Note: This story is written for my amazing friend Mey'sPen, a prime example of how Harry Potter brings people together all around the world (literally)! She started accidentally reading my fic No Moment of Charm Born on Bare Soil, despite expecting it to be a Lily/James fic (it's not), and what a happy accident it was because somehow we have ended up with the best correspondence despite our differing tastes!
To Mey'sPen: To be able to connect with someone over a fandom and then effortlessly and naturally move on to true friendship is a rare thing, and thus I am so happy you accidentally clicked on my fanfic that day. Your letters have truly been the highlight of my week all throughout winter and spring, and your opinions and views of the world have enriched my life a lot. I simply can't wait for your July visit to my home country, we are going to have a blast!
And just so you know, it was SO difficult for me to write this Lily/James fic since I am Snily all the way; while I love writing about James I have never before attempted to write him in a romantic role (that's why it took me so damn long to finish this!), but I hope you will nevertheless have fun reading this – I thought you really deserved to read a little Jily action after having had the stamina to read through all my Snily fanfics.
Lots of bisous to the opposite side of the world, and say hello to the palm trees for me. Thank you for being such a great friend! 3
And to my fellow Snily lovers: run away! Shield your eyes! This story isn't for you!
A very Muggle date
The Muggle milkshake bar they had agreed to meet in was buzzing with people: trendy long-haired teenagers with their flared trousers and knee-high socks and v-necks, who were drinking their milkshakes and coffees, waiting for the nearby theatre performances to begin. It was cold outside, but inside the tight small space it was hot, all the heavy winter coats shed by the customers now hanging in enormous piles on unsteady racks by the door. You're the one that I want by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John was blaring from the radio behind the counter; Lily nervously wondered whether it was supposed to be some sort of an ironic sign from the gods. Then she took a deep breath. It was just this one date – and it wasn't really even that. It was just something to finally make him shut up, to stop asking her out... though she had to admit that this time she couldn't wait to see James. And no matter how much he might wish it was so, it actually wasn't because Lily had a secret crush on him. No, tonight was about finally teaching him a lesson. She smirked as she took a sip of her milkshake.
The bell above the door jingled and Lily eagerly lifted her eyes from her drink, but to her disappointment it was just a giggling couple, the girl burying her face to the bloke's shoulder, him with his hand on her bum. Lily gave the café around her a quick glance, and was a little taken aback to take notice, for the first time, that it was filled to its capacity by of couples. Couples kissing. Couples sitting in each others' laps. Couples sitting with other couples. Fit, fashionable young couples. Oh, hell. This was not what Lily had had in mind when she had suggested they meet here - when she had come here to check the place out in advance on a Thursday afternoon the week before, there had only been an old lady sitting alone at the corner table, inconspicuously pouring dry cat food in the hole atop the cat carrier on the chair next to her, her date meowing hungrily from inside it. Perfect for her and James, then, Lily had thought as she had gazed around the empty milkshake bar; the least romantic place in town. But of course, it was Saturday evening now, and all the teenagers were out – she should have realised the place might become crowded.
The jingling of the bell caught her attention again, and she turned her head towards the door. It was him, finally, only two minutes late this time, which must have been his personal record. James Potter stepped in from the cold, stomping his snow-covered feet against the carpet, had a quick glance around the room before his eyes settled on her. He looked positively beaming as he saw her, and for a moment Lily almost felt bad for him, realising he had probably waited for this night... well... for years.
James made his way towards her, and she skimmed him over. To her vexation, he was wearing a long cloak-like coat which covered him from his neck all the way to his ankles. He checked her out quite openly, and she couldn't help but blush, suddenly self-conscious about her clothes, wondering if she had worn too suggestive clothes after all. Though she had to admit that the only person who would ever find her baggy, heavy-knit sweater and jeans suggestive was her prudish grandmother, bless her soul.
"Lily, Happy New Year! You look great!" James greeted her, and then there was that awful awkward moment that Lily had been afraid of; he tried to give her a kiss on the cheek, she tried to thrust out her hand; he ended up leaning towards her with a confused expression on his face, and she finally let him plant a kiss on her cheek just so he didn't look quite so much like he was giving her a bow. He smelled nice. She hated herself a little when her eyes fluttered closed when his lips touched her cheek.
"Oh, you ordered already," James said and sounded disappointed. But before Lily had the time to say anything, he masked his disappointment and lifted Lily's glass, giving it a sniff. "Strawberry – how adventurous. Never mind, I'll get you a new one."
"But I like strawberry, "Lily objected weakly to his back which was already on its way to the counter. She came to think she had never before seen James outside the familiar grounds of Hogwarts, and it was a little bizarre to see him so far removed from the surroundings she had come to associate him with for so many years. In fact, she didn't think she had ever before even seen him out of his school robes. For Lily, school-life and Muggle-life had generally always been two distinct parts of her life, best kept separate for everyone's convenience, and to have somebody abruptly leap over the line separating her Muggle-life from her school-life was a little startling.
James took his time at the counter, gawking at the Muggle money he had pulled out of a rather conspicuous-looking gold-embroidered leather pouch. He handled the banknotes clumsily, like they were tissues or napkins, bunching up a pile and thrusting them out towards the girl behind the counter, who eyed him with a sour look on her face while trying to unfold the crumbled notes, quite obviously thinking he was the biggest plonker she had ever seen. An opinion which Lily full-heartedly supported, though she couldn't help but feel a twinge of something like affection – not for him, of course, but for the utter wizardness of everything he did. But she quickly turned her eyes away from him. Oh well, soon she'd have her laugh and be on her merry way, so let him buy her that damn drink he had been so adamant at buying her for years.
After ten minutes, during which the bell above the door chimed multiple times and a restless queue had started to form behind James, he grabbed the two glasses the girl behind the bar had given him and made his way back, beaming again as he thrust the other glass at Lily. The liquid was orange, and Lily gave it a suspicious sniff.
"What is it?" She asked him.
"Oh, all sorts of things – my secret recipe", James said and grinned. Lily continued to glare at him suspiciously, and so he continued. "There's banana, orange, pumpkin, guava, papaya, pineapple, coconut, lemon, pomelo, kiwi – wait, you're not allergic to anything, are you?"
Lily shook her head and took a sip; James looked at her expectantly. The juice was sweet and tropical, and Lily nodded approvingly. James seemed to immediately relax, as though her approval was all he had been waiting for. He took a deep breath, grinned again and then started to take off his coat. Lily realised he had been nervous – imagine that, James Potter, nervous! - and again felt a small twinge of guilt as he continued to undress.
"You find your way all right?" She asked him, banishing the twinge and sipping her smoothie innocently.
"Yeah, thanks – I Apparated to the city, then I wandered about a bit, but it really wasn't that hard to find once I asked for directions," James said and opened the buttons of his coat, one by one, looking around himself happily. "But look at this – a real Muggle, uh... place!"
The final button came out of its hole and he shrugged the coat off him. Ah – and there it was, in all its glory; pink and everything. Lily couldn't help but snort in laughter as she looked him up and down, but quickly masked her laughter into a cough. She wasn't the only one who stared at James; a girl by the bar had poked her boyfriend on his side and they had both turned to look. Then the couple in the next table turned to look, too. James eyed around himself a little self-consciously, then he turned towards Lily. The sequins jingled as he moved.
"I take it I'm not completely appropriately dressed, am I?" James asked casually, but Lily saw bright red spots appearing on his cheeks.
"Well... technically..." Lily started, swallowing her laughter. He looked absolutely ridiculous – her friends would have a field day when she told them about her little prank next week at Hogwarts. "You are perfectly appropriately dressed for a Muggle date. For a girl, that is."
James stared at her solemnly, his eyes moving between hers. Some girl giggled loudly and scornfully behind him, eyeing the pink, sparkling, ruffled dress he was wearing. He looked like a large, black-haired flamingo that had been dipped up to his ears in glitter. Lily laughed. She wished she had come to think of taking a camera with her – this was just too good. But as James continued to stare at her with an uncharacteristically stony expression on his features, the red spots on his cheeks deepening by the minute, her laughter died and she couldn't help but feel just a little ashamed of herself. She felt her own cheeks turn red under his unreadable gaze.
