*gasp* I'M ALIVE! I mean, you probably couldn't tell unless you. were stalking me (please don't that's creepy). BUT I AM REALLY SORRY I haven't posted in like two months but there was some crazy busy sh*t going on. This included, but is not limited to: family visiting, us visiting family, long road trips, broken computers that weren't actually broken, weirdly busy weekends, teachers giving multiple projects, and that piece of sh*t we call WRITER'S BLOCK. So, yeeeeaaaah. Winter is fun!
Please excuse my terribly unoriginal title but I had NO CLUE what to title this so...
So, obviously, I recently listened to Hamilton(FINALLY). And of course, I loved it, or otherwise I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it at 6 am. And of course, there was this one non-cannon gay ship that I learned may or may not have historically truthful, so I was like "ooh, facinating". And then me and my friend had a really awkward text conversation and I thought "wow this might be a good fanfic" so I started writing. And I've been trying to write in new categories, and me and romance go together like, well...sh*it that doesn't go together. I've learned that it's really hard to write not awkward romance fanfics when you're asexual(spoiler alert-I didn't do that good). ANYWAY, this story just turned into a gateway for a (really bad) romance one-shot, and...yeah.
Update for my other stuff: if you haven't noticed I have no actual updating schedule so oops
-Alex
WARNINGS: (I've seen most people do this so it seems important) there is panic attacks, mild language, and much GAY. I mean, it's tagged as gay and it's literally titled "Laurens, I Like You A Lot" so what'd you expect? (don't worry, homophobes, the gays don't like you either)
**DISCLAIMER** Obviously I don't own Hamilton. I can barely wirte this, let alone a complicated story that includes: one marriage, one steamy affair, one flirty thing, and one implied gay affair.
FEBRUARY 15, 2019, 10:30 PM
John didn't know how it happened. One minute he and Alex were making random inside jokes and the next he had angry butterflies in his stomach.
FEBRUARY 15, 2019, 10:20 PM
A. Ham: hey why does my name have a water gun next to it
John L.: You know perfectly why
A. Ham: it was one time!
John L.: One very memorable time
Oh and I added something else
John L. sent a picture to the chat
A. Ham: the gay flag? That's the wrong one johnny-boy
John L: Well they don't exactly have every LGBT+ flag as emojis
A. Ham: touche
A. Ham sent a picture to the chat
John L: Why is mine gray and black
I use more color than that!
A. Ham: but that's the color of straight people
John L: oh.
That's when John felt the butterflies ready to take off.
There was this small detail he always left out of conversations. He was gay.
Not the stereotypical gay that would make people point at some random guy and say "that one's gay". John was your normal high school kid—minus the whole "girlfriend" thing.
But he never told anyone. Sure, he was immersed in the "gay culture". Alex was very openly pansexual—he would crush on anyone. He knew his friends would be fine with it. Eliza, another one of his friends, was less openly gay, only out to her friends. And social media...it seemed like people, with the anonymity of the internet, could be as "them" as they wanted to be: gay, straight, transgender, asexual, non-binary, or anything they wanted to be. John loved that part of social media, where people could be talking from around the world or around the street.
And, yeah, on the very few anonymous-type social media accounts John had, he was openly gay. But he didn't give his full name and he definitely didn't have any pictures. On social media, people could see his profile and figured out quickly, if not immediately, that he liked turtles, rap music, and the fact that he was gay. Just plain and simple, they didn't have to say anything to him if they have something against gay people. But in real life, that shit was more complicated.
John had known his friends for a while, and he was scared they'd see him differently. God, he knew how much of a cliché that was, and he knew his friends wouldn't think of him differently, but every time he would try to say something about it, he felt nauseous and couldn't get the words out. But it was just a trivial piece of information, right? It wasn't like he had a crush on anyone currently. Plus, his friends all knew him as the "straight friend", not as "gay" as the rest of them. If only they knew, John thought. Plus, the whole "straight friend" thing came from before he sorted out his feelings when he told his friends about his crush on Martha Manning in elementary school.
A. Ham: hey john you are straight right
RIGHT
John L.: yeah
Geez you looked worried for a second
A. Ham: nah
for some reason my weird-ass brain thought you mightve been lying to me this whole time or somethin
John L.: oh.
Oh God, John thought. There it was. Someone was calling him out. And of course, it had to be Alex, his best friend, and like that. Just peachy. John felt the butterflies going crazy in his stomach, and his heart sinking lower than his fluttering stomach.
