Chapter 1 – perfection... going wrong before my very eyes

My life had been pretty close to perfect, the only thing I had wished was that my boyfriend went to school with me rather than in la push where he lived. But I guess we kinda made up for it by going to each other's houses nearly everyday.

I remembered when he first asked me out, I knew our dads had been trying to set us up for ages, but I couldn't believe that Jake would actually want to go out with me! But then he asked me, I couldn't wait to tell Angela and Jessica that I was going out with someone in the year above!

Today was Friday, Fridays were always the longest day for me. It was because I had a whole weekend of Jacob to look forward to. I smiled happily to myself as I thought about Mike, maybe me and Jacob could go to the cinema with mike and Jessica like he asked, if that didn't clash with any of Jake's plans. Jake sometimes made plans to surprise me for the weekend, so I never knew what I was going to be doing until I got home on Friday.

Jake was waiting for me when I got home. I told him about Mike's invite but he told me he had plans, I asked what they were but he told me I would find out tomorrow. That weekend I wondered why he bothered making plans, I would much rather have been in the cinema watching a film than out on Billy's boat, fishing. I got cold and wet and Jacob got man-flu and didn't feel like going to the cinema when Mike tried to reschedule for Sunday.

Two weeks later Mike invited me and Jacob to the cinema again. Jacob said he didn't want to see any of the films that were on. Was that why he didn't want to go before why didn't he say so?

"If that was why you didn't want to go last week you should have said. Then we could have arranged to do something else, instead of fishing," lets face it that trip was a disaster.

"You like Mike don't you?" he asked accusingly.

"Is that a crime?" I retorted sarcastically, I wasn't in the best mood from realising that the fishing trip last week was unnecessary.

"You're my girlfriend!" he shouted.

I rolled my eyes, "Really? I didn't notice!"

That was when he first hit me.

He looked outraged and just slapped me. As soon as he realised what he had done he became really apologetic, and I could see the slight horror and guilt in his eyes.

"Oh my god Bella! Are you Okay? I didn't mean to I swear! I'm so sorry!"

I rubbed my cheek and concluded that there was no damage, only a slight sting on my cheek and forgave him. That's what you do for the people you love isn't it? Forgive them?

He hugged me and stroked my hair, rocking backwards and forwards as if he were comforting me, but I knew he was really comforting himself. I hugged him back and tried to erase his guilt. After a few minutes of this I changed the subject.

"So, you got any plans for my birthday next week?"

"Hmm... sixteen, that's a pretty big number Bella, you sure you're ready for that?"

"I think I can handle my age Jacob," I replied dryly.

"I'll help you through it, having gone through the same thing myself, I'll be your expert on any age related issues you may have."

"Jake you're only four months older than me," I pointed out.

"It's still enough to put me in the year above you in school," damn our birthdays!

I gave up with a roll of my eyes and leaned back on his shoulder. At first it worried me that he was in the year above, I thought he would quickly change his mind and go for someone in his year that he could share all his age related problems with. But Jacob said he didn't mind, he said that he enjoyed being able to give me advice from the experience. He sounded sincere when he said it... but I was still terrified of losing him.

That's when I decided never to bring up Mike again. But I couldn't uninvite him from my party. Sigh.

I was dreading the next weekend, the weekend of my party, I just had no clue what to expect. It was only a small gathering of friends in my garden – the living room was too small – and Jacob wanted to invite some of his friends.

His friends all arrived together, they were all similar, similar to Jacob, big, muscular ans intimidating enough on their own, but in a group... they were terrifying. Jacob immediately jogged over grinning and shouting to his friends. He fit in with them perfectly.

In the party there was a kind of tension that hadn't existed between my friends and Jake. They hadn't met each other much, but everyone was nervous around them. I was feeling nervous around them.

I needed a break from the tension, so I went to get myself some food, I was piling the onions onto my hotdog when Mike came up to me. Crap, Jacob wouldn't like this one bit.

"So..." he started, "missed you at the cinema the other week."

"Yeah, Jacob didn't fancy going," I replied lamely, I felt like I was being judged for some reason.

Just then Jacob came over, we put his arm round my waist and squeezed me into his side, he kept his arm there as he turned to Mike, "Oh, hey..." he trailed off.

"Mike," I supplied.

"Oh yeah, Mike."

I could feel Jacob glaring at Mike, and Mike showing almost no backbone, but still brave enough to keep standing there. I could feel Jacob towing me away towards his friends, as we walked Jacob's hand slid down from my waist and rested on my bum. I felt uncomfortable, we had never done anything this intimate before, it had just been holding hands and innocent stuff like that. We only ever pecked each other on the lips or cheek, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I spent the rest of the party with either Jacob or one or two of his friends, it felt oddly like I was being supervised. But I couldn't complain, there was no one to complain to, my body guards scared everyone off.

