A/N: I LIVE! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! Sorry for not updating but between college finals and family visiting I've had no time to update. This particular plot bunny wanted to be written so here we are. Promise to work on my other stories and updates are on their way. First EVER lemon and Criminal Minds fic. This is set in season 8.
Warning! Sexual Content ahead.
Disclaimer: I don't the characters present.
December 24th
Spencer Reid was going out of his mind. He has no idea if he should or shouldn't just bite the bullet and put his gift in the red bag along with the rest of the presents.
The BAU team was presently at Rossi's for an impropmtu Christmas party as a well as something to welcome Alex's husband into their odd family. JJ brought Will and Henry, Derek brought Savannah, Hotch brought Jack, Penelope was in the kitchen making sure there were enough drinks for both adults and children present, Emily had taken some time off from Interpol and is visiting for the weekend, and Alex brought her husband. Dave was in the kitchen putting some finishing touches on the night's dinner. All in all it everything is going as smoothly as is expected. Everyone is having fun, the kids are having a good time and the air feels light and clear. This was a rare long weekend off for the BAU team and they are going to savor every bit of it.
Spencer looked at the card in his hand and sighed, he knew he should have gotten a gag gift instead of spilling his heart out on the stupid card...
'I mean, it's not like he'll return my feelings," he thought with a sad chuckle and could feel the sting of tears coming.
'Damn it, why did I have to develop feelings for the one person I know will not return them?' he fumed.
"Are you ok Reid?" asked Emily as she walked up to him.
Spencer shook his head and cleared his throat.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine...just...thinking of the Secret Santa thing...Hey, did you know that "Secret Santa" is a tradition that is very popular during this time of year and was originally–"
"Reid," Emily said gently cutting him off with a small smile, "I know something is bothering you. What it is it?"
Spencer stared at Emily and frowned. He knows he can trust Emily but it doesn't he wants to discuss it where anyone could be listening.
Spencer was about respond when he heard a knock on the office door.
"Hey guys we're about to start Secret Santa...Oh is that your gift Spence?" JJ said as she walked in.
Spencer's grip on the red envelope unconsciously tightened, a move that was not missed by Emily, and nodded.
JJ smiled and said, "Ok, here I'll put it in with the rest of the gifts."
Before Spencer could say anything JJ had taken the sealed envelope and put in the bag. As she made her way out of the formal living room she closed and took the bag to the patio where everyone was.
As soon as JJ was out of sight Emily pulled Spencer into the library and closed the door.
Spencer sat in one of the wingback chairs facing a lit fire and sighed. He knew this was going to be disaster he just...knew it.
"Spencer?" Emily said as she knelt in front of him.
Spencer kept his eyes locked on the fire and quietly started with, "Have you ever had feelings for someone you know would could never return them...? I mean...for someone you know could never love you back but you love them anyway even if watching them with someone else hurt, even if their feelings will always be platonic...I..."
Emily's eyes widened as realization dawned on her.
"Who?" she asked taking his hand gently.
Spencer looked at Emily with tears in his eyes.
"Hotch," he whispered.
Emily was shocked to say the least. How had she not seen this?
"When did it start?" she asked pulling the cushioned foot rest close to Spencer.
"Colorado," he said, "I had been having nightmares and...cravings. And even though I knew it wasn't my fault you got hurt I couldn't help but feel guilty...I couldn't help but think that I should have done something to help. Those insecurities fed my already shaky self-confidence and triggered my nightmares and cravings. I thought that if I went to Morgan his brother bear would pounce and get protective. I know he'd have backed off but only after sweeping my apartment for hidden holes. JJ would have mothered me to death and...I knew Hotch wouldn't do that..."
Emily sat quietly and waited for her friend to finish...this sounded like it had been building for sometime.
"I knew I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it...He was there Emily...He listened and offered advice and kind words. Soon we weren't just talking about my nightmares but his as well, sometimes I would visit with him and Jack and spend time with them, there were days that he had to go into work that Jessica wasn't able to babysit Jack so he would drop him off at mine for a couple of hours. He'd bring me lunch and sometimes I'd drop him off some dinner if he was going to stay late. We'd sit and talk or just be each other's silent support during cases. And then...when I get the strength to admit to him that I...I love him...Haley dies..." he stops and takes a deep breath before standing and pacing in front of the fireplace.
