Author's note: I owe the Castle fandom an apology for this fic. It's extremely angsty, but after tonight's episode, I can't seem to write anything but angst. So, obviously there are spoilers for Castle 4.19 - 47 Seconds, also, warning for character death. One of these days, I will write something happy for this fandom. I promise. But that day is not today. Sorry.
"Bestselling Author Richard Castle Dies at Age 78"
There are some mistakes that you can never fix.
I learned that the hard way.
I was 34 years old when I let Richard Castle walk out of my life.
Now, less than 40 years later, he's gone.
The news is everywhere. The bad boy of bestsellers and the master of the macabre no longer walks the earth.
And there's no one to blame.
The universe just up and decided that it was time for him to go.
Finally got tired of waiting for us to make a move it seems.
Ryan is at my door the morning that the news leaks out.
I can see the worry in his face the moment I open the door. It hangs there between us, the knowledge that something isn't right. And all Ryan can say is sorry.
Even though he has nothing to be sorry about.
I don't go to the funeral. I'm smart enough to realize that I won't be welcomed if I did.
Kevin, Jenny, Esposito, and Lanie are the ones to go.
They all stop by my place after. We don't talk about much, but at one point, it finally comes tumbling out. From Esposito of all people.
"He never stopped loving you."
And that's just the crux of the matter.
He never stopped loving me and I never stopped loving him, but because something greater than us was against the whole thing, nothing ever came to pass.
He went quietly in his sleep and I'll probably end up going the same way.
They all leave shortly after that.
That night, as I get ready for bed, I can't help but wonder that maybe tonight will be the night that I close my eyes and the next time I open them, Castle will be hovering over me, smiling that ridiculous smile of his, and this whole mess that has been my life will have been a dream.
You know, it's been said that death cannot stop true love, that it only delays it for a while.
No one really knows how badly I wish that was true.