Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, wish I did but be careful what you wish for, of course that's the whole point of this story.
Rating: Pg-13 for now
Learning to be careful (1/?)
It's amazing how stupid they think I am. Or maybe it's amazing how stupid I was. Or maybe, it's just amazing that we live in a world where we see only what we truly want to see, and sometimes we see it even if it's not there. Yeah, I know, you're reading this like, Xander Harris philosophical? Well let me just say, me too.
You see I've been watching people. I mean truly watching. Stalking isn't too strong a word here. What? I can't be mature all the time, it'd be out of character. Anyway, back to my point, I've been looking to see beyond the surface. I've been looking at my friends.
I started with Dawn. I don't really know why. I think, maybe, because she's still innocent, or at least not as jaded as the rest of us. She steals things. Little things, trinkets from the Magic Box, Anya's earings, stuff like that. She does it for attention. And it's not working because we've all been too busy with our own crap to notice her. I think she has a Conway Twitty CD of mine, but that's beside the point. She's lonely. She's skipping school. She's crying out for attention and there's not nearly enough to go around.
I looked to Willow next, cause she's been the only constant in my life. Well, not so much a constant lately, but she's still there. This magic thing is really hard on her. I compare it to a sex addiction, gee who would have guessed Xander and sex right? Sex itself isn't bad, but addiction to it and misuse of it can have great consequences. Willow is reaching out too. But I think I burnt the `help Willow deal with magic abuse' bridge when I jumped down her throat when Buffy was invisible. The others could help maybe, but again, there isn't enough attention to go around.
I watch Anya everyday. Not like I did before, because now I actually listen to what she says. She's scared too. That crazy demon friend of hers scared her. I can't blame her. She's seen the worst of men and now she's about to pledge her life to one. I'm scared, well because despite my newfound deepness, I'm still Xander. Still, ever so slightly, holding out for Buffy while managing to not fully appreciate what I have right in front of me. Pathetic I know, especially when I get to the part about Buffy.
Which, I suppose, comes now. I'd like to say something about Tara here, but since the breakup she isn't around much and I'm not in a big hurry to go to jail for stalking. So I watched Buffy. I hadn't really looked at her since I found out why she was so depressed. It was just hard to deal with but I always figured she'd come out of it and we'd talk when she was ready. Instead, she's wallowing in it. With Spike. They're wallowing together and I mean that just like it sounds. The big S word. I wish this was jeopardy and that stood for s-words or swords like on the Saturday Night Live parody, but I digress. Digress, big word huh?
Anyway, so Buffy and Spike are doing the nasty. At first, I just went on like everything was normal and I was still clueless. Honestly I knew it was going on. I knew she was down there while she was invisible, but like I said before, people only see what they want to. I figured she would tell us when she was ready and we could deal. I mean hell, if we did Deadboy part one what does it matter if we do it again, right? Okay, so I probably would have lost it but this isn't about me, at least not yet.
Then I realized that this sex thing was all they had. It wasn't a real relationship but it consumed her. She stopped caring about Dawn. You would think leaving Dawn in the hands of a girl who almost just killed her, despite that fact that it's your best friend, would be a bad idea. But Buffy didn't notice, or more likely she just didn't care.
I talked to Dawn after the whole issue with the police when Buffy almost turned herself in and she told me what she said to Buffy. The sad thing is, Dawn was dead on with everything she said. Which makes me hurt in a way I didn't think was possible. It made me actually miss high school, where the line between the good guys and bad guys were usually pretty clear.
So, now I know what you're thinking: If this is what's going on why haven't I done anything about it? Well, I'm about too. I'm getting to that part.
There was a reason I started watching people in the first place. I wanted to make sure whatever I did I didn't mess things up for everyone. Now I see that things have hit rock bottom and there may still be a lower place. So I have a plan. By the way, Cordy bite me cause I know what you're thinking. Again, back to the point.
This being the hellmouth and all, I came across something pretty unbelievable. I found the proverbial genie in the magic lamp. Okay, except that it's more verbial and less pro. I actually found a genie in a magic lamp. It came in a shipment for the Magic Box. I even said to myself, self this looks just like a magic lamp. So I rubbed it for fun. Fun came in the form a huge genie that took up the entire back room. He told me the score. Basically standard genie wish rules, three wishes, can't wish for more wishes can't kill anyone that kind of deal.
