Welcome To Pandora

by Golden Gecko

Just a short poem or rap I came up with in about an hour or so and I thought I'd share.

Welcome to Pandora, hope you brought your backpack, Dora;

The vault seal, everything here wants you as a meal, man, shit just got real;

So leave out the doom, forget the duke, and get ready to joy puke;

this land is no mans lands, this is mother fucking Borderlands;

money don't grow on trees, ain't nothing in this life for free;

bite the dust you Halo wussies, run for cover you COD pussies;

"Well Master Chief beat back the flood!"

Yeah, but can he survive being drenched in drifter blood?

The BFG vs my Atlas Ogre, we'll see how much damage each can fork over;

One shot to my 60, at ten rps, they'll be nothing left to shoot, what a pity;

come on, bring it on, your just another FPS pawn, ready to get a turret shoved up your ass, time for some pwnage peon;

Ready for some guns, lets go down the rungs,

Shotguns, machine guns, pistol guns, scoped guns, elemental guns, just tons & tons of guns;

Marcus Kincaid's got your hook up, you'll have more devastating shit than 2 Girls 1 Cup;

Now your ready to pop your cherry, dish out more blood than in the movie Carrie;

Mad Moxxi's Underdome, General Knoxx is on the phone;

Spiderants, ninja claptraps;

Bandits, skaggs, mad midgets with mutated digits;

motherfucking Mothrakk, goddamn Crawermax, holy shit so many contracts!

Its mastery of bad-assery and kick assery, no dastardly tomfoolery is going to stand up to your bullet chemistry;

Max out your stats, squash'em like ants;

So if your looking for villainous foes, and some giant monsters to kill with bros?

And your sick of military shooters, tired of dying to a bunch of noobers?

Then off to The borderlands you go, to turn everything in into liquid goo;

But if you've already had your fill, might I suggest the sequel!