A. Ham: so you are straight
John L.: yeah
A. Ham: huh i coulda sworn i was getting the gay vibes from you
John L.: "Gay vibes?"
They were probably from like Eliza or someone
A. Ham: maybe
hey who was the last person you liked?
John froze. He couldn't exactly say that the last crush was on...oh hell, no.
John L.: This girl in elementary school
Martha something or other
A. Ham: why wasnt i told of this
John L.: It was before you moved here
A. Ham: ah
dont you have a sister named martha
and my aunts name is martha
people stop naming your daughters martha really
John L.: Well damn you ain't wrong
A. Ham: oop sorry john uncle george says i gotta go to bed now
John L.: Well goodnight
A. Ham: night john
John laid back from his hunched over position on his bed. Holy shit. He hated lying to his friends(not that he was good at it), especially to Alex, of people.
Alex. John sighed and shut off his phone, wishing he could do the same with his feelings. He shut off his light and tried to sort out his emotions with a restless sleep.
(•,•) (•,•) (•,•)
FEBRUARY 16,2019,8:05 AM
"John!" John pretended not to hear Alex calling his name and kept shoving his way through the mass of high schoolers. He really didn't feel like confronting Alex this early in the morning. "John Laurens!" Alex's slender hand grabbed onto his shoulder.
Well, shit, John thought, resigned. He turned around to face Alex. "Hey, Alex."
"Didn't you hear me calling you?" Alex asked, only half-joking.
Yeah, and I chose to ignore you along with my very gay feelings, John thought. "Nah, sorry. The hallways are just so loud." He forced a smile on his face and prayed that Alex bought it.
"Yeah. High school, right?" Alex chuckled, a chuckle John found eerily similar to his smile moments before.
"You, uh, have Mercer first, right?" John asked after an awkward silence.
"Yep. U.S. History."
"Wish me luck. I've got King."
"It shouldn't be legal to have him this early," Alex quipped.
"It shouldn't be legal to have school this early." There it was. Alex laughed, for real this time.
A sharp bell screamed through masses, causing many students to groan.
"Damn, that's loud. Well, I've gotta get to class now." Alex said.
"Bye, Alex," John said.
"Bye, John. Oh, and good luck with King." And then he was gone, lost in the crowd of high schoolers.
John stood there for a bit, watching the spot where Alex disappeared, students trickling into classrooms around him.
The late bell screeched, knocking John out of his thoughts.
"Well, shit," he muttered, running off to his next class.
(•,•) (•,•) (•,•)
FEBRUARY 16, 2019, 3:15 PM
John shoved through the after-school crowd, earning more than one "watch it, asshole!" from the kids around him.
"Hey, Alex! Alex!" John yelled, finally catching up to him. "Damn, you're fast!"
"Oh, hey," Alex said, "What's up?"
"I, uh," John stopped for a moment to catch his breath. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over and work on homework. King just gave us that huge project and I thought maybe we could work together."
John could've sworn that Alex's face brightened. "Yeah! Yeah, I'd just have to call my uncle first." Alex pulled out his phone and dialed his uncle George.
"Hey, is it okay if I go to John's house to work on homework?… Yeah, I'll be home by six…Thanks. Bye!" Alex hung up the phone.
"He said as long as I'm home by 6:00, it'd be fine."
"Great!" John felt his own delighted smile melting its way onto his face.
(•,•) (•,•) (•,•)
FEBRUARY 16, 3:30 PM
"Mom, we're home!" John yelled into the house.
John's mom came out of the kitchen(A/N no not the closet that's reserved for John). "Alex! Long time, no see!" She smiled brightly at the boys.
"Hi, Mrs. Laurens. I was just here yesterday." Alex said.
"Exactly! You weren't here yesterday!" She made a tsk, tsk sound and wagged her finger mockingly.
Alex laughed. "Okay, Mrs. Laurens."
John's mom turned back to him. "Oh, and your father said he would be home late tonight."
John sighed. "Of course."
"Now, go do your homework or whatever you two do behind closed doors." She shooed them off, seemingly oblivious to the furious blushes on both boys' faces.
Eager to get away from his mom and her embarrassing jokes, John ran up the stairs, Alex following closely behind. John slammed the door behind them and flopped down on the bed next to Alex, barely missing his friend.
John didn't miss the fact that their faces were extremely close together, and his blush went from furious red to blood-red rose, somehow getting even darker.
"I guess we, uh, have to do our homework now, huh?" Alex said, but neither boy moved away.
