As we drive to a crime scene I find myself thinking of us and how we use to be before Hannah before I turned you down and before variables changed. I realized I as a person haven't changed, I have just acknowledged a secret which I have kept in my heart. I'm a guarded person and it is hard to say those three words out loud when they have always fallen on deaf ears in my past. I understand you needed to move on, but irrationally I never thought you really would. You said you loved Hannah that it was serious as a heart attack between the two of you, and I wonder if you know that, that hurt me Booth. I wonder if you know I love you now, ache for you now more than ever. I want to tell you how I feel and I want to know if what you feel for Hannah is real, but at the same time I don't.
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Silence has lingered in the S.U.V for quite a while now, uncomfortable silence. It needed to be filled. "How is Parker?" that seemed like a safe subject, since when did we dance around subjects-we were blunt and honest with each other, always. "He is o.k, he asked me some stuff about Afghanistan the other day."
"Like what?"
"Just stuff."
"Booth that doesn't make sense."
"He asked me if I killed anyone Bones."
The harsh tone was back, aggravated. "Did you?"
"Bones." I was confused.
"I'm sorry if you had to Booth I know you don't like to kill anyone."
"I'm just glad I had someone over there to confide in you know? Someone that wasn't in the military, it's sometimes easier to confide in-" I didn't want him to talk of Hannah anymore, she was a nice person, but she didn't know Booth like me and she didn't know him in his entirety. It wasn't fair.
"A stranger because they don't know your past." He didn't look at me but I saw his jaw set.
"Something like that."
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
The day had been a long one and my apartment was inviting, but as I walked in my room ready for a shower I saw the stupid pig I kept on my dresser along with that damn smurf. I left my room and walked out into the kitchen opening the fridge only to see left over thai food. Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore so I went to sit on the couch a beer in hand and realized how alone I was, usually Booth and I would share a drink at his or my place on this couch together after a case or go out-things really had changed. I set the drink down and lean my head back into the cool leather sighing. This was not what I had expected to come home to but I had said no so why shouldn't I have he had said he was going to move on-I just didn't believe him.
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
We sit on Sweets couch as he eyes us as usual, it's always been a little creepy to Booth but I know he is just doing his job.
"So how are you dealing with Agent Booths relationship Dr. Brennan?" God Sweets right to the point. Booth doesn't look at me, but stares at Sweets avoiding my eyes, although I notice he shifts away ever the slightest from me.
"Fine, I'm happy for him. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Good, that's good." He avoids my question, I'm thankful as is Booth.
"What about you agent Booth how are you handling your relationship with Dr. Brennan and Hannah?"
"Sweets this is ridiculous I'm fine, Bones is fine why wouldn't we be?"
"Because you told Dr. Brennan you loved her at one time."
"He never told me he loved me." Booth look at me and everyone was silent, you could hear us breathing.
"I..told you that I wanted a-"
"You never told me Booth, Sweets I think we are done here."
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
I walk out of Sweets office quickly and toward my own Booth follows me and I don't want to talk I don't want to understand his reasons or even my own for that matter. I do know one thing, we aren't who we use to be especially Booth he has become frivolous, but in this moment that he has folloed me into my office-I can see the old Booth, but only for a moment.
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
"Bones." I look up at him I know my eyes are large. "I…I asked if you wanted to make us work, you said no Bones. You turned me down that night." His excuse hurt, especially because I wanted him to say those words and one night he almost had, but he stopped making a silly escape for himself. He loved me in an atta girl kinda way. I loved him in a non atta boy way. Just tell me what you want to say Booth just be honest, only if you still love me. For, I don't like this feeling, you have never left me and while you are here you aren't. While only blood is in one's heart, emotions control your pulse rate and every time I see you mine picks up and now I have a tightening feeling in my lungs-I don't like.
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
"I thought I would scare you if I said something Bones and what can I do now Hannah has moved in with me."
"I already know that Booth I was there." My tone isn't the most pleasant one.
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
We both stare at each other in my office in silence, one of our old locking of brown orbs mixing with blue. I have nothing to say he knows what I'm thinking because I know he feels what I feel for him and I feel the feeling he tries to hide for me. Booth isn't that good of a liar, especially to me. So, we stare at each other and I wonder what will happen tomorrow. Finally he breaks the stale mate. "I miss you." Oh God Booth, why do you do this to me?
"I know that too Booth, but I'm not baby anymore Hannah is you should be thinking of her not me." I walk out of my own office leaving him dumbfounded and not knowing where the hell I was even going…where we were going.
"Bones…" Stop chasing me, unless you actually plan to complete the race Booth. Angela, I will go into her office.
Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Reviews are appreciated...funny I don't even like this song but heard it and thought it could apply to them.