AN: Alright everyone, hope you enjoy this little Christmas story from the mind of everyone's favorite animal shape shifter. This sort of parallels my season three and four.
Okay guys, for those who don't know me, shame on you if you don't, I'm Garfield Logan, also known as Beast Boy. I'm the best of the new team and am trained by my blood sister, Mrs. Martian, and her husband, Superboy.
Now, I have a story to tell you. It's sort of hard to believe but it really did happen, so yeah, it's true. It was on Christmas Eve and, well, if you don't believe in Santa Clause I feel sorry for you.
Now I now I'm a teenager and have heard people say how Santa doesn't exist, but those same people aren't heroes now, are they? So here's my story, the gospel truth. Only I tried to make it more Christmassy and put it in a rhyme my mother always told me when I was little. So here it is, an eye witness account of what happened in Watchtower on Christmas Eve night...
Twas the Night Before Christmas
By Garfield Logan
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the base,
Barbra and Zee were fighting over the word vahse or vase.
(What is the right way to say that word anyway?)
Across from them sat Dick, who thought he was slick,
Eating fresh fudge and his lips he did lick.
(He was enjoying the cat fight)
The younger teammates were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of pummeled villains danced in their heads.
(Lex always gets it the worst in my dreams. Same with Queen Bee.)
And M'gann in her 'kerchief, and Conner sans cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
(Yeah right. We know what they were doing. Their room was a rockin' so we don't dare go a knockin. Plus, sis can give Black Canary a run for her money.)
When down on the Earth there arose such a clatter,
I ran to the surveillance room to see what was the matter.
Away to the monitors I ran like Kid Flash,
Who was busy scratching Lotto tickets in hopes he won cash.
(He didn't.)
The red and blue lights of police cars did glow,
Gave the lustre of midnight to white powder below.
When, what to my eagle eyesight should appear,
A red armored sleigh, and nine awesome lookin' reindeer.
(Seriously, they were all muscled with pointed teeth, and barb wire wrapped around their antlers, and snorting as they pawed metal covered hoofs on the street. Awesome-sauce!)
With a ripped bearded man, so big and so quick,
I knew in a heartbeat, it must be St. Nick.
(He even had Naughty and Nice tattooed on his arms.)
The bad guys he fought, none stood a chance,
They all fell to his punches and some got kicked in the pants.
(Dirty pool, Santa. Dirty pool.)
They were dropping like flies, Ooo, one got hit in the eye,
Another got dropkicked, oh me oh my!
(You smell what the clause is cookin'?)
"Now, DASHER!" he said, "Now, DANCER! Now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! On CUPID! On, DONDER and BLITZEN!
The deer roared then stomped their feet,
Sending out a shockwave and shaking the street.
(Hope they have insurance for that.)
Then came Rudolph, the greatest one,
He fired a laser from his nose, watching this was quite fun!
With the bad guys beaten, they flew away,
And the cops gave them thanks for they saved the day.
(Or night in this case)
And then the Computer came on, announcing a guest,
Dick did a spit take, all over Batman's chest.
(RIP, dude. RIP)
I then stared wide eyed, after turning around,
Cause out of the Zeta, St. Nicholas did bound.
(I was speechless.)
He was dressed in red camo, his chest hair was perk,
And his arms were uncovered, they could deliver the hurt.
(This dude seriously lifts.)
A bag of presents he had flung on his back,
He looked like a wrestler, like Mick crossed with Ryback.
(Or a really buff Larry the Cable Guy.)
His bling, how it sparked! His beard, it was sharp!
He looked around watchtower, with hunter eyes like a shark!
His mouth was in a grin, happy and playful,
He then ate Wally's cookies, the entire freakin' plateful!
(And here I thought Wally could eat fast.)
He drank all the milk, and Batman then said,
"It's good to see you again, I thought you were dead."
(Santa died before?!)
"I can't die," Nick said, with a nod of his head,
"I'm reborn every Christmas, And like you I bring dread,
I beat the bad guys, one after the other,
And always send them home, running back to their mother."
(Bad Guys always go home crying to their mommas, didn't you know that?)
I couldn't believe it, I'm staring at Santa,
Then in walked Cassie, eating a banana.
"Who's he," she asked as she continued to chew.
"He's Santa," I said, "He came in out of the blue."
(She was really eating an orange, but nothing rhymes with orange.)
Then out came Conner and sis from their room,
It's been over three hours and they still weren't quite through.
(Maybe they'll make me an uncle this year. And they also look dehydrated.)
Wonder Woman, Superman, and Green Lantern as well,
The League was all there, happy to see Santa, I could tell.
They all were surprised, and greeted their friend,
He then passed out presents like there was no end.
(His sack of presents is magic, just don't tell Wally. He tried to use science to explain it and failed quite miserably.)
I laughed when I saw what he brought me this year;
A case of tofu and a crate of root beer!
(Score!)
Shirts for Conner, and cook books for M'gann.
A stye in the eye for one named La'gaan.
(We all laughed as he cried.)
A new cape for Superman, Chicken Whizzies for Bart
And a plethora of Bat-A-Rangs for the Knight of the Dark.
(So...many...presents!)
Everyone got gifts thanks to Saint Nick,
He then held out gift cards, up to five each we could pick.
(This is so awesome!)
Because we are heroes, we get stuff that's quite great,
And the bad guys got coal, now that, they all hate.
(Or they could have a cook out in the summer, just saying.)
Santa then had to go, to finish his work,
He leapt in his sleigh, the reins he then jerked.
His reindeer obeyed and turned round his sleigh,
Then he shouted, "Time to go, we must be away!"
To Wolf he tossed a large bone, Sphere a play mat,
Then vanished into the Zeta Beam, saying next year he'll be back.
(He sounded like Arnold and even slipped on sunglasses. Even more awesome sauce.)
We all sprang to the window, looking into the sky,
Then we saw him perform an incredible fly by.
(Maverick and Goose, eat your heart out.)
Then I heard him shout out, as he drove out of sight,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT!"
Yes people, that really did happen. I saw Santa Clause with my own eyes, human and animal, and he gave me presents! He gave us all presents! I even asked Batman about him and he told me he's a reserve Justice League member! A RESERVE JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBER! Totally spazzing out right now!
So, yeah, hope you enjoyed my story and remember, be nice or Santa will not only kick your butt, but he'll give you a stye.
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
GARFIELD, 'BEAST BOY', LOGAN
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!