"So I take it you've had me on?" James asked her.
"Umm..." Lily said and this time she was certain her cheeks had turned red. "I... well, yeah. I mean, I thought it was going to be funny..." her voice trailed.
"What a freak!" A bloke dressed in a Levi's whispered to his girlfriend, quite loudly. His girlfriend giggled. Even the song that had been playing ended, leaving behind a brief uncomfortable silence filled with muffled giggling and whispering.
James just stared at Lily. The shade of her cheeks was by now probably as garishly pink as the shade of his dress. Had she gone too far after all? When James had asked her how Muggles dressed up for dates, this mean little idea had just popped into her head and been too hard to resist; two birds with one stone, Lily had thought. She'd get to humiliate James, and he would finally get that date he had pestered her for so long about. But now she couldn't help but feel like she had done something wrong. James stared at her like he had never before seen her, and she felt uncomfortable, almost afraid he would tell her off and run out.
But just when Lily had had enough of the awkward silence and was on point of starting to profusely apologising for her stupid prank, James suddenly straightened himself, grabbed his smoothie, took a long sip, then shrugged and walked over to the dangerously full racks, casually throwing his coat over one swaying rack, not paying any attention to the multiple eyes following him and his ruffled pink backside. He came back to Lily and sat on the chair next to her, very close to her. Lily instinctively leaned away from him, wondering what he was up to now. She knew that look in his eyes too well. James smirked.
"Well, whatever Lily Evans wants, Lily Evans gets," James said very loudly, and swung one sequin-covered arm over Lily's shoulder. He turned towards the other tables and raised his smoothie in the air, saluting the gawking crowd, then turned back towards Lily, who was eyeing him in shock. He smiled smoothly. "If this is what you're into, who am I to judge?"
"I – I'm into?" Lily repeated, trying to lean even further away from him, feeling the blush on her cheeks deepen.
"Well – you are on a date with me," James said patiently, loud enough for the neighbouring tables to hear. "And you told me to wear girls' clothes. So... here we are. On a date. With me wearing girls' clothes. Just the way you wanted."
Lily eyed him in horror.
"That's not – this is not even a date!" She spluttered loudly, eyeing around herself in embarrassment, realising suddenly what it looked like. "This is just a... a meeting!" She didn't quite know if she tried to convince James, or the fashionably-dressed gawking couple sitting in the next table.
"Aww, don't be so prudish, my darling," James said loudly and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, leaving behind a tingling sensation as his fingertips briefly brushed over the apple of Lily's cheek. "You couldn't have chosen a more romantic spot. Wouldn't have done a better job myself!"
And he happily eyed at the Muggle couples littered all over the café, at the little twinkle lights hanging from the Christmas tree in the corner, and the cosy little tealight between them on the table; neither of which which had been there last Thursday when Lily had vetted the place out. James was smoothing the hem of his dress like he was just wearing any old black robes, his other arm swung over Lily's shoulders in a casual manner. He no longer looked even remotely self-conscious, and instead eyed around himself like he was thoroughly enjoying the attention the nearby tables were bestowing upon him.
Lily wanted to sink through the floor, her cheeks and ears burning. In her imagination she had had a good laugh about his outfit, and then victoriously pranced out of the door after James had escaped his public humiliation. Serves him right for always being so vain, Lily had thought when she had advised him to wear the dress. It had never really occurred to her that he might stay after realising his fashion mishap. And next to James's glittery, girly dress, Lily now regretted her own unfortunate choice of baggy, borderline boyish clothes for the evening; she and James rather looked like they had gender-swapped for the evening.
But just as Lily was contemplating rushing out of the door to escape her own humiliation, James turned to look at her, and Lily was taken aback to see that he was smiling crookedly. In his eyes gleamed a familiar, triumphant look. A familiar look. Lily immediately straightened in her chair. Damn Potter! He was purposefully just trying to make her embarrassed to pay back for her prank! Lily pursed her lips and grabbed her smoothie, taking an angry sip of the delicious tropical blend. James kept on smirking in that annoying manner, and Lily suddenly knew she just had to get that smug smile off his face.
"I see you decided to wear your favourite dress tonight," Lily said loudly and meanly. "I hope you're wearing the matching underwear, too? The pink ones – with the garters?"
James hardly blinked. "At your convenience, I left out underwear completely. You know – easy access. I know what you like."
And he had the audacity to throw an outrageous wink at Lily. She pursed her lips even tighter and clanked her glass down on the table.
"Well, good, because I've got something waiting at home which I'm going to shove straight up your -"
"Shh, honey, not everyone has to know about your toy collection," James hushed her. "Impressive as it might be."
"It's not mine, you git! It's yours!" Lily hissed, her cheeks burning in humiliation. She was feeling vexed to find herself running out of good comebacks so soon. She was extremely aware of the chuckling and staring around them. It was apparent that her and James's weird behaviour had fast become the attraction of the evening as far as onlookers were concerned. "I want to leave," she muttered and got up without waiting for an answer.
"Ah! So eager to get me home," James said happily to the girl sitting at the next table, and put his arm around Lily's waist as he sprang up from the chair. "I knew you couldn't resist me for long. That's the magic of this ensemble – it's bound to dazzle."
Before James could continue his public taunting, Lily pulled him behind herself, her cheeks burning like coals, and grabbed his coat, chucking it on him and then yanking her own over her shoulders. James rushed to the door and the bell jingled as he opened the door for her, and bowed at her with grandiose gestures. Lily stepped out without giving him as much as a glance. The crowd in the milkshake bar was still gawking at them through the window when the door closed behind them.
"Come on, Lily," James said, grabbing her arm as she was about to leave him without another word. "It wasn't that bad, was it? It was fun, yeah? Isn't that what you wanted? A bit of fun? I'm known to never disappoint in that field."
"That was so humiliating!" Lily hissed. "You're such an idiot, Potter!"
"Oh, so now it's Potter – just a while ago you were promising to shove something up by backside, and now we're back to last names?" James said, his voice full of laughter. Lily turned to throw a murderous glare at him. James let go of her arm, lifting his arms up in surrender. "I would like to remind you that it was you who set me up, notthe other way around, despite what one might assume from your morose behaviour." He still sounded quite amused.
Lily crossed her arms. "Yeah, well, it serves you right for not taking 'no' for an answer! Maybe if you weren't always such a git I wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures!"
James's face fell. His raucous glee suddenly gone, he nodded, and kicked at the pebbles at his feet. "Right. So you agreed to see me just to make a point. Well, I get it. You hate me."
His voice was unreadable, and he avoided her eyes. Lily exchanged her weight from one leg to the other. Was he serious or was this just another one of his little tricks?
"I don't hate you. Hate is a very strong word," Lily muttered awkwardly.
"So – you don't hate me?" James asked her, looking up.
"Well – no," Lily admitted. "I don't hate you. I just can't stand you."
James scratched his neck and looked confused. "And remind me again - what's the difference between those two?"
Lily sighed. "Really? Are we going to go down this road? Can't you just believe it when I say I can't stand you, bid me good night – thanks for the laughs, see you at Hogwarts, that sort of thing?"
"No," James said and looked very unhappy, much unhappier than when he had realised he was standing in a crowded café wearing a ladies' dress. He again ran a hand through his hair and fixed his eyes upon her. "I was really, really looking forwards to that date with you."
"Why can't you just take some other girl and go on a date with her?" Lily asked in exasperation. She was starting to get cold, and had to breathe into her hands to keep them warm. "Why's it got to be me - when I've made it clear to you, over and over again, how I feel about it?"
"Because I -" James swallowed. "I really, really like you, Lily. And if I have to put on a stupid girly dress and make a fool out of myself just so that you'll go out with me, I will." He gestured at himself with a sheepish look on his face. "As you can see."
