AN: Oh god, what have we created? This was technically written by my two friends and I, to be plugged into one of those sites that reads your text out loud. Yeah, it was pretty fun.
Once upon a time, there was a ginger Navi. His name was Lauren, he was 34 and he lived with his mother. Since he was no good at being an avatar-like creature, he also had a part-time job at the Target on Pandora.
When he was not dressed in his pink mankini acting as a prostitute to the lonely humans stuck on Pandora, he enjoyed appletinnis and long walks by his tree. His mother paid the rent and his younger adopted brother worked on the Pandora TV show: TreeHouse Shore.
One day, Lauren decided to head down to the bar where he normally picked up customers. Lauren's father was there, the one who had found out that he was gay and nearly ran him over with his van 7 years ago.
His father ran over to him and clubbed him in the balls with a Nigerian baby. When he woke he was tied to a wooden table with fluffy pink handcuffs, his Ethiopian stepmother looming over him. It was then that he realized why he was gay; his creepy ass stepmother.
"Hello...son..." her breath washed over him, smelling of tortured eagle penis and boxing ring sweat. Lauren shrieked in pure terror as he fought to distance himself from her grodiness. Managing to break the delicate lace holding him down, he sprinted across the dark room ass naked.
He was met outside the house by his elder brother Mathias whom he had loved since childhood. As Mathias's eyes found him there they began to blush and before he could say anything Lauren kissed him, only the nearing glare of truck headlights warning them of their father's wrath.
"GRAHHHH!" Their father roared as the men in the street jumped out of the way of the oncoming truck. They stumbled into the forest together holding hands in a panic ready to find an escape in their hidden stash of purple microdot and Adventure Time DVD's.
They were found dead on the side of the road 3 weeks later. They were in a crashed plane. In their systems they had found extremely high amounts of acid. Surprisingly that was not what killed them; but it was the plane crash. Lauren had been the pilot.
THE END