Stand Up
By: MusketeerAdventure
Summary: Just as things are looking up, Clay suffers a devastating loss.
The ground shifted and fell away from beneath his feet without warning.
Once again, he found himself free falling into the unknown; descending fast…out of control. Only this time, he didn't feel exhilarated, or the adrenaline filled rush of air pressed against his face. No parachute weighed heavy on his back; and there was no string to pull in order to let loose the canopy… to unfurl, catch the wind and guide him safely down for a secure landing.
Instead he was twisting, turning – the fear in his gut overriding any logic. There was no safety valve to reach for, nothing sturdy to hold onto that would provide purchase – to stop this dizzying, weightless sensation.
He covered his eyes hoping to stave off the vertigo; but the darkness only served to make things worse as nausea collected in the pit of his stomach. Mouth gone dry, Clay attempted to swallow, to provide some moisture as his teeth stuck to the inside of his lips. But it was no good.
He was hollow; empty …a cavernous well of dust.
Opening his eyes, he sought out the cloudless sky – looking; searching….waiting.
This couldn't be real. It wasn't possible…was it? He was okay, he had to be okay. Brian was somewhere safe right now. There was no way a training exercise would get the better of him. No chance in hell.
He was the best, well trained, the one everybody looked to…emulated. This wasn't happening. Why was this happening?
Clay searched the heavens once again; squinted against the bright sun – so shielded his eyes against the glare. The wind picked up blowing sandy grit into his face; but he was impervious to it. He couldn't look away from the sky. Why couldn't he look away?
He had scanned the faces of his fellow trainees. Knew Brian wasn't among them. Had overheard the play by play – no canopy; down; lost. Lost? What did that mean…lost? They would find him, bring him in. He was just hurt, maybe a few broken bones…that's all.
So why was he still standing here looking up to the sky; looking for some sign? Looking for Brain, whose last words to him with that crooked smile on his face, yelling over the whir of spinning blades were, "Good luck. I'll see you on the ground."
And he, smiling back with a quick response, "I'll wait for you!" and then he leaped gleefully from the helo; out into space. Over the strong gust of wind he could hear Brian laughing at his antics…happy, full of life; alive.
What was going to happen now? What should he do? Why Brian, why him …he was the best of them? But it was going to be okay. He would wait here for him. Go in with him. That's what he would do. Wait here.
Suddenly the earth was back beneath his feet and the abruptness of it so jarring that he lost his equilibrium and dropped to his knees. He was no longer twisting, and turning; so reached down to grab hold of the ground – squeezing between his fingers jagged rocks, stones and pebbles. Taking in deep gulping breaths he hoped to steady his racing heart, but it only served to give him a floaty, surreal, out of body experience.
Wait here, wait here – he told himself; and nodded with determination. Brian would expect him to be waiting right here.
A hand fell to his shoulder, pressed hard; and he looked up into the face of Hardwick, who seemed shell shocked; his voice quivering. "We have to go Spenser. We're headed back to base."
When he looked over his shoulder, everyone had gathered up their gear and were slowly trudging toward their transport, ready to move out. Only, he couldn't move, couldn't speak; couldn't lift himself from the ground. Turning away, he studied the terrain, watched the dirt swirl around in circles and could sense the sun beginning to set.
No, he wouldn't leave. He was going to wait here for Brian. He wasn't going to leave and have him come back alone.
"Spenser, let's go." Hardwick tried again, attempting this time to pull on his shirt and lift him from the ground. Shaking his head, Clay pulled himself free from the hold; his throat constricting in pain; not allowing his voice to scream at Hardwick to fuck off, to leave him be, to tell him he was going to wait.
But Hardwick got the silent message anyway; and stepped back. Clay levied a look at the man and could see his own devastation and heartbreak staring back at him – so lifted his hand to keep him at bay; softened his features and croaked out a trembling, "no".
Nodding, Hardwick moved away – his own knees trembling, making it difficult to walk.
On the C-17; safely landed and ready to depart, Jason felt relief. They had made it back from the Sudan – everyone relatively unscathed. It was good to be home and out of harm's way.
The mission had been a success. Not only that, he had kept his temper in check and hadn't had to punch anybody. That was always a good thing.
Gathering up his gear, his mind fell on Alana and the kids. Maybe he should call, see if it was okay to stop by the house; unwind and hear how things were going. Listen to his kids talk about school; find out if Nate's house had been sold; cut the grass if Alana hadn't gotten Josiah, the kid from next door to do it.