Lily gawked at him. "You knew I was setting you up? And willingly wore that?"
He gave her a lopsided smile. "No sane fashion movement in the world would bestow clothes like these upon any human male. I'm not that stupid."
"You must be out of your mind", Lily said in shock. "I can't believe you actually wore that knowingly!"
"As I said, what Lily Evans wants, Lily Evans gets," James shrugged. "And also, for future reference – never attempt to shame a man who has no shame."
Lily smiled half-heartedly. "Right. Should've realised."
James just stood there, his hands in his pockets, a sliver of pink glittery fabric peeking from under the hem of his coat. His hair was ruffled as usual, and Lily suddenly felt another little twinge of affection for him as he continued to gaze at her, a slightly uncertain look on his face despite his smug words. She could tell he was searching for rejection or confirmation from her face; a sign whether the date was now over after she had had her laugh, or whether he had managed to gain her respect with his move. Lily had to admit, a big part of her was impressed by how willingly he had made a fool of himself, just to get to spend a few private moments in her company.
"After all this, the least you could do is to have an actual drink with me," James said after a moment's silence. "Now that you've had your laugh. Come on... what do you say?"
He peered at her hopefully.
"I don't know..." Lily hesitated. Her eyes trailed at the pink sliver of fabric showing under his coat. "Where the hell would we even go with you dressed like that? Sorry, but I'm not going to embarrass myself any further tonight."
"Would it look better in black?" James asked. "I could always transfigure it..."
"Um... I don't think it would help with the ruffles and... and the sequins... or the corset top, for that matter..."
"Yeah, better not. I'd have to take it off to transfigure it, and it's a bit cold for that - and I suppose you don't fancy me getting naked out here in the street."
Lily hoped her glare communicated exactly how she felt about that suggestion. James ruffled his hair absent-mindedly, his eyebrows set in a frown.
"Thought so. But let me get this straight... if we went somewhere where my clothes wouldn't embarrass you, you would go on a drink with me?" He asked, just to make sure. "Like, on a proper date?"
Lily bit her lip.
"I... I guess..." she said uncertainly. "But unless it's somewhere really cold where you can wear the coat, I don't think that's going to happen."
James nodded, looking slightly dejected.
"Maybe we can do it some other time," Lily offered guiltily. "At Hogsmeade some time... or next summer..."
"No!" James said. "Come on Lily, don't tell me I spent all this time dressing up for nothing! It was hard work, getting this thing on." And he actually pouted.
"Well, what do you suggest, then?" Lily asked surly.
James again ran a hand through his hair and seemed to be thinking very hard. Then an infectious grin suddenly spread on his face.
"Oh, I know! Come on!" He grabbed Lily by her hand, and before she had the time to resist, had started excitedly pulling her along with him. "I know just the place!"
"What place?" Lily asked him, hurrying to keep up with his long strides, having a bad feeling about whatever place his dress wouldn't stand out in. "James! What place?"
"You'll see," James said cryptically. He didn't let go of her hand. It felt warm in hers, so she just let it be. He tightened his hold when she didn't object.
They walked two blocks South, until they reached red lights. James intended to just continue walking straight into the traffic, and Lily had to pull him back before he got crushed by a honking double-decker bus.
"What are you doing!" She exclaimed in fright. "The light's red! That means stop!"
"It does?" James asked uncertainly and peered at the traffic light. "Those lights up there?"
"Yes! And maybe the speeding cars should have given you a hint, you plonker!" Lily scolded him.
But James just seemed to get excited.
"Why, I always wondered how Muggles knew when to stop and when to walk!" He said appreciatively. "They really are practical, aren't they! I dare you to go and propose something like that to the Wizengamot. Can you imagine wizards queuing on Diagon Alley because some coloured light tells them to stop, no matter how practical it might be? You'd have a war on your hands before long."
"Yeah, well, we have a war on our hands either way, don't we? In my opinion quarrelling over traffic lights would be an improvement to the whole matter of Pureblood elitism, really," Lily said. She sighed. "But just try not to get yourself killed, all right? I'd hate to end this night at the morgue."
"Are you worrying about me?" James asked her, sounding amused. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she stiffened. "You are, aren't you?"
"No," Lily said sourly. "And get your hands off me!"
"Sorry," James said, and removed his arm. But then he grabbed her hand again and flashed her a dazzling smile. "I like it, though. When you're, you know, not worrying about me." He winked conspirationally.
He started pulling her across the road when the crowd of Muggles around them started crossing the road. While they were crossing over, Lily again came to think how strange it was to see James outside school, among the cars and traffic lights and intoxicated Muggles on their way to bars and to the labyrinths of theatres at West End. She wondered if he ever came to Muggle London, or if his family always just went straight to Diagon Alley, where their robes and and fancy leather-pouch wallets didn't stand out, and where they didn't have to worry about jumping onto oncoming traffic and getting themselves killed. As they turned around the corner, she couldn't help but ask him.
"Of course I've come here before," James said. "How do you think I knew about the traffic lights?"
"You mean, how you didn't know about the traffic lights?" Lily corrected him.
"Well, same difference. I've seen people cross the roads, anyway."
"Imagine that – and you're only eighteen years old," Lily muttered sarcastically.
"Seventeen, actually," James said. "My birthday isn't until March."
"Oh, right. You're so young," Lily said scornfully.
"Young? Aren't you seventeen too?"
"Well... yeah," Lily admitted. "But I have my birthday in three weeks, so..."
"I know. January the 30th, right?"
"How do you know?"
"Oh, I know everything," James said modestly and pulled her around another corner, leading her to an empty dead end street. "I'm very wise and clever."
"Oh, shut up..."
"Ah!" James suddenly exclaimed, stopping in his tracks. "Here we are! I Apparated to the end of this street on my way – I asked directions from a couple of blokes who were outside having a fag."
He pulled Lily through an inconspicuous door in the wall, which led to a dingy, dirty hallway. She didn't have the time to see the name of the place. It didn't look like a door leading to any sort of a café or bar; if anything, it reminded Lily of some hallway leading to a slaughterhouse. There was music playing somewhere far away.
"Uh..." She said and eyed the graffitied walls, feeling uncomfortable. "Is this date going to end up with me stuffed into rubbish bags at the bottom of the Thames? If the answer is yes, I should tell you right now that there won't be another date."
"What? No! Why would that happen?" James asked her, frowning in confusion. "You're so weird sometimes. Come on!"
He led Lily to a door at the end of the hallway, and knocked, turning to beam at Lily. She eyed the grey, dingy walls with a frown on her face.
"So, if you don't wind up in rubbish bags, there will be another date?" James asked cleverly, grasping at the slip of her tongue.
But Lily was saved from having to answer when a large, muscular man with a huge moustache peered out of the door. The sound of the music was playing louder from the open door, coming from somewhere inside. The bouncer scrutinised them over.
"ID?" He said.
James, who had apparently intended to just walk in, paused and looked confused; Lily started backing away from the door.
"Come on, James, we can't go in," she said and tried to pull him away. "We're not old enough."
"But we're of age!" James objected to her.
"Sorry, but without an ID, you can't come in," the moustached bouncer said.
"Listen, for Muggles the age limit is eighteen," Lily whispered into James's ear. "We can't go in."
"Oh, that's ridiculous!" James scoffed. "Of course we can go in!"
"Not without an ID, you can't," the bouncer reminded, crossing his arms.
"Oh, sod it," James said decisively and pushed his hand into his pocket. Before Lily had the time to even react, he pulled out his wand and pointed its mahogany tip between the bouncer's eyes. "Confundo!"
"Welcome," the bouncer said. He held open the door and gave a confused little bow, then straightened and blinked as though he wasn't quite certain why he had done it.
"Cheers," James said and pushed his wand back into his pocket. He took Lily's hand and pushed her inside. "See. Told you we could go in."
"That was illegal," Lily hissed into his ear. James waved his hand indifferently.
"Now, really, who's going to tell on us? Come on!"
