Author's note: This little scene is a re-mastered (read mucked-about-with) version taken from another Sherlock Holmes film. Not the recent version but another. I'll say which one at the end of the story. It's probably fairly obvious actually, but kudos if you work it out.

Author's warning: Need I say the opinions of the character's in the story don't represent those of the author? I am referring to something Selena says later on. I am not sure this warning is necessary, but better safe than sorry.

Too far

Sherlock re-entered 221b panting having run most of the way from Leicester square. His usual magic for for flagging down the first passing taxi having deserted him. He quickly glanced around. John would be back soon, and he was going to be in a filthy temper. In a way it was John's fault, he should have left with Sherlock.

Earlier Sherlock had received an invitation to the première of Selena Jackson's new film along with a note from her agent saying he had a case for him. Sherlock didn't want to go. At least he didn't want to see the film. John however was a fan and after some persuading Sherlock reluctantly agreed.

The film had been average. Though not a patch on James Bond. There was action, touching moments, comedic moments and the high point for most male members of the audience a tantalising nude shot of Selena herself. John's eye's popped out on stalks, Sherlock merely sighed.

"Five men have died for her." John said. This did peak Sherlock's interest.

"Really?"

"Two killed themselves in a gun fight in Texas. One drowned whilst trying to get a piece of jewellery that had fallen in the sea and one jumped off a gantry whilst they were setting up a stunt."

"That's only four." Sherlock said with a frown.

"The one that jumped of a gantry landed on another bloke underneath it."

"Sorry I asked."

At the after premier party John took champagne and hopefully tried to chat up a few of the young pretty extras, all of whom seemed to forget it was winter and be wearing figure-hugging backless dresses. Sherlock regarded the ensemble with a degree of derision. Nearly everyone there was pretending to be something else, be it rich, glamorous, intelligent and in a lot of cases, straight. A portly man with an impressive beard and moustache wearing a very expensive suit approached. He introduced himself to Sherlock and John as Lee Masterson, Selena's agent. He drew them aside into a quiet part of the room where they wouldn't be overheard.

"What did you think of the film?" Lee asked. John answered quickly.

"Wonderful. One of Selena's best." Lee looked at John then at Sherlock curiously.

"It's not really my kind of film." Sherlock said dismissively. He was surprised to see Lee smile at this.

"Come with me Selena wants to see you."

Sherlock wasn't one for reading fantasy stories. As a child he would always pick holes in them by saying things like "but beanstalks can't grow that big! And how did the giant fit an entire castle at the top of a plant?" Making his mother close the book in despair. However as Sherlock followed Lee he had a sudden impression of how Alice might have felt following the white rabbit. Sadly Sherlock was a slave to his curiosity.
"What you saw was Selena's final film. She's retiring." Lee started to tell Sherlock as they walked towards her room. Sherlock wasn't sure what to make of this information.
"Really? She seems a little...young to retire."
"What did you make of the nude scene?" Lee asked with a sly smile. Sherlock wasn't sure how to answer this as despite all the newspapers report to the contrary, the use of a body double had been obvious... to him anyway.
"Ah! You spotted the body double! Good." Lee said after watching his reaction. "Vanity!" he chuckled. "Her face though, do you think she looks good for her age?"
The ominous feeling inside Sherlock grew. "How old is she?" he asked cautiously.
"Thirty eight."
"She doesn't look thirty eight." Sherlock replied honestly. Lee chuckled again.
"Thirty eight is her official age. She is actually 49."
They reached the door to the room Selena was using for the première. They entered a small comfortable room with a couple of chairs and a sofa. Through another door Sherlock could hear the unmistakable signs of a woman getting dressed. Sherlock frowned slightly. Why would the woman be getting dressed twice?

"One dress for the première, one dress for the party." Lee said following his train of thought.
"You like extraordinary cases?" Sherlock leaned forward suddenly more interested.
"Good. I doubt you'll ever have had a case like this." Lee said confidently. Sherlock raised an eyebrow briefly. Selena came in her face flushed with excitement.
"How's it going? Have you asked him yet?" She said as she shook Sherlock's hand. Sherlock smiled politely in return. Seeing her more closely he could clearly see the signs of age on her, as well as her efforts to keep it at bay. All the treatments she had were now giving her a distinguished air. Which in her case, was not good.
"Not yet Selena darling."
Selena continued to look at Sherlock smiling.
"As Selena is retiring she plans to devote her time to her charity work and raising her child."
"Very admirable." Sherlock replied
"The problem is the father." Lee said.
"Is he missing?" Sherlock asked at the same time thinking: 'dull'.

"Of course. Without the father how is there going to be a child?" Lee asked. The penny dropped in Sherlock's mind with a sickening thud.

"I see, this is all in the planning stage?"

