying. He runs an agitated hand through his hair. "Has it ever struck that brain of yours Neji that maybe, just maybe the reason why I liked how we worked was only because it lacked the word love? Because I believed that we both were out for the same thing and that as long as we were satisfying that need for each other it would be good? But you had to go and start thinking about stuff that shouldn't have been there in the first place. You go and imagine love and us as a fancy lovey-dovey couple. I mean, to top it off did I ever show any romantic inclinations towards you or Sasuke? Why then must the two of you do this to me?"

He takes a deep breath as if waiting for me and urging me to refute but I'm too much in a shocked state myself so I stay quiet taking in everything Naruto has just said. But it seems like he's not really done because he forges ahead. "And then there's Sasuke. I mean what the hell is the deal with him? Why would he have to come back again like a storm turning everything upside down? Why would he want me back? I sent him out of my life the first time! What gives him the fucking reassurance that I'd want to be with him again? Why is everything so fucking messed up? Why did it turn out like this Neji?"

He's crying now the tears streaming down his face and making his blue eyes look sadder. I want to lift him and put him in my lap and wrap my arms around him so bad, it hurts. Instead, I clutch the steering wheel in a death grip and regard him in silence while my own tears make his profile seem blurry like looking outside through the window on a rainy day. "Do you love him?" I ask quietly.

He looks up at me after rubbing his eyes and sniffling. "Huh?" he asks and I don't repeat the question. I just look at him and wait for the question to register. And though it takes a moment, the question does register. He takes a sharp breath and stares ahead as if actually thinking about that question. "I…I don't know," he answers after he clears his throat. He's actually thinking about this. The thought gives me a moment of peace.

I hadn't really thought about how I was going to deal with the answer to that question especially if he'd said yes. Would I have walked away without putting up a fight and handed him over to Sasuke? Would I have tried to convince him to stay? The prospect of doing my damndest to ensure he stayed is a little scary but seeing him walk away in the arms of someone like Sasuke is even scarier.

I close my eyes and will myself to say the words despite knowing the answer. I want to ask him if he loves me. My heart thuds madly in my chest. But I feel like I already know the answer. It is there from the moment I brought up last night but a part of me just wants him to say it while the other smaller irrational part of me wishes he could just say the opposite of it.

Naruto breaks my inner reverie when he clears his throat. My heart is now beating in my ears. He looks at me for a long moment as if assessing me for all my worth. Then he looks straight ahead and out on the road. "You know when I went with him today in the afternoon he actually talked about all the desperate measures he took to trace me and then when he'd finally caught hold of me and found out that I work in the same company he was applying to, he thought it was fate. That was the only thing that made me feel a little special but then I realized that if I were to go back to him I'd only have the past to talk about. Like the stale remnants of what was once a beautiful relationship. But then he kisses me and we are back to being what it is. He spews bullshit and I am convinced it's right." He looks at me and his eyes are wild. He looks like he's a caged animal. So scared and lost. Like that thin line between rational and irrational is blurring and he doesn't know what to do anymore. Like he can't see me anymore because he's too busy thinking about Sasuke and what he did to Naruto.

And then it strikes me. I didn't stand a chance in the world! I never did from the start. It was me. It was me all along who lost his head; it was me who crossed the line. Naruto always knew what he wanted from the start and it wasn't me. It wasn't anything beyond friendship or beyond the physical realms of our friendship.

My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach and I want to laugh at my presumptuous thoughts. Fresh tears make their way out leaking from the corner of my tightly closed lashes. On one hand there is I who overestimated himself in believing that he could make Naruto fall in love with him and then there is Sasuke who has already received a piece of that heaven and then lost it only to have to go to whatever lengths he did to track Naruto down and get him back again.

But does that mean he's never felt anything for me? Not even…I try to grapple for the right word…not even a speck of that wild fire he ignites in my insides? Is he that cold and callous? Hasn't he ever in this term of knowing me…ever considered being with me romantically? "You can choose me Naruto. You know I'm the right person. I am the right choice Naruto!" My voice sounds hoarse as I lay the last of my cards on the table and bare myself for the final blow. I look out of the window too much of a coward to look at Naruto and stare bleakly at the bright lights of the towering skyscrapers against the summer evening.

Beside me I hear Naruto shuffle slightly and I can see his silhouette in the window as he grabs his hands together and presses his left palm with his right staring guiltily down at them. He sits like that for a long moment and I let him, too heartbroken to probe. He licks his lips and then turns his head to look at me. "Neji…I…I love you, I do! I've desired you physically but I can't think of you…just not romantically…" he trails off uncertain of what to say anymore, how to repair this damage.

I know this side of him too. It's a side that believes in keeping his bonds and living together as one big family. Initially I was happy about it because it was the main reason how we met and became friends. Today I can't do anything but loath it because I know that being friends with him is only going to be painful. Regardless of whether I am able to overcome this pain and move on, I know that he and I can never go back to being friends.

I'm brought out of all repulsive thoughts when I hear him heave a heavy and tired sigh. "I know that choosing you is the right thing," he says softly, his right thumb still pressing the palm of his left and he stares ahead at the road.

I turn towards him sharply almost giving myself a whiplash. Try as I might to squelch it, the hope inside me is welling up again and I can only stare at him aghast as he takes yet another piece of me which I know he's going to shred to bits. "I know that if I were to choose you, you'd only bring me happiness and I wouldn't drown in this…in this misery. But I can't Neji, I'm sorry I can't do this." He straightens his shoulders.

"Will you go back to Sasuke?" My pride bites the dust as I force the words out. I don't think I could sink any lower.

Naruto chuckles without humor. It's almost heartbreaking to watch him. "I don't know Neji. Fuck! I don't even know what's what anymore! All I know is that you're an awesome friend Neji and I'm glad I got to know you in more ways than one. But I cannot choose you. Goodbye Neji." With that he gives me a chaste peck on my lips, grabs his bag, unlocks his door and steps out and slams the door shut after him.

I don't chase him. I know he's not expecting me to. I just press my head against the wheel and fight the urge to scream and cry till my throat runs dry. But my body is treacherous as it convulses into sobs and I pour my sorry out into the night. I really must be the biggest scum of the earth because despite understanding Naruto's pain I find myself chanting just one thing in my head.

Please don't choose him. Please don't go back to Sasuke…

The End of Part II

For everyone who enjoys this series, there will be a part three.