They were standing at the top of a winding stairway, and as Lily peeked over the railing, she saw a dimly lit, crowded bar, which couldn't have looked more different to the grimy hallway they had entered through. They appeared to be standing in some sort of a bar, possibly illegal, considering its shady location. Small round tables littered the floor, around which people drank, laughed and clinked glasses. There was a stage at the back of the room, where a flamboyantly dressed, muscular performer was singing a cheerful jazz tune.
"Really. A drag show?"
"What better way to blend in?" James asked, flashing a grin at her as he pulled her decisively down the stairway. "Come on!"
And so Lily soon found herself sitting from one of the dimly-lit plush velvet chairs near the stage; an eggnog was thrust into her hand, and James plopped down next to her, his pink glittery outfit blending in to the sea of sparkling outfits glimmering in the candlelight mingling with bright stage lights. As Lily sipped at her drink she came to think that their current location was possibly the most unlikely place where she ever could have imagined she'd wind up on a date. Not even with James Potter, who was notoriously unpredictable. For a moment Lily childishly contemplated sitting surly and quietly as a way to make a point that she most certainly wasn't enjoying herself – but by the time she was on her second eggnog, she had to admit she actually was having fun. The show was engaging, and silly, and made her laugh a lot.
At the end of the performance the singer threw his purple feather scarf on Lily, and she caught it with a gleeful laugh, spilling half her eggnog into her lap.
"There, to complement your outfit," Lily said happily, and proceeded to wrap the outrageous accessory around James's neck.
"How do I look?" He asked, fluttering his eyelashes.
"Stupid," Lily said gently. "Bloody stupid."
And James just smiled and sat there looking utterly ridiculous in his outfit, without seeming to mind one bit. Lily had to admit she was fascinated by his lack of self-consciousness. By her third eggnog, when another performer had climbed on the stage and started a more raucous performance than the previous, Lily was feeling warm and tingly all over, and she had slumped against the velvet backrest of her chair, and didn't even mind it when James casually wrapped his arm around the backrest, the purple feather scarf tickling her arm where he pressed against her.
"Do you come to London often?" Lily asked him over the loud applause as the second performer posed and blew kisses at his fans. "I can't imagine you blending in very well."
"Well, I don't usually wear this sort of thing in public," James chuckled. "Though this is London; I'd probably blend in even if I did. But no, I don't come here very often. It's fun enough to sneak around Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. And there's a Muggle town a couple dozen miles away."
"I meant on holidays," Lily specified. "Summers, and so on."
"Sometimes, when I came to visit Sirius," James said, shrugging. The feather scarf tickled Lily when he moved, and she squirmed a little, waving the thing away from her face. "Sirius used to live here, you know, when he still lived with his parents. Not that those visits were particularly fun, mind you."
"So what did you two get up to? Explore places like these?" Lily said, nodding at the crowd around herself.
"No," James said, sounding amused. "Just a bit of this and that, really. How about you? Did you come to London often on holidays?"
"Almost never," Lily said, sipping her drink. "Only when we went to Diagon Alley, really. It takes about three hours by car. And I couldn't Apparate before, could I? Not that I have a driver's licence either. Though I did visit most sights as a child."
"Look at the pair of us - novices to London, really," James said and smiled. He leaned back in his chair. "We should commemorate this somehow. Is there something that you've always wanted to do here, but never did?"
Lily leaned her head against the backrest and thought. The eggnog was warming her stomach, the cheerful music made her bold, and she no longer felt uncomfortable in James's close proximity.
"Let's see..." she mused. "I've always wanted to go to the Victoria and Albert museum. I think that's the only sight I didn't go to as a child, though we did walk past it. The building is so pretty."
"What Lily wants, Lily gets," James said, getting up. He offered his hand to Lily. "Come on – let's go."
"Wait – what?" Lily sobered up. "It's not open this time of the night!"
James's face stretched into a lopsided smile.
"You forget who you're with, Lily," he said. "When have I ever cared about opening hours?"
Lily stared at him.
"Are you suggesting we break in to a museum?" she asked, shocked.
James shrugged.
"I hate to brag, but I am an expert at breaking into places," he said modestly. "And I might add I've very rarely gotten caught."
"You're mad. And a liar – you're in detention all the time!"
"Yeah, but that's for charming dung bombs to pounce into Slytherins - or for replacing Filch's morning coffee with sewer water," James shrugged. "That sort of thing. But I've rarely ever been caught breaking into places. It's a matter of principle, you know."
Lily just stared. She had to fight the desire to giggle; something about his disregard for any and every rule was terribly funny, though she had spend most of her school years complaining about his reckless behaviour. But there he sat in the middle of a gay burlesque bar, dressed up into that horrible, nauseatingly pink outfit, his hair sticking up all over the place, beaming, and suggesting they break into a museum for the heck of it – for some reason, at that moment, Lily felt like if he could do that, then she too could do anything. Like there were no rules, not for them, not that night anyway.
"All right," Lily said quietly. Then she giggled, feeling utterly out of her mind. She shrugged, mimicking James's carefree movements, and spilled another doze of eggnog into her lap. "All right! Let's do it - let's break in to the Victoria and Albert museum!"
"That's my girl," James whispered, his eyes flickering in the light of the candles and strobe lights. "Now let's go - before they start throwing knickers at us. Because as much as they might compliment my outfit, I am not putting any of those on."
Lily laughed and he pulled her up. He waited while Lily chugged back the remaining drink she hadn't managed to chuck all over herself, then they both wrapped their coats around themselves, and hurried out of the bar. Lily couldn't help but madly giggle as they left, feeling like she had lost her common sense somewhere in the shady bar. Her head was spinning pleasantly. The night was cold, and the sounds of traffic hummed somewhere blocks away from the dark side alley they stood in. But her heart was beating an excited warmth inside her, the alcohol mingling with a rush of adrenaline.
"You lead the way," James said. "I admit I haven't the foggiest where the Victoria and Albert museum is. Or what it is. Or who Victoria and Albert are, for that matter."
And he offered his arm, clearly expecting Lily to Disapparate with him. But Lily had other ideas.
"Oh, don't even think about it," Lily smirked. "You wanted a Muggle date. And you know what that means?"
"What?" James asked, looking confused.
"It means we're gonna get the bus," Lily said.
And though she wasn't entirely certain whether James even knew what a bus was, his eyes lit up in excitement – in a pretty endearing way, if Lily was being honest with herself. She didn't know anyone who would get as easily excited as James did.
"I'm at your mercy, my sweet lady Lily," James said and opened his arms. "So lead the way."
And so it was Lily's turn to grab him by the hand and start dragging him back towards the way they had come from. Unfortunately her brilliant idea of taking the bus turned out to be much more difficult in practice; they found a bus stop pretty easily, but making sense of the confusing bus map was a whole other matter, and since Lily wasn't familiar with London, she had to ask advice from the drunk Muggles who hung around the bus stop while James wandered around and inspected cigarette butts, crushed up beer cans and all sorts of crap lying by the side of the road in utter excitement, being of no use whatsoever. The directions given by the Muggles were contradictory, and finally Lily thought it best to ask a bus driver that stopped to pick up the drunk Muggles.
"Hop in," the driver said. "I can only get you so far, but you can switch to another bus that's gonna take you closer."
And so Lily and James stepped in to the crickety double-decker bus, where the upper deck windows were fogged, and the drunk Muggles made noise. James wanted to sit at the front, and seemed to thoroughly enjoy the ride, which, according to him was "absolutely brilliant". Lily watched the street lights, bars and people disappear from view, feeling oddly excited herself. Muggle London had become their playground for the night, and she honestly didn't even care if they made it to the museum. The night had an unmistakeable air of adventure about it.
When it was time to switch buses, there was an another little setback: after inspecting the timetables, Lily concluded that the next bus arrived in an hour.
"Let's just Disapparate," Lily suggested. "Or else we'll be stuck sitting here for ages. And it's pretty cold."
"No," James objected. "I want a proper Muggle date; bus it is. So who don't you hop into my lap and I'll warm you up while we wait."