But, having dated a former wish granting demon, plus the fact that I've seen my share of movies and TV shows, I knew I needed to be careful what I wished for. So, I decided to examine the lives of the people I care about, to make sure I'm not screwing anything up. The thing is, I probably have the most to lose. I have Anya and, oh wait that's it. And who am I really kidding, I love her but I'm not ready for that commitment yet. She's only been human for a few years so I don't think she's ready for that either.
So, now I try to figure out what to wish for. That's what I spent the next three days doing. I thought about it at the site, which by the way I don't recommend because I nearly got decapitated and last time I checked that's not going to be good for wishing. I thought about wishing Glory never existed. It would mean Buffy never died and then she wouldn't be in the horrible place she is now. That's out though, because no Glory means no Dawn and I'm not sure I can live without her. So now I'm left with pondering all the whatifs of life.
Yeah it's about as much fun as it sounds. Thinking about all the things you wish were different, all the things you blame yourself for, and all the little things that could change everything. What's really sick is that I've contemplated wishing that Angel never had the out clause in his curse. Yeah, I know, who wrote this and what did they do with Xander, but hear me out. Our current predicament aside, the time when Angel lost his soul was the darkest time of my life. Miss Calendar would still be alive, which would mean Giles would still be here. All the people he killed would still be alive. Buffy would never have left for the summer so the vamps that got away from us, well wouldn't have. But most of all, Buffy would be happy. And no matter what I say, that's what I want most.
But I axed that one. Now before you jump down my throat, think of all the good he's done in LA, huh. I think it was his destiny to go there and be helping the helpless or hopeless or whatever. Plus, I still don't think Buffy and a vampire would ever really work out, there's the whole age thing, the blood sucking, the fertility thing and yeah I know way too much thought into this.
Of course I've thought about wishing Buffy knew about the curse and Willow knew about her, uh, sexual preference, back in Sophomore year so maybe I could have had a real shot with Buffy. Again with the axe. It's not the way I would want things between us to happen, if they ever did. Plus I liked Oz. Who knows what else that would have changed if Willow hadn't been in love with me and if Buffy was not with Angel.
So, still at a place remarkably like square one. I thought about Jesse. Again though, having him around could change so many things. Not that everything is so great, but I want to have some idea of what type of variables are going to be around. I actually considered wishing that I knew what to wish for, but that's just too lame.
Then, it hit me. Joyce. She never affected the slaying and was such a great guide to Buffy. I figured that couldn't possibly screw things up if I wished her back.
So, that night I told Anya I'd met her at the Magic Box for the Scooby meeting. Yeah, that was not an easy sell, but somehow I convinced her I didn't have ulterior motives. Big lie I know, but still. So I rubbed the lamp and big giant genie guy appears. I told him I have my first wish. He seemed unimpressed. Bite me, I thought. Anyhow, I asked him to make it so Joyce Summers had never died. Nothing changed, except genie guy was gone.
"That's it, that's all the show I get? No poof or magic smoke or your wish is my command. Come on, you've just ruined my perfect stereotype of genies!" I yelled at him. Stupid genie.
I left the apartment and headed off to the Magic Box. When I arrived I was greeted by a sight I never imagined: A smiling Joyce holding Giles' hand. Shock is a definite understatement. I stood slack jawed for a good thirty seconds.
"Xander?" Buffy asked. That's when I took in the rest of the room. There was Buffy paging through a book on demons, with a smile on her face. Dawn was doing her homework next to Buffy at the table, with help from Willow and Tara. Willow and Tara exchanged a worried look and Willow spoke to me.
"Xan, you look live you've seen a ghost. Or, well, something a little scarier than that considering we live on the hellmouth and all."
Tara squeezed Willow's hand tenderly and looked at me with nervous anticipation. See, told you I'm getting perceptive.
"No Wills, I'm good. Just, you know me, I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached. Which reminds me, why am I here?" I decided to play the `I'm just dumb Xander' card.
"Hvorty," Giles said patiently. "I believe you called him the big scary demon type thing."
