Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its applicable characters. I make no money from this. No copyright infringement is intended.
For as long as Bella could remember, there had been a sharp current running beneath her skin through muscle and sinew, deep in the marrow of her bones. She had known no more terrifying or exhilarating feeling and could find no comparison. The lightning storms that swept the Valley of the Sun every summer came close, with the crisp smell of ozone and bolts of electricity striking much to close to home, raising the hairs on the back of her neck.
The city in which she'd been raised held hostile extremes of nature. The blasting summers of Phoenix were gone in a sweep of dust storms, monsoons and nights hot enough to melt tar. They said it was the concrete of the city that held the heat, but perhaps it was the crush of bodies living in a place no human should voluntarily create a home, much less a metropolitan sprawl. Fall never came to the desert. In one day, everyone would be wearing tank tops and flip flops and the next they were wearing sweaters and complaining about the cold. Nobody would argue that it was cold, not even the retirees that sought milder winters away from their icy homes up north.
It was Black Friday, technically midnight after Thanksgiving dinner would have been eaten but Bella had been alone and hadn't seen the point of celebrating a false holiday. Instead Bella was braving the hoards of shoppers to purchase her and her mother's Christmas gifts. Renee had mailed a list to the house last week. The people entering the craft store were shaking off the cold blowing wind outside and warming their naked hands with their breath. The people of Arizona were ill equipped to deal with the chill, like they were bred from reptiles and the missing sunshine made the blood in their veins thick and sluggish.
Bella's mother, Renee, had grown tired of mothering a cold and strange child. Renee tried to pry into Bella's thoughts and feelings at an early age only to find herself rebuffed by the pretty little girl with calculating eyes. Thinking that gifts were the way to win her daughter, Renee bought bright and playful decorations for Bella's room and toys the other children cried over in the store. Bella had unwrapped them with precise motions from her small hands and left them at the foot of the couch for Renee to return to the store. She would not thank or kiss her mother, but kept a cool distance from the love Renee longed to smother her with.
She had always been a child of unusual tastes. After Renee's gift madness passed, Bella began to leave torn pages from heavy catalogs with items circled for Renee to buy for holidays. Bella never spoke much. Her bedroom was painted a foggy gray with white blackout curtains. Her headboard, desk and chair were a flat black. The bedding and carpets were a pristine white, with not a stray bit of color. The wardrobe that stood in the corner was a satin charcoal. Her clothes were of the same pallet, leaning towards scratchy pants and long sleeved shirts when she was smaller to luxurious shirts and long pencil skirts when she began to develop her adult body. Renee had gotten her some striped stockings in a snark and said that if she wanted to be a witch, all she was missing was the broom. Bella didn't think she could fly, but one never knew. Bella laughed at the stockings but wore them often.
It was in these clothes with a long woolen jacket and ballet flats that Bella waited to pay for the paint supplies Renee wanted and a black leather book with thick, blank pages for herself. The people in line kept a fair distance from her. It was unnerving how still she stood, her back straight and one arm through the shopping basket, the other loose at her side. She didn't fidget or shift from foot to foot, nor did she look around or even appear to blink. Her face was a picture of disinterest and her hair was longer than was fashionable, loose around her body in wild waves.
Bella knew this day would be unpalatable, but any money saved would be hers to keep as she wished. Renee had put in overtime at work specifically for holiday shopping and as long as her gifts were under the tree, she wouldn't pry into the household's budget. That had become Bella's responsibility when Renee realized she didn't care to spend much time at home. Renee's time at home had become inhospitable at the beginning of Bella's eighth grade year. It was a Friday in September and Renee's date had been a bust. She had seen the white skin that comes from wearing a ring when he reached for a menu. Her poor choices in men would last until she met and subsequently married Phil a couple years later.