And he sat on the bench and patted his knee hopefully.
"Not a chance, Potter," Lily laughed. "I'm not that cold. I think we should move on to plan C: let's grab ourselves a taxi."
"Taxi," James repeated slowly, and Lily was quite certain that was another new word added to his vocabulary.
But it turned out there were no taxis. A few cars drove past them, but the part of the city where they were was deserted and lacked night-life, and so the only taxi they saw turned around the corner, its backseat already reserved.
"Shit," Lily cussed when it disappeared from view. "There aren't even any phone booths to ring a taxi! I hate to say this, but unless you're ready to Disapparate, I think we'll just have to wait for the bus after all."
"Don't worry, I'll handle this," James said confidently.
"How?" Lily asked, a little irritated as she peered at the empty street where neither buses nor taxis magically appeared. But she didn't need to wonder for long, because James was already crossing the road and approaching a car which was haphazardly parked in front of a house, its engine running. James knocked on the driver's window. Lily closed her eyes in horror. He didn't honestly intend to do what she thought he would? She quickly crossed the road and hurried after him.
"Hello mate. Say, how much would you charge to take us to the Victoria and Albert Museum?" James confirmed Lily's fears by addressing the confused driver who had rolled out his window just enough to hear what the strange bloke knocking on his window in the middle of the night had to say. James gave him a charming smile.
"I'm not a taxi driver," the man, a young bald bloke with a nose piercing, said in irritation. "I'm just here waiting for my girlfriend to pick up her friends."
He rolled the window back up, but James knocked again. The man rolled the window back down.
"Oh, I know – I mean, that's what I assumed," James said. "But I'm asking you, how much would you charge to take my friend and I to the Victoria and Albert Museum?" He gestured towards Lily, who hesitantly sneaked up to his side.
"You pulling my leg?" The bald man asked, suspiciously.
"Not at all. We simply don't want to wait an hour for the next bus – and as you can see, there are no taxis here. So what do you say?"
The man laughed and shook his head.
"Are you drunk or something? I'm not picking up any strangers."
"Well, I'm moderately intoxicated – and I'm James Potter, by the way, and this lovely young lady here is Lily Evans, my date for the evening," James introduced, gesturing at Lily, who remained in the background, unable to decide whether she should be amused or embarrassed. James gave the man another charming smile. "It seems like we aren't strangers anymore. Go on, mate. How much?"
And leaned against the car's door in a casual manner, smiling expectantly as thought it didn't truly even cross his mind that the man would refuse to give them a ride – and it seemed like Lily was witnessing a miracle in the making, because after a moment's hesitation, the man nodded.
"Two hundred quid," the man said curtly. "That's my price – take it or leave it."
"Done," James said lightly. He grinned and reached inside to pat the man on his shoulder. "Good man."
And he went around the car to open the door for Lily. She felt a little weird getting in to the stranger's car, and even weirder when after a minute three very drunk, giggling women in miniskirts appeared from the house and squeezed in to the car with them, looking only slightly confused at the additional party of two that had appeared into the car during their absence. And so Lily found herself speeding along the streets, James's thigh and shoulder pressed against her in the tiny backseat, and wondered how she wound up there.
"I think I like cars a lot," James said happily, his arm squeezing Lily uncomfortably against the window, while one of the two girls sat half-way in his lap, half-way in her friend's lap, and banged her head against the roof of the car at every bump. "There's so much space."
"Ha! Men!" the blonde girl sitting next to him slurred. "Cars are all they ever think about."
The girl sitting at the front seat, a petite dark-haired beauty, turned around at this, as though only now noticing the two strangers in the back of her boyfriend's car. She squinted her eyes. "Hey, do I even know you?"
"James Potter, Lily Evans," James quickly introduced them.
"I'm giving them a ride to a museum," the driver said. "We just met while I was waiting for you guys."
This piece of news didn't seem to startle the girls one bit. The girl in the front seat turned back around and muttered something like 'cool', then seemed to promptly forget their existence. The girl whose head banged against the roof at every speed bump held out a bottle of vodka and brandished it in front of Lily's face, spilling some of its contents on the barely-dried eggnog on the crotch of Lily's jeans. "Oops... a drink?"
"No thanks," Lily said automatically, and wiped most of the vodka in her lap on the sleeve of her coat.
"I'd love to," James said and held out his hand.
"Well... what the hell," Lily said as she watched James take a gulp. She giggled slightly hysterically. "Why not? I'm already covered in it, and the night can't get any weirder than this even if I do." And she took the bottle from James and took a swig, then grimaced as the unpleasant taste hit her tastebuds.
"We're going to a party," the girl sitting in her friend's lap announced. She hiccuped. "But I think I want pancakes first."
Nobody commented upon this remark. Lily took another swig of vodka, then gave back the bottle – and then the car already pulled to the side of the road; they had arrived to their destination. The five-minute trip definitely hadn't warranted two hundred quid, but since James had never seemed lacking in money, Lily let him thrust the crumpled balls of banknotes into the bald man's hand, and then there was a bit of a scuffle when they tried to squeeze out of the backseat and into the crisp January air. Lily's head was buzzing from the drinks, and she had to sit on the steps in front of the museum while James stuffed the rest of the balls of banknotes back into his pocket.
"The Muggle way of travelling is a blast," James said happily as he watched the car turn around the corner. "I dare you to try and get a ride on somebody's broomstick – it's impossible. Nobody wants a stranger straddling them from behind."
The Victoria and Albert museum rose ahead of them, enormous and just a little menacing, its heavy wooden doors forbidding their entrance. It looked very secure. James helped Lily up from the steps and asked her to keep guard while he opened the door.
"What will happen if there's a guard, and he catches us?" Lily asked, staring at the shut doors. Now that they were actually there, she felt a little more hesitant. It was a crime they were committing, after all. Lily had never done, or even contemplated doing, something like this. But this was exactly the sort of irresponsible and reckless thing she could imagine James got up to on a regular basis. The idea was both fascinating and scary, and she threw a disapproving glance at him, which went amiss because he was currently rummaging around the insides of his pockets.
"Then I'll be a gentleman and let them catch me while you gather your hems and leg it out of the window," James promised nobly, and pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a silver Swiss knife. He kneeled by the door and inspected the lock, then pulled out one of the blades. "I think my outfit will be enough of a distraction to allow for you to escape – you know, if the light hits the sequins in the right angle, I think I'll actually be able to shimmy shake them blind."
"All right then," Lily giggled quietly as she peered over his shoulder; he was pushing the knife into the lock of the door. "Though I'd like to add that I, unlike you, aren't wearing any hems I could gather if that situation ever occurs. But I'll gladly throw you to the wolves if we do get caught."
"A small price to pay to tempt Lily Evans, prefect and Head Girl, to such illicit business," James grinned. The knife turned in the lock; the door opened with a hollow click. "After you."
And before Lily had much time to muse over whether or not she could ever again wear her silvery Head Girl pin with a clean conscience, James pushed her inside through the door.
It was dark inside the museum. Lily realised that she was holding her breath as they entered; the cool air and distinctive dry scent of old paintings reminded her they were very much doing something illicit indeed. It took her a while to take in the rotunda where they had entered. The only light in sight came from the exit sign somewhere far away. There were no guards in sight, but Lily still instinctively hushed James when he briskly stepped inside, his footsteps echoing sharply against the stone floor. She could hardly see his dark form in the dim light, but his footsteps paused, and she could practically hear him grinning.
"Relax, there are no guards. Not here anyway," James said loudly, and Lily grimaced in the darkness when his voice echoed in the wide space, ten times louder than normal.
"Keep your voice down!" Lily hissed quietly. Even her hiss carried much farther than she would have preferred along the high, round marble walls. "As if you could know that!"
"Oh, please," James continued loudly and started walking away from Lily. She no longer saw him; his steps were the only thing she could hear. "Where do you think they are, then? Crouching behind the statues in complete darkness? I don't think so. We have nothing to worry about - not until we see light, anyway."
