Luck O' The Irish
A/N: Purely a humor fic I thought up while eating mushrooms, which I am now looking at suspiciously. Basically, Ron and the Weasley's are Irish. And Ron's short now…
Also, this is just going to be a rather short fic. Harry, Hermione, and Ron won't be friends.
Even though I usually hate Ron and everything about him, this story is from his point of view. Hope you like it.
On with the story!
"Weasley, Ronald!" called out the professor. He was almost the last one left. The only other boy still waiting to be sorted was a dark-skinned boy, who looked faintly Italian.
Ronald stepped up to sit on the stool and the old hat was placed on his head.
'Ah,' he heard in his head, 'A Weasley again. I thought there weren't anymore of you.'
'Yes, there are,' Ron thought back to the voice, which he had assumed, was the hat. 'There's still my sister Ginny,'
'So, Ronald Weasley' continued the hat, as if it had not heard the boy speaking or thinking rather. 'Where shall we sort you? You seem to be fairly loyal to your family, but not as loyal as a Hufflepuff should be. You have courage, but it's more like daring than actual bravery so Gryffindor won't be a good fit either. You seem to be clever enough, but you don't enjoy reading or studying, attributes which describe Ravenclaws well. I guess you'll have to go in Slytherin!' the Hat shouted the last word out to the hall.
Ron felt the blood drain from his face.
Professor McGonagall lifted the hat off his head and he saw the shell-shocked expressions of his brothers at the Gryffindor table and he heard the Slytherins' polite applause. He slowly made his way to the table and sat down. The last boy, "Zabini, Blaise!" was sorted into Slytherin as well and after Dumbledore said some rubbish, food appeared on the table and everyone dug in.
Ron didn't eat a lot because he was feeling odd about being Sorted into Slytherin and didn't have an appetite. However, he knew he was going to feel hungry later if he didn't eat now so he just had some potatoes and a slice of ham.
The other first years around him were talking about something or other but Ron didn't have the heart to join in. After a while, he got bored of just sitting in quiet so he decided to join in the conversation.
"Well, I live in Wiltshire," said Draco Malfoy, a boy Ron had never particularly liked, who he will have to tolerate for 7 years. "We have a manor there. Father says it's the largest in England," the boy boasted.
"Well, I live in Kent," said a pug-faced girl with short black hair. "And my manor is big," she said snottily.
"What about you, Weasley?" asked Draco, finally acknowledging his presence. "Where is your Manor?"
"Well," Ron said in his Irish accent, "my manor isn't that large but it's big enough for all of us. We live in Edinburgh,"
"Do all Irish people look like leprechauns?" asked a large and dimwitted boy sitting next to Draco. Everyone else started laughing.
Ron blushed, which made everyone laugh more. He tried to look another direction but as soon as his arms moved to the left, he knocked over his glass of pumpkin juice onto himself. He had turned even redder, if possible.
"So much for the luck of the Irish." Draco managed to say in between his laughs, which in turn, made the others laugh more. Ron noticed that the upper years were listening to the conversation as well.
Ron ignored everyone else during dessert. He ignored their biting comments and just focused on his treacle tart.
After everyone finished eating their dessert, Dumbledore reminded the first years and Fred and George to not enter the Forbidden Forrest.
He then made everyone sing the Hogwarts song, and with everyone singing at their own tune, it was messy. But finally, Fred and George finished at a slow funeral march tune.
"Ah, Music is a magic of its own," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling, "Now, off to bed with you. Pip Pip."
The Slytherin prefects told the first years to follow them if they wanted to sleep in their dormitories tonight.
The prefects led them up and down staircases, around corners, through corridors and finally, after what felt like an hour, they reached a statue of a snake.
"Show me your house crest," it said. The prefects both pushed out their chest and the snake nodded. "Password?"
"Gillyweed."
The statue moved to the left and the wall behind it opened up, quite unlike Diagon Alley. It was as if a door opened and allowed them to enter.
"Follow us." The prefects said before walking through the hole in the wall. The first years quickly followed, in fear of being locked out.
"The snake checks the house crest when you want to come in. It's to prevent the students of other houses from barging in unannounced. The boys' dorm is on the right, the girls' on the left. Look for the door with the sign 'First Years'. Please wait here for Professor Snape's welcoming speech." The girl prefect said before she went to a group of girls who looked like they were in 5th year as well.
The first years mingled in the middle of the room, while the other years were sitting around the fireplace, on some armchairs laughing, or just sitting around desks and writing something on a piece of paper.