He just wanted to sit on the porch; drink a few beers – look up and down the street and see his neighbor's walking their dogs; pushing strollers or jogging as the sun set. That's what he wanted to do. Leave the tensions of political unrest; murder and mayhem behind.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and reaching for it half thought it might be Alana beating him to the punch; asking him to come over, be with the family …even stay for the night. Instead he recognized the number of Master Chief Adam Siever, stared at the face of his phone; and with some curiosity clicked receive.
"Chief", he bellowed – walking off the transport, "What can I do for you?" and stopped in his tracks half way down the ramp; listening intently to the urgent request.
Driving out to the drop zone area, Jason had no idea what he was going to say to the kid. He wasn't good with words and his relationship with Spenser was not only brief, but also continuous to say the least. The kid's cockiness and his old man, huge barriers between them – barriers he was having a hard time looking pass.
Adam had called worried and distraught over the loss of Brian Armstrong. They had lost him on a training mission and Spenser was still out their refusing to move. "Waiting", Adam had said; "Waiting to come in with Armstrong. He's not listening to reason. It's been hours."
He was to meet Adam out there and if possible talk the kid into giving up his vigil. They had recovered Armstrong's body 800 meters northeast of the drop zone and were bringing him in. He had hit the ground at speed. Never had a chance.
Jason sucked in a quick breath – the sight of Nate filling his vision – bloody; unresponsive; gone before he could say I'm sorry, good bye, I'll watch out for your family. His loss so quick; so unexpected that he was having trouble processing it even now – months removed from the actual event.
Shaking the image loose, he found himself stopped; staring out the front window shield, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.
Out in the field, there was Spenser on his knees gazing out at the vast open spaces; Adam walking toward his truck; his grief easy to see etched on his face. Wiping the sweat from the palms of his hands onto his pants legs, Jason stepped out from behind the wheel to greet the man and shook his hand; placing deep condolences in the firmness of his grip.
"I don't know if I can help you here Chief", he began; noticing the orange glow of the sun sliding down beyond the horizon. Soon it would be dark.
"Is there anyone else we can call? Me and him – not so much on friendly terms."
Adam reached in his pocket and handed over a piece of paper. "Not so friendly? That's not the way I see it Jason. That kid puts a lot of stock in you. His whole purpose is to make your team. You have more sway than you think."
Studying the piece of paper Jason raised an eyebrow – surprised at the revelation shared by the Master Chief; then moved forward to try and succeed where others had failed.
Clay could feel the presence of Jason Hayes before the man even started his approach. It cut through his grief like a knife; lifting the haze of inertia from his shoulders.
Footsteps crunched over hard earth; and suddenly where before he experienced a sense of numbing weightlessness and confusion, now he could feel every rock and pebble painfully embedded in his knees. A spike speared his heart; the pain so unbearable it brought tears to his eyes, which he swiped at quickly before they could fall.
Then Master Chief Hayes was standing beside him; staring out at the setting sun; the orange glow of it petering out, causing the temperature to drop. Shivering, Clay scrambled to his feet; regarded intently the dry encrusted dirt; nervous as to why the leader of Bravo team would be here.
After some moments of silence; and darkness descending bit by bit; Jason ventured to speak, his words careful and low. "You've been here awhile.", he stated – never averting his gaze from the picturesque scene of orange and black and yellow streaks encompassing the skyline.
Not sure he could speak, Clay nodded in the affirmative; and jammed his hands deep down into his pockets.
"I take it you're waiting for the team to bring in your friend."
Clay nodded again, and took in a shuddered breath; his resolve to remain in control of his emotions, a test he wasn't sure he would pass.
Jason nodded too, "I'll wait here with you if that's okay." ,shifting his weight one foot to another – not sure what the kid's reaction would be. After all, he barely knew him, their last encounter heated and angry. Perhaps he should call this Stella – her name and number on the paper Adam had given him. Maybe she would be better at this than he.
After a beat, Clay sighed and murmured with relief, a sincere answer of "yes" rasped painfully around the ache in his throat; an ache that throbbed with the effort to keep from weeping. He didn't have to do this alone after all.
"Okay then", Jason reiterated; and stood there in the darkness; the sun finally vanished – it's glow dissipated and faded from view ; standing shoulder to shoulder with this young man waiting to say goodbye.
Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to review and let me know what you think. This is a missing scene from episode 5 'Collapse'. I hope you enjoyed this.