He had a point. Lily relaxed a little, but stiffened again when James sent a ball of light to hover into the high ceiling, where it lit the whole rotunda, and its light revealed the ticket counter – which was, of course, empty. James walked over to the counter and pulled out a brochure, shuffling through it before chucking it back on the counter. Then he put his hand into his pocket and again pulled out the gold-embroidered leather pouch where he had kept his Muggle notes. He pulled out a couple twenties and threw them on the counter.
"There – as paying customers, let's go get our money's worth, shall we?" James said lightly. He bowed a little mockingly and offered his arm. Lily glared at him.
"I must be utterly insane to be here with you," she said, hoping her disapproving tone made clear she blamed her temporary insanity fully on James. She still kept her voice low. "You have finally managed to make me go crazy – in the literal sense of the word."
"Insanity suits you," James said and turned away. "Now, did you want to see the museum or not?"
And he started walking along the long hallway leading away from the counter, and the ball of light followed him, hovering over his head like some humongous firefly. Not keen to remain in the darkness by herself, Lily hurried to follow him. James seemed completely at ease in the museum, as though there was nothing unethical about sneaking in there in the middle of the night.
"Welcome to the museum's night tour," James advertised dramatically as he advanced along the empty lobby, gesturing around himself. "Your tour guide tonight: James Potter, an exceptional Keeper and all-over great chap, once voted sexiest bloke in Hogwarts, will take you to the exciting world of dusty old clutter and paintings of sour-looking aristocracy. For a measly entrance fee, come along for an adventure you won't soon forget..."
"You know, I think the admission is free, actually," Lily said as she caught up with him. "So you didn't need to pay, really."
"Well, we'll call it a break-in fee, then," James said, shrugging. He inspected the statues and artefacts with a mildly interested look on his face; it was quite clear he wasn't particularly interested in that sort of stuff, but tried his best to feign interest in whatever clump of stone or metal happened to be in his field of vision.
"Ah, and here we have a wonderful example of an artistic representation of a batty old man – the splitting image of my granduncle, actually," he said as he stared at a marble bust of an intensively staring man with a curly goatee. "I'd recognise that mad glare anywhere. And this one here sort of looks like old Slugs, doesn't he? A distant relative, perhaps?" he gestured at a bust of a chubby man with enormous yowls and a moustache that indeed did remind Lily of Professor Slughorn. "You don't actually think some Muggle has carved these, do you? I bet there was magic involved with most."
"Hardening charm?" Lily suggested, only half-serious. Then she laughed. "Hope not, though. Most of them are naked, for God's sake - on display for all the world to see."
"Oh, I don't know. I'd rather get stuck on eternal display in my birth suit than in my current ensemble, for instance," James said lightly. "It's just a matter of perspective. Though Merlin knows most of these blokes don't have much to advertise," he mused, eyeing the Greek statues around them.
Lily started to relax as they proceeded along the dark hallways and rose to the upper floors, which were equally dark and guard-free as the floor below. She had a giddy, excited feeling in her gut, and had a hard time containing her nervous giggling. It felt unreal to be in the dark museum; the feeling was almost identical to the one which she always felt when she sneaked around Hogwarts after curfew, but even more intense. She was actually enjoying the feeling; the eggnog and the vodka were filling her head with delicious fluff, and her heart was palpitating quickly in her chest. Within hours, she and James had turned from barely-acquaintances into partners in crime. This was the strangest, most unexpected night Lily could remember having had in years - perhaps ever.
"Is this why you do it?" She whispered as they entered yet another room full of statues. "Break rules? This weird feeling, like you're... oh, I don't know... prickling inside?" She couldn't help the hysteric giggle escaping her. She wanted to run and jump and do all sorts of forbidden things that one could only dream of doing in a museum in the day time.
"Nah, it's just that getting detention is the only way I can carry on my illicit affair with Filch," James joked and casually wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders as she stopped to examine at an old sarcophagi. "He likes to watch me scrub the dungeon floors with a toothbrush. And that's just foreplay to him."
Lily laughed. James chuckled, seeming pleased at her reaction. He hugged her closer.
"So you're liking it, then?" He whispered into her ear, his arm weighing on her shoulder. The feather scarf was tickling again. Lily felt chills go up her spine. What the hell was she doing? Why was she allowing him to be so close and friendly with her? She'd never let this thing continue at school. If anyone saw James necking her like this, the rumours would never end.
"Sort of," Lily said vaguely. The thought of school and rumours made her stiffen, and perhaps James sensed this, because he let go of her and started walking along the hallway, skipping carelessly on the way. For a brief moment Lily wondered if she would care quite so much if it wasn't for all the gossip.
"Good," James said over his shoulder. "It's good to break rules every once in a while. It's the only way you can stand following the rules the rest of the time without going bonkers, you see. Though what do I know – some say I have, in fact, gone bonkers a long time ago. But I like to think it's part of my natural charm. What do you think?"
"About your natural charm?" Lily asked, hurrying to keep up with him. She smirked meanly. "I don't know – I haven't seen a whiff of it yet. You being bonkers is right out there for all the world to see, though."
"Ah, fishing for compliments never ends well," James said sorrowfully.
They continued their light-hearted bickering and nagging as they crossed a hallway between rooms to arrive to a room full of portraits. Lily had to admit she didn't pay much attention to the art around herself. Little by little, James had managed to snatch all her attention to himself, and was now walking around the hallways, inventing outrageous stories about the persons in the portraits and statues, which made Lily laugh uncontrollably and wonder if she was perhaps drunker than she had realised; everything he said seemed very funny that evening.
"Oh, and this lady over here, she woke up one morning, put this sweet doily headdress thing on her head and though 'dang, aren't I looking saucy today?' and decided to have some maestro to paint her on that very spot. And who can blame her? Who wouldn't want to be remembered looking like that?" James joked, gesturing at a Baroque portrait of a particularly gloomy looking grey-faced woman, who gave the appearance that she had seen neither sun nor a joke in decades. Lily laughed so hard she had to grasp for air.
"It's better than posing naked like the statues, for sure," she gasped, wiping tears of mirth off her eyes. "Though I'm not sure which one I'd pay for: to see this lady painted naked, the doily headdress on her head and all – what is that thing anyway? - or to pay to not have to see that."
The eyes of the unmoving portrait seemed to stare at them accusingly as they collapsed against one another in laughter, and Lily had to hurry them out of the room lest she pee herself laughing. James kept purposefully trying to make her laugh ever harder, until Lily's ribs were hurting from having convulsed so badly, and she begged for him to be quiet to spare her, but to no avail. It wasn't until James suddenly stopped in the middle of a sentence, and Lily collided into him, that her laughter finally died on her lips.
"Ouch," she said, rubbing her jaw, which she had hit against his shoulder. "What'd you do that for?"
But she didn't really need to ask – right then, a wandering light hit her in the eyes, momentarily blinding her.
"Uh-oh," James said simply.
The light shone in their eyes again, making them both blink, and they heard a surprised yelp; the guard was standing at the end of the hallway, his flashlight shining in their eyes; the light orb above James floated closer to him to reveal a pair of confused round eyes and a mouth that hung slightly open; he was clearly as surprised to see them as they were to see him.
"Hey!" The guard yelled, sounding shocked. For a second he just ogled; then he fumbled at his belt and pulled out a billystick.
"Oh, shit," Lily muttered. James turned around to face her.
"Well, darling, thank you for the date," he said. "I'm afraid it's time for you to leg it out of the window, as agreed."
"Don't be ridiculous," Lily said crankily. "There aren't even any windows in this room."
"What are you doing here?" The guard put a stop to their conversation, approaching them apprehensively. His eyes flickered towards the ball of light above them. Just then it went out (James's hand came back out of the pocket where he kept his wand), and only the light from the guard's flashlight remained, piercing the darkness with its uncomfortable brightness. "Answer me! Who are you two?"
