Intro : HI, im Sherry, & dis is my first charmed story yet! Plz review nd tell me how It is, flames r welcome, but don't waste ur time by saying sumthing pointless, ( like, U SUCK, GO AWAY) explain why, but don't burn me 2 bad! Start with low voltage energy balls! Lol, random joke, do ya get it? U don't? Kinda lame, ignore I just said dat……..
Disclaimer: I don't own charmed (but I'd luv 2) or any of its characters. don't sue me!!!!!!!!
Timeline: this takes place after da episode "long live the queen", about 3 days after. There r season 4 spoilers, but if ur reading this, then u hav probably seen season 4, so whatever!
Warning: I completely change da events of da show after cole gets vanquished () so if u liked it da way it wuz, then tough luck! if ur not a phoebe cole fan, then a) wat r u doin here? Nd b) u suck big time, dats all, so just read, enjoy………………
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She clung to the shirt, his shirt. It was pale blue.
It had been expensive, but so again were all his clothes. She'd been there when he'd bought it. His choice, of course. She had just been staring at his reflection in the mirror smiling when he'd tried it on in the store. Ralph Laurent, Calvin Klein, she couldn't remember……
But that didn't matter. It just mattered that it was his. He'd worn it. It was still crumpled up. It smelled just like he did. Strong and masculine, but gentle and soothing. She had found it on the floor of the closet, he'd probably forgotten it when he was packing. She was glad he did, she wasn't ready to go back to the penthouse. Not yet. Not ever.
Phoebe wasn't crying, not now anyway. Her eyes were dried out from last night, they were still bloodshot.
Piper Halliwell stood on the opposing side of the hall. She was staring at her baby sister. True, Paige was younger than Phoebe, but growing up Phoebe had always been the baby of the family, and she had that quality about her that made you willing to give her the whole world to make her smile. Especially when she was this miserable. One of the things Cole had loved about her, Piper presumed. Phoebe didn't know she was there, but Piper had been standing there watching her for the last half hour or so. Phoebe hadn't moved. She sat on the window seat. She held his shirt close to her body, and stared out of the window blankly. It was, Piper thought, better than the condition she had been in last night. Phoebe had spent the entire night sobbing into her pillows, just as she had been doing for the past three days. At first Piper and Paige had gone in to comfort her, a few times including the morning after they, well, the last time they had been to the penthouse.
It still hurt her to think of that night. The look on her little sister's face, her tears. It was such a shame. She had liked Cole, after the incredibly long time it had taken him to convince her and Prue to trust him. He worked hard at it, and he seemed to care. But most important, he really loved Phoebe. She had known it even before Phoebe had that she had fallen for him. Truth is, Phoebe had been happier than she had ever been when she was with Cole, and he proposed, and she seemed even happier after they had gotten married. Then he had to go and become the source, and turn her baby sister against her. Piper understood, better than Phoebe, what's it's like to have something in you that you can't control. Something powerful, and she knew that it wasn't Cole who had stood there in the penthouse, and aimed a fireball at them, but still…….
She snapped out of her thoughts when she realized that Phoebe had started moving. She retreaded, and tiptoed down the steps to the kitchen, hoping that her younger sister hadn't seen her. She finally reached the door, threw herself in and leaned against it great-fully. Leo orbed in next to her and smiled warmly. "Hey"
"Hey, yourself," she giggled happily as she slipped into his arms, but suddenly her smile faded. Phoebe had lost the love of her life, and yet she was happily accepting a warm hug from her own. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair!
'I'm a mess' Phoebe thought to herself as she stared at her reflection. She was wearing a delicate white robe, and was barefoot. Her hair was in a messy pony-tail, and her eyes were red from her tears. She looked awful.
Cole would have thought she was beautiful. But Cole wasn't here now. Cole would never be there again. Phoebe forced the thought out of her head when it brought on a fresh new batch of tears she didn't know existed. Pulling her robe closer around her body, Phoebe headed towards the kitchen. The door opened, and Piper saw her sister automatically move to the coffee machine and reach for a mug. Her actions were stiff and controlled, not the natural fluid movements that Phoebe normally used.
