A/N: Well here is my first attempt at fan fiction ever. I've never tried writing fan fiction before because I have always been afraid that I would not be able to capture the essence of the characters from my favorite TV shows, movies, and books. This plot bunny however would just not leave me alone so I plopped down on the computer and began writing. Again, I stress the fact that this is the first piece of fan fiction I have ever written so if The Doctor is out of character or something, I apologize before hand. Please, read and review! I want to know how well I did for my first try and if I should be locked up and never be allowed to write fan fiction again. Oh, and this is AU ... I guess...
Disclaimer: All rights go to the BBC, dudes, not some little high school girl sitting down typing this message.
Edit: Goodness, looking back at this I'm kind of embarrassed at the writing. Now, I'm not gonna say that I've become infinitely better at writing over the years, but I have improved and come a long way from this fic. I think I'll leave it on here though, just because of sentimental reasons. It's always good to remember your roots.
"How could you?"
The Doctor stood facing a young woman that appeared to be no more than 22. She was turned away from him, her short auburn hair cascading around her tense shoulders, refusing to look at the Time Lord standing behind her, the planet they had just left imprinted within her mind. It had been ablaze with color, falling in within itself, slowly but surely destroying itself inside and out.
"How could you just destroy it like that?"
The woman turned around slowly, revealing a youthful face void of any emotion. Her green eyes, like her face, were blank. She fixed her vacant stare upon the livid Doctor before replying in a trance like state.
"…It had to happen."
The Doctor was beyond the point of rage now. The normally cheerful face was marred with disgust, his eyes burning dangerously with an unimaginable amount of wrath aimed at the petite woman in front of him, his mouth pulled back into a snarl.
"No! It didn't have to happen! It never should have happened. It wasn't a fixed point in time! All of those people wouldn't have had to die! How could you? You were there with me when we visited that planet. You saw that there was a spark of decency there, hidden underneath all of the hatred, all of the prejudice. They could have had a better future! They could have learned to look beyond their differences and coexist! But no! They will never have that chance now that you wiped them all out without a single thought! How could you be so heartless?"
His words slammed into her like bricks, breaking through the safe cocoon of detachment she had created for herself. The hate, the guilt, the never-ending sorrow, all of her carefully locked up emotions broke through the dam, running across her face and animating her previously robotic disposition.
"Heartless! Do not talk to me about being heartless Doctor,"she hissed back at him."You have no idea what its like! Did you know? That I was there when the very universe was nothing more than a pile of gas and stardust, just waiting to be filled with all the hopes, all the dreams of the civilizations and planets that were to come. Waiting to see their full potential shining through?
"I saw civilizations rise out of nothing! I saw them succeed against all odds and manage to create something powerful! Something awe inspiring! I watched them grow like a mother would a child, only to," here she faltered, her eyes brimming with unshed emotion. She bit her bottom lip, turning away from him in a futile attempt to hide the now falling tears.
A moment passed in which the Doctor's hearts pounded in his chest as he waited for her to continue. His previous anger seemed like a tiny far away thing now with ever word that escaped from her lips. She finally spoke again, her voice much softer than it had been before.
"-only to have them fall because of me. Can you imagine the pain I felt when I got my first assignment? To hear that the very world I saw being created had to be destroyed by my hand? It was-it was torture…but I went through with it. I knew what the consequences would be if I didn't. An'tar was the first to go. Other soon followed and before I knew it, there were stories being told about me, depicting me as nothing more than a cold-hearted bastard that enjoyed watching the lives of thousands of innocents become extinguished within a matter of seconds."
She gave a bitter laugh, facing him once more, her embarrassment at her tears forgotten.
"If that were true it would make my job so much easier. Because it hurts. Every planet, every civilization, every life I have taken hurts. And I know that it will never end. I know the assignments will never stop coming. And there are times I want to run away from it all but I just can't."
"Why not, Mira?" The Doctor asked gently, a sharp contrast against the voice he had used against her earlier. "Why don't you? You can save innocent people's lives. All you have to do is stop with the assignments."
"But that's just it Doctor! I can't stop! I have to do it or the entire universe will suffer! These planets need to be destroyed so that the rest of the world can continue as it should. It isn't very pleasant, I know, but it's the truth!" she responded harshly, trying to get the emphasis of what she did across to the stubborn Time Lord.
The Doctor felt his fury ignite back to life. How was it that she could not see the dreadfulness of what she was doing?
"It doesn't have to be like this, though! What you're doing is nothing short of genocide! How can you do that and live with your self, knowing that it was your inability to make a choice against this murder that killed so many lives?" he yelled, his voice and temper raising with every word he uttered, finally losing control.
"How is it then that you can live with yourself Doctor?"
Her response was not what he expected. He stopped mid-rage, staring at her with confusion marked clearly in his eyes.
"…what?"
"How can you live with yourself knowing that you single handedly managed to condemn your entire planet and everyone on it to forever be trapped within a time lock?"
The Doctor could feel every trace of anger leave his body. His very fire, his passion, left him so suddenly at her words that he was left appearing broken and lost. An overwhelming sense of guilt and sorrow came crashing down upon him, suffocating him, leaving him to feel as if he were slowly drowning.
"I-I-" he stammered helplessly, eyes quickly growing wild at the memories playing before his mind. He wanted to crawl away and curl in upon himself as the powerful self hatred consumed him, but he was unable to move. She's right. How can I live with myself?
A gentle hand was suddenly upon his arm, bringing him out of his thoughts. He followed the arm's length up to see Mira's soulful green eyes staring down at him in understanding.
"You did it because you had to," she uttered quietly. "If you hadn't made that sacrifice, the universe would not have been as we know it now. You saved the entire universe, the entire fabric of time by making that sacrifice Doctor. And that is exactly what I have to go through on a regular basis.
"It's terrible isn't it? Having to make that choice? It's bittersweet really. You have to destroy some to save some. And the guilt. It never goes away. We just have to find new ways to carry it, to be able to go on with the day. We are more alike than you think. Because when it come down to it Doctor, me and you? We are both cut from the same cloth. And hopefully we'll never forget that there is always something out there that is worth continuing to live our days through for rather than just giving up and let the pain consume us. Because I'm not ever going to let the sorrow rule my life Doctor. I'm not giving up. And neither are you."
He could feel it. He could actually feel the will to live come rushing back into him and all thanks to the tiny woman standing in front of him. The very same woman he had wanted to strangle mere moments before. He could scarcely believe that the figure that had inspired countless amounts of stories of a cruel heartless person that would destroy planets with out a sense of remorse was the one he was drawing comfort from at that very moment.
A great rush of affection for Mira ran through him as he stared down at the smiling face that hid her sorrow so well. He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to express his gratitude for simply being able to understand but she just shook her head before he could talk.
"I know Doctor, I know," she murmured softly, taking a step back. She drew in a breath before sighing, her eyes fluttering closed.
She opened them shortly, giving him one final smile.
"I have to go now Doctor. It was nice being able to meet someone who knows what you're going through. A wish you luck on all of your future adventures. "
The Doctor swallowed a lump before replying with a single "Thank you", not sure if he would be able to say anything else without losing the unstable control he had managed to gather.
A nod was given accompanied by a lingering gaze from those infinitely sad eyes and then, just like that, The Destroyer vanished, leaving the Time Lord to stand alone on the TARDIS.