"Oh," I mustered. Smooth, Xander, real smooth. "Where's Anya?" I asked after I decided she wasn't in the back.
The looks I received made me instantly regret my question. Roll with the flow. At least that had been the plan before I started acting like an idiot.
"Honey," Joyce smiled warmly at me. "I know it's been hard on you, but, and take this as the word of a woman who spent two years in Sunnydale doing this, selective memories aren't healthy."
Okay, so now I'm a dead man walking. I had no idea what was different since my wish and Anya was gone. In what sense I couldn't figure, but from Joyce's tone she was out of the picture for now. I decided the generic answer would be safe. "I know, you're right, it's just hard sometimes, you know." I thought that should be pretty safe. Just conversing with Joyce made me feel good.
Just then everyone's favorite vampire charges in the store. "Something is wrong," he said.
"Yeah, like you being here," Buffy tossed out at him lightly. Spike stared at her for a moment. He did the same double take I had when he saw Joyce and Giles holding hands.
"Bloody hell, what is going on?" His eyes locked with mine. I tried to hide my own confusion, but Spike saw through me. What, I got thoughtful that doesn't mean I'm perfect. "What did you do," he growled.
"Spike," Giles said coldly. "If you don't have any useful information for us, I'd ask you to please leave my store."
"I need a moment with the kid," Spike eyed me. Perfect, I thought. Just what I need.
What happened next shocked me even more. Buffy stood up and blocked the path between Spike and me. "Spike," she said evenly. "Xander's had a tough time lately. And the last thing he needs is for you to harass him." There was a layer of steel behind her words that she reserved for special occasions.
Spike stared for a moment. He shifted his gaze back and forth between Buffy and me. His eyes rested on me and he spoke with a deadly quiet that terrified me, "Later." He turned and stormed out of the shop.
"Thanks Buff," I said with a lump in my throat. He knew, and I knew he knew and he knew I knew he knew. Make sense of that. You think that was a hard sentence to read, try writing it.
Buffy turned from watching the door and looked at me with such care and compassion that I just wanted to melt away. "Anything for you Xander. I don't know what Spike would want with you, but I didn't think his tone meant anything of the good variety for you."
I was speechless for a good minute. I had to let it all sink in. Buffy had no feelings for Spike. Joyce was alive and apparently she and Giles had something going. Tara and Willow had either made up or never broken up, it was hard to tell. Good for them, they all deserve happiness. Of course, their happiness was coming at Anya's expense. I knew I had to figure that mystery out quickly so I could fix it. Then I remembered the lamp.
"Hey, I forgot something at my apartment. I need to run back there."
"Let me drive you," Buffy offered. "Keep you away from Spike. Not that he could really do anything to you, but you never know."
Buffy took my arm and pulled me towards the door. "We'll be back," she called cheerily to the others.
"Do try and be quick. Hvorty will be reappearing tomorrow night and we must be prepared," Giles informed us, his attention not on the book in front of him but the woman at his side.
"We will. Thanks Giles," I said.
Once we left and were safely inside Buffy's car, -I just figured Buffy learned to drive since her mom didn't say anything in the shop-, Buffy asked me what I forgot. Shit, I thought. I needed to make something up and quickly.
"I think I left the stove on, I was just too embarrassed to tell the others," I offered, hoping the explanation sounded plausible.
"Xander," she said as she started the car. "You know we all understand what you're going through. You're bound to let little things slip your mind sometimes, but you don't have to be embarrassed. Not with us." Her last words had such a softness to them I couldn't help the huge smile on my face.
"That means a lot to me Buffy," I said genuinely.
"Of course."
We arrived at my apartment building and I told Buffy to just wait in the car and I'd be back in a second. I ran up the stairs, pulling my keys out. I was ready to burst in, grab the lamp and burst out. When I arrived at my door I burst all right, smack dab into Spike, who was waiting for me right outside. . And as I finished writing that sentence a big eww comes over me, please ignore the double meaning of that.
Shit was about the only thought going through my head at this point.
He growled at me in anger. "I'll ask you again: What did you do?"
TBC
Another author once said that feedback for fanfic is like being paid for a published author. Please leave me feedback. Of course, money would be fine too.
