Title: Laying the Blame
Author: Trialia
Fandom: CSI New York
Rating: T
Word Count: 295
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Mac Taylor/Claire Conrad Taylor
Beta: Sara (laydee_sara)
Spoilers: Only 'Blink'.
Summary: He should have done things differently...
x
He'd always worried about what would happen to Claire if he was killed in the line of duty. He'd planned and prepared, meticulous as ever, a sort of safety net for her if the worst should happen. She'd have his life insurance policy, his possessions were all willed to her along with his share in their apartment - she could've gone back to her parents, if she'd wanted, or stayed in New York.
He'd never expected to be the one left behind. He'd made no plans for that, except life insurance for her that he'd taken out the day after his department-provided cover started; he'd barely even thought about it, bar that one time, early in his years with NYPD, that he'd had a victim at a scene who resembled her. He'd gone home that night and held her tightly, sleepless, until dawn, not saying a word about why.
He'd loved her, but he could never let her see his world, simply because he treasured her so. Her beauty; her almost-innocent optimism; her shining eyes and bright smile - he wanted to keep her as unsullied by the crime around them as he could.
In the first terrible months after losing her, he blamed himself. He shouldn't have sheltered her. He should have known the iconic Twin Towers of the Trade Centre might be a terrorist target, if it ever happened, because they were icons. He should have told her not to take the job; should have taken her to Chicago, gone back to the PD there and lived with her in the place where he'd grown up. He should have ...
It took him over a year, and a very dear friend, to realise that her death was not his fault.
But she's still gone.
-fin