That night, however, Renee crept upstairs with a bottle of wine and a glass to throw herself a poor me party for one. At the landing, she heard unnatural sounds coming from Bella's room with flashes of light bursting from under the door. Renee felt a sliver of fear run through her as she raised a fist to knock on the door. Bella had stayed home from school; Renee had felt the fever and seen the sheen of sweat on her brow. Her knuckles had no sooner met the door when the door flew open with a gust of wind and her daughter framed by hair that appeared to be standing on end. Renee's hand flew up to her mouth as she backed away from the wild look in Bella's eyes and the catlike way in which she swayed while standing there. The muscles in Bella's jaw clenched and released rhythmically as she gritted out the command to leave. The door slammed in Renee's face and she backed her way down the hallway to her bedroom. The wine and glass were abandoned on her bed and Renee huddled in the back of her closet, fighting to keep her eyes on the door all night. Morning broke clear and calm. Renee shakily made her way to Bella's room and found it unlocked. She attempted to walk silently into the room to find whatever had been possessing her daughter. Upon taking her first step into the room, Bella sat upright in her bed clutching her head looking utterly exhausted. Bella's eyes opened into narrowed slits at Renee. Renee found every reason to be gone from home afterward.
Bella took over the care of the house and the budget. Renee printed a list of everything Bella could possibly need from utilities to an allowance. Bella sat at the table while Renee explained getting a money order and stamps to pay the bills, everything but the mortgage, and how to save money for when she needed something. She left a debit card in Bella's name to a shared bank account with a post it on the front bearing the PIN. She then took Bella to get a photo ID. Renee explained that she'd be checking the bank statements for inaccuracies. Bella was still her child and would be provided comfort but theft would not be tolerated. Renee left for work after that. She worked overtime, spent time in diners and bars, slept at the houses of the men she dated. Bella went weeks, then months without seeing her. When she returned it was to pick up a few more things or drop off boxes packed and taped up when her relationship soured. It was a comfortable existence. Bella had always been very independent.
Bella had done exactly as Renee had ordered in the beginning, keeping the receipts on the money orders she made out for the bills and saving only her allowance in the locked wardrobe in a neat little stack. Bella couldn't connect to the technological world as it held no interest for her, and when two months went by without the computer or television turned on, she wrote a letter in Renee's loopy script and canceled their services. Those money orders she wrote to herself and cashed. If Renee wanted to provide comfort, it would be in the knowledge that frivolities weren't comfortable to Bella. Six months without a phone call, meant it too was turned off. Renee sent texts to her cell phone if she wished to pass a message. Bella had managed to amass a substantial amount of money through these decisions along with a minimalistic diet, smart shopping and refusal to use electricity when it wasn't needed for the next three years. The child support Renee was passing along for incidentals didn't hurt either.
After paying for the gifts, Bella walked smoothly to her car. It was a five year old mid-range sedan that Renee had been using for work. She left the keys in the mailbox on Bella's sixteenth birthday with instructions to meet her at the DMV to get a license. She signed the form when Bella passed the driving test and left without explanation. Bella appreciated it and the freedom it granted. She secured the gifts in the trunk and drove to the game and fish superstore. Her dad would love anything she bought there.
Her dad, Charlie, had been her companion in Forks, Washington for the summers and the week after Christmas until Renee left. Bella cut her visits during the summer to the month of July but still spent half of Christmas break with him. She couldn't reliably get everything taken care of at home if she was gone longer than a month and June was important for her to spend alone. Bella was very fond of Charlie. His job as a cop kept him very sharp, but like parents around the world he saw what he wanted at home. Charlie had never seen the strangeness in her that Renee did. To him, she was a shy girl that was a bit clumsy and those bumps he sometimes heard upstairs were her falling over something when she got too rambunctious. Bella kept this normalcy going by keeping blue jeans and t-shirts from the thrift store there in her bedroom at his house. Charlie took her on walks through the woods on his days off and fishing on the reservation when his friends hounded him. Bella felt a kinship with Charlie. He left her to her own devices without prying and without the expectations she'd often seen from Renee. Without that push to be a certain sort of child, Bella found it easier to pretend to be normal for Charlie simply to keep him happy.
The game and fish superstore was a log cabin monstrosity with giant concrete trees in the front. Inside was everything an outdoorsman could possibly need. Surrounding the fake pond with real fish in the center of the store was the fishing gear. Bella picked out a few lures and a gift card. Charlie could get whatever he needed with it. He would appreciate the thought.