"I want my to be beautiful and brilliant." Selena spread her arms theatrically. "And since you

are by far the most brilliant man I have ever met." She started to approach Sherlock who tried to back away without appearing to back away.
"I can't be the only candidate." Sherlock said, mainly to gain time whilst he thought of a foolhardy plan of escape.
"We considered a few." Lee said. "Including IVF."
"But that could be from anyone!" Selena said with obvious disgust on her face. "I want my child to have genes of quality." She looked at Sherlock dreamily.
"Well thank you but..." Sherlock's phone beeped. Mainly stalling for time he took it out to look at the text.
Any luck? :-) JW
John must be drunk. Sherlock thought. He wouldn't send a text like that under normal circumstances, not when he can wait and ask directly later... The answer came to Sherlock in a suddenly revelation. He smiled the most charming fond smile he could muster.

"Who was the text from?" Selena asked.

"My...partner John." The pause was deliberate, to invite further questions. He met Selena's gaze.

"Partner?" She asked suspiciously.

"Yes we've been living together now for two years, eight months..." He finished abruptly as though he was stopping himself from continuing into days, hours, minutes and seconds. Make her draw the conclusion, spell it out but don't give her the answer he thought. He could see Selena's mind drawing the inevitable conclusion in a painfully slow way. Suddenly she looked at him with an expression of uttermost disgust turned and flounced out of the room. Sherlock wondered whether he should apologise, then he wisely decided not to milk the part.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't help." He said to Lee who was looking at him shrewdly. Sherlock left as fast as he dared and found John surrounded by girls. He was looking very pleased with himself.
"John I think we should leave now." Sherlock said.
"Leave if you want. I'm having far too much fun." He gave Sherlock a cheeky smile.
As Sherlock was leaving, he noticed Lee talking with an attractive young man and pointing in John's direction. Sherlock decided that getting back to Baker Street as fast as possible and hiding John's gun would be a judicious move.

Back at their flat, Sherlock spun around looking for an idea. At first he considered barricading himself in his bedroom until John had calmed down. No he decided, childish, and John was his friend; he did owe him an explanation. Besides, the door was only two thin pieces of plywood with cardboard between, John would be able to break his way through it easily.
"SHERLOCK YOU B******D!" John's voice echoed in the street. John was in a far worse mood than he'd anticipated, not to mention he'd managed to get back a lot faster too. Sherlock spotted the cushions. They would have to do.

John thundered up the stairs and threw the door open to their flat. Sherlock had managed to change into a dressing gown and was curled up on the sofa.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? WELL LOOK AT ME YOU..." John picked up the first object to hand which happened to be the yellow pages and hurled it with all his might at the curled figure on the sofa. It hit with some force. John paled slightly.
"Sherlock?" He approached the sofa and pulled back the dressing gown, only to be greeted with the sight of cushions.
"I had the impression you were not in a very good mood." Sherlock's voice came from behind him.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why on earth...?" John stuttered angrily "Isn't bad enough half of London already think we're a sodding couple? Why Sherlock why?" Sherlock shifted uncomfortably.
"Selena had plans on making me a donor father. It was the only thing I could think of to get out of it."
"Oh great! That's just brilliant!"
"I don't understand why you're so upset. There's going to be a little talk about you in Hollywood. So what?" Sherlock said testily.
"You don't get it do you? It not nice to say things behind someone's back..."
"It's never stopped anyone else in the past!" Sherlock said with a sudden venom, John stepped back slightly an astonished look on his face. Sherlock looked angry then he turned away and walked towards the window. John cursed his own stupidity. Of course. He suddenly saw the tall oddball at school. The one who always had all the answers, the one the teachers liked and the other kids hated. The one who was always left out of games, the last picked for teams. The one who had no friends. The 'freak'. John stood in the lounge in Baker street hanging his head, all anger had fled. The evening events cleared in his mind and he was able to look at them with a fresh eye. John chuckled.
"What?" Sherlock asked suspiciously looking at him.
"You. Surrogate father! I wish I'd been there!" John laughed a little harder. A flicker of a smile appeared on Sherlock's face.

"If you had, I certainly couldn't have used that excuse."

"Ah. Two good reasons why I should've been there. I could have watched you squirm." John said openly smiling now. Sherlock seemed to regard this comment as a challenge and narrowed his eyes.

"On the other hand if you had been there I could have kissed you to lend credence to my story." John gaped at him.

"You wouldn't!" He exclaimed, but he didn't seem certain. Sherlock feeling his winning streak, smiled wickedly.

"Everything else is just transport remember?"

"If you ever dare..." John started. Sherlock eye's twinkled mischievously.

"You'll do what?"

"If you do I'll...call you silly names in front of Mycroft!"

"Oh is that really the best you can do?" Sherlock said derisively

"Try me...sweetheart!"

"Honey-bunch."

"Sweet-cheeks!...Wait how did this start?" John asked confusedly.

"You started it." Sherlock replied.

"Well I'm drunk. What's your excuse?"

Sherlock closed eyes but smiled.

"Touché. Good night John."

END

Yes it was the 'Private Life of Sherlock Holmes'. To those who haven't seen it, do so it is a good film.

Please read and review. I like reviews. They make me happy. :-)