A Saturday Morning Nightmare
You know those Saturday mornings when you just don't want to get out of bed because of the lingering hangover from the night before? Well our good ol' G-boys have and just when they thought it couldn't get any worse, they heard the faint sound of "Fa la la la la la, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la," echoing from the living room.
"What is that obnoxious sound?" Wufei grumbled as he turned to look at his clock. "It's 8 in the morning! As soon as I get up, I'm going to kill that American baka for this injustice," Wufei murmured as he buried his head under the pillow to try and get some sleep. From down the hall, similar reactions occurred in the other three rooms.
"Aw Duo, please cut it out, it's too early for that," Quatre mumbled as he threw the covers over himself and Trowa. Trowa who was still asleep, woke up to Quatre's subtle whining. "What's wrong Quatre?" Trowa asked and then was silenced when he heard the music emanating from the living room. "Maxwell, it's too early for this," Trowa said as he too joined Quatre back under the sheets.
Heero rolled over and stuffed his face in his pillow as he covered his ears trying to block out the awful noise. Everyone's attempts to muffle the sound were futile, and Heero just couldn't take it any longer. "Damn it Duo," he cursed sleepily as he threw the covers off of himself and got out of bed. Heero then trudged down the hall towards the living room, the music getting louder and louder. There sitting in front of the tv, a fully awake and functional Duo. "Duo, what the hell are you doing up so damn early?"
"Hey Heero buddy, good morning! Want to watch the Smurfs marathon with me?" Duo chimed.
"Fuck no. How come your so cheerful this morning? If I'm not mistaken, you drank twice as much as we did last night, you should be feeling miserable," a very irritated Heero replied.
"I'm fine. I just hold my liquor a little better than all of you," Duo said as he watched the tv intently.
"Just keep it down will you? I hope you get nightmares for days from this insanity," Heero grumbled as he stomped off back down the hall back to bed.
"He sure woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Duo said as he took the controller and turned down the volume on the tv.
The rest of the boys managed to fall back asleep as they were suddenly relieved of their ear torture. Duo watched the marathon for three hours, until the bitter end. At around eleven o'clock, the rest of the boys decided to finally get out of bed. Wufei was the first to get up and he walked down the hall towards the living room, hearing nothing but silence. When he got there, the tv was off and there was Duo fast asleep on the couch. 'Thank the heavens that that nightmare is over. What in God's name made them create such a monstrosity of a cartoon? Damn Americans,' Wufei said to himself as he went to fetch himself some breakfast.
Trowa and Quatre were the next to wake as they walked sleepily down the hall of their apartment to the living room. They both saw Duo fast asleep and Trowa made a snide little comment, "At least he's sleeping peacefully."
Quatre just smiled at the comment, he wasn't going to say anything more, Trowa already spoke for the both of them. Heero was the last one to come in and the silence appalled him. He then looked down at the couch and figured out why, Duo was asleep. 'Duo, next time I hear THAT music, I'm going to chop off your braid and use it as a noose in your own hanging,' Heero thought as he joined the rest of the boys in the kitchen.
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Duo woke up to find himself sitting under a giant oak tree. He rubbed his eyes and checked out the rest of his surroundings. "Where the hell am I?" he said as he looked around. There were dozens of mushroom huts encircled together in a village and dozens of little blue men in white tights parading around. All of a sudden, a blue missile came flying threw the air to land at Duo's feet. "I guess that wasn't such a smurfy idea," the little man with glasses replied as he stood up rubbing his head.
"Smurfy? What the hell?" That's when it dawned on him. He looked down at himself and he was blue from the feet up wearing only a pair of white pants and a white cap. "I'm a fucking smurf!"
"Excuse me?" the little smurf said as he eyed Duo curiously. Duo was still in shock.
"What happened?" Duo stammered out.
"I don't know about you but I'm over here because I insulted Hefty and his hideous tattoo."
Duo shook his head, he wasn't believing this, it couldn't be real. "Don't tell me, you're Brainy right?"
"Of course I am!" Brainy replied in his nasally voice. "And by the way, who are you?"
"I'm Duo, or well at least I thought I was."
"I see. Well I don't mean to be rude but what's with the braid? You look like a girl but you sure aren't as pretty as Smurfette," Brainy said with his usual aura of superiority.
"A girl?" Duo answered.
"Why yes."
"That's it," Duo said as he picked him up by the seat of his pants and kicked him back into the village, making him land smack dab on his head amid the rest of the smurfs. They all turned their head towards Duo and after a brief silence, they all cheered. "No one calls me a girl," Duo said as he brushed his hands together. Then a wave of blue came crashing towards him in one big rush, encircling him where he stood. Duo looked around at all of the familiar faces: Greedy, Hefty, Handy, Harmony, Smurfette, Jokey, Lazy, Poet, and even old Grouchy standing with his arms crossed. The crowd then parted as an older smurf with red pants and a hat came striding in running his fingers through his beard. "Ah, I see we have a visitor and by the looks of things, you seem to fit right in," he said as he looked at Brainy still lying on the ground.