The wall opened once more and a hook nosed man with greasy black hair and billowing black robes. Ron assumed this was Professor Snape, because the older students immediately gave him their full attention.
"Hello and welcome back to Slytherin." Snape drawled, "For those just sorted into Slytherin, I welcome you and wish you good luck. Slytherin is a tough place to be sorted into. The other houses resent us. That is why you must stick together no matter what. All conflicts shall be settled in the common room and you shall present a united front to the other houses. A team is only as strong as the weakest link. So if you don't want to be picked off one by one, stand together, walk together, and never argue in public. If the problem is too big for you to solve, ask the prefects to lead you to my quarters and I will solve it for you, one way, or another."
With one last glare at everyone in the room, he left, his cloak billowing after him.
The girl prefect walked over to them again.
"Meet in the common room at precisely 7:45. We walk to breakfast together. We will explain where you classes are, but write it down, because we will only say it once. Also, don't get lost. But if you need to ask for help, remember it will cost you. Now go to bed, you have to look presentable for tomorrow."
They quickly left to go to their dorms.
Ron quickly found his bed in the far end of the room and got ready for bed. When he came back from the bathroom, the other boys were talking about betting on something.
He ignored them.
"I bet you that Millicent will have to ask someone for help." A mousy haired boy with a sharp face said snottily. "She will get lost on the way to class."
"I think it's going to be Pansy. She has no sense of direction," Draco said.
"Want to put some money on that, Malfoy?" the other boy said.
"You're on, Nott. How about we pitch in 10 Galleons each? Winner gets the loot." he challenged. The other boys nodded and each named someone else who they though was going to get lost and ask for help.
Zabini said "Greengrass, she's pretty airheaded," while both Crabbe and Goyle said "Davis".
The boy, Nott, nodded and pulled out 2 pouches. One was empty and the other jiggled with money. He took 10 large gold coins out of the full pouch and dropped them in the pouch. He then passed it around the dorm to the other boys who did the same.
The pouch came to him.
"You in, Weasley?" asked Nott.
Ron shook his head.
"What's the matter? Lost your pot of gold?" the boys chuckled.
"No, I just don't like losing my money. I think that no one will get lost, or at least no one will ask for help."
Draco thought about that for a second. "How much money do you have on you?"
Ron though for a moment before saying "7 Sickles."
"Alright, you can put that in and if no one gets lost tomorrow, you get 50 Galleons and 7 Sickles."
Ron added his 7 Sickles to the pouch.
"Tomorrow, after curfew we will ask the girls if anyone got lost and then that will decide the winner."
The next morning Ron woke up to his roommates getting ready for breakfast.
"What time is it?" he asked sleepily.
"Half-eight. Get dressed, Weasley." Malfoy told him.
Ron rushed to the bathroom and quickly washed. He got dressed and ran downstairs, his robes billowing.
"Oi!" said the boy prefect. He had crooked teeth and a troll-like expression. "Leprechaun. Why are you late? Didn't the lady tell you to be here quarter to?"
Ron blushed "She did."
"And what time is it now?"
Ron looked at the watch his parents gave him. It was old and scuffed but since it still worked, it was still useable. "It's 7:46."
"One thing you need to learn about being in Slytherin; if someone tells you to meet them at quarter to, you get that 5 minutes early. 10 minutes early is best."
"Alright."
"No, not 'Alright'. When talking to your superiors, you say either 'Yes, sir' or 'Yes, ma'am' if the broad's old or 'Yes, miss' if she isn't. Understood?"
"Yes, sir," Ron said.
"Seriously, didn't your parents teach you this? In all my 5 years in Slytherin, none of the other first years were this bad. Even the half-bloods." He looked at his watch, a large silver one that looked expensive. "And now you've made us 5 minutes late to breakfast. Twerps, follow me."
The Slytherins walked out of the common room in a line. First the Seventh years, then the Sixth years and so on until the First years were last.
Ron noticed that the trip from the common room to the Great Hall was MUCH shorter than last night. Also, there weren't quite as many stairs and twists and corners. The prefects must have led them the long way to the common room.
Either way, they reached the Great Hall in no time and all sat down. Seventh years closest to the entrance and First years furthest from the door. Ron had a feeling such things were going to happen often. That they were on the bottom of the Slytherin Hierarchy pyramid.
A/N: I know it's short but I hope you guys had a few good laughs. I don't think I will continue it as I don't know what else I could write, so Ron the Leprechaun will be forever bullied in Slytherin. xD