Rating: Pg-13 for now
Learning to be careful (1/?)
It's amazing how stupid they think I am. Or maybe it's amazing how stupid I was. Or maybe, it's just amazing that we live in a world where we see only what we truly want to see, and sometimes we see it even if it's not there. Yeah, I know, you're reading this like, Xander Harris philosophical? Well let me just say, me too.
You see I've been watching people. I mean truly watching. Stalking isn't too strong a word here. What? I can't be mature all the time, it'd be out of character. Anyway, back to my point, I've been looking to see beyond the surface. I've been looking at my friends.
I started with Dawn. I don't really know why. I think, maybe, because she's still innocent, or at least not as jaded as the rest of us. She steals things. Little things, trinkets from the Magic Box, Anya's earings, stuff like that. She does it for attention. And it's not working because we've all been too busy with our own crap to notice her. I think she has a Conway Twitty CD of mine, but that's beside the point. She's lonely. She's skipping school. She's crying out for attention and there's not nearly enough to go around.
I looked to Willow next, cause she's been the only constant in my life. Well, not so much a constant lately, but she's still there. This magic thing is really hard on her. I compare it to a sex addiction, gee who would have guessed Xander and sex right? Sex itself isn't bad, but addiction to it and misuse of it can have great consequences. Willow is reaching out too. But I think I burnt the `help Willow deal with magic abuse' bridge when I jumped down her throat when Buffy was invisible. The others could help maybe, but again, there isn't enough attention to go around.
I watch Anya everyday. Not like I did before, because now I actually listen to what she says. She's scared too. That crazy demon friend of hers scared her. I can't blame her. She's seen the worst of men and now she's about to pledge her life to one. I'm scared, well because despite my newfound deepness, I'm still Xander. Still, ever so slightly, holding out for Buffy while managing to not fully appreciate what I have right in front of me. Pathetic I know, especially when I get to the part about Buffy.
Which, I suppose, comes now. I'd like to say something about Tara here, but since the breakup she isn't around much and I'm not in a big hurry to go to jail for stalking. So I watched Buffy. I hadn't really looked at her since I found out why she was so depressed. It was just hard to deal with but I always figured she'd come out of it and we'd talk when she was ready. Instead, she's wallowing in it. With Spike. They're wallowing together and I mean that just like it sounds. The big S word. I wish this was jeopardy and that stood for s-words or swords like on the Saturday Night Live parody, but I digress. Digress, big word huh?
Anyway, so Buffy and Spike are doing the nasty. At first, I just went on like everything was normal and I was still clueless. Honestly I knew it was going on. I knew she was down there while she was invisible, but like I said before, people only see what they want to. I figured she would tell us when she was ready and we could deal. I mean hell, if we did Deadboy part one what does it matter if we do it again, right? Okay, so I probably would have lost it but this isn't about me, at least not yet.
Then I realized that this sex thing was all they had. It wasn't a real relationship but it consumed her. She stopped caring about Dawn. You would think leaving Dawn in the hands of a girl who almost just killed her, despite that fact that it's your best friend, would be a bad idea. But Buffy didn't notice, or more likely she just didn't care.
I talked to Dawn after the whole issue with the police when Buffy almost turned herself in and she told me what she said to Buffy. The sad thing is, Dawn was dead on with everything she said. Which makes me hurt in a way I didn't think was possible. It made me actually miss high school, where the line between the good guys and bad guys were usually pretty clear.
So, now I know what you're thinking: If this is what's going on why haven't I done anything about it? Well, I'm about too. I'm getting to that part.
There was a reason I started watching people in the first place. I wanted to make sure whatever I did I didn't mess things up for everyone. Now I see that things have hit rock bottom and there may still be a lower place. So I have a plan. By the way, Cordy bite me cause I know what you're thinking. Again, back to the point.
This being the hellmouth and all, I came across something pretty unbelievable. I found the proverbial genie in the magic lamp. Okay, except that it's more verbial and less pro. I actually found a genie in a magic lamp. It came in a shipment for the Magic Box. I even said to myself, self this looks just like a magic lamp. So I rubbed it for fun. Fun came in the form a huge genie that took up the entire back room. He told me the score. Basically standard genie wish rules, three wishes, can't wish for more wishes can't kill anyone that kind of deal.
