Kyon Chronicles, Volume One:

Who goes there, Haruhi Suzumiya?

Horror/Suspense

Kyon/Haruhi

crossover

The Thing/Haruhi Suzumiya series

M

(A/N: Hello again, here's another half complete story, please don't expect me to finish this any time soon, I've lost interest in it, but it's been on my computer for a very long time, so I figured I'd share what I've got so far. This is a crossover with The Thing, a classic horror movie from the 80's, and one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy)

Chapter One:

Surprise and Surprise Again

Hey there, just call me Kyon, everyone else does. I'm a boy of sixteen years of age with short messy brown hair, and I'm among the tallest in my class.

When I was younger I had wished so hard for a world where time travelers, aliens, and espers exist, but as I entered middle school and got caught up with the daily life a student, my dreams kind of just, died out. I didn't care about that childish stuff anymore. That was until I met Haruhi Suzumiya, a beautiful, albeit, eccentric young girl who turned my life upside down.

She never lost that dream I once had, her eyes still twinkle with the belief in the impossible.

I later found out that she had the ability to warp reality to her unconscious will,

which forces me to fill in the role of damage control, if she ever found out about the things she was doing, things would get really bad, really fast.

I would say she made my life a living hell, but after the events that were about to unfold a year later, I learned to distinguish.

So let's just say she made my life pretty hectic, but I will say that if I had never met her, my life wouldn't nearly be as interesting as it was.

It was an unusual day, and by unusual, I mean unusual for the brigade. There's just no way that you're definition of unusual and mine would ever synch up, since I experience the bizarre and unlikely on a weekly basis. But to get back to my point, Fall had just set in and the leaves outside hadn't changed colors yet, but it was already starting to get chilly.

It was the beginning of a school day in Nishinomiya, the fall's dim light bathed the classroom in a cold embrace and I had just sat down in my seat a few minutes before class was to begin. All of that wasn't where the oddity began, it was a certain brown haired, reality warper with a yellow headband in her hair. I noticed Haruhi was more antsy than ever in class today. She was happily fidgeting in her seat and shaking with so much excitement that I feared she'd burst like a volcano.

What horrors do you have in store for us today, Haruhi? At that time my definition of horror didn't even come close to what I would know in the next few days.

The teacher had yet to arrive and start class, so my classmates did what they always did, talked. so many people were talking at once, it sounded more like a buzzing hive than a classroom. It was difficult to pick out a single conversation, but I didn't care about that. The only thing that interested me was Haruhi's odd behavior, er, odd for Haruhi anyway.

"So what's up?" I asked, turning to our self appointed brigade chief.

Her eyes flashed in recognition as I pulled her out of her thoughts.

"I'll explain later! But lets just say that today is a great turning point for the brigade! After this, the whole world will recognize us, we'll be famous! Even you, Kyon!"

'Yeah, when hell freezes over.' I thought.

Little did I know that hell wasn't about to freeze over so much as it already was frozen over.

Haruhi had cleaning duty, so I decided to just go ahead and go to the clubroom. I was greeted by Koizumi as I walked in the door.

Koizumi is the appointed "mysterious transfer student" of our club, the S.O.S. Brigade.

But in reality he's an esper, and a damned annoying one at that.

Itsuki Koizumi is a boy almost as tall as me, with long messy brown hair and an irritating smile always plastered on his face.

"Good day, Kyon. Fancy a game of poker?"

I sat down and placed my bag next to my chair. Looking around the room I noticed the small, purple haired Nagato reading a dusty old book titled "the mountains of madness" and the ever so lovely red haired Miss Asahina making her wonderful tea.

Miss Asahina, ah, truly she is an angel.

She was practically kidnapped by Haruhi in the early days of the brigade.

Why you ask? Because she has looks that could melt an icy heart and a pair of breasts almost as big as my head!

Don't look at me! I didn't kidnap her! It was Haruhi!

Haruhi wanted a cute mascot for the brigade and got one.

Mikuru Asahina's daily schedule includes making tea and being forced into revealing outfits by Haruhi.

Now you're probably wondering what's so special about her other than looks that can kill.

She's a time traveler.

Yep, I didn't believe it either at first, in fact I didn't believe any of this until I saw things for myself.

Oh! I forgot to tell you more about Nagato, sorry, sometimes I forget she's there.

Yuki Nagato is a quiet girl, never seen without a book in hand.

She's the "indispensable silent character" of the group.

She was originally the last member of the literature club, but when Haruhi burst in and took over the room for her own ends, Nagato decided to join the brigade.

She's also an alien.

Or, rather a "humanoid interface" sent from some sentient force out in the galaxy.

And she's saved my ass more times than I care to count.

And me? I'm just Kyon, a bland, boring, normal human.

So what am I doing here? That's a question I still ask myself.

Apparently I'm "the one chosen by Suzumiya" whatever the hell that means.

So there you have it, a club with a time traveler, an esper, and an alien.

They have to keep their identities a secret though, and keep Haruhi from recreating the world.

Snapping back from my lengthy introduction monologue, I turned to Koizumi and said, "Sure why not?"

As Koizumi dealt, I felt that I should tell him about what was going on,

"Hey just a heads up, Haruhi's planning something crazy again"

Koizumi smiled like he always does, which oddly enough makes a good poker face.

"I guess you'll just have to talk her out of it"

For some reason I doubt she'll listen to anyone at all about this, whatever 'this' is.

I was interrupted from my thoughts as Miss Asahina sat a cup of tea next to me,

"Arigatou, Miss Asahina"

She smiled and looked like she was about to say something until I heard the door open, her face went pale and she started shaking and stuttering.