James sighed and turned back to face the guard. Lily came to stand next to him and crossed her arms, preparing to remain silent under the unavoidable inquisition, miserably resigning to the idea of spending the rest of the night at the police station. But to her surprise, James raised his hands in surrender and his face melted into the same friendly smile he had used when he had addressed the driver who had given them a lift here.
"Well, hello there," he said cheerily. "I'm afraid we have just recently discovered we got locked in after the museum closed. Sorry to cause you trouble."
"Locked in?" The guard repeated suspiciously. "Why didn't you walk out or ring help from the front desk? The museum's been closed for hours. That's a long time to wander about."
But he approached them slightly less apprehensively now – perhaps he had finally noticed he had stumbled upon a pair of teenagers instead of a hardened gang of art robbers.
"Ah. Well, there is quite an interesting story behind that," James said. He grinned. "But I'm afraid my girlfriend here wouldn't like it if I shared it with you."
The guard, a middle-aged, greying man, whose uniform stretched over his slightly protruding belly, paused in front of them. He eyed them both in turn, and Lily tried to force an innocent-looking smile on her face. She had no clue how James intended to explain their way out of this one. As she peered at James out of the corner of her eye, she noticed he was still smiling friendly, looking as though he hadn't done anything wrong – a falsely innocent face, the true masterpiece of the museum; the face of someone who had lied his way out of what must have by now amounted to hundreds of trespassings, pranks, detentions and even exams, if rumours were to be believed.
"Try me," the guard said grimly. "Or I'll have to call the police."
"That's like the Aurors for Muggles," Lily whispered quietly, seeing a shadow of confusion crossing over James's face.
"Ah. We wouldn't want that, would we?" James said. "All right, then. The thing is, it's a special night tonight. It's our anniversary, you see -" he grabbed Lily against himself and smacked a kiss on her temple. Her face flushed but she tried to smile convincingly at the guard. She noted, again, that James smelled nice – then pushed the distracting thought out of her head. "And you see, to celebrate, we decided to fulfil some, uh, fantasies, if you know what I mean."
Lily's smile froze. James patted her affectionately on the shoulder.
"And my girl here confessed that she's always fancied a steamy romp in the toilets of a museum - with me wearing a ladies' dress. So that's exactly what took place here tonight. See?" And James opened his coat to reveal to the guard's shocked eyes the ruffled front of the pink dress he was wearing underneath. "I'm afraid we lost track of time while we were at it. And then we came out and realised that the place is closed, and got lost in the darkness wandering about. And now you found us. Go on, tell him, darling – isn't that what happened?"
Lily tried to speak but only managed to get out some sort of an embarrassed grunt, which she hoped went by confirmation.
James smiled without a trace of shame at the guard and re-buttoned his coat to hide the hideous dress. Lily's smile had turned into something closely resembling a grimace, which physically hurt her face. Her cheeks were burning under the guard's confused eyes and she wished, for the second time that evening, for the ground to swallow her whole. A stunned silence fell over the three of them.
"Ladies' dress," the guard finally repeated, as though that was the single thing he had absorbed from their conversation. He turned his eyes back on Lily. She could practically hear him thinking he wouldn't have pegged her for that sort of a girl.
"I know, right. But what can you do? Got to please the lady, right?" James shrugged, giving the guard a long-suffering look and nodding at Lily, clearly conveying the message that Lily was an utter pervert whose weird fantasies he had to fulfil even at the risk of his own embarrassment.
Lily was seething inside. She was going to kill him, she decided. Talk about throwing somebody to the wolves! If the guard called the police, he'd undoubtedly tell the amusing story to them too. Lily could see the rest of the miserable evening unfolding in her mind's eye; the laughing police, tomorrow's headlines, the sitting in the jail, James with his pink dress getting a bit too much attention from the other captives... her wand prickled in her pocket, and she pushed her hand inside, just in case they had to Disapparate to get out of there.
And then one of those weird moments ensued, where James and the guard clearly exchanged some sort of a 'women, right?' look between them. Then, to Lily's immense surprise, the guard put away his billystick and shook his head.
"Ladies' dress," he repeated again, then burst out into laughter. He shook his head again. "Well, that's a story I haven't heard before. And here I thought you had simply gotten stuck in the lifts or the car park or something - that's happened once or twice before."
James joined in on the laugh. Lily was unable to do so.
"So, look, mate, I'd appreciate if you'd just show us the way out. Yeah?" James said after the guard's bellowing laughter receded a little.
But the guard turned slightly more serious and shook his head.
"I'm afraid we'll have to fill a report - get your contact information and everything. It's protocol, you see – just in case we notice something's damaged or missing. Follow me to my office."
"Well, if we must," James said, sounding unconcerned. "Shall we, love?" And he wrapped his arm around Lily's waist and pulled her against him. They walked awkwardly, because Lily had pettily crossed her arms, and on every step she jabbed James in the ribs with her elbow, hoping she was hurting him. The guard led them to a tiny, cluttered office on the ground floor, where countless half-empty coffee cups rocked atop disorganised piles of papers, and fast food wrappers threatened to spill over the bin. The office smelled like old socks. Lily kept her lips tight and arms crossed, and tried not to mind the amused glances the guard threw their way as he sat them on the unsteady old chairs across from his desk. He fished a few forms out of the highest pile of papers on the desk, then crouched down to rummage around the drawers for a pen.
"What a report this will be," he mused, shaking his head as he pulled out a handful of rubberbands and a string of paperclips before finding a pen. He tested the ink on a paper slip, then chucked it in the bin and crouched to further rummage through the contents of the drawer until finally finding a functioning pen. "When I had to throw out a couple of tourists who were caught in the toilets half-naked, washing their hair and clothes in the sinks, and using hand driers to dry everything, I thought I'd seen everything – but your anniversary story really takes the cake. Ladies' dress... I can't wait to tell Lochley tomorrow..." And he shook his head, looking very amused.
While his attention was elsewhere, James grinned at Lily, as though very pleased with himself and the way things had turned out. Lily eyed him coldly in return, and perhaps his smile turned just a little unenthusiastic under her burning gaze.
"ID's, please," the guard said, clicking the functioning fountain pen he had found expectantly. He peered at James curiously, when Lily started rummaging around her pockets for her ID. "And while I remember - what sort of a flashlight did you use, if I may ask? It looked quite curious." He was obviously referring to the spell James had used to conjure the ball of light.
"Oh, it's a new model," James said. "Here, have a look." And he pulled out his wand. When the man's eyes blankly stared at its tip, he smiled charmingly and said:"Confundo."
The man turned his eyes away from the wand and peered at the forms in his hand.
"Well, everything seems to be in order," he said, and chucked the empty forms on top of the same pile he took them from, while James slipped his wand back into his pocket. "I'll just escort you out, then. We'll give you a ring if we want to talk to you again."
"Cheers, mate," James said and got up. "Shall we, love?"
And Lily got up, her lips an even tighter line than before, though she did feel a little relieved at getting out without having to attach her name to a scandalous discovery of a cross-dressing couple shagging in the toilets of a museum. However, the joy of sneaking in the vacant hallways of the museum was now replaced with burning shame over her assumed sexual preferences, and she couldn't wait to get out of the museum. Luckily the guard promptly escorted them out the same way they had entered, and gave them a confused little wave from the steps of the museum, which James enthusiastically returned. Then the guard closed the door of the museum, and they remained alone on the empty street, under the twinkling pale stars, their breaths turning into fog and rising in the air.
"Well, what do you think?" James asked, sounding proud of himself. "I dealt with it quite well, didn't I?" He looked at Lily as though he was expecting a high-five. Lily hugged her arms tighter against herself and glared at James.
"I think it's safe to say that this is the worst date I've ever been on," she said icily. James's smile hardly wavered.
"Oh, don't exaggerate," he said and waved his hand. "It's a beautiful night, you have a dashing, well-dressed date, who incidentally has the most perfect hair in creation - you've done stuff I bet you never imagined you'd end up doing. You didn't even end up in jail - and you saw the museum! Tour à la James Potter! Hardly a bad date, huh? Also, I happen to know Vass threw up his Firewhiskys in your lap last year on your Hogsmeade date, so this can't possibly be any worse than that."