"No morning sickness?" Piper asked hopefully, trying to break the silence that had ruled the manor for what seemed like years. Phoebe shook her head slowly. Piper sighed, and tried again.
"Why up so early? Wait, you aren't thinking of going back to work, are you?"
"I have to eventually, Elise isn't gonna let me skip my job forever." she responded coldly, but still not harshly.
"Well, not forever. Just until you've pulled yourself together and …. moved on." Phoebe looked at her with her large chocolate-colored eyes, and Piper knew what she was going to say before she said it.
"Then I'll never get back to work." She quickly returned her attention to the dark simmering liquid in her cup, and focused on it intently.
Phoebe never had black coffee, always with milk.
"Good-morning all!" Paige beamed as she entered the room. She made a beeline for the toast. Piper had to blink her eyes a few times for them to adjust to the bright orange of Paige's top. She looked upbeat and full of life, the opposite of her other sister, who was the vision of death itself. Her skin had paled significantly, and it looked even blanker with the contrast her thick eyelashes provided. She glanced at Phoebe.
"Oh, why so glum, it's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirpin…." The middle Halliwell moved her gaze to Paige's face, and immediately Paige knew what was wrong.
"Awwe, honey, you can't keep thinking about him. That son of a bitch is in hell where he belongs, he can't hurt you any more."
Phoebe's body tensed. "Don't – call – him – that" she managed to mumble, before she doubled over in pain, and had to grip the counter for support. Paige immediately rushed toward her, and helped her into the chair Leo, who had been standing in the corner silently this entire time, pulled out. She rested her throbbing head on her arms, and when some of the pain had dimmed, raised her head to face two anxious sisters, and a worried whitelighter.
She inhaled deeply "I'm fine you guys, really, it was just a hot flash." Paige just nodded. Piper smiled, and replied, "Okay, but no going to work today, just rest in bed, alright?"
" 'kay" phoebe answered emptily. She grabbed her mug, and headed up the stairs. Once she was in the privacy of her own room, she leaned against her dresser, and looked at her face carefully.
It had always been so easy to lie to them. Her sisters she meant. She didn't need to do it so much now, but in high school, where most of what she did was considered 'inproper', well, that was a different story,bbut she never got caught, of course.
She had never been able to lie to him. She felt like she was naked whenever he was standing in the room. HE could read her like an open book. She didn't mind. But in the last few weeks, she had looked at the man she loved, and she didn't know him. It scared her.
She glanced at the wall her mirror reflected, and smiled as she reminisced. About a year – wait no – exactly a year ago, Cole had stood there and she had seen his reflection in the mirror. God, she had missed him. It was the time that he had gone to the Brotherhood. He had been gone over a week, and she had thought she would never see him again. When he came back, she promised herself that she would never let him go again. Now, he was gone. She had failed………..
Phoebe sank to the floor as the same familiar sobs, although with a new power, enveloped her whole body. She hugged her knees to her chest. Why was he gone? How could he leave her like this, after all she'd done for him, after two years of having his strong arms to protect her from anything. He had wiped away all of her tears. He had fought away all of her fears. He had lied to her. He had left her, and his son, alone. Never again, she thought, never again will he see me cry.
Paige eased herself into Phoebe's seat after she had departed.
"I think maybe today we should go to the penthouse, you know, have Phoebe get her stuff, and finally give her some closure."
"………Paige", Piper cut in, realizing her little sister's eagerness to be done with Cole, "you know she just needs time, we'll give her some space, and she will get over him." Paige looked down disappointedly.
"Well, I think we should go to the penthouse." Leo offered after seeing Paige's re-action. Piper glared at him.
"Come on, Piper, she can't just mope around all day." Piper consented un-happily.
