I Was Paid Ten Galleons To Fuck You Senseless...
"I'll do it for ten galleons," Tonks said, earning even more blanks stares and indignant squawks from Severus. "Besides, I'm really horny."
This story is kind of a sequel to my other one, The Death Eater Escapes! but it can be read alone. Is very AU!
"Dumbledore, with all due respect, this is not the time to lighten the mood! The mood does not need to be lightened! WILL YOU STOP POKING MY SHOULDER MISS TONKS?" Severus screamed.
"Geez," Tonks backed away from him. "I was only going to mention that your fly was unzipped, no need to bite my head off."
"Do you think someone bit his head off?" Harry whispered to Ron.
"I dunno, but that guy needs to get laid." Ron replied. "Maybe if we paid Tonks to do it…?"
"I HEARD THAT!" Severus yelled at the boys.
"I think that's a great idea!" Dumbledore said, earning blank astonished looks from everyone. "I can pay you three galleons Miss Tonks."
"Albus, please do not go pimping out my Auror, I cannot have her getting pregnant with Snape's child. Besides, I think he's gay."
"I AM NOT GAY ALASTOR!"
"I'll do it for ten galleons," Tonks said, earning even more blank stares and indignant squawks from Severus. "Besides, I'm really horny."
"It's settled then!" Dumbledore said as he turned towards the horrified trio imagining Snape having sex. "I think you three ought to leave now, but we shall see you here tomorrow at six in the morning. Don't be late!" Once the trio had left the barracks, Dumbledore began to speak.
"Now, Severus I will require four galleons from you, and Alastor, three from you."
"What the hell for?" Both Moody and Severus yelled.
"Well Severus, you owe four for getting laid, you do want to get laid, don't you? It's been such a few long years since your last time and I thought…" Severus glared at him as Tonks giggled.
"Do you always tell Dumbledore about your sexual adventures?" She questioned Severus, who blushed.
"Now Miss Tonks, I happen to be a very skilled mind-reader. He really had no choice from my prying eyes. As I was saying, Alastor, you owe three galleons because you are assisting in getting Severus laid and, also, you are assisting in your Auror getting laid. My," Dumbledore wiped his head and cheekily poked Tonks and Severus with a finger.
"Everyone's getting laid tonight, maybe I ought to call Minnie on Floo…"
"Yuck Albus! I don't know about Moody or Tonks but I do not want to hear about your sexual adventures with Minerva, Floo powder or otherwise involved." Severus said as Moody glared at him, his magical eye wildly spinning around the room.
"I do not want to hear about anyone's sexual adventures! I want everyone to go to sleep and forget about this whole thing!" Moody growled, causing Tonks to jump back and trip over her robes, muttering, "Damn it…"
"Now, Alastor," Dumbledore ventured on, "Everyone can go to sleep and forget about this whole ordeal once you give me three galleons and Severus gives me four. Then you and I can leave them to their sexual adventures and-"
"ALBUS, QUIT TRYING TO PIMP MY AUROR OUT!"
"Alastor, you really must calm down, perhaps you should think of your first time, uneducated in the ways of sex. I think you might find that you were quite like Severus now, and-"
"IF I GIVE YOU THE THREE GALLEONS WILL YOU BLOODY STOP?" Dumbledore chortled and pleasantly smiled at Moody.
"Why of course Alastor! The money is all for the greater good… sex!" Moody, having no other choice, dug into his coat pocket and produced seven galleons.
"Here's your ten Tonks. I want you to use a contraceptive charm and I expect you on call at precisely five in the morning. Do you hear me? Now, Albus, let's leave these two to their business, oh," Moody pulled out his wand and muttered, "Silencio. Tonks can get a bit caught in the moment and we don't want the whole camp awake." Tonks blushed as Severus stared disbelievingly at everyone in the barracks.
"DO I HAVE ANY BLOODY SAY IN THIS? MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX!" Dumbledore and Moody shut the barrack door leaving Snape alone with Tonks. He slightly grimaced as she took off her robes and began taking off her underclothes.
"Now, I am a wonderful lover and I was paid ten galleons to fuck you senseless. In fact, I'm probably getting the short end of the stick here- literally. Drop trou Professor Snape, you're in for a long night."