"I was there...He called during the case we were sent to during Haley's funeral and told me that Strauss offered him retirement. Do you know what it's like to have your heart say 'Stay' and your brain trying to rationalize why it is a good idea for him to take Strauss' deal and leave the BAU?" he continued to pacing, "I listened to him list off all his reasons for staying and leaving. I was so relieved when our routine began again. There I let him talk, vent...and I'd listen to what was bothering him that day or if he had done something with Jack. Those were the times he would let himself relax just a little. At least enough to where he would smile a small smile. I so wanted to tell him how handsome he looked like that, how wonderful a father he is to Jack as well as great Chief and friend," he took a deep breath and sat back down.
"The second time I had the courage to tell him was at the triathlon. The look of happiness on his face...how he looked at her and she looked at him in return. I wish I could say that it didn't hurt..." he took a deep breath and pushed down the tears that are building.
"And you stayed quiet and remained behind the scenes because he was finally getting the happiness he deserves," Emily finished for him.
Spencer nodded his chin trembling.
"And now he might have a chance at finding out with the Christmas card. Thats a good thing right?" Emily said trying to smile for her clearly devastated friend.
Spencer looked at her and gave her a sad smile and said, "Good for who...me? The fool in love with his clearly straight boss? He'll reject me Emily...he will. I know he will...I just don't know what to do when he does."
Emily nodded in understanding.
"Don't worry Junior G-Man...I'll be right beside you when you need me... Even if I have to fly back here or fly you to London...I'll always be here," she said with a warm smile.
Spencer returned her smile with a small one of his own a stood.
"We should go outside," Spencer said.
Emily nodded and stood with him.
Before they exited the main house Emily took a napkin and dipped it in chilled water and dabbed it under Spencer's eyes. He hadn't and had yet to realize some tears had managed to escape.
Once outside, Spencer and Emily stood close to the small group to seem like they are a part of the up coming activity but close enough to the door to make a speedy and quiet exit should it be necessary.
"Alright everyone time for Secret Santa. The first name out of the hat is...Penelope," Dave says as he finds a colorful box (clearly from their resident Computer Godess) and saw his name on it.
Dave smiled and sent the bubbly blonde a wink.
The group laughed knowing that Dave has a thing for her...maybe Santa's elves have worked their magic in his favor...?
"Up next is Emily!" He pulls out another small box and passes it along to JJ.
"JJ!..." and so the game progressed. JJ had gifted Penelope a box of her favorite chocolates, Dave gave Aaron a bottle of Scotch, Derek gave Spencer a set of keys. Spencer looked at Derek questioningly but was forbidden from finding out what his present is until after the party. Alex was given a combination of Christmas cards, books and a couple of tickets to her favorite play by the team. The kids were given some toys and Spencer did some magic tricks for them.
"Wait! We seem to have one more name in the bag...Spencer..."
Spencer froze and quietly withdrew from the group to stand by Emily who took his hand.
The red envelope seemed to be mocking him as it was passed to Aaron. The gifts now exchanged and given, everyone went to sit and open their presents.
Spencer quietly walked to a place where he could see Aaron and his reaction to the card. He saw as Aaron took the card out with his heart beating so hard he believed it would pop out of his chest.
Spencer's heart broke as Aaron's expression closed itself off. Reid tried to profile Aaron but couldn't seem to concentrate enough to read him. His heart broke further as Aaron stuffed the card back into the envelope. Spencer saw Emily walk up to Aaron and saw Aaron turn his back to him to greet Emily. Spencer read their lips as they talked.
"Have you seen Reid anywhere?" Aaron asked.
"No. I spoke to him earlier but he seemed to be a bit under the weather," She replied casually.
"When you see him next could you give this to him for me?" he said handing her a Christmas card.
Emily's held back her reaction and nodded taking the card. The card looked identical to the one Spencer had earlier and if this is what she thinks it is...this is killing him. She looked passed Aaron to where she knew Spencer was hiding and saw how his eyes expressive eyes dim.
"Thanks," Aaron replied with a small grin.
Emily made sure to go around and take the long way instead of walking directly to him. That would have given them both away.
Emily tucked the envelope away in her coat jacket and walked up to Spencer.
"Spence?" she said putting her hand on his arm.
Spencer looked at her and fought the urge to cry.
"I knew it Emily...I knew it," was all he said as he allowed her to pull him back into the main house.