"Huh?" John wasn't paying attention to Alex's words, but Alex himself. Examining every inch of his face, seeing his best friend in a whole way.
"John. John!" Alex said, snapping his fingers in John's face. "Damn, where'd you go?"
Alex's face was even closer to his.
"L-let's just work on our homework," John stuttered.
Alex looked at him weirdly, but sat up anyway and pulled his homework out of his color-coded folders.
"You, uh, want to do math first?" John asked.
"Sure."
After a few moments of digging, John pulled out a ragged math sheet.
Suddenly, thunder boomed and the old windows shook in their frames.
"Aah!" Alex yelped. John whipped his head to look at him, and he noticed that Alex's skin had gone unnaturally pale, his eyes wide, and he could hear his breaths coming quicker.
John scooted closer to Alex, their shoulders nearly touching. "Alex? Are you alright?" John asked, concern shading his voice. When Alex didn't respond, John, ignoring the emotions rising in his chest, knelt down so that his face was directly in front of Alex's. His skin was ghostly pale, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his eyes red and far away. "Alex!" John said, a little louder than before.
"John?" Alex murmured, his voice weak and fragile. "No! John! NO!"
"Alex? Can you hear me?" John tried again.
"John, no! Don't!" Alex repeated, his voice nearly rising to a shout.
"Hey, Alex. Alex, look at me. I'm right here. No one's in danger. There's no hurricane—just some thunder." John said gently, careful not to touch Alex.
"John?" Alex said tentatively, his eyes refocusing on John.
"Yeah, Alex. I'm right here, safe, with you. You wanna take some deep breaths with me?"
"N-no!" Alex breaths were coming slower, but still far too fast.
"H-hey. Count with me. Une, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix." Alex repeated the numbers, a French accent becoming more pronounced with each one.
"John?" Alex murmured once again.
"I'm here, Lex. Can I touch you?" Alex gave a slight nod, and John let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. If John could only use words to calm Alex down…let's just say that Alex was the wordy one.
John stood up and sat back on the bed, scooching over so that his and Alex's bodies slightly overlapped, and held one of Alex's hands in his. "See, Lex? I'm here. I'm real. We're safe, no one and nothing can hurt us."
"You promise?" Alex's voice was so quiet and broken that John almost didn't hear him. He felt the smaller boy lean his head onto John's shoulder, and leaned his head on Alex's in return.
"I promise," John said, vowing to protect his best friend from anything and everything thrown at him. "Do you want me to get you some water or something?" John asked, standing up from the bed.
When he was almost standing straight up, Alex grabbed his hand tight. "No!" And then he lowered his voice. "Stay, please?"
Alex had pulled John back so they were facing each other, and John noticed that their faces were close, their noses almost touching.
Suddenly, Alex closed the gap, pressing his lips to John's. John just sat there, shocked that his friend liked him back. As if he noticed the one-sided kiss, Alex pulled away.
"I-I'm sorry. That was stupid and impulsive, and I shouldn't have—I should go." Alex stammered out, standing up.
"It was really nice…I-I just didn't think you actually liked me back." John pulled Alex back to sitting next to him.
(A/N GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTERS, PERVS. THEY'RE S.I.T.T.I.N.G, AND THEY'VE ALREADY K.I.S.S.E.D)
"You said you were straight," Alex said, quiet and hesitant.
"I'm sorry," John said, his tone matching Alex's. "I thought I didn't have a crush on anyone, let alone you, and it just wasn't important."
"Well, you're important," John blushed at Alex's words, "and you could've told me."
"I just didn't want anyone to think anything different of me."
"So, it's a no on the boyfriend thing, huh?" Alex said, some of his usual snark coming back.
"B-boyfriend?"
"Shit, I jumped the gun. Do you want to see a movie or something on Saturday? Together?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
(•,•) (•,•) (•,•)
On Saturday, Alex and John went on a date.
On Monday, they walked into school with their fingers intertwined.
2,254 words. Is that good for a oneshot?
Okay, so above I said this might be historically accurate and it is true. There were a bunch of letters between the two dudes that had language that suggested the two guys might be lovers, but people also attribute that to the flowery language of the time. I can't write that much about it because I don't know that much and I gotta go but yeah it could've been a thing. I like that one of our founding fathers could have been bisexual so I'm going with that.
Also if someone wants to help me rewrite this and make it better or collaborate for a second part I'M DOWN just shoot me a PM or a comment or whatever.
And yes I know the storm thing is overused but it was either that or some dies and this fit better and this was before I found out abiut the cliché so yeah.
-Alex