Bella knew she would be moving in with Charlie soon. Renee had sent a text saying she would be contacting a real estate agent soon. She had married Phil last summer on the beaches of Mexico. Renee had been pretending Bella lived with her father so she flew in for the wedding. This year at Christmas Renee would pick Bella up from the house on Christmas Eve, load the presents Bella had purchased and wrapped and spend the night at Phil's house. Phil was an alright sort, a baseball player, and he got along fairly well with Bella He'd begun to pressure Renee into selling her house. He didn't see the point of having two houses in Phoenix and there were talks of a baseball team in Florida picking him up in the spring.
Bella drove to the mall that was closest to home. She smoked a few cigarettes leaning against her car in the parking lot for three hours, waiting for the doors to open. People circled the entrance like vultures. She looked at the time and made her way out of the car and into the mall as the doors opened. The crush of people from outside flew towards the storefronts within. After a stop at beauty store for Renee's bath salts and lotions, Bella made her way to the places they sold athletic equipment. A couple of baseballs and a video of greatest moments in baseball history later, Bella was free to shop for her own gifts from Renee. A few outfits in standard monochrome and a pair of tall boots later, Bella was making the hour long journey to her favorite little shop in the Valley.
This little store that was hidden behind the main street of Glendale had every sort of dried plant imaginable along with handmade candles and blown glass bottles. The sun was just coming up in Bella's rear view mirror when she pulled into the small parking lot. As the shop's door swung open, Bella lifted her face high to smell the earthy brown flavor of herb sachets and the subtle sweetness of beeswax. One day she hoped to have a room that smelled exactly like this. She waved at the older woman behind the counter before selecting a few things she'd ran low on, spending the last of her gift money.
As Bella drove home, she thought of magic. Magic worked on a law of preservation. No energy could be made or destroyed. Bella had learned young that certain sacrifices were necessary to produce results when one did the extraordinary. She was very small when she first heard the call from within. It was the night before her fifth Halloween that her body felt overcharged to bursting. She lay on the floor shaking until her back arched high and the few toys Renee had managed to hide in her room came skittering across the floor, dancing to a macabre tune Bella couldn't hear. Wind flew from her tiny chest, whipping the colorful curtains, and the light bulbs stuttered and blew out. Without a focus for the magic to take, it fled her body in great waves until she was entirely exhausted and fainted. Renee had found her in a mess of toys on the floor the following morning with wild hair and flushed face. Bella wasn't yet in school, but she knew other children didn't have this happen, something was different with her. Renee carried her to bed and brought up chicken soup. The next day she packed those toys and moved them to the garage.
It was later that winter when a boy from daycare hit her because he wanted a book she was reading. She yelled at him and he found himself with his hands attached to the time out chair. The daycare attendants scolded him for playing with glue, but Bella knew. After a few other emotional outbursts with varying strange results, she started to learn to keep her emotions in the back of her mind, far from the reach of the power in her body. This detached manner lead to Renee's attitude and disinterest. It wasn't that she didn't love her mother. Bella just found that the more she felt, the more the magic took from her in an effort to correct its perceived injustices.
Though the magic also happened when it was willed, it took fought her for control of her body on eight separate days every year. Bella found that if she lay in a dark, or later in a candlelit, room devoid of color, she could maintain a touch more control over where the magic reached. She experimented from then on with what she could will the magic to do. In those early years, she could only force it out on those eight holidays and ended with more disasters than successes. She started asking Renee for art supplies and blank books to keep track of what she'd discovered, though they were almost illegible with crude drawings. These books she kept locked away in the wardrobe.