Emily pulled Spencer through the main house all the way to the front where the cars are parked and nudged him to get into the passenger side of her rental. Spencer told her his address and turned his gaze to the passing lights of the houses and soon the establishments in the streets.
Spencer wondered how long the feeling of numbness would remain. He wasn't sure wanted to feel anything at the moment. All he knew was the he sure as hell didn't want Monday to roll around.
Aaron had looked everywhere for Spencer and was running out of hiding places as the party drew to a close. He gave up his search with a defeated sigh as he gave his goodbyes and well wishes and left for the night with Spencer's card tucked away into his jacket's inside pocket.
That night after Jack had been put to bed and the presents had been set under the tree, Aaron sat on the couch and re-read the card Spencer had given him.
'He returns my feelings,' he thought with a small dreamy smile.
Aaron picked up the phone and dialed Spencer's number only to frown at being answered by his voice mail.
He sent a text to Emily hoping she had seen Spencer again during the party and was met with a quiet reply stating that he had left early feeling sick and wished not to be disturbed. Another soon followed saying that she would be staying with him through the weekend so Aaron would have no reason to worry and focus on Jack. Aaron didn't sleep a wink that night and feigned sleep when Jack bounded down the stairs to 'wake' him up to open presents. Christmas day for Aaron was spent with Jack and Jessica opening presents and talking and just relaxing. But as happy as it made Aaron to see his son and ex-sister in-law happy he couldn't stop the nagging feeling that something is wrong.
Back at Spencer's, Emily spent the night with him to make sure he was ok. Emily knew that the emotions would hit him hard. She looked at him as he made his way around the apartment and sighed. He had been walking around his apartment for th passed fifteen minutes she knew his OCD was kicking but she also knew that the feeling of loss was starting to set in. Spencer tired himself out and wound up with his head on Emily's lap while she ran her fingers through his hair. They fell asleep in that position. Christmas was spent in the apartment. Spencer stayed in bed while Emily was able to get food from the open pharmacy down the street. They both stayed in bed The numbness Spencer is still feeling exhausting him and Emily watching over him. The rest of the weekend passed quickly for the BAU team and soon it was Monday morning.
Emily extended her 'holiday' and stayed at Spencer's while he tested the waters that are the day's work and avoiding Aaron as much as possible.
Aaron was anxiously waiting for Spencer to walk into the office to talk about the exchanged Christmas cards but was surprised by the young man's evasion skills. He had tried to corner Spencer but realized that at work is not the best place. When time to go home was near Aaron called Spencer up to his office. It wasn't unusual so no one of the team saw this as odd.
Spencer walked into Aaron's office and sat in his usual seat. Hurt was creeping up into his heart as he sat in front of his love.
"You wanted to talk to be Hotch?" He asked carefully.
Aaron's brows furrowed at the use of his surname. It was odd to her Spencer use it while they are in private. And the hesitation that is in Spencer's voice can be seen a mile away. What had shaken Spencer so much that his shy demeanor was coming back?
"Yes...um how was your Christmas?" Aaron asked lamely.
Spencer kept his actions neutral and guarded and answered, "Well enough, got sick so stayed in bed mostly. Yours?"
"Jack was happy with his presents and he sends his thanks for the magic kit," he said with a small smile.
"There's something else I wanted to discuss..."
Spencer waited for the inevitable answer and was ready to run at a moments notice.
"I read the card and-" he was cut off before he had a chance to explain.
"There's no need for you to explain yourself Aron. It's ok. Um...I knew I shouldn't have developed feelings for you but I did. You don't have to explain how you feel to me. Less of all me. I understood how you felt when you retuned the card so...I'll...I'll just...I have to go...excuse me," with that Spencer stood and left a speechless and confused Aaron I his wake.
Aaron stood and saw tears falling from Spencer's eyes as the doors to the elevator closed. Gave back the...oh crap!
Spencer thinks that the envelope he gave to Emily is a rejection. 'Damned generic holiday themes.'
Aaron thought as he made his pushed the button on the elevator. He had to straighten things out and fast. This is not Aaron's day...clearly. His advances are misjudged, then on his way to claiming said love he gets stopped but some of the people from the office for his signature on some files. By the time he reached Spencer's apartment it was 6:30 and he looked as haggard as he felt. When he knocked on the door he was greeted by an angry Emily Prentiss...That is never good.
"Can I help you?" Emily asked with arms crossed over her chest.
