Title: Until the Day I Die
Chapter: 1- Tell Me Why This Hurts So Much
Author: rebelballerina22
Summary: B/L, some P/L. Brooke is all alone, and she can't take it any longer. Will anyone be there to save her when she needs it? Rated PG-13 for sensitive subject matter.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill except for my own thoughts. Also, this title is from the Story Of The Year Song, "Until The Day I Die" and the chapter titles are from lyrics of the same song.
Author's Note: Reviews are more than welcome, but please be easy with the flames. This story deals with the subject of suicide, so if that makes you feel uneasy, then please don't read this. I'm not trying to advertise suicide or anything of the like.
______________________________________________________________________________
Brooke's POV
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12:15 am.
The winter evening is dark and cold in this place I call home. Rain is coming down hard as I pace the lonely halls. As my legs slowly climb the seemingly endless staircase, my small hands tightly grip the bannisters until my fingers turn white.
My thoughts drift in and out of reality ; pain overpowering my emotions...
It's been 3 months since he almost died.
I still haven't been able to stop thinking about him.
That week, seemingly so long ago, was the worst of my life. I was worried enough to make me sick; too scared to eat. I hardly left his bedside, where I read our book, the Steinbeck, to him and I whispered our song into his ear.
"As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die too
I'd die too..."
I silently prayed that these words would be enough for him, promising myself that I needed to be better.
For him.
I told myself that things would be different for us when he woke up. I didn't realize exactly how "different" they would end up being.
I sat there hour after hour willing his eyes to open. I even gave prayer a try, hoping against hope that he would come back to me. I prayed so hard that he'd pull through, just like he always did; that he wouldn't die.
Now I almost wish he had.
"My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Made the same mistakes"
I come to a stop in the doorway of my room. The one room in the entire mansion with any personality or any signs of living in it.
At least it used to be.
I take a spot on the bay window seat; my favorite seat in the entire world. Staring out the window, I watch as falling droplet scatter outside. I press my cheek against the window to find that it's as cold as ice. Out in the winter night, the street is cold, dark, and bleak as the rain keeps it's steady rhythm.
'Not nearly as cold as it is in here,' I think sardonically to myself.
My mind contemplates the chain of events that led up to tonight.
accident... phone call... Peyton... webcam... kissing... Lucas...
I desperately try to shake the thoughts from my head, but no matter what they keep returning back to him. I decide to stand up, ready to continue pacing, trying to keep the thoughts away.
I sit at my desk and resolve to write. From one of the drawers I pull out a lavender colored journal with my monogram on the cover in silver. I slowly flip through searching for an empty page. As soon as I come across one. I immediately begin to write. My script is wide and curving as I express my thoughts.
Tears flow down my cheeks while I write this letter. As I finish it reads:
I know I'm not perfect. And as many things that I wish I didn't do, this tops them all. I wish I hadn't fallen in love, not even this once. I didn't mean to get in the way of what has always been there. I'll keep the good times close to my heart forever. I want you to know before I go, that I wish there was another way. This pain is just too much to much to take. I'm doing this because it's for the best. I want you both to be happy. You'll always have each other. Don't blame yourselves, because it's no one's fault except mine. Please know that I'll always love you both.
Love Always,
Brooke Anne Davis
4/22/04, 12:55 am
I leave the journal open as I walk to the bathroom. I turn on the hot tap all the way and wait until it starts steaming. I can faintly hear the phone ringing above the music turned up all the way.
I finally find what I'm looking for. A million different thoughts are racing through my mind telling me not to do this, but I finally decide to go through with it. I step into the tub and sit in the scorching water. It doesn't faze me as I lift the sharp razor to my wrist. Without thinking twice, I slowly, deeply drag it across my skin.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I know it's unusually short, but don't worry there's more to come. It might seem confusing now, but I promise that all will be revealed soon. :)
Chapter: 1- Tell Me Why This Hurts So Much
Author: rebelballerina22
Summary: B/L, some P/L. Brooke is all alone, and she can't take it any longer. Will anyone be there to save her when she needs it? Rated PG-13 for sensitive subject matter.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill except for my own thoughts. Also, this title is from the Story Of The Year Song, "Until The Day I Die" and the chapter titles are from lyrics of the same song.
Author's Note: Reviews are more than welcome, but please be easy with the flames. This story deals with the subject of suicide, so if that makes you feel uneasy, then please don't read this. I'm not trying to advertise suicide or anything of the like.
______________________________________________________________________________
Brooke's POV
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12:15 am.
The winter evening is dark and cold in this place I call home. Rain is coming down hard as I pace the lonely halls. As my legs slowly climb the seemingly endless staircase, my small hands tightly grip the bannisters until my fingers turn white.
My thoughts drift in and out of reality ; pain overpowering my emotions...
It's been 3 months since he almost died.
I still haven't been able to stop thinking about him.
That week, seemingly so long ago, was the worst of my life. I was worried enough to make me sick; too scared to eat. I hardly left his bedside, where I read our book, the Steinbeck, to him and I whispered our song into his ear.
"As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die too
I'd die too..."
I silently prayed that these words would be enough for him, promising myself that I needed to be better.
For him.
I told myself that things would be different for us when he woke up. I didn't realize exactly how "different" they would end up being.
I sat there hour after hour willing his eyes to open. I even gave prayer a try, hoping against hope that he would come back to me. I prayed so hard that he'd pull through, just like he always did; that he wouldn't die.
Now I almost wish he had.
"My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Made the same mistakes"
I come to a stop in the doorway of my room. The one room in the entire mansion with any personality or any signs of living in it.
At least it used to be.
I take a spot on the bay window seat; my favorite seat in the entire world. Staring out the window, I watch as falling droplet scatter outside. I press my cheek against the window to find that it's as cold as ice. Out in the winter night, the street is cold, dark, and bleak as the rain keeps it's steady rhythm.
'Not nearly as cold as it is in here,' I think sardonically to myself.
My mind contemplates the chain of events that led up to tonight.
accident... phone call... Peyton... webcam... kissing... Lucas...
I desperately try to shake the thoughts from my head, but no matter what they keep returning back to him. I decide to stand up, ready to continue pacing, trying to keep the thoughts away.
I sit at my desk and resolve to write. From one of the drawers I pull out a lavender colored journal with my monogram on the cover in silver. I slowly flip through searching for an empty page. As soon as I come across one. I immediately begin to write. My script is wide and curving as I express my thoughts.
Tears flow down my cheeks while I write this letter. As I finish it reads:
I know I'm not perfect. And as many things that I wish I didn't do, this tops them all. I wish I hadn't fallen in love, not even this once. I didn't mean to get in the way of what has always been there. I'll keep the good times close to my heart forever. I want you to know before I go, that I wish there was another way. This pain is just too much to much to take. I'm doing this because it's for the best. I want you both to be happy. You'll always have each other. Don't blame yourselves, because it's no one's fault except mine. Please know that I'll always love you both.
Love Always,
Brooke Anne Davis
4/22/04, 12:55 am
I leave the journal open as I walk to the bathroom. I turn on the hot tap all the way and wait until it starts steaming. I can faintly hear the phone ringing above the music turned up all the way.
I finally find what I'm looking for. A million different thoughts are racing through my mind telling me not to do this, but I finally decide to go through with it. I step into the tub and sit in the scorching water. It doesn't faze me as I lift the sharp razor to my wrist. Without thinking twice, I slowly, deeply drag it across my skin.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I know it's unusually short, but don't worry there's more to come. It might seem confusing now, but I promise that all will be revealed soon. :)