I found myself looking at the clock more and more often, each time it seemed like the clock had stopped, I couldn't wait for this party to be over. Maybe if Jacob hadn't brought his friends it would've been more enjoyable, but I couldn't day anything, what if he took their side? Bros before hos?

Finally everyone left, me and Jacob were sat on my sofa and I was wondering why he invited his friends, obviously because he enjoyed their company, but I felt there was more to it than that...

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "are you... you're not jealous over Mike are you?" I asked tentatively.

"No, I just don't think he's good company for you, Bella."

"Oh, ok then," I said not really satisfied with his answer, Jacob noticed.

"Would you rather hang out with Mike? Do you want to break us up? Do you want to be left alone, forever? You know, dressed like that, and with no make-up on, no-one will go out with you, maybe you should start wearing something a little more flattering, maybe go on a little diet, get a makeover... but I'm the only boyfriend you got, I'm the only boyfriend you're gonna get. You're mine, all mine, you hear? I can do whatever I want with what's mine."

I felt like crying, I always felt like crying when he brought me back to reality like that. He was right, I felt so stupid, he was the only one who would ever go out with me, I looked up at his angry face, "I'm sorry Jacob, you're right, you're always right."

"Good," he ran his hand down my arm, dragging my sleeve slightly, "now that we've got that sorted, I need you to prove to me how sorry you are."

His hand had reached mine when his speech was over, so he gripped it and pulled me along behind him. We headed upstairs, into my bedroom and he pulled me onto the bed with him. We had sleepovers sometimes, it had been his idea ages ago to just sleep in the same bed to save the hassle of improvising a bed on the floor.

Jacob positioned us so we were both on our sides facing each other. He grinned and put one hand round the back of my neck and kissed me roughly, I didn't like it but there was nothing I could do. He forced my lips open and pushed his tongue past my teeth into my mouth. We had never gone this far before, he must have been really upset by me. He rolled on top of me and I was almost crushed by his weight, I found it difficult to breathe. His spare hand made its way under my shirt, under my bra and started groping me. Inside I was screaming. I stopped my weak, futile resistance then and fell helplessly against the bed, letting Jacob have his way with me.

I was saved by Charlie coming home from work. Jacob rolled off me and I was in too much shock to notice much else. Jacob was already sauntering down the stairs. I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and noticed tears streaming down my face, that's when the sobs came tumbling out. I tried to keep the noise down, thankfully Charlie wasn't very observant.

After my tears had ran out, I splashed some water over my face and had a calming drink of water. It did the job, the natural survival instinct that stopped me breathing in the water helped control my breathing and therefore the sobs. I looked at my face, my cheeks and my eyes were red, however there was no trace of tears, the only thing that would lessen the red on my cheeks was more cold water, the only thing that would reduce the red around my eyes was time. I splashed my face with water again.

I stared at the sink, there were 386 hairline cracks in the cream porcelain around the hot tap, and 187 cracks around the cold tap. I lifted my gaze to the tiles protecting the plaster from water damage. They were a slightly lighter shade of cream than the sink. I concentrated on the details in front of me.

I took a deep breath, daring my lungs to falter and break down into sobbing again. My breathing was smooth and even. I looked again at my reflection. My cheeks were no longer red. Neither were my eyes. I concentrated on my movements. I took my hands off the sink and put them into my pockets. I did this to hide the trembling. I turned to the door. I looked at my feet. I moved my left leg first. I put my left foot in front of my right. Then I put my right foot in front of my left... As I went down the stairs I put my hand on the banister. I walked down 14 steps. I got to the base of the steps. I turned right. I walked into the dining room. I sat on the chair furthest away from Jacob. I ate only one bite of pizza.

Jacob went home at ten. As soon as he was gone I went to my bedroom. As soon as the door was closed I changed. As soon as I was changed I cleaned my teeth. As soon as I cleaned my teeth I laid down on top of my bed. As soon as I was on my bed I cried. I cried myself to sleep.

The next day was Monday, that was why Jacob didn't sleepover last night. I didn't know what I would have done if he had. I was sitting, ready for school, in my car before I knew what was happening. I started the engine and drove to school, with the strange feeling that I had odd socks on. I turned out I was right, I didn't pay any attention to my clothes as I dressed this morning. It also turned out that I was wearing black jeans, a bright turquoise t-shirt and a brown jacket. My hair was getting in my face already, I didn't think to tie it back. I didn't think.

A/N – just a random blob of inspiration, next chappy planned (ish), but not yet written, is it worth it? please review!!!