"Fine, we'll askher, but if she says no, then that's her choice."
Phoebe grimaced at the inside of her closet. She would have to go get more clothes that day, she had only one outfit left in her closet. She had left some stuff here in case she wanted to spend the night, she'd never ever thought that things would turn out this way. It was a deep blue sweater, its collar was loose enough to reveal both her bronze shoulders, the sweater itself was also loose, enough to conceal the ever-so-small baby bump. She had always paired it along with her worn out (intentionally, of course) white-washed, low riding jeans.
Phoebe was desperately trying to get on a pair of faded gray flats on as she walked through the door. Her hair had been pulled up in a loose bun above her head, so a few stray hairs softened the look, and framed her face. The hairdo showed the curve of her slender neck and shoulders perfectly, but sex-appeal was not what she was aiming for, practicality was. Piper ran into her sister in the hall, and silently cursed how conveniently she had found her.
"Um, Pheebs, we thought that maybe we should all go to the penthouse today, but if you don't want to, we won't……"
"No, no", Phoebe cut in, "it's fine, I was actually thinking of going there too, I need more clothes and stuff." Another lie. She just wanted to be near where he was, had been, but she feared it all the same.
'Ding' the elevator announced the arrival of visitors to the penthouse. It had been an amazing place to live, with a wonderful view. Phoebe didn't care about money all that much, her time in NYC had taught her that. He loved it, he especially loved the balcony with the view of the city. You could see the golden gate, watch the sunset fill the sky with hues of yellow, red, and purple, it's majesty doubled as it reflected off of the water. He had told her he felt like he had the whole world in the palm of his hand when he looked at that scene. She didn't know he actually did. That wasn't the man she had fallen in love with talking, it was the monster that had taken over him, the monster that had stole him from her. The monster she had let him become.
Everyone fell silent as Phoebe walked to the spot she had last seen him. Everything had been left the same in the penthouse, the windows were still wide open. Objects were lying around the room. The scorch marks were still on the floor. At first she didn't feel anything. No pain. No anguish. No hope. Nothing.
Suddenly it hit, like a dagger hovering above her skin, and choosing that moment to bite into her flesh. Tears stung her eyes. She still felt him here. His presence, his aura, his scent…..
"NO!" Phoebe Halliwell screamed as she ran into the elevator, hit the ground floor, and collapsed on the ground crying. Never again. Never.
Piper stared as the metal doors to the elevator shut. She could feel the tears brimming on her own eyes. Paige sighed deeply, and motioned to Piper.
"Come on, we should take Phoebe's stuff over. I don' think she's gonna come back."
Piper turned around and nodded at her sister. Together they headed to the bedroom.
"There has to be a way, please god let there be a way" Phoebe repeated to herself as she headed for the attic. The book of shadows was on its stand, as always. Phoebe grabbed it, and frantically flipped through the pages looking for a spell, a potion, anything………
Anything that could get him back.
She reached the Belthazar page. She used her trembling hand to touch the writing. Her writing. Something fluttered out of the book. Phoebe bent down and picked it up. It was a picture of them. She remembered the day it had been taken, during the first year into their relationship, sometime after Piper got married, but before Prue died.
They were on the beach. She was sitting on his lap, and he was pulling her closer playfully. She had weaved her hand through his dark curls. The other hand rested on his chest.
They were both smiling.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm so, so sorry", she pleaded to the picture. Phoebe leaned against the wall and slid down. "Don't leave me like this, I can't live without you." She traced his jaw-line with her finger, needing him there to hold her, and make the pain disappear. She knew he couldn't.
"Well, that's all done." Piper remarked as she folded the last top, and placed it in the box. They needed many, Phoebe was a shopper.
"Finally, her lingerie took up three boxes!" Paige complained as she stacked the boxes on top of each other.