"Um, excuse me? How did I get here?" Duo asked trying to find out some answers.
"I'm not sure myself but you are welcomed to stay if you would like. There is a empty hut over by mine, you can stay there. Hefty will show you the way."
Hefty stepped out from the crowd, slapped Duo's back and said, "Let's smurf to it!"
'Oh geeze, this is a sick joke,' Duo thought as he was showed to his place. Hefty led him to a red and yellow mushroom cap hut and said, "Well here it is Duo ol' buddy."
Duo smiled in mockery and muttered, "I'm in midget hell. Dammit Heero, I'm going to kill you when I get back."
"What's that you say Duo?"
"Oh nothing, nothing at all, just talking to myself," Duo said as he put his hand over his face and shook his head. "Just need some rest that's all."
"Ok, well if you need anything, someone around here will be glad to help. See ya later buddy!" Hefty said shutting the door on his way out. Duo looked around his room and saw a little wood bed lying in the corner. He threw himself on to the bed but before he could get comfortable, he heard a knock at the door. "Now who the hell can that be?" he said in annoyance.
He opened the door and saw no one standing there. He looked down and saw a bright yellow package tied with red ribbon. There was a little note attached. "To Duo," but there was no sender. Before Duo realized what was about to happen, the box exploded with a loud boom right as he picked it up. Duo's face was covered in black and his bangs were singed from the explosion. He then heard a loud cackling coming from the side of his house. There was Jokey on his back laughing at his little prank. "Haha, very funny," an irritated Duo replied.
"Just a little welcoming gift," Jokey said as he ran off laughing.
"Damn little.." Duo began before he was cut off by an airy female voice.
"Hi Duo, don't worry, he does that to everyone."
Duo turned to see a blonde haired smurf standing before him. "Smurfette I presume?"
"Yup, that's me. Oh dear, your hair is singed, let me fix that for you," Smurfette said as she fingered his bangs.
Duo waved his hands in front of him and said, "Oh no, it's ok, really, I can do it myself."
"Oh nonsense. Your hair needs a woman's touch," she chimed as she took Duo by the hand and dragged him off to her place. 'Heero, help me!' Duo pleaded.
Duo was trapped and there was no way out. He closed his eyes as the young smurf weaved her hands through his hair to loosen his braid, then he heard the sound he dreaded the most, the sound of two blades rubbing together. "No way, you're not cutting my hair!" But before she heard his plea, a loud snip was heard and a mound of chestnut hair fell to the floor in one big heap. Duo went wide-eyed. "What the hell did you do?!" he said almost in tears.
"Your hair was way too long and you were getting split hands. It's just hair silly, now turn around and let me finish," she replied cheerfully.
'Just hair eh? Well I'll show you,' Duo thought irately in his mind. Before Duo could react on his thoughts, Smurfette placed a mirror in front of him and Duo nearly cried. "My, my hair," Duo stammered as he looked at her handy work. His hair had been completely chopped off and now all he was left with was a mop of brown hair. Duo ran out of her house screaming in horror as she stood in the doorway. "Geeze, the thanks I get for doing him a favor," she said as she tossed her hair and walked back inside her hut.
Duo ran back to his and slammed the door behind him. "This is not happening, this is not happening," he repeated continuosly to himself. Duo flopped down on his bed, he wasn't leaving his hut again. "Knock, knock," a burly voice said before opening the door. "What do you want?" Duo muttered bitterly into his pillow.
Ignoring his comment, Hefty said, "Hey Duo, this here is Greedy. I had him make you something to eat, eh Greedy?"
"Yeah and it sure is good," Greedy replied with his mouth full.
"Greedy! That's for him not you!" Hefty said as he pulled the plate away from his hungry friend.
Duo sat up as the two walked over towards him. "Here Duo, you looked a little scrawny so I asked Greedy here to make you a little something that will put some meat on them bones," Greedy said as he picked up Duo's arm and flopped it back down. Duo didn't appreciate that comment too much. "Oh that's it. Who are you calling scrawny?!" Duo said as he splattered the plate of food into Hefty's face.
"Well well, aren't we in a bad mood. Hey, I know just the thing to cheer you up, know what I'm saying Greedy?"
"Sure do! Come on Duo!" Greedy said as he pulled Duo by the arm outside. Hefty then yelled at the top of his lungs, "Hey everybody, Duo needs a little something to cheer him up!"
The whole village then came running and gathered in a huge circle around Duo. They all joined in chorus and sang "Fa la la la la la, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la."
Duo covered his ears and shut his eyes and said to himself, "This is not real, this is not real." The song repeated over and over again, resonating throughout Duo's mind, driving him to the point of insanity. "No, no please stop. Somebody get me the hell out of here!" Duo screamed.
Before he knew it, he opened eyes to have four familiar faces hovering around him. "Holy shit, it was just a dream, thank god," Duo said as he sat back up. "Geeze guys, what a nightmare, I was a smurf and that blonde haired one cut my hair, I was blown up by that little prankster, and that song, that blasted song."
The guys all looked at each other and fell to the floor in hysterical laughter. "Hey what's so funny?"
*~Owari~*