"K-k-kyon! L-look out!"

I turned to face the greatest horror I had ever known, at that time anyway, standing in the doorway with a cheerful smile and a knife was blue haired death, or rather, Ryoko Asakura.

Ryoko Asakura is an alien like Nagato, but last year she tried to kill me to get a reaction out of Haruhi.

I totally didn't fall over, latch onto miss Asahina and scream like a girl. Just saying.

As Asakura stalked closer to us, I noticed it wasn't a knife in her hand at all, but a ballpoint pen.

Are you planning a slow painful death for me this time?

Koizumi eyed us curiously and interrupted,

"I'm terribly sorry, but did I miss something?"

Don't just sit there, you idiot! Use your esper powers or something!

Our former class rep was now a foot away and extending her hand towards me.

"Here, humans like fancy pens, right?"

...What?

"I'm really sorry about what happened between us, would you take this as a peace offering?"

again, ...what?

I didn't know what to say, surely this is a trick?

"Y-you!" was all I could manage.

Her cheery smile faded.

"I see... you're still upset at me aren't you?"

that's an understatement! Nagato, why aren't you doing anything?

As if to answer my prayers, Nagato stood beside me and helped Miss Asahina and I off our feet.

"She is harmless"

I stared at her, lost for words as Miss Asahina cowered behind me.

"Seriously, what did I miss?" Koizumi asked again.

Nagato then let loose a flood of techno babble so complex that I'm not even going to bother repeating it. Suffice to say, I don't think anyone in the room except Asakura understood.

Speaking of the adorable psychopath, she put her finger on her lip with an expression of deep thought,

"Maybe I can explain!" she said cheerfully

Yeah, that would be great.

Is it just me, or are all the women in my life unbelievably gorgeous... and possibly insane?

"You see, after our little mishap when I tried to kill you, I realized-"

"What? you tried to kill Kyon?" Koizumi interrupted.

"Twice" She responded, leaving Koizumi dumbfounded as she continued.

"Anyway, I realized that the explosion of data I wanted would probably happen anyway if I just waited, so I begged the entity to let me come back. It was my lucky day, because after what you did last December, it decided that it could gather more data by studying human relations"

So it's pissed and brought you back to scare the shit out of me. That's just great.

"No! Not at all like that! I'm just here to collect data on human interactions, so what do you say, friends?"

she extended her hand again, offering me the pen.

"I assure you I can't hurt you anymore... how can I put this in words you'd understand... Oh! I'm on probation now!"

Probation?

"Yeah! My ability to manipulate data has been extremely limited, and my personality program has been altered! So go on, take it! I insist!"

there will probably be serious repercussions for this, but for the first time, I felt like Asakura was telling the truth. I cautiously grasped for the pen and examined it. It was a nice pen, made from some kind of shiny metal, it looked like something a wealthy business man might own.

I pocketed it and thanked her.

"Thanks... but you understand my skepticism, right?"

"I guess so..." she replied somberly.

Just then a frightened look came over Asakura's face as a pair of very feminine hands squeezed her chest from behind,

"Hmm... firm, perky, small..."

Asakura could only stutter in shock as a certain someone was violating her.

"You have tits that are perfectly proportional to your body!"

oh god, Asakura is getting the Asahina treatment! I can't help but let a small smile slip.

Haruhi has a thing about boobs. I'm not sure why, but my theory is that she's a closet bisexual.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

"This isn't funny Kyon!" Asakura screamed as she grabbed Haruhi's wrist and did a judo throw, tossing Haruhi on her back.

"Ryoko? I thought you moved to Canada, eh?"

Asakura wrapped her arms around her chest protectively and blushed.

"Yes, but I'm back now..."

Haruhi got up and dusted herself off, uncaring that she was just thrown across the room.

"So what's Canada like? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

I know Asakura deserves more than to be badgered by our resident lunatic, but part of me felt sorry for her. She looked scared and unsure what to do as she stood there, clutching her chest. She reminded me of Nagato in that other world. For her this must be like a whole other world, with a new mission and probably next to no idea what to do. She was more like me in that sense.

"It was... uh... cold"

She went on describing America's neighbor to the north in the best way she could. Knowing that she hadn't actually been there, I had to admire her courage as she made things up on the spot to please Haruhi. It's difficult to appease her, believe me. Slowly she began to smile, she was starting to get the hang of it. That's right, you can do it! ...wait am I actually cheering for a former psychopathic alien?

"Then it's settled! Ryoko, I hereby annex you into the brigade!"

What? You can't just force someone to join! I guess you haven't changed much at all...

To my surprise however, Asakura smiled brighter and agreed. Maybe this won't be so bad?

"Alright! This is so perfect for what I have planned!"

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

"Yesterday in the mail I got a special first class ticket to Antarctica! Can you believe it?"

"Wait what? Antarctica?" I cried, I was trying desperately to make sense of the situation.

"Yeah, I know right? I didn't think I'd win either! And a ticket that would let me bring as many people as I wanted too! Can you believe it?"

No I can't. But then again I can, weird things seem to follow you like Milton follows his stapler in that foreign movie I saw once.

"What do you mean, you 'won'? I don't recall you ever entering any contests?" Koizumi asked, understandably confused.

"I didn't tell anyone, but about a month ago when I was surfing the web I filled out a form for a contest to be the first at the unveiling of something scientists found in the ice! We're going to be famous!"

I just... can't... believe it... there's no way I'm going to Antarctica! We'll freeze to death!

"Well I for one, think this is wonderful! How soon can we leave?" Koizumi asked,

Don't encourage her! Do you want us to get killed!