As I stood at the front of the church, I couldn't help but shake my head as the anxiety kicked in – I'd been so blind. How could I have ever denied that I loved him? How had I gone through life ignoring all the signs? And now we were here – it just didn't feel real to me.
Flashbacks filled my mind as I turned away from the masses of people behind me. Memories from my childhood, where he was always permanent feature, part of the
furniture I used to call him, but he was so much more. I just didn't know it then.
We'd somehow always been close, despite our age gap but in our families, age didn't mean very much at all. He was the one I gravitated towards at family gatherings when too many distant aunties were asking me when I was going to find myself a 'handsome young man' to settle down with, desperate to escape their clutches. I wish I had already known then I'd found him just to see their faces. He would steer me away from them, hand me a drink and we'd find a corner to spend the evening in, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
He was my saviour.
I don't know when I first realised I'd fallen in love with him. Perhaps it was when he picked me up in the middle of the night after a rather vicious fight with Scorpius, finding me stood in the street, drenched right through. He gave me his jacket and put his arm around me and all I could smell was him. Or when Mum told me that Nanna Jean was seriously ill. I remember breaking down, crying in a heap on the floor and his strong arms picked up and held me close as I finally fell asleep.
I couldn't quite pinpoint it but it didn't matter anymore.
He had always been handsome, that much was obvious. The girls at school would always comment on his eyes or his smile or how grown up he'd become. I never joined in on those conversations; at first I had thought it was weird – he'd been brought up with us all so that made him family but when I had a moment of clarity, that he wasn't truly family in the true definition of the word, I was too embarrassed to admit it. It was simply a schoolgirl crush and I had Scorpius anyway, I told myself.
It was merely a phase but I knew deep down that my crush was not something to be sniffed at. I just wasn't sure how deep it eventually ran until a few weeks ago.
I turned back to the guests sat patiently waiting for the ceremony to start. My blue eyes were met with grey ones and I felt myself smile slightly although my sentiments were not returned and I never expected them to be. I'd hurt Scorpius, unintentionally but I'd hurt him all the same. It didn't matter if I hadn't meant it – pain was all the same, whether deliberate or intended and I deserved the cold shoulder I had received. I was shocked to find him even sitting there but Al would have bullied him into coming, to save him from the same aunts who harassed me every year.
Letting my eyes leave Scorpius', I found myself looking over everyone's happy faces and I swallowed thickly. I could feel the nausea already settling in my stomach and no matter how many deep breathing exercises I engaged it, I knew they would be fruitless.
The sound of the doors to the church opening, the heavy woods creaking with every movement, caused me to look to end of the church and I met his eyes and couldn't help but smile. He looked handsome in his suit despite his obvious discomfort – he had always been a t-shirt and jeans type of guy. My Mother and Aunt Ginny had practically dragged him to buy the smart, tailored and obviously expensive suit he was wearing in a deep blue colour, much to my Mother's clear dislike but she had held her tongue, simply relieved he had agreed to wear it.
I held his gaze with every step he took towards me, biting my lip as he smiled widely at me, ruffling his hair as he did so. It was his tic, his nervous habit he had developed from childhood and it always gave his emotions away. James walked next to him, whispering what was no doubt profanities in his ear, judging by James' smirk and his reddening ears. When he finally reached me, James patted him on the back before leaving us alone at the front of the church.
I swallowed thickly once more, my anxiety steadily increasing with every second that passed. I felt sick and stupid. Looking at him up close, I realised that I loved him whole-heartedly and I breathed in every inch of him as he pulled me into an embrace. I let his smell engulf me and I closed my eyes, holding onto him much tighter than perhaps necessary but in that moment, I didn't care. It was just me and him and it was how it should have been all the time.
But I was too late.
I had been blind.
Teddy pulled away and gave me a kiss, the platonic sort, on my forehead but his gaze didn't leave mine as he gripped my hand, the one that didn't hold the bunch of deep blue Sweet Peas, the colour a perfect complement to his suit.
"I'm nervous Rosie," I could feel his hand shaking in my own and I squeezed it tightly, feeling my own heart breaking slowly as I forced the reassuring smile he needed onto my face.
"You'll be fine. She's going to come down this aisle, looking as beautiful as she always does and you'll leave here as the new Mr and Mrs Lupin." The words almost caught in my throat but I managed to get them out, each word a razor blade cutting deep.
I never had the chance to say anything else as the church was filled with the melody of the 'The Wedding March' and Teddy pulled away, his eyes transfixed as Victoire appeared at the bottom of the church and started the walk up the aisle, Uncle Bill holding her right arm, smiling proudly.
It felt like the world had been slowed down as she finally reached us at the altar and I closed my eyes, turning away as Teddy took her hands in his own, the same way he had taken mine just minutes ago. As they both turned to the Minister, who immediately started with the ceremony, I kept my eyes straight ahead and ignored the curious looks from Dom, who was now stood beside me as Maid of Honour.
I refused to cry because I was the one to blame for my own emotional turmoil. Teddy didn't know how I felt and how could he? I had never told him because I realised too late that what I felt for him wasn't just a familial love. It was a deep, all-consuming fire in my heart, one that had never been extinguished, not even by Scorpius.
I had simply been too late and all because I had been one thing…
Blind.