Aaron's first instinct was to get defensive but stopped. She's defensive because she thinks that Spencer was hurt.
"I need to talk to you. And before you tear me a new one, the letter I gave you isn't the one he gave me. The letter I asked you to pass along is...my gift to him," he said worriedly almost sacred.
Emily regarded Aaron carefully and relaxed her defensive stance. She let him into the apartment and fished out the red envelope he gave her at the party and passed it to him. Aaron looked at Emily questioningly as he took it.
"Go give it to him yourself. He's been crying for the past half hour. Aaron, if you don't fix this...Lord knows what I'll do to you," Emily said calmly.
Aaron swallowed heavily and nodded and knew that he would let her too.
Aaron took a deep breath and walked into Spencer's bedroom. Spencer lay on the bed facing away from the door. Aaron quietly made his way to Spencer's side of the bed and knelt by his side. Spencer wasn't asleep but didn't move. Aaron knew that he was faining sleep to see if the person will leave. Aaron opened the sealed envelope and before he started reading from the card he said, "I know you're not asleep Spencer, but please don't run away. Let me have my say and if you still want anything to do with me then we will work something out. But in regards to your Christmas card, my reply to it is...I love you too."
To this Spencer opened his eyes and looked at Aaron straight in the eyes.
"Wha–" He began to say but was cut off by Aaron giving him the unopened envelope.
"Just read it Spencer, please?" he said trying not to let his nervousness show.
Spencer took the card and read it carefully. He read it once, twice and a third time to make sure he had read it correctly and set in the bedside table.
Aaron was terrified of Spencer's final reaction. Would Spencer have him? Would there be more heartache? Would–
"Ufffff!" Aaron's train of thought was stopped by Spencer who had pounced on him and glued their lips together. Aaron moaned into the kiss and pulled Spencer flush against him by the waist and held him there as they kissed.
Neither could believe that their feelings were not just returned but (very) actively reciprocated. The heavy petting and kissing continued as for a bit longer until to Aaron's surprise, Spencer took the lead and started pushing Aaron's jacket of and tugging his shirt from his pants. Aaron caught up and started working on the buttons on Spencer's shirt and pants. Soon they were both naked on the floor panting breathlessly as they kissed and ran their hands over each other's bodies. It was clear in their hazy thoughts that this first encounter is going to be quick and hard. And both could not wait for the moment when they can take their time to savor each other.
Spencer moaned and arched his back as Aaron took him into his mouth. The mixture of warmth and pleasure sent were running through Spencer in waves. He felt as if he didn't know whether to hold on to the building feeling of his climax or let go and float on the cloud that is the aftermath of the pleasure. Spencer ran his fingers through Aaron's hair as he pleasured him and gasped as his climax pushed him over the edge.
Aaron gasped as he came and wiped his mouth on his arm and kissed his way up Spencer's torso until he reached his lips. Aaron kissed Spencer languidly and passionately yet gently and held him close as their fast beating hearts began to slow down.
The last thing both men remember is being covered with the blanket that was on the bed before letting sleep take over.
Morning After
When Aaron woke up was surprised to find pleasure coursing through him in waves and moaned as he felt the warmth of Spencer's mouth around him.
"Spencer," Aaron moaned as he reached down for his lover's chocolate locks.
But instead of hair, what met Aaron's searching hands the the long limbs that are Spencer's hands and arms which are firmly laying on his belly.
Spencer moaned sending waves of pleasure rolling through Aaron's body sending him over the edge.
Aaron lay on the floor panting as Spencer crawled up and met his lips in a tender kiss.
"I could get used to being woken up like that," Aaron said as he pulled Spencer close to him.
Spencer chuckled breathily and threw and arm over Aaron's waist in return.
"I could get used to waking up with you," Spencer said snuggling up to Aaron's side.
Aaron's answering nod warmed Spencer heart and he sighed as he and his lover enjoyed the the warmth of the shared body heat and blanket.
"Aaron?" Spencer asked suddenly.
"Hmm," was Aaron's lazy reply.
"Did you cover us with the blanket?" Spencer asked as he looked around the room noting that they were both very much naked and still on the floor.
Aaron's brow furrowed at this and shook his head.
Spencer's eye widened and said, "I think that we forgot Emily was staying over..."
A/N: First ever lemon guys! Don't forget to review and tell me what you guys think!