But, having dated a former wish granting demon, plus the fact that I've seen my share of movies and TV shows, I knew I needed to be careful what I wished for. So, I decided to examine the lives of the people I care about, to make sure I'm not screwing anything up. The thing is, I probably have the most to lose. I have Anya and, oh wait that's it. And who am I really kidding, I love her but I'm not ready for that commitment yet. She's only been human for a few years so I don't think she's ready for that either.
So, now I try to figure out what to wish for. That's what I spent the next three days doing. I thought about it at the site, which by the way I don't recommend because I nearly got decapitated and last time I checked that's not going to be good for wishing. I thought about wishing Glory never existed. It would mean Buffy never died and then she wouldn't be in the horrible place she is now. That's out though, because no Glory means no Dawn and I'm not sure I can live without her. So now I'm left with pondering all the whatifs of life.
Yeah it's about as much fun as it sounds. Thinking about all the things you wish were different, all the things you blame yourself for, and all the little things that could change everything. What's really sick is that I've contemplated wishing that Angel never had the out clause in his curse. Yeah, I know, who wrote this and what did they do with Xander, but hear me out. Our current predicament aside, the time when Angel lost his soul was the darkest time of my life. Miss Calendar would still be alive, which would mean Giles would still be here. All the people he killed would still be alive. Buffy would never have left for the summer so the vamps that got away from us, well wouldn't have. But most of all, Buffy would be happy. And no matter what I say, that's what I want most.
But I axed that one. Now before you jump down my throat, think of all the good he's done in LA, huh. I think it was his destiny to go there and be helping the helpless or hopeless or whatever. Plus, I still don't think Buffy and a vampire would ever really work out, there's the whole age thing, the blood sucking, the fertility thing and yeah I know way too much thought into this.
Of course I've thought about wishing Buffy knew about the curse and Willow knew about her, uh, sexual preference, back in Sophomore year so maybe I could have had a real shot with Buffy. Again with the axe. It's not the way I would want things between us to happen, if they ever did. Plus I liked Oz. Who knows what else that would have changed if Willow hadn't been in love with me and if Buffy was not with Angel.
So, still at a place remarkably like square one. I thought about Jesse. Again though, having him around could change so many things. Not that everything is so great, but I want to have some idea of what type of variables are going to be around. I actually considered wishing that I knew what to wish for, but that's just too lame.
Then, it hit me. Joyce. She never affected the slaying and was such a great guide to Buffy. I figured that couldn't possibly screw things up if I wished her back.
So, that night I told Anya I'd met her at the Magic Box for the Scooby meeting. Yeah, that was not an easy sell, but somehow I convinced her I didn't have ulterior motives. Big lie I know, but still. So I rubbed the lamp and big giant genie guy appears. I told him I have my first wish. He seemed unimpressed. Bite me, I thought. Anyhow, I asked him to make it so Joyce Summers had never died. Nothing changed, except genie guy was gone.
"That's it, that's all the show I get? No poof or magic smoke or your wish is my command. Come on, you've just ruined my perfect stereotype of genies!" I yelled at him. Stupid genie.
I left the apartment and headed off to the Magic Box. When I arrived I was greeted by a sight I never imagined: A smiling Joyce holding Giles' hand. Shock is a definite understatement. I stood slack jawed for a good thirty seconds.
"Xander?" Buffy asked. That's when I took in the rest of the room. There was Buffy paging through a book on demons, with a smile on her face. Dawn was doing her homework next to Buffy at the table, with help from Willow and Tara. Willow and Tara exchanged a worried look and Willow spoke to me.
"Xan, you look live you've seen a ghost. Or, well, something a little scarier than that considering we live on the hellmouth and all."
Tara squeezed Willow's hand tenderly and looked at me with nervous anticipation. See, told you I'm getting perceptive.
"No Wills, I'm good. Just, you know me, I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached. Which reminds me, why am I here?" I decided to play the `I'm just dumb Xander' card.
"Hvorty," Giles said patiently. "I believe you called him the big scary demon type thing."
