7 am.
The sun is shining through my window on what looks to be a beautiful New Mexico day. Days like these used to fill me with this incredible warmth that would keep me smiling throughout the day. Today I just want the sun to disappear completely and leave the world (or at least this part of New Mexico) in darkness.
After the night from hell, my mom took one look at my tired, red eyes, pale skin and all black ensemble and was convinced that I had the flu (plus it also helped that I caught a really bad cold from spending so much time at the park at night). So no phone calls, visitors, work and school while I got to watch soap operas and Dr.Phil. Truth be told I wasn't up for hanging with the gang or pretending that all was well anyways.
I had so many thoughts going through my head as well. Would I confront Michael and Liz? What about Max and Tess? Would I confide in Alex and see what advice he had? Should I do nothing? I really didn't have the answer. I just knew that eventually I had to do something…it was just the matter of what.
My emotions were also beginning to bother me. At first I was overflowing with pain, anger, shock, despair…and now I just don't feel anything. Nothing. When you live your life embracing your emotions and making all of your decisions with them, you feel lost without them. I feel lost without them…
Unfortunately the world doesn't end when you go through situations such as these (though don't you wish they did?) so now that mom believed me to be in perfect health it was time for me to go back to school.
Sigh.
So I take my shower, get dressed and grab a quick breakfast before revving up my priceless Jetta and driving to school.
As I walk throughout the halls of West Roswell I realize how detached I've become. Everyone's laughing and having a good time and I can barely manage a smile. The empty feeling has remained and I would give anything to feel…anything. I continue down the hall to my locker watching enviously as my classmates continue to live out their oblivious existences.
I'm almost there, when I notice Liz standing in front of my locker and it's obvious that she's waiting for me to arrive. I quickly duck into the nearest classroom. This is so NOT the way I wanted to start school. I had nothing to say to Liz. Well nothing that I should be yelling in my high school's hallways anyways.
As I remember everything my so-called best friend had done and probably continues to do behind my back I start to feel this…warmth in my chest. My heart is starting to race and my hands begin to form fists. My mind is going YES! because I feel something for the first time in what feels like forever.
Then the bell rings and the feelings gone. The empty ache is back.
Damn it!
I sigh and hurry to my locker.
As I run to class I pass Max who's running in the opposite direction. He stops as soon as he sees me and tries to stop me as well.
"I'm late", I say quickly as I evade his arm and continue to class.
I continue school by avoiding everyone at all costs. It's working too; I must say that I've become the expert at avoidance. I arrive late and leave early. Heck, I even had lunch in the library!
It's now last period and also the worst class to be in. Liz, Michael, Max, Isabelle, Alex and Kyle are all in this class and each keep glancing at me throughout class. Max is glowering, Alex is worried, and Kyle is curious, Isabelle attempts to seem indifferent but once in a while also looks concerned. Liz and Michael are both staring. Liz with a frown on her face and Michael…well he's just staring. Even the other students seem to sense the tension as they're all unnaturally quiet throughout class.
As the final bell rings I quickly pack my bag. I can sense the anger, confusion and concern coming in waves towards me and I just can't deal with these people that have no idea what I'm going through.
I literally run from the classroom. I'm just about 5 seconds from freedom when I notice Liz and Max already stationed at an exit. So I turn around when I Michael stalking towards me from the other end of the hallway.
I quickly make a left and head for the stairs to the second floor, when I stop and notice a room where no one would ever think of looking for me. The Eraser Room is primarily used during school and since school was over I figured I could hide out for a bit and then go home.
I smile as I open the door and step inside. I breathe a sigh of relief and rest my head against the door. I turn around and barely stifle my groan of disbelief.
Tess Harding, the one being that I could say that I wasn't avoiding at the moment is staring right at me.
TBC
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