As a human, my life had been filled with pain and, when I became a demon, that pain became unbearable. Not many things could be said for me, Ciel Phantomhive. I was grumpy and proud and consumed by my lust for revenge.
But I knew what love was.
It was God's cruel joke when I fell in love. My affections were not for my future wife, Cousin Elizabeth, nor for any other young Lady. No, my heart belonged to a man: a man who had saved me countless times, a man who was always there when I needed him, a man who was not a man but a demon; a demon who owned my soul.
Of course, I knew it was wrong and I tried not to feel anything for him. I tried to love Elizabeth. I tried but had less than no success. So I put up with it and I had planned to tell him when ... things changed.
After a case forced upon me by the Queen, I'd discovered Sebastian had slept with a woman who called herself Beast. It was then that I realised how stupid I had been. There was no way Sebastian would ever care for me the way I wanted. There was no way he could prefer a boy over a fine young woman.
So I kept silent.
I hid my affection for him until I could almost fool myself into believing I felt nothing for the man. Almost.
I became secretly insecure. I began to wonder what was wrong with me, why Sebastian couldn't love me. Was I too stubborn? Too naïve? Too ugly? Did, perhaps, his taste only limit to woman? Was that the problem?
Once I found myself looking into a full length mirror, picking out all my flaws in my appearance. I was too small. Too pale and my eyes -though that was Sebastian's fault- were two different colours. My lips were too red and my body too fragile.
Then my heart was torn some more when Sebastian slept with a nun for information. I could barely look at Sebastian after that knowing I would never be good enough for him.
By the time the contract was fulfilled, I welcomed death. I wanted it...needed it. My heart had been sliced to pieces and the pain was Hell.
But Death was snatched away from me as I was snatched away from Sebastian.