I truly cannot help myself thought Maura, I love the way that she is able to capture all of my attention just by merely passing by the window. Perhaps love is too strong a word, perhaps amazes me is a better fit. Yes, she amazes me by the way she is able to capture all of my attention, just by merely passing by the window. There is something about the way she walks, no it's more than a walk, a strut, no, it is most definitely a saunter. It is a saunter that she has heard other cops, the newer younger cops, fresh from the academy often referred to as her swagger.
The younger cops could often be heard arguing about who would get to run something up to the homicide unit, they all wanted to do it, Jane was the only female Detective in the unit. Jane was tall, opinionated, smart, and beautiful, she was better at her job than a large majority of the men she worked with. She was in her own class of an amazing woman in Maura's mind. Maura had loved other women before, occasionally from afar, but Jane was different than all those before her, she just didn't know it yet.
Maura thought it odd that Jane seemed to come down to her office for things that could be dealt with through a call, or even a text. Though Jane showed no outward desire for Maura, she definitely hoped that Jane might. Maybe not outwardly, but inside she desperately wanted to believe that Jane wanted her as much as she wanted Jane, if not more.
Maura longed to be with Jane as often as she possibly could. She would also offer to come along for no apparent reason, like last week when Jane went to interrogate a suspect and Maura found herself spouting out "Oh, I'll come along. I've always liked the peanut M&M's in the break room." When in actuality once having arrived in the break room where she could no longer be with Jane, claimed they were must be out of M&M's, and retreated to the morgue.
But that was at work, often, most nights in fact, especially after a long day or a particularly difficult case the two would be found at the Dirty Robber. She sat at their usual booth waiting for Jane to return from the bar with their first round of drinks. For Jane a Samuels Ale, and for Maura a vintage merlot, after Jane had returned and handed Maura her drink, they sat silently for a few minutes. What could to the outside perception be seen as two beautiful women savouring their respective drinks after a long day, however, that was not the case. Each of the women had something they wished to tell the other, they had both been harbouring a secret from the other for a while. For Maura it was like a volcano ready to erupt, she wanted Jane to know how she truly felt for her, she just didn't want to ruin things between them or push Jane away. Jane's secret was significantly less than Maura's but wanted to tell her more out of guilt rather than anything else.
As they neared the bottom their first round of drinks, Maura offered to get the next round. As she had gotten up to go to the bar Jane told her there was something she needed to tell her when she got back. Hearing this Maura replied with a simple ok, and left for the bar with a huge grin on her face. Her brain then began pushing all the "fun facts" and recent "google searches" out of her head and filling their spots with the" what if's" or "it could be's".
Maura returned and as she sat down patiently waiting for Jane to tell her what it was she needed to tell her. But the suspense was driving her crazy, and her internal volcano exploded. She began telling Jane how much she cared for her, how amazing she was, how beautiful she was, and how much she wanted her. Not just at work, not just for a drink after work, but forever, she told Jane how she wanted her to be the last thing she saw before drifting to sleep, the first person she sees when she wakes up, she told Jane about how she found it increasingly difficult to merely attempt to sleep without thinking of her.
After hearing all of this the two sat there is silence. Maura now feeling increasingly better, she felt as if she could breathe better, now that it had all been said. She felt an eerie calm wash over her as she sat there trying to decipher the constant change of facial expressions running over Jane's face as she sat there processing all of the information Maura just gave her.
Although Maura isn't one to fully understand, and always follow social protocol, she understood the silence between them had gone on far too long.
"Jane?" Maura asked.
"I...I...I was umm just going to tell you that, I got some wine on the shirt you lent me." Jane hesitated. "I had no idea you felt that way though."
Maura became flushed and flustered, she even began to stutter as she told Jane that she was leaving and then was simply gone, despite Jane's protesting.
Jane had tried to call Maura all weekend to no avail. So when Monday came Jane waited for the Doctor in the morgue. When Maura got there she found herself unable to look Jane in the eye, and only spoke in short to the point sentences with no present form of emotion. Maura had but up her walls, to try an protect herself from Jane's impending rejection.
After about 10 minutes of this, Jane was becoming frustrated so she grabbed Maura's arm and led her into Maura's office. She then practically forced Maura into her chair. Maura had been intimidated to say the least, she had never seen or heard for that matter, Jane be so forceful and infuriated with her. She had seen it when she had interrogated suspects, but never thought she'd ever be like that with her. After forcing Maura into her chair she paced back and forth in front of Maura, huffing and sighing, no talking, just the occasional noise of frustration.
Finally she spoke.
"Maura, I've been thinking all weekend about what you said. I've been trying to call you all weekend.