"I wouldn't be so sure."
"I promise our next one will be much better," James said. "I'll even wear something you like. But not the pink underwear with suspenders, even though you'd love it, you dirty little minx." He grinned teasingly.
"Next one? Are you mad?" Lily hissed, her anger boiling over. He was so presumptuous! Who else but James Potter would ever expect another date after such an evening?The answer: nobody. Only James Potter was pig-headed enough to not realise what a disaster the date had been. Lily took an enraged breath, then continued: "First you took me to a gay bar and then told some guy I like to shag blokes dressed up in skirts!"
James waved her angry words away. "It was a drag show, not a gay bar. And besides, first rule of lying – people are more likely to believe you if you tell them an embarrassing story."
Lily huffed.
"Well, thanks for embarrassing me, then," She hissed. "Right gentleman, you are!
"Well, on our next date -"
"Give me one good reason why I'd ever even consider going on another date with you!"
"All right, since you asked," James said. He took a step closer to Lily, until she had to lift her chin to look at him. His eyes sparkled mischievously. He actually has really pretty eyes, Lily thought. Soft brown, a little yellow, almost. The mis-timed discovery angered her further. James smiled lopsidedly. "I can tell you several good reasons why you should go out with me again."
"And what, pray tell, are those?" Lily asked contemptuously, lifting her chin.
"Because tonight you had more fun than you've had in years," James said. His smile deepened. He had a dimple on one of his cheeks, that Lily had never noticed before. "And because you know in your heart that when you go home tonight, you can't take your mind off me. And you'll play this night over and over again, and every morning when you wake up you'll rush to the window to check if you're getting owls, hoping you'll hear from me again. And deep down..." he bent his neck a little, so that his lips were almost intrusively close to hers. Lily's heartbeat quickened. "...deep down, your heart would break if I didn't write," he finished, whispering the last words. While he had started his speech in a light-hearted tone, he now gazed at her seriously, without a hint of humour in his eyes.
"And how would you know?" Lily whispered back, unable to turn her eyes away from his. She had hoped to sound contemptuous, but her voice came out quite meek.
James smiled again, and his eyes softened into butterscotch.
"Because I've begged you to go out with me for years, and this is the first time you've agreed," he said softly. "It didn't take me long to realise why. It's because school's going to end in a few months, isn't it? And maybe... just maybe... you realised you're never going to see me again when it does. And you realised you're actually going to miss me. Am I right?"
Lily was quiet, and stared at him. Her anger died inside her. James eyed her back solemnly, neither smug nor uncertain. The moment was long, and completely silent; not even the sounds of faraway cars intruded the quiet street they stood on.
"So," James continued softly, when she didn't answer. "The question is... will you let me kiss you now?"
His eyes flickered on her lips, and Lily unconsciously parted them. He stared at her lips for a moment, then lifted his eyes back into hers. He leaned close, so close his breath caressed Lily's cheek. "Or will you tell me to sod off again? Knowing that this time I will?" His nose touched the apple of Lily's cheek just barely, before withdrawing. His eyes were gentle. "Knowing that in a few months you'll be rid of me for good?"
Another long silence ensued. Lily's heart was beating in her chest like a hammer, the memory of his touch still lingering on her cheek. There were only inches between them, but James didn't move to close the distance again. He smelled fresh, like citrus and ancient wood from the ancient house he lived in; a house which Lily had never seen, but which she thought she could identify based on his scent alone. She inhaled deeply and closer her eyes, before opening them again. James continued to gaze upon her, his eyes moving from one feature to the next, his lips slightly parted.
"Yes," Lily finally whispered, very quietly.
"Yes what?" James asked, his eyes meeting hers.
"You're right," Lily whispered. "I would miss you."
James was silent and still for a moment, absorbing her words. Lily thought she had never seen him look so serious before.
"And?" James finally whispered, and Lily knew what he was asking. He was holding his breath, his eyes soft, surrounded in long, dark lashes. Lily hesitated for a heartbeat, then smiled just slightly.
"And yes," Lily whispered. "Kiss me."
James inhaled sharply. For a moment he didn't breathe at all. Then, very slowly, he lifted his hand to caress Lily's cheek. His fingers traced the curve of her jaw, as though he was memorising it with his fingers. His eyes flickered between her eyes, then lowered back towards her lips. Lily felt warm and tingly, like she had drank another eggnog, and she was shaking slightly. His warm breath grazed her lips before his lips closed the remaining distance. And then his lips were moving against hers, hot and soft.
Lily pushed her lips tighter against his, mesmerised how right they felt against hers. Lily had always assumed that if she would ever kiss James, he would be aggressive and demanding, but he wasn't; he was sweet and gentle. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tenderly against himself. His silly feather scarf tickled her cheek, and Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, and deepened the kiss. When their tongues met, Lily felt a rush of something warm in her belly.
"Oh, Lily," James whispered against her lips when they finally parted to gasp some air into their lungs. But he didn't seem to be able to create a coherent thought, because he just repeated "oh, Lily, oh Lily," over and over again, and showered her lips with tiny, tender kisses between his whispers.
And Lily felt it too. Tears rose to her eyes and she tried to chuckle weakly against his lips to cover how moved she was, because it was just too much. Everything had happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly; so naturally.
"Why do you make me feel like this?" Lily muttered against his lips, a part of her mind still not believing what was happening even as she blinked away her tears. She pulled him closer. "You're so infuriating, Potter. I think I hate you a little, actually. I should, anyway."
"I don't mind," James whispered back, his fingers tangling into her hair. "As long as you love me even a little bit, I don't mind."
They stood there for a long time, wrapped in their embrace. It was cold, but neither felt it; their mingled breath rose to the skies, and they sought warmth from each other when the cold January air offered them none. Finally James separated his lips from Lily's, and even though his eyes were glistening behind his glasses, he suddenly laughed loudly and joyously. Lily yelped when he abruptly grabbed her and hoisted her up into his arms, then swung her merrily around until her head was spinning, the shapes of the dark street turning blurry in her eyes.
"Well, that crosses one lie off the list," James exclaimed happily. "It is our anniversary. Our first, that is. Isn't it?"
"I suppose so. Though trust me when I say we won't be celebrating our next one by sneaking into public toilets for a shag," Lily laughed, grinning when he finally put her down; having lost her balance, she nearly tipped into the gutter, but James caught her back into his arms just in time. He looked exuberant, his face glowed, his eyes sparkled, and he was grinning more joyfully than Lily had ever seen before. She giggled when she noticed his glasses had steamed up from their kiss.
"I can't wait to hear what people say when they hear I've snogged you! And in a dress, no less!" James threw his head back and laughed. "A lot of gold will change hands, mark my words – I think there's been an ongoing bet about us for two years now! I think Sirius is collecting quite a pot, actually..."
And while Lily instinctively wanted to glower at the idea of anyone hearing about their adventures of the evening, and a part of her was terrified of the prospect of going public, his laugh was so infectious that eventually they were leaning against one another in tears again, laughing as they imagined the looks on the faces of their classmates when the story of their disastrous first date would unavoidably get out.
"I guess this means I'll have to break up with Filch now," James said sorrowfully. "Well, to be honest, I think we've been growing apart for a while now. It's this Head Boy thing – it's put some distance between us."
"Oh, no," Lily groaned, remembering. "I've actually got to put the Head Girl pin back on me next week and pretend like I didn't spend my Christmas holidays in gay bars and breaking into museums."
"Oh, sod it," James said and kissed her. "Shout it from the rooftops. You'll be the coolest Head Girl Hogwarts' ever known."
Finally the cold caught up on them, and as they made their way somewhere where there would be more drinks and dancing, James pulled her flush against him, his feather scarf tickling Lily's nose.
"I just knew you fancied me," he whispered into her ear. "Told you - I know everything! I'm very wise and clever like that."
"Oh, shut up..."
And Lily finally shut him up by pulling him back down for another kiss.