"Yeah, I'm surprised she has so much, the girl barely ever wears underwear", Piper smirked. Paige screwed up her face, "Too much info." She turned around to check if they missed anything. She noticed an envelope lying on the table next to a, well, a dead plant. "What's this?" She flipped it around to find her sister's name written on the back. "Hey, Piper, take a look at this." She showed piper the envelope.
"It's Cole's handwriting, that's weird, must've written it the night before we vanquished him."Piper analyzed carefully. Paige was slightly more jumpy.
"Let's see what he wrote"
"PAIGE!" Piper grabbed the letter from her youngest sibling's prying hands. "This was intended for Phoebe, and she will be the first one to read it.'
"Are you even sure we should give it to her? I mean, it would upset her more than she already is."
"You're probably right, but she has a right to know."
"Okay, okay, we'll give it to her." She retorted as she threw the letter on the pile in the box.
Surprisingly enough, the last box to be packed was also the last to be opened. When they had reached home, they had found Phoebe in a calm state, calmer than they expected. She was in her bedroom, staring a picture. Piper hadn't had a chance to see it, but she assumed it was of Cole. She ripped the tape off of the last box, and flapped the cardboard sides open. The letter was lying on top of a pile of clothes, just waiting to be opened. She lifted it out and placed it on the table. She'd give it to Phoebe after the last box had been unpacked.
Everything was back in its rightful place, Paige once again scanned the room for anything she or her sisters might have missed, and she noticed the newly placed letter on the bureau. She nudged Piper, who poked her back. Paige sighed, and handed Phoebe the letter.
"We found it in the penthouse, it's for you." Phoebe turned to the back of the letter and immediately recognized the handwriting.
"Where did you find this?" she managed to say, her voice wavered. Paige had already started regretting giving it to her, she had seemed fine before, when they were unpacking, almost normal.
"It was on that table in your bedroom, by the door," Piper contributed. Phoebe frowned, how had it been there without her noticing, is it possible he had left it there afterward? Phoebe pushed the thought out of her head, getting hopeful now would get here nowhere.
"Thank you." Piper tugged on Paige's arm, and pulled her out of the door. When they were outside, Paige remarked "I knew we shouldn't have given it to her."
Phoebe stared at the handwriting that had written her name. She gently broke the seal, and slid the parchment out of the envelope. It was a full page of his long slanted writing. She read it word by word: Phoebe, If I'm dead right now, I know it was at your hand. No one else in heaven nor hell had power over me. Please don't cry, I was dead before I met you, I was born the day you loved me, and my love for you will keep me alive, forever.
She started shaking, the pain over-taking her body. He knew it was gonna end this way, why didn't he stop it? Why did he put her through all this? Why did he put himself through it all?
"Cole, please, Cole……….." That night she prayed that soon his face would fade away. She wanted him to leave her aloneAt that moment she knew that wrenching one of his athames into herself could never hurt as much as this did.
Her fingers curled around the woo den handle. It was ebony, Belthazar used only the best. The metal was smooth and cool. Without a second thought, Phoebe retracted, and thrust the athame into herself.
The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was blood, hers. It came from the slit on her left wrist, the only cut on her body. The only thing that had kept her away from suicide was the realization that the baby would be lost along with her, Cole's baby. Their son.
The last thing he remembered was the blinding light. He had been vanquished. Why was he here? He glanced around, as soon as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he realized he was in Phoebe's bedroom, at the manor. Why was he still alive? After everything he had done, everything he had put Phoebe through, oh, god Phoebe. He hated himself for hurting her, suddenly, he realized her soft, small frame lying on the bed. She was asleep. How he longed to reach for, to hold her in his arms. There was a small pool of liquid next to her. He walked around the bed to get a better a view. "Oh, god Phoebe" he whispered when he saw what it was. . It was blood, her blood. It led off from a slit in her wrist. The pain of being vanquished was nothing like the pain he felt now, seeing his love asleep, with the marks at an attempt at suicide, tear-stains covering her beautiful face. He couldn't believe he was near her again. Phoebe. His phoebe.
So, whaddya think?