When she went through puberty, the magic within grew in leaps and bounds. She could summon it at will, and the feats she was able to accomplish astounded her. She had placed her hand over a candle once and now held fire within her to be summoned to hand at a moments notice. She studied dead languages and made herself a rune-sign of her name. This sign she carved on the door and windows of her room to alert her brain of anyone attempting entry. Some things were less practical, however. For some reason, anytime she passed a wind chime, its tinny tinkling would follow her for a few feet. People would startle, disturbed, when she stood beside and just behind them because in their peripheral vision she appeared to age into her own mother, then grandmother. Those two specific things taught Bella to think carefully before she moved her body in public. It had become second nature by now. Most people didn't put together that anything strange had happened, because their minds would usually supply a reason to something unexplainable. This was human nature.
Bella's mother, however, had a certain childlike outlook on life and the things within it. Bella knew Renee had suspected something supernatural when she walked in on her September holiday. It couldn't be helped. The metal locks on the doors resisted magical tampering and she hadn't studied it enough to close it without a key. Bella did what was necessary to scare Renee enough to keep her away for the night. Having her in the room would have been very dangerous. Renee also is a person who liked to know everything and shared all she learned with whomever would listen. It was like she felt the need to explain intimate things in great detail with friends and strangers. Bella knew Renee couldn't be trusted with this information, perhaps nobody could be trusted to know.
The years spent being raised by Renee taught Bella a tough lesson in hiding secrets. If you presented yourself as a secretive person, people were naturally inclined to want to find out what you're hiding. That isn't to say that all people are like this, just the majority. If you were just shy and plain, nobody around you would give you a second look. To be fair, it took Bella years to grow up enough to realize this. Renee and those she went to school with had already accepted that Bella was just the weird girl. When Bella began planning to move in with Charlie at the end of the year, however, she wanted to experiment with being seen as a normal girl with nothing to say. Charlie wouldn't care either way as long as she behaved herself and brought home good grades. Bella also toyed with the idea of using magic to slightly alter her appearance on the holiday just before Christmas. When resolutions were made then, they tended to stick better so she would wait to decide.
Upon arriving home, Bella wrapped the gifts. She sent Charlie's in the mail and hers to her mother's work, knowing Renee would want Phil to think she'd gotten them herself. Bella spent the next three weeks decorating the house in pine boughs and mistletoe cut from the tree in the front yard, putting up mulled cider in jars to enjoy later and studying for exams. Bella had done well in all of her classes this year and was guaranteed a high score on her finals. Then it was here, the longest night of the year.
Bella waited for the sun to go down before warming a jar of mulled cider. She grabbed the cider, a large pot, a sprig of mistletoe and a few boughs of pine before going up to her room. After pulling a large metal trivet out of the desk, she put the pot atop it and arranged the mistletoe and pine to either side. The moon would rise close to midnight. She unlocked the wardrobe and started pulled three jars of dried plants from it. Inside the pot she sprinkle rosemary, juniper and sandalwood between her two hands. The jars were put away and the wardrobe locked and the cider was drank for some warmth and energy.
Bella sat in the center of the room and waited, contemplating her choices for the coming year. Hours passed in silence until the moon crested the horizon. Bella's body stiffened and she stood, making her way to the desk. She took the fresh mistletoe and pine in either hand and closed her eyes. Both plants withered to parched imitations of themselves before she crushed them between her hands into the pot with the rest of the dried material. Bella dug her hands through foliage to the bottom of the pan. Thick tendrils of aromatic smoke came from within, every leaf and berry, each sliver of wood burned itself to nothing within the metal. Minutes passed with aching slowness towards midnight, yet she stood perfectly still.
Midnight came. Bella's entire body quaked with the power she was beholden to on this night. Her mind raced with possibilities of things that had been before, were now and yet to come. She relived her journey to understand her body and power, her regret over frightening away her mother, her pleasant visits with her father and the lessons she'd managed to learn from it all. Next was her life as it is in that moment, alone in a house that would soon be gone with nobody to confide in, trying her best to carry through until she finished school and made her way elsewhere. Then there were flashes of possible futures to come. She saw a truck with death driving, or it maybe a van, because they were both coming much too fast to look at clearly. White teeth wrapped with sneering lips, then a benevolent smile. Lush green carpeting and climbing ancient trees with a foliage covered staircase. The cloying sweetness of rotten fruit. A hooded man in Bella's bedroom at Charlie's house. The panic rose in Bella's chest from fear and mortality. She heard dulcet tones whispering nonsensical words. She shook herself away from the visions and checked the watch inside her pocket. Two hours had passed. She'd never Seen this long before and worried about the implications of it. Each sensation had been so clear and real.