"Oh," I mustered. Smooth, Xander, real smooth. "Where's Anya?" I asked after I decided she wasn't in the back.
The looks I received made me instantly regret my question. Roll with the flow. At least that had been the plan before I started acting like an idiot.
"Honey," Joyce smiled warmly at me. "I know it's been hard on you, but, and take this as the word of a woman who spent two years in Sunnydale doing this, selective memories aren't healthy."
Okay, so now I'm a dead man walking. I had no idea what was different since my wish and Anya was gone. In what sense I couldn't figure, but from Joyce's tone she was out of the picture for now. I decided the generic answer would be safe. "I know, you're right, it's just hard sometimes, you know." I thought that should be pretty safe. Just conversing with Joyce made me feel good.
Just then everyone's favorite vampire charges in the store. "Something is wrong," he said.
"Yeah, like you being here," Buffy tossed out at him lightly. Spike stared at her for a moment. He did the same double take I had when he saw Joyce and Giles holding hands.
"Bloody hell, what is going on?" His eyes locked with mine. I tried to hide my own confusion, but Spike saw through me. What, I got thoughtful that doesn't mean I'm perfect. "What did you do," he growled.
"Spike," Giles said coldly. "If you don't have any useful information for us, I'd ask you to please leave my store."
"I need a moment with the kid," Spike eyed me. Perfect, I thought. Just what I need.
What happened next shocked me even more. Buffy stood up and blocked the path between Spike and me. "Spike," she said evenly. "Xander's had a tough time lately. And the last thing he needs is for you to harass him." There was a layer of steel behind her words that she reserved for special occasions.
Spike stared for a moment. He shifted his gaze back and forth between Buffy and me. His eyes rested on me and he spoke with a deadly quiet that terrified me, "Later." He turned and stormed out of the shop.
"Thanks Buff," I said with a lump in my throat. He knew, and I knew he knew and he knew I knew he knew. Make sense of that. You think that was a hard sentence to read, try writing it.
Buffy turned from watching the door and looked at me with such care and compassion that I just wanted to melt away. "Anything for you Xander. I don't know what Spike would want with you, but I didn't think his tone meant anything of the good variety for you."
I was speechless for a good minute. I had to let it all sink in. Buffy had no feelings for Spike. Joyce was alive and apparently she and Giles had something going. Tara and Willow had either made up or never broken up, it was hard to tell. Good for them, they all deserve happiness. Of course, their happiness was coming at Anya's expense. I knew I had to figure that mystery out quickly so I could fix it. Then I remembered the lamp.
"Hey, I forgot something at my apartment. I need to run back there."
"Let me drive you," Buffy offered. "Keep you away from Spike. Not that he could really do anything to you, but you never know."
Buffy took my arm and pulled me towards the door. "We'll be back," she called cheerily to the others.
"Do try and be quick. Hvorty will be reappearing tomorrow night and we must be prepared," Giles informed us, his attention not on the book in front of him but the woman at his side.
"We will. Thanks Giles," I said.
Once we left and were safely inside Buffy's car, -I just figured Buffy learned to drive since her mom didn't say anything in the shop-, Buffy asked me what I forgot. Shit, I thought. I needed to make something up and quickly.
"I think I left the stove on, I was just too embarrassed to tell the others," I offered, hoping the explanation sounded plausible.
"Xander," she said as she started the car. "You know we all understand what you're going through. You're bound to let little things slip your mind sometimes, but you don't have to be embarrassed. Not with us." Her last words had such a softness to them I couldn't help the huge smile on my face.
"That means a lot to me Buffy," I said genuinely.
"Of course."
We arrived at my apartment building and I told Buffy to just wait in the car and I'd be back in a second. I ran up the stairs, pulling my keys out. I was ready to burst in, grab the lamp and burst out. When I arrived at my door I burst all right, smack dab into Spike, who was waiting for me right outside. . And as I finished writing that sentence a big eww comes over me, please ignore the double meaning of that.
Shit was about the only thought going through my head at this point.
He growled at me in anger. "I'll ask you again: What did you do?"
TBC
Another author once said that feedback for fanfic is like being paid for a published author. Please leave me feedback. Of course, money would be fine too.