AHAR! This is the "One-Sentence" string of emails by NotJackFrost and Balthierflare. Disclaimer: We do not own FF7 or its characters or anything for that matter!
Clash for Cash
On the night of a full moon, Cait Sith was restless so he decided to visit 7th Heaven and visit his old friends Spiky, Broody Mc Brood, Mr. T, The Brat, Ms. Boobz and the others.
He was greeted and Spiky said, "Yo, guys, it's the mechanical furry!"
Mr.T said, "What up, boo? It's Barret! I just found the biggest damn oil field you ever seen! Survey's done so I should be able to come home to see Marlene soon...wait...wrong moment…"
Tifa KO'd Mr.T "No more beer for you, mister!"
In response Barret said, "You're just saying it so you have more to stuff down your shirt!"
Tifa gasped and drew her boxing gloves "I'll have you know that this stuff is 100 natural!" Insert FF battle music
In response to the music, Barrett readied his machine gun and retorted, "That's what she said!"
The rest of the gang face palmed and Cait Sith interrupted, "Oi, lads, take yer quarrel outside!"
Then Barrett exclaimed, "MAYBE I WILL!"
"And so will I!" shouted Tifa and kicked Mr.T... erm... Barret through the window and into the street.
He landed on a couple innocent souls (actually, one was in the middle of mugging another, the crime thus prevented) and Tifa pounced on top of him.
This part is censored due to explicit violence and swearing, instead...
"Now that Miss Boobs is gone," Cait rubbed his paws, "Who wants free alcohol?"
The crowd's routy and loud response overpowered the screaming and crunching bones outside
The next morning everyone except Cait had a HUGE headache (either caused by booze or Miss Boobz)
So, Barrett decided to hit up the local drug store, but he had no money. And we all know that the easiest way to make some money in Gaia - KILL SOME RANDOM MONSTERS! He decided to ambush a few gangsters around the area. But sadly, the ones that were unlucky enough to walk by had no money on them... Time for plan B!
Barrett decided to jack Ms. Boobz cash register!
Oooh! Bad idea Mr.T: nobody jacks Tifa's register and lives after that! Tifa just happened to arrive as soon as Barrett opened the drawer.
"Hm... I see that one beating wasn't enough for you?" she said while putting on her gloves.
Barrett squealed, grabbed the cash register and sprinted away for dear life.
"Oh no you don't! SLOW!" the spell was cast and Barret's sprint was reduced to turtle-speed.
Luckily, Barret's ATB gauge was filled and he had just enough time to cast a spell, "T--o--a--d!" poof! The bombshell barmaid turned into a little green amphibian, also known as: the Common Frog.
"CROAKY CROAK CROAAAAK!" She called out angrily to the thief. And so the chase between the frog and the slowed thief began, while the hidden musicians started to play the-oh-so-fitting "Mamba de Chocobo". .
Suddenly, Cloud burst out of nowhere dressed as the infamous "Miss
Cloud". (I'm referring to the Don Corneo situation. XD) This flashy appearance completely blinded Barret, caused him to trip and loose the cash register, which was picked up seconds later by a random evil clown... (Wait... wha?! Oo) The clown ripped off its guise, revealing himself to be Cid, who immediately tripped and started cussing.
"My turn NYUK NYUK NYUK!" an awfully familiar shadow swooped to the rooftops, carrying away the register AGAIN.
A red tiger/lion mammal pounced on top of the ninja and dashed away with the register in his mouth.
The flatter of a cloak, the clink of iron boots, the register was snatched by a red blur that took off jumping along the rooftops. A man in a suit with fiery red hair jumped after the red cape and snatched the register for himself.
Vincent didn't know what to think: "Should I be shocked at the fact that RENO caught up to me; or should I feel worthless because of the same reason?"
As Vincent contemplated reasons to feel sorry for himself, Reno randomly tripped; the register flew out of his hands and landed in another suited figure
But the newcomer ignored it and continued on his way, bald head shining in the morning sun.
A girl clothed in a pink dress stooped, wondering what was at her feet, "Oh my! This will make a great flower pot!" she happily remarked, dumped all the money and left with the (now empty) register.
As the flower girl trotted off, Ms. Boobz randomly appeared, bending down to pick up all of her money. The sight of this caused half the male population of Edge to pass out due to violent nosebleeds. Ms. Boobz realized all of the money was gone and shrieked bloody murder. Meanwhile, in a nearby alley, Red and Cait were busy splitting their new fortune...
Tifa smelled the odd stench of feline success, following her sense of smell she made her way to an alley. The two big cats were too busy to notice the feeling of inescapable death (or at least a serious beating) so the "surprise buttseks" status was effectively added to Tifa's fists.
Tifa loomed over the mischievous felines, Cait Sith felt someone watching him and faced the figure to be greeted by a fist.
This part is censored due to explicit violence and animal abuse AGAIN, please, stay tuned 3. . .2. . .1
Barrett just happened to stumble upon the brawl, becoming direct evidence for the popular phrase, 'wrong place, wrong time.' Just when he was about to tip-toe away, the killing intent in the air shifted towards him.
After a thorough beating, Barrett's spirits were broken, as well as his bones, and he lay unconscious on the pavement. And so, Tifa was victorious in the fight for the register she picked up her scattered money, walking off into the distance while the sun set and fanfare played.
THE END
R&R! Thanks! :)