Bella decided she would change what she could about her appearance and live with Charlie. There hadn't been any other option presented in her futures which was worrying. She undressed and brought her ashy hands to her face. After rimming each eye in a gray circle, she made each eye larger and pulled them slightly wider. She raised her hands to her hair and brought her hands from crown to ends, just past her hips. The red glow that would show in sunshine would be a little brighter. She bent to touch her feet and pulled sunshine through her skin up her body to give a warm glow. When she arrived in Forks, she would be more of the stereotypical Arizona girl like they'd expect. Nothing new to her appearance would be noticeable to those that knew her before. They hadn't seen her in months and would write off the differences. Bella didn't see this as anything more drastic than buying new clothes for school. To complete the look, she turned inward and created a girl that was naïve and self-sacrificing with a touch of insecurity. This personality took the forefront of her mind, effectively hiding who she had been before and wrapped the magic around her core, leaving the new girl without power. Bella wondered if the mask could function with normal emotions as she hadn't been able to before.
Bella ran through her mental checklist to ensure everything she wanted to accomplish was finished. It was so she opened the blackout curtains and watched the sun begin to light the sky. When the first ray burst through Bella had her first foreign thought from the mask. Am I prettier now? Bella put a hand to her face in chagrin. Her looks had never bothered her before, unless ignored attention from the boys in school was a bother and it really hadn't been. The mask chattered on and on about how they could buy some new clothes, go to school dances and wouldn't it be great if she was asked out by a cute boy. Bella didn't know if she could take a whole year of this, but was thankful the mask couldn't drive her body unless handed the wheel. She imagined taking a screwdriver to her frontal lobe, ala Phineas Gage, mid-October if it didn't settle down with the chatter though.
Bella gave up listening to it and put away her dirty clothes. She brought the dirty pan and empty jar downstairs for cleaning before making her way to the bathroom. While in the shower, she wondered what other changes would come from this new person in her head. She dried herself and tried to walk towards the bed when Little Bit Bella, as she'd named the mask, cried that she needed pajamas. Bella had been sleeping in the nude for a long time and didn't think she even owned a pair. She scoured the closet and found a set of gym clothes. Teeth clenched in exasperation, she found some underwear and dressed before falling into bed.
Late morning on Christmas Eve found Bella packing a suitcase with a couple of changes of clothes and the wrapped presents for Renee and Phil. Her cell chirped with a new text message. Phil wanted to come with Renee to pick her up from the airport. She needed to be there and standing by Gate Two at five o'clock to make it to dinner. Bella blew out an tired breath. She hated Sky Harbor, especially on busy holidays. She sent back an affirmative. An hour drive with traffic and at least an hour to park meant Bella needed to get dressed and have lunch. A dove gray sweater, black skirt and a pair of charcoal wedges later, she was eating a cucumber sandwich and picking a heated finger through her hair into curls. She smiled to herself when she remembered the melted mess she'd had to cut off several times before she got the heat right. Little Bit was giving critique on the hairstyle Bella was haphazardly arranging. It was piled chaotically, mostly on her head. The smoky makeup and red lips finished it. Little Bit Bella, the faux face Bella gifted herself with, was terrified to be out while Renee was around, so Renee shouldn't notice anything different.
Bella grabbed her long coat and suitcase and got in the car. She looked back at the house that was typically suburban. This would be the last time she left it intending to come back. The drive downtown was as hellish as she'd imagined it would be. Cars were bumper to bumper down the freeway, cutting each other off to shave that second of drive time on their way to Christmas dinner. Bella was stuck in traffic five miles from the exit to the airport. She still had an hour and a half before she needed to meet Renee and Phil. When she finally arrived at the airport, she found her way to the long term parking. She peered around each corner looking for an empty spot. Three levels later, she found one and it was probably the farthest parking spot from the elevator. She donned her coat and wheeled her suitcase to the elevator, making her way to the doors on ground level outside Gate Two. She stopped at one of the shops in the airport for some cigarettes, much to Little Bit's irritation, and waited on a bench by the drop off and shuttle parking. She shot Renee a text telling her mother that she was outside waiting.
