The Downside of Being A Vampire

All recognizable characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, the story however belongs to me ;)

Chapter One: The family that thinks too much

Alice Cullen loved being a vampire. Out of their vampire family of seven, she and the Emmett were the only ones who had embraced their existence as the so called 'undead demons' wholeheartedly.

Carlisle, her father (she had no qualms about calling him father, Esme and Carlisle were the only parents she had ever known) was a paragon of virtue, seemingly perfect, both in appearance and personality. But even he sometimes wished, no, longed for a more finite existence, that of a human. No matter what he said about their kind having a place in heaven to appease Edward, he believed that humans were better than them, that they lead an untainted existence as compared to theirs.

Esme, thankfully was free of such compunctions having seen the depravity of humans which was personified as her husband but she had her moments too. Rather, days. Days where she hardly noticed what went about her, so lost was she in her thoughts about her son, the little light in her life that had been extinguished too quickly for her to remember clearly. She hated herself for not being able to remember what her son looked like, the one memory she had of his sweet face being blurred by the fires of the transformation. She hated herself sometimes for being alive when her son was not. And sometimes when she thought Carlisle wasn't looking, she'd gaze wistfully at mothers strolling with their babies in prams. She missed being a mother. Yes, she'd certainly adopted them as her own but they didn't need looking after, not really and there was also the fact that three of them were older than her. Little technicalities. Emmett had teased Edward once about his mother being older than him and the results had been disastrous, with several pieces of Esme's precious furniture being the casualties. Emmett never brought up that joke again.

Edward, her beautiful brother, the one she loved most after Jazz, well he was a Debbie Downer when it came to contemplating their existence as vampires. Though he loved Carlisle very much and they both shared a very special bond from the time when they were each other's only companions, he did, in his heart resent Carlisle a little for dooming him to this 'hellish existence'(his words). He believed that they had no souls and no place in heaven when (if, ever) they ceased to exist. Frankly, she loved him but it did get tiring after a while, especially when you consider that in believing this about himself, he also condemned them to the same sad fate as him. Jazz often takes off when Edward gets in one of these moods because his sorrow and despair are too much for him when he already loathes himself for slipping frequently. Feeling his thirst compounded by that of six others is the only part he really hates about their existence. She asked him once, if he regretted becoming a vampire. His reply was so sweet that they didn't see the family for several days after that.

Alice couldn't see what's so demonic and hopeless about their existence. They don't murder people or kidnap them or physically or emotionally abuse them till they are unfit to be a part of society nor do they stop anybody from doing what they want to or loving who they want to. They don't cheat unsuspecting people or make people work for them in inhumane conditions. They don't throw toxic wastes in oceans and seas and destroy the ecosystem. Just because their hearts don't beat and venom runs in their veins instead of blood, didn't mean that they were any less emotionally or spiritually capable of being human. She did wish Edward would see that there were worse monsters in the world than them.

Rosalie, her, beloved sister, who almost never goes by their name of Cullen, is perhaps the most attached to her human life out of all of them. When Carlisle changed her, saved her from dying, lying cold on the road after being brutally raped and left to die by her fiance and his friends, he froze her in that horrible emotional state forever. Unlike humans, Rosalie could never move on i.e. emotionally recover from what happened to her. She was frozen in the 1920's forever. And she hates that. Alice did think that she would've eventually killed herself if she hadn't found Emmett that fateful morning in 1935. Emmett became her reason to live and she changed (as much as anyone can change after becoming a vampire), became more stable emotionally after falling for him. Love saved her, literally but sometimes she did think about being human again. She asked herself if she would give up Emmett for the chance to be human, those days were when she cut herself from all of them and just wallowed in solitude. Jazzy would become unbearably sad in those days too, not only because he could feel what she does but also because he loves her, really loves her as his sister. Those days are hard for them all but especially Emmett who longs to go and comfort his wife but can't, for she doesn't allow anyone to encroach on her personal space in those days. Emmett doesn't know about her struggles and they haven't told him and sometimes she does worry that this will fracture their relationship but Emmett, that stupid, stubborn buffon brings Rose back to them every time without fail. The Beauty with her faithful beast.

And Emmett, he loves being a vampire. All of it. The strength, the speed, no needing sleep, the increased mental agility, the effortless mastery of all he chooses to learn (not that he has endeavoured to learn much of music, languages and medicine much to Edward's consternation!) and the being in his prime forever. Unlike the rest of us, he doesn't dwell on what-if's and could-have-been's at all but chooses to enjoy his existence to the fullest. His only regret is that he can't sweat any longer. He would love to be plastered with sweat after a good old workout (You don't even want to know what constitutes a workout for Emmett, Usain Bolt would die from shame). And sometimes, he does wish that he could compete and win in sporting competitions but he can't, because being evolutionarily eons ahead of your counterparts, does come under unfair advantages in her book.

Ah, her lovely crazy family of overthinkers. Sometimes, she wishes that they could sleep if only to get some respite from their thoughts.