AN: GS/GSD is by no means owned by, nor created by mean.
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Her Eyes
By Veil of Ignorance
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It wasn't me. I knew it was my reflection in the mirror, but it just did not feel like that was who I was. I felt nothing for the face that stared back at me. I saw nothing in those darkened pools, all I saw was an unknown girl. She held nothing inside of her besides emptiness. Her face to familiar but at the same time I couldn't place where from. All I knew, what I understood was, she was slowly wasting way and soon only a hollow shell will remain, a walking zombie. I knew it was me, it just didn't feel like it was who I was.
I do not know who I am. All I know is my name, but that had lost all meaning to me long ago.
It sounded so foreign in my mouth, my own name. Some how, same where along the way my name has failed to represent who I was. It was just a word people knew me by. It had once held great meaning I knew that, but as my darkness grows; my name had lost all significant to me. No longer did it make me feel, rather it added to my shadows. I couldn't feel for that name or the owner of it.
I don't know how the person I'm looking at and what I feel inside is the same thing, it can't be. The face in the mirror feels so surreal, I only felt like a shadow of the face before me.
I do not know what brought on this darkness, emptiness. Sometimes I think it's a curse, some evil spell. Then again I have grown to live with the shadows that dual within me, it has become a part of me. I do not hate the feelings of hollowness.
No.
They make me stronger, give me courage for what I crave the most, independence.
The vast hole inside of my sole, gives me strength to be what I want to be, to be reliable, a rock, a solid monument which will not budge. My darkness gives me the endurance to with stand the pain of others, to care for the once I love without shading a tear. To be a reliable oak tree that will never wave, even with great winds.
The bareness is like a secret lover to me. No one must know about this shade which larks beneath the surface of my being. No one will ever understand my clandestine love, not understand the will my darkness brings me. No one will see it's my greatest strength. They will only see it as my darkness. As my furtive weakness, which will slowly consume me, from within, but never as my shadow knight.
I do not want my secret love to leave me, I fear without my blankness I will be destroyed. I fear my darkness leaving, I fear the light returning.
I remember the light. I remember how weak and vulnerable the light makes one, the emotions that rush to the surface. How the smallest things in life will tear my insides apart and make it so that there will be a love for everything in life. I fear those feelings; I fear the weakness that comes with those emotions. I fear the tears that will follow and hate the feelings of self regret and self pity, which comes with the emotions of light.
Yes.
I value my darkness. I cherish the emptiness. The feelings of not knowing the face that stares back from the mirror. Seeing the hollowness in those endless dark pools. Looking at my reflection and not knowing who I am. I do not want my secret lover to leave me. I fear I am weak with out my dark knight, who came to me without my knowledge, who I fear one day leave the same. I am terrified by the thoughts of the light returning and taking away my dark love, the source of my inner strength.
The face in the mirror still did not feel as if it was me. It was still that unknown girl, who carriers a grave emptiness within. But I have accepted the darkness and in those black emotionless pools I saw her darkness, the emptiness, the hollowness that was hers and mine. The secret companion who will never forsake. It was clear my secret lover will never leave me. I knew my dark knight will remain with me, slowly eating away at me and soon only a hollow shell will remain, a walking zombie. I knew it was me in the reflection, it just didn't feel like it was who I was. I was a stranger to myself and the world. the girl in the mirror, she was not who I was.
No.
It was who I had become