Five o'clock passed and Bella checked her phone. She smoked a cigarette, watching the people busily exit the airport, then checked her phone. She stood and stretched her legs, then checked her phone. It was past six and Bella wondered where they were. If she wasn't playing along with Renee's ridiculous charade, she would have just driven to Phil's house. She picked her nails, scratched at her head and shoo'd off a well-wishing man who tried to offer a ride, then checked her phone. They were so late, going on seven o'clock. Bella decided that if she hadn't heard from them in half an hour, she'd just catch a cab. She stood to walk to the edge of the sidewalk when her cell phone rang. Renee was calling.
"Where the hell are you? I've been waiting forever," she bit off peevishly.
"Is this Bella?" a man I didn't recognize asked. "There's been an accident. You need to contact your family and go to St. Joseph's hospital."
"Who is this? I'm Bella. Renee's my mom. What's going on?" Bella was a little frantic, jerking her suitcase behind her as she lit out for her car. People parted the walkways through the airport, some openly staring at the girl with the growing hair. The more agitated she became, the bigger it seemed to get.
"I'm with Phoenix PD. It's standard procedure to talk to the family face to face. Please meet me at St. Joe's. If you need directions, I can give them to you." He answered. Bella declined and hung up the phone.
By the time she reached her car, the pins and combs had fallen out of her hair. She saw herself in the mirror and the wild look she had. Magic was crackling in the car and it wasn't safe to drive. Bella slid within herself and hoped Little Bit didn't have an emotional tie with her power. She exited the airport and took surface streets to the nearby hospital. At each stoplight, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Little Bit cried on the inside as well. My mom, my mom that I didn't even get to talk to. They parked and found an officer standing outside the hospital doors. He offered a handkerchief.
"I'm sorry to bring you such bad news, Miss. Is Phillip Dwyer your father?" Bella shook her head. "Step-father then. They were driving down the ten when someone in a truck tried to change lanes. They were in the blind spot and the truck sent them into the barrier of an on-ramp. Phil was pronounced dead on arrival. Your mother is in critical condition. Do you have someone to call?"
Little Bit pulled herself together enough to answer, "M-m-my dad. He's in Washington though."
"I need to know if I have to call child services for you until your dad gets here. I can't just leave you here alone."
"I'm an adult. Is it alright if I see my mom now?" Little Bit thanked him before telling him she'd be able to stay without him. The policeman nodded and lead her to the doctor taking care of Renee.
The doctor explained that Renee had taken massive internal injuries. She wasn't expected to live through the night. They were doing all they could to save her. Bella stood at the window, watching a team of medical personnel rushing about, trying to help Renee any way they could. One of them stepped out of the room and asked if she'd like to come in and sit beside Renee. Bella walked woodenly to the chair beside the head of the bed. Renee's face was black with bloody bruises. She was almost unrecognizable. Bella put a hand on her upper arm and rested her head against the plastic railing on the side of the bed. She whispered to her mother her regrets in not including Renee more in her life early on. She recounted childhood memories of sweetness between them and trips they'd taken. The next morning, Renee woke when the painkillers wore off and curled her middle and ring finger in the sign for 'I love you.' Little Bit called the nurse and asked for more medication. Although she never woke again, Renee held on. She passed away at the end of the sixth day.
A/N: Okay, so I kind of made up the magic stuff with a splash of pagan ritual. I also took great liberties with the layout of Phoenix, Sky Harbor Airport and the little herbalist shop in Glendale. The flavor of them is right though. I both loved and hated Phoenix but so many of the places I used to visit are gone now. Let me know what you think.
P.P.S: I need a beta for this beast. If anyone's interested, please PM me.
Word Count: 5413